Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

A mom of one of my DD's friends from Pre-K just emailed me about a playdate. I've met her a couple of times before at birthday parties and once at her house for her DD's birthday party. She seems very nice and I'm comfortable with her, etc. The thing is she wants to take my DD home with her and her DD after school one day and have a playdate without me there. I'm not sure how I feel about it on 2 levels - one driving her and second me not being there. While I trust her, I don't really know her. She's not MY friend KWIM and my DD is only just 4.

Am I'm being too overprotective? Should I let her go? I know she'd want to, but I just feel weird that the mother doesn't invite me over too. I've offered to take her there, but she insists on taking her right from school.

I don't know - I think she doesn't care for me, because I said something snarky once about a mother bringing their child into school obviously sick (said her DD was vomiting last night right in front of me to the teacher) and she thought I was rude because I said she shouldn't do that because now she's spreading germs. She feels some people need their job and can't take off. Different topic, but I think that turned her off to me.

Anyway WWYD?


UPDATE
Thanks everyone!! After writing this I realized they don't attend school together the day this mom wanted to meet. So that took the driving factor out of it. I emailed her back that I'd be happy to come over one day after her DD gets home from school. Her reply "why don't you meet us at the school and I'll take her back to my house." WHY is she insisting on this. I guess she really doesn't want ME driving to her house because then perhaps she'll feel obligated to invite me in.

I just feel weird about this whole thing. I'll talk to my husband about it. I'm just not sure how to get the point across that I want to be there without insulting her.

Message edited 1/31/2011 1:12:43 PM.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Personally, I would never let my 4 year old go in someone else's car who I am not good friends with.

I don't even think I would leave my 4 year old at a playdate without being there.

The only way I would let this playdate happen is if I drove DD there and stayed.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

I wouldn't do it. First of all, I wouldn't want someone driving my kid around unless I knew them REALLY well. Second, I would not feel comfortable with my 4 yr old going to someone's house unless I at least was the one to drop her off and scope out the place-- is there anything safety-wise in the house that concerns me? is there a dog? if it's warm weather and they might play outside, is there a pool? and so on.....

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Personally, I wouldn't send her if you aren't comfortable with the mom relationship.
DS is 3-1/2 and there are 2 moms I trust at his preschool. They are allowed to take him home and their kids come home with me sometimes. BUT, we have been to each others houses for lunch and playdates many many times. I'm glad to have them, so that I can go to the doctor or run an errand and not rush back to pick him up afterschool BUT it's only 2 moms out of 14. I would never send him home alone with any of the other kids/moms. I don't consider them my friends and I don't know them well enough to know if they would care for my son the way I would. With the 2 moms I do it with, I know they feed him and play with him and are fair when the kids have any issues "he has my toy..." etc ...
I would tell the mom you aren't comfortable sending your DC to someones home yet. 4 is still young for unsupervised playdates.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

I would not let her drive my DD because you just really dont know her that well. I would state that you would be happy to drop your DD off after school but due to car seats etc, you think its better if she comes in your car.

I think I would be okay with leaving my DD there for a couple of hours. At 4yo I think your DD would tell you if something happened that didnt seem right.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

no I would need to be there

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

You are not being overprotective! I wouldn't go for it either.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

there are a handful of people that i would trust josh with for playdates.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

At 4 I would not, I just let my DD who started kindergarten in September have a play date without me for the first time on Friday. I have gotten to know the mom and they only live 2 blocks away. She asked for her to take the bus home with her DD but I drove my DD over there instead after school.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

I don't think you are being too overprotective at all. I think 4 is still young for playdates where someone is driving your child and you are not there.

I know that I often hear parents at DD"s school saying "oh yeah next year (4 years) - they are all in booster seats and everyone just picks up their friends and they do playdates after school." The more I asked around I found - that in fact most don't do this - but there are a few of the parents who have 3-4 children and their 4 year old is the baby of the family. So in fact these are parents who have older siblings who have had playdates on these people homes for several years and they are very close to these families. So that is a bit of a different situation.

I know that I can't see allowing my DD to go home in someone else car for a playdate without me next year - overprotective or not. I know some people who let their 3 year olds go home with their friends nanny and play as well. It isn't something that DH and I are comfortable with. I think you will always find some people are always doing something - so you kind of have to stop worrying about what others do and go with what you are comfortable with.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd

Thanks everyone!! After writing this I realized they don't attend school together the day this mom wanted to meet. So that took the driving factor out of it. I emailed her back that I'd be happy to come over one day after her DD gets home from school. Her reply "why don't you meet us at the school and I'll take her back to my house." WHY is she insisting on this. I guess she really doesn't want ME driving to her house because then perhaps she'll feel obligated to invite me in.

I just feel weird about this whole thing. I'll talk to my husband about it. I'm just not sure how to get the point across that I want to be there without insulting her.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

I would email her back and say you are more comfortable driving her since that is where her car seat is. I doubt this person has an extra car seat they keep in the car for play dates?

Let her know you are happy to drop her off and pick her up two hours later.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

Still strange that she’s not including you. Weird to me, very weird. Honestly, if it were me, I’d probably be blunt with her, play it off as a crazy overprotective mom if you have to. Maybe “I’m sure the girls would love to play together, but I’ve just never had DD go on a playdate alone before, so I’d be happy to come over with her if you’d like.” Something like that. Make yourself seem like the “crazy” one, who cares…see what she says.

If she still wants her to come over by herself, I’d decline. It’s just odd. Most mother would understand IMO (I would).

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

Definitely not being overprotective. I would not let her drive your DD nor would I let your DD have a playdate without you. You are not comfortable so why should you and this mom should be picking up on your level of discomfort and not be pushing you...she sounds like she doesn't care if you are not comfortable or not.

DD was asked on a playdate last week and we will set it up so that I can drive there AND stay there.

Stick to your guns and dont let anyone bully you or make you second guess your parenting decisions. She is your child and your responsibility.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

Unless this was a friend of mine, my child is not going in a car with some stranger, and then back to their house without me.

Even my best friend wouldn't drive my kids!

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

I would just tell the other mom you would like to drive your DC.

The 4y olds we see seem like such big kids to me now. I'd feel I'd be ok with playdates without me but who knows how I would feel when the time comes. DS isn't even 2 yet.

Re: Playdate question for 4 year old...wwyd **updated**

With your update that would be a huge red flag to me and I would just say you aren't comfortable with it. VERY weird that she wouldn't want you to come over too. Put it on your husband or something if you feel weird saying you don't feel comfortable. Or just ignore her emails.