Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

I'm having a c-section next thursday and I have a 2 yr old at home.

DH will stay home with me for the first week.

My mom wants DS to stay overnight with her the first week, possibly 2 weeks after I get home from the hospital (she will be 5 blocks away)

She said she will bring DS to see me every day but feels that I need the time to recover and take care of the new baby.

I want DS at home. I figure DH will be with me the first week, so he will be able to help out and if my mom wants to come during the day to take DS to the park or wherever for a few hours, then she can do that.

My thought is that I want to keep DS' schedule as routine as possible and to get him used to his baby sister and having her around from the get-go.

I don't want him to feel like I am gone for 4 days at the hospital and then also like he is displaced by not being able to sleep in his own house.

My mom thinks it will be easier for me to only have to deal with the new baby. I'm afraid sending him away will make him feel more rejected.

Your thoughts?

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

Honestly, if you want him home have him home. I just had my DD a month ago and had the same offer from both of our parents. We decided to keep our 13 month old home with us and just had family and friends come over and take her out to do things or do things with her.

while yes, it was alot of work with a newborn and toddler. But in the end you have to do what you feel comfortable with. And even if you decide to keep your little guy home with you and realize that it's too much. i'm sure you can probably call up your mom and have her take him for a night or two if needed. I would take it on a day by day basis.

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

I had my second DD when my first was 13 mths. I kept her around all day and DH was home with us for 10 days. If you have help in the house, I would keep DC home with you, but go out for certain fun activities. It was very important to me to get some one on one time with my 13 mth old in the beginning.


ETA--also, I find newborns sleep a little more during the day the first week-two. It might be an easier adjustment for your toddler to be home during that time. If you have help, I don't see any reason why you couldn't keep your toddler at home.

Message edited 8/2/2010 10:11:52 AM.

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

Keep DS home!! We just did this and DS got used to his sister very quickly. He even helped by getting me things, and putting diapers in the garbage.

It was not hard having him there at all.

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

When I had DD, my parents watched DS while DH and I were in the hospital (it was during H1N1 time so DS could not come to the hospital to visit me).

The day we came home from the hospital, my parents brought DS back and he stayed with us from then on.

I say keep DS at your house. It will help him get used to the new baby. Let your mom take him during the day to help you out.

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

Thanks! I didn't want to be stubborn and try to do everything myself when help was being offered, but I really feel like DS needs to adjust to his baby sister as soon as possible and spend as much time as possible with our little family.

I just wasn't sure if I was being unrealistic to think I could handle him being around, recovering from a c-section, and having a newborn.

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

I don't know how the mind of a 2 year old works -
However, I personally wouldn't have your 2 year old out of the house for 2 weeks - or at all (sleeping wise)

IMO it's like "Ok, I brought the new baby home, so YOU need to leave now ........" KWIM? - OBVIOUISLY you don't think that, but I would be paranoid that my son would feel that way -

I agree w/ you - Keep him home, keep his routing as normal as possible, have Grandma come over to take him out and treat him to some special 1-1 time

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

Keep him home!!

My DD LOST HER MIND while I was in the hospital! I had her stay overnight with my mom the day I gave birth and the next day because I wasn't home and I didn't want her to be looking for me. I was supposed to come home on Friday, so DH picked her up from day care and came to the hospital to get me but DS had to stay another day so I stayed with him.

DD lost it when I didn't leave the hospital with her. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink, wouldn't play... she just kept asking for me. On Saturday it was the same.. I had my dad and step-mother go and stay with her in my house when DH came to pick us up - I was concerned that they would keep DS so I didn't want DD there again if we weren't all coming home.

When I got home that evening DD was running a fever. My father was beside himself because he couldn't believe how DD was reacting - completely lethargic and just crying for me, wouldn't play, nothing. It wasn't until I was there with her that she began to eat and drink and liven up again.

I can't even imagine how bad it would have been if I came home with DS and sent her to my mother's for a week.

Even if your DS isn't as dramatic as my DD is, I don't think it will be the best thing for him.

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

Keep him home. The new baby is a big enough change. Have grandma come over and help out and bring him out. he will feel special hanging out with grandma but then gets to hand with mom and dad too.

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

There is no WAY I would move my son out of my house for a week just because of the new baby arriving. If you want him home, have him home and just ask your mom to help here and there. I think it is better that he sees the new baby from the beginning and doesn't feel he has been pushed aside just because there is a new baby. There are enough new things he will have to adjust to, he doesn't need to be displaced too.

BTW, I can't believe it is already here!!

Re: Moms of toddlers bring home a newborn - POLL re: help from family

My DD was just over 2 and a half when DD #2 was born.

She stayed at home when I was in the hospital. My mom or my il's had her when she wasn't in school. We tried to keep her routine the same the week I was in the hospital. My mom took her a few days when the baby was home so we could rest,, get stuff done.

While it helped, I have to say it was easier to have her home. She about lost her mind on easter when we tried to put her to bed. It was seriously the worst she had ever been.

Of course now she is much mcuh better. But it was tough the first few weeks.

But I suggest having him sleep at home in his own bed, and having your mom take him out for the day.

good luck