| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: [1] 2 3 |
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I am not a huge fan of my DD being handled by others at this point. I feel very protective of her, can't explain it but it's just what I feel. Guess it's just a new first time mother protective instinct going on..Based on this, I am feeling a bit nervous about her Christening as it is going to be the first time she is in such a big crowd of people/family and the thought of others (other than DH) wanting to hold her is not sitting well with me right now.
Has anyone felt this way and did you act on it or did you bite your tongue and let others do what they want with your DC?
|
Posted 3/3/09 1:42 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
gottaluvmusik
Just the 4 of us
Member since 12/06 3554 total posts
Name:
Andrea
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I completely understand. I was the same way with Cadence for a while. I would not let anyone hold her and actually got into a fight with a friend about it. I said I do not care NO one is holding her till I feel comfortable.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:44 PM |
| |
|
jaysee00
LIF Adult
Member since 3/06 1647 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I even felt that way with visitors, but I talked myself out of that one. I've let any visitors hold her. I do feel similarly to you though at the thought of her christening. I don't like the idea of many people either. I always want to be watching her. It makes me very uncomfortable the thought of me stopping to speak to someone and not knowing who is holding her or what's going on. We're going to be doing it in the summer though so I'm hoping by then I may feel differently! We're also keeping it small- just immediate family and cousins. Which is still a decent amount!
Message edited 3/3/2009 1:47:58 PM.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:46 PM |
| |
|
headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
i hope this doesn't sound harsh...
i know you feel very overprotective but it's just something we all (as moms) have to get over. unless someone is sick, or your DD hasn't had all of her shots, it's really not fair to keep her family from holding her. plus, i personally feel that allowing DC to spend time with other family members aside from mommy and daddy will make them more social - i know that at six months, i can let just about anyone hold DS, and while he might fuss for a few seconds he is just fine after that.
it could be his personality, but i have seen the same in other babies who were "passed around" a lot as infants - and also the reverse for babies who weren't held a lot by other people.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:49 PM |
| |
|
shellybean
Love my Baby Boy!
Member since 4/07 5191 total posts
Name:
mich
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I really want like that but IM the most laid back person with that stuff....its definetly normal though
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:50 PM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
at 3 mos, I took the baby to NY for a funeral.
It was going to be tons of family and friends...away from home, have a solo 10 hour car ride back home...away from his dr...I did not want a sick kid.
I let my aunt hold him all day. She was stern with everyone and said he's not going to be passed around. I did not have it in my heart to turn people away so I am glad she did.
ETA: my baby hardly sees anyone...he is very social. just came home from new music class and he was sitting on teacher's lap, being her helper.
My other babysitting kid clung to me, did not look at anyone and he has family that sees him all the time and different babysitters. Its just who the kid is.
Message edited 3/3/2009 1:54:59 PM.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:53 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Posted by headoverheels
i hope this doesn't sound harsh...
i know you feel very overprotective but it's just something we all (as moms) have to get over. unless someone is sick, or your DD hasn't had all of her shots, it's really not fair to keep her family from holding her. plus, i personally feel that allowing DC to spend time with other family members aside from mommy and daddy will make them more social - i know that at six months, i can let just about anyone hold DS, and while he might fuss for a few seconds he is just fine after that.
it could be his personality, but i have seen the same in other babies who were "passed around" a lot as infants - and also the reverse for babies who weren't held a lot by other people.
Well the shots..about that...like most babies, she will only have had one vaccine of each disease before the Christening (at 4 mths old). So that does go through my mind of course...plus it will be tail end of FLU season and she isn't protected b/c I did not get the flu shot.
I don't think it sounds harsh though. I wish I was less protective but this is just such a strong way I feel right now. I know I will not be ready less than one month from now to have her passed around, esp if I am not looking, that's for sure. Maybe in time, but I just can't accept that right now at this time at a big event like a party where my eyes can't be on her. In my home is another story though, I do let others hold her briefly in my home.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:54 PM |
| |
|
lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I did feel that way, but I have let everyone handle him from day One, and let me tell you, he loves everyone! he smiles at strangers, he lets anyone hold him, he is such a social little man at 5.5 months old. his christening is coming up in March and I feel very comfortable now bc I always let everyone carry him.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:56 PM |
| |
|
headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Posted by Goobster
Posted by headoverheels
i hope this doesn't sound harsh...
i know you feel very overprotective but it's just something we all (as moms) have to get over. unless someone is sick, or your DD hasn't had all of her shots, it's really not fair to keep her family from holding her. plus, i personally feel that allowing DC to spend time with other family members aside from mommy and daddy will make them more social - i know that at six months, i can let just about anyone hold DS, and while he might fuss for a few seconds he is just fine after that.
it could be his personality, but i have seen the same in other babies who were "passed around" a lot as infants - and also the reverse for babies who weren't held a lot by other people.
Well the shots..about that...like most babies, she will only have had one vaccine of each disease before the Christening (at 4 mths old). So that does go through my mind of course...plus it will be tail end of FLU season and she isn't protected b/c I did not get the flu shot.
I don't think it sounds harsh though. I wish I was less protective but this is just such a strong way I feel right now. I know I will not be ready less than one month from now to have her passed around, esp if I am not looking, that's for sure. Maybe in time, but I just can't accept that right now at this time at a big event like a party where my eyes can't be on her. In my home is another story though, I do let others hold her briefly in my home.
believe me i totally know how you feel! it is still hard for me to let others hold DS when i can't see them - it's much easier for me if i am close by and i can jump in if i feel i need to intervene.
it's also so hard while they are still so young and "floppy" (for lack of a better word) - when your DD gets older and more solid, you'll get to feel like she is less fragile, and that will make it easier.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:57 PM |
| |
|
debsey75
My two best friends!
Member since 11/06 5879 total posts
Name:
Debbie
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I was the same way with AJ last year and we did not pass him around. When people asked if they could him I simply said NO. This was the rule for everyone....my siblings, DH's siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles etc. Most people did not like it and I heard sh!t for it but honestly I didnt care. It was my choice and that is what we stuck too. I will do the same with Gianna's baptism. I really dont care what others have to say. My thing is they all have kids and chose to do what they wanted and now I choose to do what I want with my kids. Aside from the fact that both DH and I have tons of nieces and nephews I just didnt feel comfortable with everyone handling my baby. Everyone will have different feelings on this....in the end just do what you feel comfortable doing. 
|
| Posted 3/3/09 1:57 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Posted by jaysee00
I even felt that way with visitors, but I talked myself out of that one. I've let any visitors hold her. I do feel similarly to you though at the thought of her christening. I don't like the idea of many people either. I always want to be watching her. It makes me very uncomfortable the thought of me stopping to speak to someone and not knowing who is holding her or what's going on.
I too have let visitors hold her (mom, aunt, MIL, FIL, SIL, Sister). Immediate family though.
But about a big crowd of people...that's how I feel. I told DH she is not leaving my sight the entire day. I know my FIL is already trying to drill it into my DH that aunt so and so wants to hold DD, etc..and it just set me off that I had already discussed with DH that she is NOT going to be passed around that day. My FIL also tried to sneakily get me to let MIL feed DD when she was just 2 weeks old but I wasn't having it. I just was not ready for others to be so close to / care for my baby girl and don't appreciate anyone trying to put me on the spot. Ugh. Glad to see I am not alone in this.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:00 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Posted by debsey75
I was the same way with AJ last year and we did not pass him around. When people asked if they could him I simply said NO. This was the rule for everyone....my siblings, DH's siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles etc. Most people did not like it and I heard sh!t for it but honestly I didnt care. It was my choice and that is what we stuck too. I will do the same with Gianna's baptism. I really dont care what others have to say. My thing is they all have kids and chose to do what they wanted and now I choose to do what I want with my kids. Aside from the fact that both DH and I have tons of nieces and nephews I just didnt feel comfortable with everyone handling my baby. Everyone will have different feelings on this....in the end just do what you feel comfortable doing.
I knew you would understand DEB. I have to be more stern and that's why she won't be leaving my sight that day ever.
Message edited 3/4/2009 12:05:49 PM.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:03 PM |
| |
|
KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I honestly think that you need to relax a little. I know that they are only babies once and that she is YOUR baby and you can only protect her for so long, but at the same time, you cannot live in a bubble.
We had to move by the time my DS was 3 weeks old, he had been held by SO many people by that point, I couldn't begin to tell you, we flew when he was 3 months old and he is SO healthy, barely ever has colds, so you need to just be able to relax and take a deep breath and it will all be fine
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:06 PM |
| |
|
pickles16
Real Estate Professional
Member since 11/07 17227 total posts
Name:
Jen
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I completely understand!!!! DH is surprisingly the more protective one of DD but our closest friends in the world wanted to hold her in the hospital and he said no....I'm apprehensive with others holding her but the ppl I trust I trust..you need to do whats comfortable for YOU and thats all...don't let what others may think dictate your actions...I'm not familiar wth what goes on at a Christening that well, but if you can have one person that you trust fully be with the baby and tell them I don't want this or that and know that they'll listen to you I would try to do that!!!!!
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:07 PM |
| |
|
jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I was the same exact way with DS at his Christening. He was 3 mos old.
I only let immediate family members hold him (grandpa, grandma, siblings) and I kept a bottle of Purell in my bag and made everyone use it before holding him.
Luckily he slept most of the time sleeping so I had a good excuse to not have to dodge people.
You have to do what you're comfortable with and at the end of the day, I didn't really care if people thought I was overprotective and nuts!
Message edited 3/3/2009 2:16:36 PM.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:09 PM |
| |
|
JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Personally, I could never tell family "no" to holding him. I mean if they were sick and spewing snot around is one thing. But to tell them no @ 4 months IMO is a bit much. DS was out in th stores with me 6 days after I came home.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:11 PM |
| |
|
Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
No one can tell you how to feel, because feelings just.... are. If you need validation for your feelings, you've got that from the ladies here who concur.
That said, be prepared to get the eye rolls and complaints because people ARE going to want to hold/touch your little one and some may feel insulted. You will likely be labeled the over protective mother who's going overboard. But if you feel that strongly, then stick to your convictions. Perhaps enlist the help of a third party like a PP had to be the one to tell people to back off.
I felt somewhat the same with DD#1 about not wanting to expose her to germs. I *tried* to feel the same way with #2, but realized it was totally out of my hands because DD#1 was exposing her to germs anyway. I mean, in her first 2 months Eliza had 3 colds- all courtesy of her sister.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:11 PM |
| |
|
LIMOMx2
...
Member since 5/05 24989 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Posted by KateDevine
I honestly think that you need to relax a little. I know that they are only babies once and that she is YOUR baby and you can only protect her for so long, but at the same time, you cannot live in a bubble.
ITA.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:13 PM |
| |
|
mia818
LIF Adult
Member since 12/07 2197 total posts
Name:
Mia
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I am with you.....I am not a fan of other people holding dd either, especially in a large crowd. I am not into the pass the baby around at all, family or not. You are fine how you feel. I will be the same way at DD chistening.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:13 PM |
| |
|
curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's time to get over it a bit.
I can see if someone is sick, but you will start to become "that mom" if you won't let anyone hold your baby.
I fully understand that it's your protective instinct and you almost can't control it, but it will never ease if you don't start letting people hold your baby.
I didn't want DS to become a momma's boy so I made sure he was held by everyone, within reason of course.
Maybe I'm just laid back though!
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:14 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
I know some of you mean well but I wasn't asking for opinions on IF I am being overprotective. I KNOW I am but it's who I am and the way I feel right now.
That's why I was asking for those who HAVE felt this way, what did you do. Not for others to tell me to relax. I wish I could but I just can't. We are all different and this is me. And I don't plan on changing anytime soon.
Not really looking for opinions, I obviously know we all have different levels of protectiveness.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:26 PM |
| |
|
mia818
LIF Adult
Member since 12/07 2197 total posts
Name:
Mia
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Posted by Goobster
I know some of you mean well but I wasn't asking for opinions on IF I am being overprotective. I KNOW I am but it's who I am and the way I feel right now.
That's why I was asking for those who HAVE felt this way, what did you do. Not for others to tell me to relax. I wish I could but I just can't. We are all different and this is me. And I don't plan on changing anytime soon.
Not really looking for opinions, I obviously know we all have different levels of protectiveness.
You don't need to relax. It is your comfort and your child. I could never tell someone to relax in a situation that I was not experiencing.
As for the party, the best bet it to walk around with your dd, or give her to someone you trust. Keep her stroller with you and you can put her down in that. If she gets passed around you just go over to the person and take her back
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:36 PM |
| |
|
Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
Posted by mia818
Posted by Goobster
I know some of you mean well but I wasn't asking for opinions on IF I am being overprotective. I KNOW I am but it's who I am and the way I feel right now.
That's why I was asking for those who HAVE felt this way, what did you do. Not for others to tell me to relax. I wish I could but I just can't. We are all different and this is me. And I don't plan on changing anytime soon.
Not really looking for opinions, I obviously know we all have different levels of protectiveness.
You don't need to relax. It is your comfort and your child. I could never tell someone to relax in a situation that I was not experiencing.
As for the party, the best bet it to walk around with your dd, or give her to someone you trust. Keep her stroller with you and you can put her down in that. If she gets passed around you just go over to the person and take her back
Thanks. I do plan to keep her stroller with me.
I don't think anyone will take her from the stroller if I have her in there. I think they would know their place on that...it really isn't their place to take her from me or where I have her. I would not be happy about that and they would be told that's for sure.
There is more to this that I don't prefer to get into but my ILs are part of the problem, mainly my FIL. I don't mind her staying with me the whole time. There is no one else I would expect to enforce my rules but me.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:42 PM |
| |
|
pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
nvm
Message edited 3/3/2009 2:46:44 PM.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:44 PM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: Not ready for family members to hold/touch baby
you don't have to relax, you can live anyway you would like.
people are out of their minds at times. fingers in baby's mouths....kissing baby's hands...
no one but you is going to be up in middle of the night hearing baby cry, taking temp, sucking boogies out of nose.
4 months ago baby was inside you! of course you are protective. you don't want anything to go wrong. people put so many expectations on new moms. totally responsible for baby, you make an educated decision, then have to defend your decision.
|
| Posted 3/3/09 2:52 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: [1] 2 3 |
