Re: Mother in law question/issue

I have been there. I felt the same way when i went back to work and after having a great relationship with my MIL I couldn't stand her when I first had DS. But the fact of the matter is, she will get to know your DD and take wonderful care of her. Will it be exactly the way you want? Or maybe the way your mom will? Probably not. But she is not going to hurt her or do any damage.
And learn to pick your battles. There may be a bunch of things you want her to do a certain way. Pick one or two of the most important ones and stress those only. You'll learn that the little stuff doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does right now.
Like for me, the one thing I had to be strict about was DS's sleep schedule. He was a colic baby and being a sleep nazzi made the biggest difference in the world. At first she couldn't understand why I would leave places early, or bring the pack and play and put him to sleep on holidays. But once MIL saw first hand how much easier and happier he was when we would adhere to the schedule, she got on board. She saw that deviating would make him more cranky and irritable.
I know it's tough trusting others with your DC, but it does get easier. And the fact of the matter is, she is offering to do this for you because she loves you and loves her grandbaby. She will do the very best she can. Yes you will butt headds at times, but as long as she is doing nothing harmful, you will learn to let go a little. My son gets a lot more sweets from MIL then I'd like, but you know what? An extra cookie from Nonna is not going to kill him.

Re: Mother in law question/issue

Posted by neener1211

OMG, I could have written this post 4 months ago word for word! My MIL watches DS 4 days a week and my sister/mom watches DS 1 day a week on Friday. While I love my MIL, I just felt like no one would take care of him the way my mom or I do.

It gets easier. It might just be a learning curve for her to get back in the swing of things. I get phone calls every now and then asking what I think he needs based on his cry, usually I can tell. I just left my MIL this morning with DS, and I know he is being cared for so well bc he put his head on her shoulder and put his hand on her face. He looked totally fine. It made me think to myself, ok, he's ok.

I now know that what you are feeling is just the anticipation of leaving your DD. You want to be there for her, and you do know what is best for her. It will be ok, but I truly know EXACTLY how you are feeling.

eta: I made a very long list of 'what to do if' . It helped her, and made me feel more comfortable that she had something written down if she needed it. She did use it a couple of times, but now she pretty much has it down.

Re: Mother in law question/issue

Your feeling this way because even though you love your mil,,she is still the MIL. IMO, besides you and DH, the next best thing are your parents. Your MIL is going to love every seceond she is spending with your DD. They will get into there own routine. It's normal to feel anxious, but it does pass and you will start to feel thankful that you are able to leave your DD with your mother and mil.I know I am

Re: Mother in law question/issue

Jen, let me begin to tell you that it sounds like you and I have the EXACT mother in law.....I love her most of the time but she thinks she is "the expert" when it comes to kids. My DH was very sick a couple of weeks ago with a horrible rash on his arm. She came over for 2 days to "help out" When she was over my house she went out for a smoke and came back (didn't wash her hands) and proceeded to pick up my child. I went BONKERS!!!!! She laughed and thought it was no big deal tells me "what are you gonna have your kid in a bubble all his life?" I wanted to strangle the lady. Then I go upstairs to take a nap and I tell her if he wakes up just wake me up to feed him. I hear him cry I come downstairs myself and my kid is in his pack and play TUMMY DOWN!!!!!
She was watching TV paying NO MIND to him. At that point I just wanted her to go back to her own house. So I know what you're saying when you say you CRINGE when you think about your MIL watching your baby.

This is my advice to you. You NEED peace of mind when you go back to work. If you let her watch her you will have none and you will be more stressed out. I would talk to your mom about how you feel and tell her how worried you are about having your MIL watch her. See if she agrees to be with her the whole week. If not I would look into having another person watch her. You'll have enough on your plate when you go back to work and this will be an added stress if you can't trust your MIL.
I am now looking into childcare for DS myself, because there's NO WAY in hell I'll let my MIL watch him. I'm trying to find a stay home care for him instead of a daycare. I don't feel right putting him in a daycare either. Luckyly I found someone who is willing and I do trust her but now I have to work out the details and see if it will really work out.
I wish you all the luck I know how you feel sweetie.
XOXOXO
BOTB

Message edited 3/25/2009 9:58:03 AM.

Re: Mother in law question/issue

Thank you all SO MUCH for taking the time to write such long and thoughtful responses and some of you for FMing me.

I am SO thankful to hear that this is normal and that I will be better. I am going to definitely make sure, even if it makes me uncomfy, to give her "instructions". I think I will even physically show her how to make the bottles etc. I cant believe how bad it makes me feel...and I really dont feel this way about ANYONE else.

ok..Im going to take my OP down in a minute, just cause I dont want to leave it up forever in the small chance someone IRL reads it. I really do love my MIL, and I would feel awful if she knew i felt like this. I am blaming it on new mommy hormones!!!

Re: Mother in law question/issue

Message edited 3/25/2009 11:04:25 AM.