New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard! ****Thank you all so much**** Small Update****

****Thank you so much for sharing with me. I was really begining to feel like a horrible person, because of how unhappy i was feeling. Not that I don't love my DS but this is SOOOOO hard. Knowing that I am not alone and that this is not unusual makes this easier. I can say i have been feeling much better and am now asking for much more help from my mom and sister, and happily they are very happy to help. last night my mom stayed over to give DH and me a break and be able to sleep the whole night! (it was much needed!!!) I know it will get better and I am holding on to that knowledge. Today my DS is 4 weeks old and he was smiling so much and gazing as me so much, and I realized that all of this is worth it. Thank you all SO much for all your help and support!****



You have no idea what being a mom is like until you are one, and I feel like I am having a very hard time adjusting. I am exhausted, the baby cries all the time, and at times I feel like I just can't listen to it anymore. Have any of you ever felt this way. I feel like a terrible mother... I am so sad...I know that this could be post partum hormones as well, but all the happy and joyful feeling that I thought I would have just don't seem to be there... Any help or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
TIA

Message edited 5/20/2008 1:12:04 PM.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

it gets better, thats all i can say for sure.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

My son never cried so i dont know how your feeling, hes been very cooperative...if you feel that it might be PP depression, def speak to your dr. about it but honestly ive seen this posted so much it MUST be normal...is it just overwhelming???

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

you're not alone it is hard - especially in the beginning, your hormones are out of whack, you're sleep deprived and if you're baby is a crier its even harder... ask for help from family and friends and don't be afraid to mention to your doc if it continues!

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

First of all, many hugs to you

I think all of us have been there to some degree and can relate to your post.. I know I could have written your post word for word when my son was a newborn. I had PPD and a very colicky baby and it was really rough going in the beginning for me..

You are right.. noone tells you really how hard it is those first weeks/months and I think we all think it's going to be blissful and happy but it's just not.. You aren't sleeping, babies are a lot of work (esp. those babies that cry a lot like mine did) and you can start to feel depressed, isolated and alone ..

Please know that your hormones are still completely out of whack, which only adds to how you are feeling. You sounds like you have the baby blues and its 100% NORMAL and will even itself out in a little bit of time. Is there anyone who can help you out, give you a break so you can just sleep or take an hour for yourself? It does a world of good in those first few weeks/months!

If you do continue to feel this way, though, please see your doctor and ask for help... sometimes if the depression and saddness linger you could have the beginnings of PPD and there are so many ways to treat that and feel better..

Remember happy Mommy = Happy Baby and you need to take care of yourself too in order to take care of your little one.

Hang in there and I promise that it does get better

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Being a mom is soo hard! Especially at the beginning. Looking back I think I had the baby blues pretty bad the first couple of weeks. I would cry all the time and although I had some wonderful moments the first few weeks were not what I expected. I was so overwhelmed by everything.

Now DS is 8 weeks old and from about 6 weeks things have been so much better. Its still hard and there are times he just won't stop crying or won't let me put him down and it can be frustrating. But now he looks at me and smiles and I can't believe how much I love him and how happy I am to be his mom. Even when he is crying I can't help looking at him and thinking how cute and adorable he is.

Right now try to take it one day at a time. Try to set up visitors, that helped me a lot just to have someone around to talk to. And I promise it will get easier! Hang in there!

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

I swear it gets better. I wanted to give DS back a few times in the first month :)-

Did you try the swaddle me for when he/she goes to sleep? it really helped me

also...although it seems impossible...try to take a shower everyday...a small thing and it makes you feel better

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Many to you!

It really isn't easy in the beginning BUT there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Your hormones are working against you, you are sleep deprived, you don't recognize yourself, etc. It is short-lived! Your body does adjust to the lack of sleep and you do establish a routine.

Hang in there! Ask for help, don't be afraid! You can always FM and vent to us, we've basically all been there!

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

I bet if you were to look back on the posts of most moms here in the first month of bringing their DC home you would see the same feeling.

It's really really really hard work. It's thankless and tiring, and phyiscally and emotionally draining in the beginning.

You are "supposed" to feel all happy and snuggly and complete, but a lot of us don't.

I can promise that it gets better. Around 4 weeks it got a little better, then around 6 weeks it got a lot better and before I knew it I was having more good times than bad.

Make sure you are making time for yourself during the day. Whether that's taking a nap when your baby naps, or handing the baby to your DH when he gets home and heading out for a walk by yourself.

And please please please don't be down on yourself. It's really hard in the beginning.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Trust me when I tell you IT GETS BETTER, I know you do not feel like it ever wwill right now but it sure does. My daughter is almost 4 months and for the first 12wks of her life I felt like this. If it was not for my family husband and some close friends I feel like I would have never made it through.

stay strong, try to sleep when the baby sleeps...although I know thats not easy but things will start to get better and you will enjoy every bit of motherhood.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

I've been there and it gets better...I promise. Unfortunately, no one really shares the negative aspects of becoming a mother and it tends to be very unexpected. Not only are your hormones in charge and all over the place but your life just drastically changed. What you feel is normal and it does get better. DS is just about 5 weeks and he is getting better already so will your baby.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

It is very hard in the beginning. Trust us all, it does get easier...much easier. I'd say that after 3 months or so I was going to bed at night looking forward to each new day. Hang in there!!!!!!

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Noone tells you about the hormones. Does your baby have gas? DS would scream for hours and everyone told me it was normal and "fussy time". The ped told me DS had gas and to use mylicon. He never cried nonstop again.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Oh gosh...I have been there too. It will get better but I'm sure hearing that doesn't help you much now. Honestly, accept help from anyone who offers. I know it helped me having a family member come over & watch DD while I took a long shower or caught a quick nap. And definitely talk to your ob/gyn about PPD. Your doctor may make suggestions that will help you along the way.

Make sure you get outside when the weather is cooperating. Sunshine & fresh air are miracle workers for both mommy & baby. Even if the baby cries, don't feel like you can't go out for a walk.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Posted by MommyMcg

You have no idea what being a mom is like until you are one, and I feel like I am having a very hard time adjusting. I am exhausted, the baby cries all the time, and at times I feel like I just can't listen to it anymore. Have any of you ever felt this way. I feel like a terrible mother... I am so sad...I know that this could be post partum hormones as well, but all the happy and joyful feeling that I thought I would have just don't seem to be there... Any help or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
TIA

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Just this morning I was thinking about the first few weeks when I would wake up in the middle of the night with DD and think "I hate my life." I'm not proud of it, but that was exactly what went through my mind a few times. But you know what? Here I am only 4 months later and that feels like a lifetime ago. The first 4 weeks are the hardest, I think. But then you adjust - you learn how to be a mom and your baby learns how to do things like sleep and go more than 2 hours without eating. It just takes time

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

It is so hard and nothing, no books or anything else prepares you for the hormones and exhaustion. For me, I felt every relationship changed and I had so much to learn.

Take time for yourself. Run an errand alone, get a cup of coffee, go for a mani pedi. Make sure you get a break here and there.

Try to walk outside every day if you can. It definately gets easier and your coping mechanism kicks in big time.

Very best of luck! You are doing better than you think you are just by acknowledging these feelings!

FM if you want to vent

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Posted by eroxgirl

Just this morning I was thinking about the first few weeks when I would wake up in the middle of the night with DD and think "I hate my life." I'm not proud of it, but that was exactly what went through my mind a few times. But you know what? Here I am only 4 months later and that feels like a lifetime ago. The first 4 weeks are the hardest, I think. But then you adjust - you learn how to be a mom and your baby learns how to do things like sleep and go more than 2 hours without eating. It just takes time

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

I've posted this several times before, but right after DD#1 was born, I thought I made a reeeaaally big mistake. I was miserable. She was miserable--crying all the time. I was crying all the time. I was BF. I felt completely isolated. How envious I was of those with their life "together." So jealous of my DH even. What a complete shock to the system going from no children to children!!

You've heard us all saying it does get better. I'm sure people told me the same; it still feels like you're in this rut forever. But you're NOT. It WILL get better, maybe not overnight, but little by little. Hang in there! You're doing a great job--a great job!

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

I understand where you're coming from. DS is in his 5th week and I feel like I was never prepared for how exhausting this would be! I was so focused on picking items for his registry or on the labor and delivery that I never really gave as much consideration to taking care of him. The worst part is the night time feedings- the crying for no reason in the middle of the night or finding the energy to do the 2-3 AM feedings. Sometimes I feel like crying right along with DS! I'll admit I've broken down a few times due to exhaustion. But, when he calms down and nuzzles up against me I realize that everything will be okay and to take things one day at a time. Sometimes I just stop and stare at him when he's sleeping...I realize how lucky I am to have him and how much I love him. I know it gets better and that it just takes time.

I've made it a point to set a goal to do one personal thing for myself each day and if I accomplish it, then I'm happy. I also ask DH to watch DS and take over his feedings the minute he gets home. This way I get time to myself and uninterrupted sleep with no crying to listen to. Hang in there!

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

You are not alone!!! It was very hard for us those first 6 weeks as well. My dd cried all day and night. Sometimes I just had to put her down and walk away for a few minutes so I could breathe.

It WILL get better! I promise you that. Just take it one day at a time. You will get through this.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Posted by Laura1976


it gets better, thats all i can say for sure.

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

I completely understand. My son is 8 days old. I am completely in love with him, but this whole this is so overwhelming, and exhausting, and scary...I can honestly say that as much as you think you know, you are never prepared for it.
My mom comes by to help during the day while DH is at work, and that helps a little, but believe me, you are not alone at all. I am going through this right now, if you need any support, please FM!!

Re: New Mom, 3 weeks, this is so hard!

Dont feel bad. You are NOT a bad mother. DS was a pretty good baby but I will say there were times when I was home alone with him and I couldnt get him to stop where I cried with him. There were a few times I called DH and told him when he got home DS was HIS child for the night. And there were other days I called my MIL to come over so I could nap, run an errand or shower.
My advice for you is to get out of the house whenever you can, even if its just for a walk around the block. I felt much better, even if DS was crying during the walk, just to get some fresh air (oh and fresh air usually knocks the kiddies out!)
Do you have any family or anyone around who can help you out? Dont feel bad if you need a hour or two to yourself. Ask for help, Grandparents are usually very excited to get the baby to themselves for a time so dont be shy if you need a break. Where do you live? Maybe there is another mother here who lives near by for a coffee break together with or without the kids, or who would like to do an afternoon walk.
And dont be afriaid to come on here and vent/cry/ask for advice! Between all of us you will find someone who knows what you are feeling!
Being a mom is not easy at all! But once you get in the swing of things it will be the most rewarding thing you have ever done.

Message edited 12/7/2009 10:14:16 AM.