| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 >> |
Evale
LIF Zygote
Member since 2/12 1 total post
Name:
|
What do you do when your DC is really bad and time out is not enough?
I would never put my child in a closet bc she would lose her mind. In my house that would be excessive punishment. I agree with the above. You should consult a family therapist to find more productive methods of punishment. Raising children is extremely difficult. If the closet isn't working maybe its time to talk to a professional for new ideas. It can't hurt.
|
Posted 10/26/12 10:46 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by lbride
Posted by Xelindrya
#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.
#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.
Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."
Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.
I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.
At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.
I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.
Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.
I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).
AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.
There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.
Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.
Good Luck
wow this is scary...
very...I am beside myself reading this.
|
| Posted 10/26/12 11:05 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by BriBri2u
Posted by lbride
Posted by Xelindrya
#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.
#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.
Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."
Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.
I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.
At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.
I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.
Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.
I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).
AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.
There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.
Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.
Good Luck
wow this is scary...
very...I am beside myself reading this.
I feel so bad for her daughter. Absolutely outragous and uncalled for. All I can think of while reading this is "mommy dearest".
|
| Posted 10/26/12 11:27 PM |
| |
|
maybemommy10
Big Brothers to Be !
Member since 2/10 3868 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by 2boys1girl4me
Posted by BriBri2u
Posted by lbride
Posted by Xelindrya
#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.
#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.
Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."
Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.
I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.
At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.
I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.
Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.
I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).
AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.
There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.
Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.
Good Luck
wow this is scary...
very...I am beside myself reading this.
I feel so bad for her daughter. Absolutely outragous and uncalled for. All I can think of while reading this is "mommy dearest".
My gawd, you sound like my mother  
and lots of  for your daughter
|
| Posted 10/26/12 11:30 PM |
| |
|
mlny
blessed <3
Member since 10/09 2113 total posts
Name:
M
|
Re: Nevermind
|
| Posted 10/26/12 11:39 PM |
| |
|
Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by Xelindrya
#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.
#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.
Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."
Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.
I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.
At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.
I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.
Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.
I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).
AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.
There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.
Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.
Good Luck
Wow.  
Like really, wow. I am near speechless. What you wrote here is just scary. I cannot believe that is how you treat your DD. This really broke my heart to read. I believe strongly in raising a well behaved child but honestly, I really disagree with your methods here. Sorry. 
|
| Posted 10/26/12 11:50 PM |
| |
|
MrsSx2
Finally a MOM!
Member since 11/10 2222 total posts
Name:
Valerie
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by munchkinfacemama
I scream "no wire hangers". Then I throw the hangers at her.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 12:27 AM |
| |
|
bettybcafe
Big brother in the making
Member since 7/07 8611 total posts
Name:
M
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by munchkinfacemama
I scream "no wire hangers". Then I throw the hangers at her.
OMG Ive read this about five times already and each time I crack up!
|
| Posted 10/27/12 12:33 AM |
| |
|
Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
|
Re: Nevermind
Meh. My kid is good. I treat her well and she's well behaved. Some say she's spoiled, I dont care. but WHEN I have to discipline her, she knows why and she respects it. I dont 'have' to often at all. If she's hurt I'm first to her side. We craft and play together and she tells me no, corrects ME and has even put me in time out. LOL
You see one side. The stern side. I dont care that its not for you. The point is we all do what we have to do. You do it your way, me mine. I'm not ashamed. I do not BEAT my child. Twice to date she's gotten hit. Both times nothing more than a sting. I couldn't, I can't. I don't go there first. Yes, she's gone to her room for being mean. Last time for that was months ago.
You will judge me as you see fit. You can't possibly know the whole story or how much I make SURE she feels love and how we are together. I've been clear on my child abusive past (mom) and how hard it was for me to even HAVE a child. No action I take is done lightly.
I love my daughter and she loves me.
But thats ok. Judge away. It was indeed a brief look in and I dont regret a word I typed or take a bit of it back. its a piece to the puzzle. *shrug*
Its not like we post in here.. OMG how can I make my kid love me more? It was a post about HOW we discipline. ppl attacked her for her actions. I say. Let her be. If you can't give any advice then dont. Note that I made it clear I did not advise hitting the child. I honestly dont know what do since I admit I dont know her whole story. Just hate ppl so judgemental (yeah I know internet) whatever.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 12:48 AM |
| |
|
Purplegirl77
i love my kids!
Member since 1/09 1963 total posts
Name:
Debbie
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by Xelindrya
Meh. My kid is good. I treat her well and she's well behaved. Some say she's spoiled, I dont care. but WHEN I have to discipline her, she knows why and she respects it. I dont 'have' to often at all. If she's hurt I'm first to her side. We craft and play together and she tells me no, corrects ME and has even put me in time out. LOL
You see one side. The stern side. I dont care that its not for you. The point is we all do what we have to do. You do it your way, me mine. I'm not ashamed. I do not BEAT my child. Twice to date she's gotten hit. Both times nothing more than a sting. I couldn't, I can't. I don't go there first. Yes, she's gone to her room for being mean. Last time for that was months ago.
You will judge me as you see fit. You can't possibly know the whole story or how much I make SURE she feels love and how we are together. I've been clear on my child abusive past (mom) and how hard it was for me to even HAVE a child. No action I take is done lightly.
I love my daughter and she loves me.
But thats ok. Judge away. It was indeed a brief look in and I dont regret a word I typed or take a bit of it back. its a piece to the puzzle. *shrug*
Its not like we post in here.. OMG how can I make my kid love me more? It was a post about HOW we discipline. ppl attacked her for her actions. I say. Let her be. If you can't give any advice then dont. Note that I made it clear I did not advise hitting the child. I honestly dont know what do since I admit I dont know her whole story. Just hate ppl so judgemental (yeah I know internet) whatever.
The whole point of a time out should be because you do care.....so y would you drop her off uncaringly? You mention that you had a rough disciplinary childhood, maybe hearing other suggestions or talking to a professional would shed some light on healthier wsys.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 3:30 AM |
| |
|
KristenRSF
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/10 487 total posts
Name:
Kris
|
Nevermind
I don't know what is more frightening, your method of parenting or your constant use of "Meh"
Message edited 10/27/2012 5:21:19 AM.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 5:21 AM |
| |
|
Chai77
Brighter days ahead
Member since 4/07 7364 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
You only hit your kid twice? So how is it you hit her twice alone when she wouldn't get in the car seat and you also said you hit her between 10 & 15 months old for "going where she was told not to"? (That is so upsetting to read btw- as if a 10 month old infant would understand or deserves to get hit for any reason). It doesn't add up.
You must not think you have any other way to change your child's behavior or command respect. I'm sure you feel there's no other way. I beg you to look into other strategies, take a parenting class, seek professional help or just read a book on discipline. From what you wrote, it sounds like her father isn't on board with your methods either, but of course I don't really know.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 7:26 AM |
| |
|
teachermom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/11 843 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by lbride
Posted by munchkinfacemama
I scream "no wire hangers". Then I throw the hangers at her.
omg this is hilarious
Less traumatic than putting a child in a closet!
|
| Posted 10/27/12 8:06 AM |
| |
|
baby-o
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 592 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
i'm a lawyer for child protective services and we file cases against people who beat their kids and leave marks. YOU may think it's okay but the LAW doesn't.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 8:13 AM |
| |
|
teachermom
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/11 843 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by Xelindrya
#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.
#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.
Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."
Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.
I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.
At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.
I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.
Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.
I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).
AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.
There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.
Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.
Good Luck
This reads like a preview of Dr.Phil. I don't let kids get away with murder and I have high expectations as well but there are other ways to parent and discipline.
Hitting a 10-15 month old is NEVER ok, nor is putting a child in a closet. You and OP should a few books on discipline and you will learn how damaging these things are. Barking at a child in a "very stern no mercy nearly angry way" will ultimately have the opposite effect of what you want. When she is 15, do you think she will want to tell you ANYTHING if that is the reaction she will get? The answer is no.
OP- Google "correct way to give a time out" and see what comes up. You will find multiple sites that tell you that putting a child in a confining space is not appropriate and can be traumatic. There is a correct way to give a time out and you are not doing it. I seriously can not believe that I just read a thread about this...absolutely disgusting!
Message edited 10/27/2012 8:17:27 AM.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 8:16 AM |
| |
|
KristenRSF
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/10 487 total posts
Name:
Kris
|
Nevermind
I keep coming back to this and I'm not even a parent. This is serious shit right here.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 8:45 AM |
| |
|
DumpsterBaby
My compass when I'm lost
Member since 5/11 2210 total posts
Name:
My anchor when I get tossed
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by KristenRSF
I don't know what is more frightening, your method of parenting or your constant use of "Meh"
I feel like ripping my hair out while I scream "No more meh! No more meh!"
|
| Posted 10/27/12 9:19 AM |
| |
|
Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by KristenRSF
I don't know what is more frightening, your method of parenting or your constant use of "Meh"
LOL...i almost pimp.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 9:30 AM |
| |
|
HeathKernandez
Our Ron is an awesome Ron
Member since 4/07 9091 total posts
Name:
baby fish mouth
|
Re: Nevermind
But what you're not telling us is your closets are 900 square feet. Remember when we were kids getting sent to one's bedroom was THE WORST?
Now it's like 'go to your room!
'oh you mean my multi-media hub?!'
|
| Posted 10/27/12 9:33 AM |
| |
|
ME75
Member since 10/06 4563 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post. 
Message edited 10/27/2012 9:44:15 AM.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 9:43 AM |
| |
|
BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Nevermind
I guess I'm the odd man out, because my mother used to hit us and I didn't respect her at all for doing that. To this day I still resent the way she treated us. Yes we were very well behaved, because we were scared of what would happen if we didn't. Not a way for a child to grow up
|
| Posted 10/27/12 9:51 AM |
| |
|
Naturalmama
Love my boys!!
Member since 1/12 3548 total posts
Name:
Christine
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by ME75
I'm not going to defend or condone anything i've read here but i will tell you my parents were strict-i mean don't mess with me strict.
i loved them, i respected them-i feared them. all 3 of my siblings knew my parents called the shots and we learned it fast.
they never beat us, the didn't lose their shit and scream or verbally abuse.
i got grounded in high school b.c my dad overheard me say fcuk on the phone!
i got a smack now and then like a quick one on the tush or a pat on the top of my head. they were tough...
and seriously the most amazing parents i could have hoped for.
they didn't put up with shit-they weren't my buddy or my friend. i am so grateful for the discipline and guidance i recieved. i have to say that b.c of their no BS parenting and love my siblings and I all turned out relatively normal and unscathed
we have a wonderful relationship with our parents. my sister even bought the house next door to them! i live around the corner and my brothers live in town.
so i use them as an example. my kids will always know i love them but will always know that for now i am the boss, i follow through. they will not be my "friends" i don't care if they "like" me. i see that way too much these days and think that can be a big mistake.
good luck and sorry your question became a judging and drama post.
 My siblings and I were raised the same way and all 3 of us are amazingly close to my mother. I am raising my DS the same way.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 9:55 AM |
| |
|
lakadema
LIF Adult
Member since 5/08 1180 total posts
Name:
Danielle
|
Re: Nevermind
I definitely think you need to rethink the closet thing.
Maybe just put him in his room for a few minutes until he calms down and can talk to you??? That's what I do to my 3.5 year old ds. If I try to out him in a timeout where he can see me, he just carries on and on and on. So I tell him to go to his room and wait for me. As soon as I hear him calm down(which is pretty quick because I think removing him from the situation works best for him) I go in and we talk about what happened. This is a new thing for us because at 2 he was a real dreamboat, but at 3 he definitely has more attitude.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 9:59 AM |
| |
|
|
|
Nevermind
You'd think after hitting once, the kid would get the point and be good forever, but obviously that's not the case. Kids who get hit always seem to keep continue behaving in a way that "warrants" a hit by the parent. As one of the posters said, she doesn't get why her daughter wants to get hit and seems to keep "inviting it".
From what I have observed, it's a failed and flawed system if the child keeps behaving badly.
It also sounds like a horrible and stressful environment for both the parent and child. Hitting is kind of barbaric. How can we teach our kids to not hit others if we are hitting a 10 month old?
Message edited 10/27/2012 10:05:54 AM.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 10:03 AM |
| |
|
Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: Nevermind
Posted by lbride
Posted by Xelindrya
#1 Meh to the closet. What's the diff its sensory deprivement. They get the picture.
#2 10mins? Who cares? Your house, your kid, your rules. No one can say how they would feel if in your shoes your mind. If its not working then obviously 1min vs 10min isn't the problem here.
Sorry but I never read anywhere on a stone that said 1min per age. AJ has always had timeouts as long as it takes for her to settle down. Not a stopwatch type thing. Hey you're still being cry baby at 5mins you STAY in time out. IF you settle down and can explain to me what you did or at least say sorry when I explain what you did and tell me you won't do that anymore than you can come out. If you wanna be a brat and say "NO!" when I asks if you are sorry then you can STAY in time out, not like I would say "oh well 4mins are up, you're free to go."
Her room is HARDLY punishment. I'd probably turn on the light in the closet and use it (if I had one big enough). For the moment though, AJ is devastated with going to her room and not having us pour attention on her.
I slapped her hands and feet at 10-15m old. Not often but if she went somewhere she was told not to. Not hard but enough to get her attention without tears.
At 2 & 3 she pulled that stiff as a board crap in the car and I gave her a good old fashioned wake up call on her thigh after repeated attempts to get her to cooperate. You WILL sit down or i WILL hit you. Do you want me to hit you "yes" ok call my bluff, here ya go. After the first slap on the thigh hard enough to redden she looked shocked. Do you want me to do it again or will you SIT DOWN? "no I wont sit" I will hit you "ok" so second round. Will you sit down, tears, yes. Never understood why she chose to test me, but she did. At least twice we've been down that road. Both times she's been given choices and specifically told she WILL get hit. And both times she invited it.
I'm not condoning beating your child black and blue, screaming at them in frustration or locking them in their rooms for hours on end without food and water, bathroom breaks. I am sayin this. Your child, is your responsiblity to raise. YOu should be able to do so however YOU see fit within the law of the land.
Hitting your child does NOT always mean they will be harder to punish later. Its not just one thing or another its a whole discipline and game plan. Its not just one piece that dictates an outcome. Child raising is a very fluid thing and no two children are alike.
I won't suggest you spank him but obviously something's not working. He's not believing it (as i call it).
AJ doesn't believe Daddy's punishment is as bad as mine. And she's right. His heart isnt in it. He says its just not that important what she did wrong. Not earth shattering. To me its not WHAT she did its WHY she did it. I dont think of myself as being mean to her but FORCING her to mold into a proper child. I give her a LOOOOOOOT of leeway in a whole lot of areas. I ask only that she respects me and her father.
There's no easy answer to this "What can I do" since every child is different. For me. AJ is taken to her room and dropped off uncaring. Stay until you figure it out. I'll listen to her cry and sometimes she'll be stubborn and say she isn't going to time out and try to leave. I stand on the other side and keep her in. Most times she'll just cry for a min then call for me. I go in without any sympathy and demand (in a very stern no mercy nearly angry way) what do you want? and I DEMAND that she tells me why she was in time out and if she didn't 'get' it or tries to explain it softly like "well I wanted ice cream.." I cut her off "I said NO ice cream, why did you scream at mama?" and I ask unkindly as I would to an adult. You want respect? You'll have to earn it. She's learned to answer me. Even if her answers prove she was wrong. I don't care. She will apologize or I ask her to. Then we hug and talk about why it was wrong and how it could hurt. Then we're over it.
Public, private, doesnt matter. My child's discipline is my top priority. You will NOT be a wild monster. But that's how *I* am (military brat). Some rules are not meant to be tested. Mama's word is one of them.
Good Luck
wow this is scary...
Um, holy crap.
And xelindra, you have said NUMEROUS times that you had an abusive upbringing. You may not realize this, but history tends to repeat itself. Even if your discpline methods are not as bad as yours were as a child, they are still abusive to an average person with an average background. Your whole concept of parenting is based around abuse, and while your methods dont seem as bad they are STILL beyond anything someone with no abuse in their childhood would ever dream of doing. I was brought up in an abusive household and I went to counseling and I always check myself to make sure I'm not taking it too far. If everyone here thinks what you posted is wildly inappropriate it probably is, and I would check myself before I raised a f**cked up kid that will hate my guts.
Message edited 10/27/2012 10:09:10 AM.
|
| Posted 10/27/12 10:04 AM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 >> |
