not sure if I need suggestions or to vent

DS is 3 years 3 months and he is testing my patience so bad...

We get home from daycare at 6/630... he has a snack or light meal as I try to give him healthy snacks on the way home to curb his hunger. He is not at all a napper, never ever naps anymore.

If he has it his way he would go to bed at 10pm and get up at 9, but obviously I work so that is not possible.

Lately, he is so bad at night and I think he is overtired, but he won't nap at daycare and he won't go to bed earlier.

If I put him in bed at 8 he scream, cries, and kicks me....i yell he laughs, I ignore he keeps going... nothing seems to stop him...

some nights I let him just do his thing and when he goes to bed he goes to bed, but its getting to me.

DH is no help, he panics when DS is like this so I am feeling really alone...

Routine is hard because we get home so late and I want to eat dinner and have to make lunches, and etc so the routine often goes out the window...

thanks for listening. advice is so welcomed!

Re: not sure if I need suggestions or to vent

Honestly, I would try a later bed time. DD has always been a night owl, I don't fight it. She goes to be at 10 (or later ) but her head hits the pillow and she is out. Granted she can be a bit crabby in the morning (I get her up by 7:45-8) but most days she does still nap. I think her having to get up earlier than she'd like fosters the nap. Weekends she will sleep to 9, sometimes 9:30-9:45. Usually no nap on those days.
Good luck!

not sure if I need suggestions or to vent

I think he knows he can win bc in the past he puts up a fight and you wind up letting him do his thing. He needs to know you mean business. If you want him in bed at 830, he should go to bed at 830. I think you need to hold firm (with DH in tow) and lay down the law. It might take a few nights but eventually you will break him and he will see who is in charge - YOU! I suggest doing it over a three day weekend bc if he keeps leaving his bed or room you will keep needing to put him back (over and over). When putting him back make no eye contact, dont speak to him, etc. This is what Ive been told works by friends and family in these situations. Usually after 3 days (max) they learn they wont win.

not sure if I need suggestions or to vent

how about just putting him in his room if he chooses to sleep fine if not he can do what he wants as long as he stays in his room

ETA : what the PP suggested too is great and should work.

Message edited 7/22/2014 12:29:42 PM.

Re: not sure if I need suggestions or to vent

Honestly - it's all about them knowing they're not getting their way and what you will and will not tolerate/eventually give in to.

My boys are up at 6:30 am - I have to be out of the house by 6:50 at the latest to catch my train.
DH usually is on a 6:15 train so I'm on my own. Those days, it's mostly a breeze. We get up, dressed, they get some TV time and we are out the door - no drama, no BS. Ocassionally one will start w/ the whining or arguing but I don't tolerate it for a second - I just don't have time.
The days DH stays home to ahem, "help" .........whining, crying, tantrums abound b/c my older one knows he will carry him, cater to his BS etc. - I won't. I can't.

If I'm home alone, bedtime is cake. Everyone is in their room at 9pm at the latest, usually 8:30. We read, they get one show on their iPads and then we are done. Don't talk to me, don't look at me don't get out of that bed or I'll kill you - done
If DH is home, it all goes out the window. Who's up, who's negotiating more video game time w/ Daddy, who's whining for a drink, who wants another book, who freaks when the iPad is taken away, who wants you to lay w/ them- it's him b/c they know he'll tolerate it, and I won't.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to be the zero tolerance parent when it comes to bedtime. I hate being 'the bad guy' - but in the long run, it's better for everyone.

Re: not sure if I need suggestions or to vent

My DS is like this some nights. He's also just over 3. I'm home with him part time though so we are not quite as crunched for time as you.

Our routine is to put on pjs, have a cup of milk and read books in the living room. Then brush teeth and into his bed where I usually tell him a story I make up. If he's not cooperating with the pjs or milk part we take away reading for the night. If he's not cooperating with the brushing or getting in bed part we take away the mommy story.

Once he is in bed he is told that he can sing, talk to his stuffed animals, whatever, but he is under no circumstances to get out of bed. If he gets out of bed we start taking away comfort items. We have a doorknob lock on his door so he can't get out (yet!). Some nights he plays in bed for an hour, others he just passes out. We just let him do his thing unless he gets out of bed or is really really loud.

Re: not sure if I need suggestions or to vent

I like this idea of staying in his room, but DS would just open the door so i'd have to put in a gate...which i dont mind doing. Its just that we are moving in a few weeks so it may be something worth waiting for.

Thanks everyone for the ideas and support