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MrsMerlot
Unconditional Love
Member since 4/06 6005 total posts
Name:
Chrissy
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Not planning on having children...
Are there any couples here that do not intend to have children here?
And, I know it's personal, so please do not feel obligated to tell...but are your reasons b/c you cannot or do not want to....
Message edited 7/27/2006 3:42:40 PM.
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Posted 7/27/06 3:40 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not interested in having children...
DH & I are not having kids.
ETA: I never wanted to have children. I didn't want the responsibity of raising a human being. I don't have that maternal instinct. DH has more personal reasons I wouldnt discuss in this type of forum.
Message edited 7/27/2006 4:03:29 PM.
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| Posted 7/27/06 3:41 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Chrissy, we go back and forth with if we want them, but we knew that going in so there's no surprises. If we have any, it will be just one. We just aren't ready emotionally or financially. We didn't live together beforehand so we're totally into "us" time now. We have a lot we want to do. I was never one of those girls who longed for a baby....plus, because my sister is disabled I am already a high-risk person and that scares the shitE out of me. I don't know.
If we got caught by "surprise" we would welcome a baby with loving, open arms...but right now, no plans.
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| Posted 7/27/06 3:47 PM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
I'm on the fence about having kids. I just dont know if I'm buckling under society's pressure to have kids.
I've always wanted to post this question, but was afraid at offending someone.
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| Posted 7/27/06 3:56 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not planning on having children...
We go back and forth too. I also was not someone who always wanted a baby or was fawning over every baby I saw. I guess it's just because my career is really important to me, and we are really enjoying having the freedom to travel and not have the worry of a baby. I don't even want a cat because I would feel tied down! We also didn't live together before we got married, so we are really enjoying this time together. Maybe I'll feel differently in a few years.
If we couldn't have children but wanted them, I would definitely adopt. But DH's family seems to be the most fertile I've ever known, so hopefully if we ever do want them we will have no problems.
Message edited 7/27/2006 4:02:02 PM.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:01 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by Blazesyth
I'm on the fence about having kids. I just dont know if I'm buckling under society's pressure to have kids.
I've always wanted to post this question, but was afraid at offending someone.
Uh oh; I hope I'm not ruffling feathers; just being honest. We are so undecided, but mature enough to know we aren't ready and I would never let anyone pressure me.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:01 PM |
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MrsMerlot
Unconditional Love
Member since 4/06 6005 total posts
Name:
Chrissy
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Linda - I felt the same way about posting the topic...especially on this site, but like we all say - "you don't have to respond, and move on."
Lana - I understand your fears completely...there are disabilities on both my side and Ricky's side, and it terrifies me as well.
Many of our close friends just had children or are due soon...and they constantly ask us when is our turn. Most of the times I feel "selfish" in saying "Hey, I'm 25, he's 30, we want to settle in to our marriage, enjoy our time, and get o ur finances in order." I am then greeted with "If you don't do it soon, you'll regret it." I don't know if they're just in a "baby" phase b/c of their situations, but I honestly think it's unfair to almost pass judgement on us.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:02 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Chris, it's not selfish to say you're in "me" time...it's selfish to have one if you don't even know you want one.
And DH and me are both 28; I'm lucky we remember to change and feed ourselves. ;)
Message edited 7/27/2006 4:07:10 PM.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:03 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: Not planning on having children...
my husband wants children and its very important to him.
i have no desire for them.... but im hoping that will change in the future....
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:04 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Linda - I felt the same way about posting the topic...especially on this site, but like we all say - "you don't have to respond, and move on."
Lana - I understand your fears completely...there are disabilities on both my side and Ricky's side, and it terrifies me as well.
Many of our close friends just had children or are due soon...and they constantly ask us when is our turn. Most of the times I feel "selfish" in saying "Hey, I'm 25, he's 30, we want to settle in to our marriage, enjoy our time, and get o ur finances in order." I am then greeted with "If you don't do it soon, you'll regret it." I don't know if they're just in a "baby" phase b/c of their situations, but I honestly think it's unfair to almost pass judgement on us.
same age difference here...but thankfully no one is pushing it on us..everyone tells me to wait
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:05 PM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Many of our close friends just had children or are due soon...and they constantly ask us when is our turn. Most of the times I feel "selfish" in saying "Hey, I'm 25, he's 30, we want to settle in to our marriage, enjoy our time, and get o ur finances in order." I am then greeted with "If you don't do it soon, you'll regret it." I don't know if they're just in a "baby" phase b/c of their situations, but I honestly think it's unfair to almost pass judgement on us.
We are both 26. I am in graduate school for at least the next 4 years, so as of now no plans at all, but things might change after 30. But I feel the same way as you...I love other peoples babies, I just don't want that kind of responsibility in my life right now or anytime soon.
ets: DH feels the same way. And whenever anyone asks him I just love his response - it's her body she can have as little or as many as she wants! 
Message edited 7/27/2006 4:09:37 PM.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:05 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
As of right now, we are not planning on having children. That may change one day, which we both recognize, but right now, neither of us has the urge or desire. We love our life and the freedoms we have, and at the same time, we respect those who chose to have children for taking on the awesome responsibility.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:08 PM |
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Shanti
True love
Member since 6/05 12653 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Linda - I felt the same way about posting the topic...especially on this site, but like we all say - "you don't have to respond, and move on."
Lana - I understand your fears completely...there are disabilities on both my side and Ricky's side, and it terrifies me as well.
Many of our close friends just had children or are due soon...and they constantly ask us when is our turn. Most of the times I feel "selfish" in saying "Hey, I'm 25, he's 30, we want to settle in to our marriage, enjoy our time, and get o ur finances in order." I am then greeted with "If you don't do it soon, you'll regret it." I don't know if they're just in a "baby" phase b/c of their situations, but I honestly think it's unfair to almost pass judgement on us.
Totally agree! I am 28 and DH is 32, and we will never have children (or do anything!) to fit into someone else's "timeline." I feel like some ppl give us the same comments you get, and at the end of the day, you just have to feel good knowing you are making the right decision for you and your DH.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:10 PM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Many of our close friends just had children or are due soon...and they constantly ask us when is our turn. Most of the times I feel "selfish" in saying "Hey, I'm 25, he's 30, we want to settle in to our marriage, enjoy our time, and get o ur finances in order." I am then greeted with "If you don't do it soon, you'll regret it." I don't know if they're just in a "baby" phase b/c of their situations, but I honestly think it's unfair to almost pass judgement on us.
I think that is SO RUDE!  why do people think it's their right to stick their fat noses in everyone's business!
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:10 PM |
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ODonnell
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Member since 9/05 5983 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
We don't plan on having children. We are in agreement since our first date, but as Lana said, if we get a surprise, then we will know it was the plan for us.
Also, I'm 38 and DH is 40. I've had some surgeries for cervical dysplasia and have a feeling that it may not be that easy even if we decided to try.
Our family and friends knows how we feel, so we never get questioned on it. I've had a few comments from people at work, but I set them straight right away. I also tell my sister that my 2 nieces that I'm godmother to better love me as much when I'm 80 as they do now
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:11 PM |
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MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!
Member since 5/05 9941 total posts
Name:
Missy
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by ODonnell
I've had some surgeries for cervical dysplasia
so have i.....
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:12 PM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: Not planning on having children...
nope nuh uh not happening...i will not bring another life in the world if their is any chance their childhood would be like mine.
ETA: I don't want you all thinking I had the worst childhood ever but it was not a fun one.
Message edited 7/27/2006 4:16:38 PM.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:13 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Not planning on having children...
We dont plan to have children either. Neither of us have the desire to have children. I get a lot of flack from family and friends, but they are finally backing off now that I'll be 30 this year.
Before it was always "Your still young, you'll change your mind". Now that they see we're serious, they dont bring it up anymore and pressure us to have one.
PS - I posted about this a while back and everyone on this board was so supportive. There's no offense taken since this is an important but personal decision for each couple.
Message edited 7/27/2006 4:16:46 PM.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:14 PM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Many of our close friends just had children or are due soon...and they constantly ask us when is our turn. Most of the times I feel "selfish" in saying "Hey, I'm 25, he's 30, we want to settle in to our marriage, enjoy our time, and get o ur finances in order." I am then greeted with "If you don't do it soon, you'll regret it." I don't know if they're just in a "baby" phase b/c of their situations, but I honestly think it's unfair to almost pass judgement on us.
I used to tell people that we're not sure if we want to have kids. I've always gotten strange looks, and people asking 'whats wrong with you' and people insinuating that I'm selfish because I dont want kids. I've stopped telling people that we don't want to have kids, and just answering 'not yet'. I'm hoping they'll get the point after a while. Some people just don't get it though; because there are a couple of people everytime they email me (2 or 3x a month) the first line is "Where is the baby? or When is the baby coming?"
It makes me feel like there is something SO wrong with me that I don't think I would be upset if we don't have a child?
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:16 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Many of our close friends just had children or are due soon...and they constantly ask us when is our turn. Most of the times I feel "selfish" in saying "Hey, I'm 25, he's 30, we want to settle in to our marriage, enjoy our time, and get o ur finances in order." I am then greeted with "If you don't do it soon, you'll regret it." I don't know if they're just in a "baby" phase b/c of their situations, but I honestly think it's unfair to almost pass judgement on us.
I've heard that "regret" argument too, and I don't think I will regret anything. This is my choice! You can never go back to this time without children, and while I respect those that have children, it is not for me right now. I am loving having freedom. I wouldn't give up sleeping in on weekends or being able to meet friends for dinner for anyone right now. Maybe one day I will feel differently. I think it's also how I view being a mother. I know if I do become a mother I will do it as my mom did--110%. I was attached to her hip until I was 8. I cried and got sick whenever I was minded by anyone else, so I basically never was away from her.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:17 PM |
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MrsMerlot
Unconditional Love
Member since 4/06 6005 total posts
Name:
Chrissy
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by Blazesyth
It makes me feel like there is something SO wrong with me that I don't think I would be upset if we don't have a child?
That is EXACTLY how I feel...that there's something "wrong" with me b/c I want to focus on my career or b/c I do not have the desire right now.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:19 PM |
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Snozberry
I might steal your diamonds
Member since 2/06 4680 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Not planning on having children...
I don't want to; I never really wanted to have children and the idea of being pregnant and giving birth frightens me. On top of that, I have some medical issues that would make a pregnancy sticking very difficult.
I'm really tired of people around me saying "You're next." Yeah, call my gyno and say that to her and see what she says. How do you know that I want one or can even carry one?
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:21 PM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: Not planning on having children...
Posted by Snozberry
I don't want to; I never really wanted to have children and the idea of being pregnant and giving birth frightens me. On top of that, I have some medical issues that would make a pregnancy sticking very difficult.
I'm really tired of people around me saying "You're next." Yeah, call my gyno and say that to her and see what she says. How do you know that I want one or can even carry one?
You hit the nail on the head. People speak too freely about "you're next!" God forbid, like many women are, I was trying and couldn't. It's so insensitive for others to assume it's so easy, because as we know, it's not.
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:24 PM |
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MissJones
I need a nap!
Member since 5/05 22136 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
DH and I do want children, so I can't answer this question, really, but what I DID WANT to say is this...I applaud all of you for recognizing this desire or lack thereof. I think realizing this is mature and responsible. So many people have children for the sake of having children without realizing what it is all about (and being childless, I don't know what it's all about but I do know that it will change everything!). So  for recognizing this about your lives. I wouldn't judge someone for not having children 
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:28 PM |
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Blazesyth
*yawn*
Member since 5/05 8129 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not planning on having children...
And also to a certain extent, I feel that being 'childless by choice' is a hinderance... thats not the right word; I can't think of the word. Maybe prejudice 
When someone in my group needs to work late, guess who gets picked to do it, because "Linda doesnt have a kid to go home and take care of, she can stay".
Or, sometimes the people at my work (including my boss) will make rude comments about it. After I bought a new coach bag, and someone saw it, the reply was "Yeah well, you're a DINK, you can waste money like that."
Or, I asked for vacation time and the boss asked what I was going to do, and I said we were going to take a cruise to Bermuda, relaxing vacation and I got some rude comment about how we can do that because we dont have kids yet. Please, just because you're stuck in the Grizzwald family truckster going to wallyworld in the 100 degree heat with your 8 year old kid, dont take it out on me.
BTW, my vacation isn't approved yet. 
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| Posted 7/27/06 4:36 PM |
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