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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by tatuka
Posted by babybug631
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned??? 
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
I've seen girls post about much less concerning things on this site.
I'm not really making an issue of it for myself. It doesn't keep me up at night.
(I 'm sorry if I come off as rude and I am NOT trying to start the drama ) but I really think that the comment above was really uncalled -for . I don't think it's anyone's business what any one of us decides/chooses to post on this site (or on the internet). And no-one is obligated to give opinion or advice if they don't want to.
And to the OP this is what this site is for. TO SHARE,VENT,RECEIVE OPINIONS AND ADVICE (if asked) AND SO ON..... so vent on (or whatever you want to call it)
 
Are you talking about my comment being rude? Sorry you took it that way - it's not the way it was intended..I was just thinking that if that was my family memeber, I wouldn't have brought it to an internet forum. Just as I would hope any of my family memebers wouldn't bring my personal life to the internet without my knowledge.
It's clear to me that my family is very different from a lot of other families out there, based on this thread, so I'll stay out of it. Although, maybe there is a clear reason why the brother was keeping this relationship a secret.
I thought the OP was looking for opinions, so I was giving mine. I didn't realize that since mine wasn't the same as others', it wasn't welcome.
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Posted 7/24/09 2:08 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by DiamondGirl
Put yourself in his shoes. Would want him involved in your decisions on who you should date?
I can see why as an older sister you may have concerns. BUT it is none of your business. Your business is being happy for your brother if he is happy, if he is happy then I would leave it alone.
I'm not giving him a hard time about it. I think he just needs to discuss this with her if they intend to make this more serious.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:09 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by Palebride
Posted by tatuka
Posted by babybug631
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
I've seen girls post about much less concerning things on this site.
I'm not really making an issue of it for myself. It doesn't keep me up at night.
(I 'm sorry if I come off as rude and I am NOT trying to start the drama ) but I really think that the comment above was really uncalled -for . I don't think it's anyone's business what any one of us decides/chooses to post on this site (or on the internet). And no-one is obligated to give opinion or advice if they don't want to.
And to the OP this is what this site is for. TO SHARE,VENT,RECEIVE OPINIONS AND ADVICE (if asked) AND SO ON..... so vent on (or whatever you want to call it)
Are you talking about my comment being rude? Sorry you took it that way - it's not the way it was intended..I was just thinking that if that was my family memeber, I wouldn't have brought it to an internet forum. Just as I would hope any of my family memebers wouldn't bring my personal life to the internet without my knowledge.
It's clear to me that my family is very different from a lot of other families out there, based on this thread, so I'll stay out of it. Although, maybe there is a clear reason why the brother was keeping this relationship a secret.
I thought the OP was looking for opinions, so I was giving mine. I didn't realize that since mine wasn't the same as others', it wasn't welcome.
In all seriousness, my brother is a secretive person. He doesn't tell us about girls unless he is really serious about them, most likely because he doesn't want us to get attached, which does happen. He mentioned her name to us, didn't disclose much about her. If he didn't want us to know he wouldn't have given us that much.
Others gave the same opinion as yours, which has basically been "mind your business". And for the most part I do. But like I have said, I am concerned for him.
And I share info on here because my sister is the only one I personally know who also knows my brother. So to me, it's almost anonymous.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:25 PM |
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heathergirl
Cocktail Time!
Member since 10/08 4978 total posts
Name:
American mouth
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:26 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by babybug631
Posted by DiamondGirl
Put yourself in his shoes. Would want him involved in your decisions on who you should date?
I can see why as an older sister you may have concerns. BUT it is none of your business. Your business is being happy for your brother if he is happy, if he is happy then I would leave it alone.
I'm not giving him a hard time about it. I think he just needs to discuss this with her if they intend to make this more serious.
Is there a reason you think they would not discuss big issues that need to be addressed if they move their relationship forward? You say he's secretive, so they may have had this type of conversation already and didn't tell anyone.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:39 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Can I ask you....are you getting anything from this thread or are you kinda validating how you feel? BC honestly...I am 100% behind you...I kinda feel exactly as you do. So for me it would be like comparing 1 families beliefs to another. If your family runs a certain way you arent going to ever agree with lets say palebride (lori's opinion). Its not to see her opinion doesnt work for her family bc I am sure it does. I just think in YOUR case given all of YOUR facts...the right thing to do would probably be to talk to him about how you feel.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:39 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
I didn't say I don't want to get to know her. I said, even if she is the most awesome girl in the world, if they aren't on the same page, someone will get hurt. It doesn't matter if I like her. She could be my best friend and still not be good for my brother if he wants kids and she doesn't. I'm not saying she doesn't want kids. I don't know what she wants, and neither does he. There in lies the concern.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:41 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
I kind of agree...
but the facts are she has 2 children and has been married which in the end if they got serious the OP would have to assume that her brother does NOT have a choice but to become responsible if it becomes more serious. Something she things he isnt at this time...kwim...
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:42 PM |
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roxygrl8
......
Member since 6/06 2987 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
Well apparently you haven't read the whole thread, you should really do so before posting. She never said that she doesn't want to know her at all. And she clearly isn't judging her. Your giving an opinion on things that were never said.
Message edited 7/24/2009 3:05:56 PM.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:45 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by Christine
Posted by babybug631
Posted by DiamondGirl
Put yourself in his shoes. Would want him involved in your decisions on who you should date?
I can see why as an older sister you may have concerns. BUT it is none of your business. Your business is being happy for your brother if he is happy, if he is happy then I would leave it alone.
I'm not giving him a hard time about it. I think he just needs to discuss this with her if they intend to make this more serious.
Is there a reason you think they would not discuss big issues that need to be addressed if they move their relationship forward? You say he's secretive, so they may have had this type of conversation already and didn't tell anyone.
Because I did ask him if he considered the future and he said no. He doesn't want to worry about that now. I didn't press the issue after that. I guess I planted the seed. But I wasn't adamant about them having the conversation.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:45 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
I kind of agree...
but the facts are she has 2 children and has been married which in the end if they got serious the OP would have to assume that her brother does NOT have a choice but to become responsible if it becomes more serious. Something she things he isnt at this time...kwim...
I don't have a problem with him becoming responsible. In fact, bring it on. He needs it.
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| Posted 7/24/09 2:48 PM |
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heathergirl
Cocktail Time!
Member since 10/08 4978 total posts
Name:
American mouth
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by roxygrl8
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
Well apparently you haven't read the whole thread, you should really do so before posting. She never said that she doesn't want to know her at all. And she clearly isn't judging her. Your giving an opinion on things that were never said.
Well clearly an eyeroll is not necessary.
Am I not allowed to give an opinion? I made in an inference, based upon the facts presented. So please keep the attitude to yourself.
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| Posted 7/24/09 3:10 PM |
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roxygrl8
......
Member since 6/06 2987 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by roxygrl8
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
Well apparently you haven't read the whole thread, you should really do so before posting. She never said that she doesn't want to know her at all. And she clearly isn't judging her. Your giving an opinion on things that were never said.
Well clearly an eyeroll is not necessary.
Am I not allowed to give an opinion? I made in an inference, based upon the facts presented. So please keep the attitude to yourself.
Of course your allowed to make an opinion that's what this board as well as all boards are about. You were stating things that were never said and that is wrong. If you are going to give an opinion read the whole thread so u understand what is being said and what isn't. You get what you give.
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| Posted 7/24/09 3:29 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
for Phyl:
FRIDAY, FRIDAY, FRIDAY!!!!!!!
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| Posted 7/24/09 3:39 PM |
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heathergirl
Cocktail Time!
Member since 10/08 4978 total posts
Name:
American mouth
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by roxygrl8
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by roxygrl8
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
Well apparently you haven't read the whole thread, you should really do so before posting. She never said that she doesn't want to know her at all. And she clearly isn't judging her. Your giving an opinion on things that were never said.
Well clearly an eyeroll is not necessary.
Am I not allowed to give an opinion? I made in an inference, based upon the facts presented. So please keep the attitude to yourself.
Of course your allowed to make an opinion that's what this board as well as all boards are about. You were stating things that were never said and that is wrong. If you are going to give an opinion read the whole thread so u understand what is being said and what isn't. You get what you give.
Please clarify where in my statement I did this:
"I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded."
I used words like SEEM and APPEAR which clearly indicate that these are "inferences" about the situation.
ETA: Just so you know, I actually DID read the whole thread, I was one of the first posters to the thread. So please do not tell me what I should do, as I still stand by what I said 
Message edited 7/24/2009 3:49:57 PM.
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| Posted 7/24/09 3:42 PM |
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roxygrl8
......
Member since 6/06 2987 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by roxygrl8
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by roxygrl8
Posted by heathergirl
Posted by babybug631
Posted by PrincessP
Posted by Palebride
Posted by babybug631
It's not my business...but I'm not allowed to be concerned???
Of course you can be - I just don't see why you would be so concerned that you would post about it on the internet.
My younger brothers have both made choices I didn't agree with, and while I was concerned that they were making a mistake, I knew it wasn't my business, so I didn't make it an issue for myself.
See and while I see your point...
I just dont think this is how "life" works in general...(well at least my life).
Everyone in my family is my business and there decisions "could" piotentially effect my life and those that surround me. When one family member falls...we all could fall. So "IF" I could give an ounce of thought to my bro that I thought may or may not be making the right decision...I would. BUT...I do agree with you that she hasnt met this girl yet to actually make a specific opinion. One that only has to do with age and kids. I would need to see/hear more before I made my ultimate "what I thought" opinion.
I don't think meeting her will make it better. Ultimately, she could be the best person on the planet. If they are not on the same page, she COULD be completely wrong for him. But we won't know that until they have a conversation. And that is what I am concerned about.
I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded.
Well apparently you haven't read the whole thread, you should really do so before posting. She never said that she doesn't want to know her at all. And she clearly isn't judging her. Your giving an opinion on things that were never said.
Well clearly an eyeroll is not necessary.
Am I not allowed to give an opinion? I made in an inference, based upon the facts presented. So please keep the attitude to yourself.
Of course your allowed to make an opinion that's what this board as well as all boards are about. You were stating things that were never said and that is wrong. If you are going to give an opinion read the whole thread so u understand what is being said and what isn't. You get what you give.
Please clarify where in my statement I did this:
"I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded."
I used words like SEEM and APPEAR which clearly indicate that these are "inferences" about the situation.
Yea you said she appeared to have made up her mind. You did say that you are judging her when she clearly WASN'T and that she didn't want to get to know her or give her the benefit of the doubt. Didn't see SEEM in your statement at all!
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| Posted 7/24/09 3:49 PM |
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heathergirl
Cocktail Time!
Member since 10/08 4978 total posts
Name:
American mouth
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Please clarify where in my statement I did this:
"I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded."
I used words like SEEM and APPEAR which clearly indicate that these are "inferences" about the situation.
Yea you said she appeared to have made up her mind. You did say that you are judging her when she clearly WASN'T and that she didn't want to get to know her or give her the benefit of the doubt. Didn't see SEEM in your statement at all!
Again, please read what I said.
"I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seem to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded."
How can you say she is not judging the situation? We're all judging the situation. My point is that maybe there is no cause for jumping the gun and worrying over things that may never come to fruition.
I mean, really.
Message edited 7/24/2009 3:57:11 PM.
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| Posted 7/24/09 3:52 PM |
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twiceasnice
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1126 total posts
Name:
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by babybug631
In all seriousness, my brother is a secretive person. He doesn't tell us about girls unless he is really serious about them, most likely because he doesn't want us to get attached, which does happen. He mentioned her name to us, didn't disclose much about her. If he didn't want us to know he wouldn't have given us that much.
Others gave the same opinion as yours, which has basically been "mind your business". And for the most part I do. But like I have said, I am concerned for him.
I think the fact that your brother is secretive should be a clue to you that he doesn't really want his families opinion or concern.
I say this because I have siblings/family that always seemed to have something to say about anyone I dated. Good/Bad doesn't matter, I just didn't care. When I met my DH, I went into hiding in a way. I rarely saw my family and we took trips to other states where my family was much more warm and accepting (and less judgemental). I didn't want to see their faces looking at him as if I made a bad decision. I fell in love.
If your brother loves her and ends up hurt, he is taking that chance. If he is immature, whether things work or not with her, he will mature from it.
I am sure he knows you are concerned for him but he probably wishes you weren't because he wants to be treated like an adult and not protected.
Just hope for the best and be happy for him
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| Posted 7/24/09 4:25 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by heathergirl
Please clarify where in my statement I did this:
"I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seen to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded."
I used words like SEEM and APPEAR which clearly indicate that these are "inferences" about the situation.
Yea you said she appeared to have made up her mind. You did say that you are judging her when she clearly WASN'T and that she didn't want to get to know her or give her the benefit of the doubt. Didn't see SEEM in your statement at all!
Again, please read what I said.
"I think this statement perfectly highlights how you're judging the situation. You don't know her, you don't even seem to WANT to get to know her or even give her the benefit of the doubt. You appear to have already made up your mind about the situation, which is hugely unfair to your brother. You can be concerned, but I think you ought to be open-minded."
How can you say she is not judging the situation? We're all judging the situation. My point is that maybe there is no cause for jumping the gun and worrying over things that may never come to fruition.
I mean, really.
All I am saying is that I think there needs to be a conversation. He is not dating a 24 year old girl. He's with a woman who has been-there-done-that as far as children goes. I'm not "judging" the situation. I am legitimately concerned that this relationship is getting serious and that a conversation about what they want in life is not being brought up. I am concerned that this conversation will not happen and someone will get hurt, mainly my brother.
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| Posted 7/24/09 5:46 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by twiceasnice
Posted by babybug631
In all seriousness, my brother is a secretive person. He doesn't tell us about girls unless he is really serious about them, most likely because he doesn't want us to get attached, which does happen. He mentioned her name to us, didn't disclose much about her. If he didn't want us to know he wouldn't have given us that much.
Others gave the same opinion as yours, which has basically been "mind your business". And for the most part I do. But like I have said, I am concerned for him.
I think the fact that your brother is secretive should be a clue to you that he doesn't really want his families opinion or concern.
I say this because I have siblings/family that always seemed to have something to say about anyone I dated. Good/Bad doesn't matter, I just didn't care. When I met my DH, I went into hiding in a way. I rarely saw my family and we took trips to other states where my family was much more warm and accepting (and less judgemental). I didn't want to see their faces looking at him as if I made a bad decision. I fell in love.
If your brother loves her and ends up hurt, he is taking that chance. If he is immature, whether things work or not with her, he will mature from it.
I am sure he knows you are concerned for him but he probably wishes you weren't because he wants to be treated like an adult and not protected.
Just hope for the best and be happy for him
Does anyone want someones opinion when they know it may differ from theirs??
I don't.
He knows we have reason for concern and that is why he didn't tell us.
If you knew my brother, you would realize that sometimes it's hard to treat him like an adult because he really acts like he's still 17 most of the time. So, from that I can tell you that he will not be initiating any type of conversation with her.
Trust me, I would love for him to fall in love and settle down. I just want him to have all the things he wants in life.
I can't tell him what to do. But I can advise him in a positive manner.
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| Posted 7/24/09 5:52 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
My brother is 23. I see him as a kid. I did and I probably will always do.
You are worried that she is not the perfect girl. She does not meet your "criteria" (be honest!... she would not fit MY criteria either for my baby brother).
BUT, you said your family is a big Italian family so it's YOUR business. Obviously your brother does not feel the same way. You said he was secretive about the situation.
Did it occured to you that there could be a reason why he was so secretive? Maybe he does not want the big italian family to be involved in his business. Maybe he is not serious enough with her to even discuss the situation with anyone. Maybe he is serious enough that he wants to see how it's going first before involving the family. Who knows! I think you have talked to him already. He will do what he wants to do. Of course, you can be concerned about the situation. But honestly, it does look like you already have "kind of" make up your mind.
How would you feel if you were in his shoes? Yes, your big brother would talk to you too but would you want to discuss the relationship with all your family?
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| Posted 7/24/09 6:03 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Well...I've already decided that I will talk to him and advise him that if he is going to get serious with this woman, then there needs to be a conversation. Maybe not right now, but soon.
You're right...she's not the perfect girl. But who is??
Honestly, though. If he didn't want us to know abut her, he would not have even said her name. It's not hard to put 2 and 2 together on Facebook. So on some level he wanted us to know. Plus, he told DH and my sisters DH over a month ago. Neither of them told us, but once you open your mouth, there's always that chance.
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| Posted 7/24/09 6:26 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by babybug631
Posted by DiamondGirl
Put yourself in his shoes. Would want him involved in your decisions on who you should date?
I can see why as an older sister you may have concerns. BUT it is none of your business. Your business is being happy for your brother if he is happy, if he is happy then I would leave it alone.
I'm not giving him a hard time about it. I think he just needs to discuss this with her if they intend to make this more serious.
I just married someone who is 7 years younger. While your brother may not think of all these things that make you concerned.....I'm sure she will. When DH & realized it was more serious than we originally thought we (well I brought it up) had a conversation about marriage and kids. Im sure at some point she will have that talk with your brother before it gets too far along. You said your brother is a bit immature....she may be perfect for him....he might start to grow up and be more responsible.
I'd give it a little time before talking to him about any of this.
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| Posted 7/24/09 6:51 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Posted by alli3131
Posted by babybug631
Posted by DiamondGirl
Put yourself in his shoes. Would want him involved in your decisions on who you should date?
I can see why as an older sister you may have concerns. BUT it is none of your business. Your business is being happy for your brother if he is happy, if he is happy then I would leave it alone.
I'm not giving him a hard time about it. I think he just needs to discuss this with her if they intend to make this more serious.
I just married someone who is 7 years younger. While your brother may not think of all these things that make you concerned.....I'm sure she will. When DH & realized it was more serious than we originally thought we (well I brought it up) had a conversation about marriage and kids. Im sure at some point she will have that talk with your brother before it gets too far along. You said your brother is a bit immature....she may be perfect for him....he might start to grow up and be more responsible.
I'd give it a little time before talking to him about any of this.
You have a good point. Maybe she will initiate it first.
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| Posted 7/24/09 7:28 PM |
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Kara
Now Zagat Rated!
Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: My brother is dating an older woman......LONG
Speaking somewhat from experience (though certainly not the same situation), saying something to him could turn out to be disastrous -- no matter how much you really DO care and no matter how much you really ARE doing this because you just want the best for him. (I do believe you definitely care and want the best for him.)
He's 24 years old. You don't seem to know a whole lot of details about the relationship. You don't know this woman very well at all.
I really would just let this play out however it is going to play out for him. Involving yourself in the situation now isn't going to help anything. I completely understand that you don't want him getting hurt... but unfortunately broken hearts and break-ups are a part of life. And who knows, maybe this really WILL work out for him?
I'd respect his privacy at this point... Honestly (and I don't mean this in a rude way), if he wanted your opinion about the situation, he probably would have asked by now. It sounds to me like he wants to keep his relationship with this woman less involved with your family right now. Even though he's your little brother, he's a 24 year old man who is entitled to privacy in his life.
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| Posted 7/24/09 9:57 PM |
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