Please tell me it'll get better...

So I thought going back to work will be a lot easier than it is. Schedule wise we're doing good, however, Michael's schedule is a little difficult. Last night when I came home, he was so exhausted that all he did was cry...and I cried with him...while I was giving him a bath, his bottle and while I rocked him to sleep...I feel like such a bad mom for having to go back to work. I mean I understand that it will all fit in evenutally, its just that I hate the fact that I am not with him, that I am not able to give him a steady schedule...he loves my mom, with whom he is two days a week, and my SIL, who also watches him a couple of days a week. He naps at my mom's but did not at my SIL's...which is the problem...he was good and had a good time but I think he was ovestimulated...I spoke to my SIL this morning and asked her to give him quiet time and make sure that he naps and she understood my concern. Sorry for rambling but I just feel like I need to get everything off my chest. I was thinking last night how much I hate the fact that I can't stand the fact that I am not home with my son raising him...why should other people have to raise him...how much I am going to miss him growing up and his "first" everything...it $ucks royally! I know there is a lot of you great mommies out there that work, that your children are in daycare or with a babysitter and you go to work...please tell me how you felt at the beginning and that it'll get better...thank you.

Message edited 1/9/2008 9:18:54 AM.

Re: Please tell it'll get better...

It definitely gets easier.

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

I am in the same boat you are. I hate the fact someone else is raising my boys even though it is family. I feel like they would be on a better schedule if I was there but who knows....


Good Luck to you.

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

Once you get into a routine for a while, you will see how everything will just fall into place and be "right". You will have a totally new understanding of the term "quality time not quantity". I just value every minute with my DD and know that me working will secure a future for her. You will be okay. It will get easier!

Re: Please tell it'll get better...

First, you are a great mom! But I felt the same way in the beginning - I would go to the day care every day at lunch (still go often and DS is 7 months). I call several times a day to check in. It does stink that when I pick him up, we only have a few hours with him and then he goes to bed, but we spend all that time together - everything else waits until he is asleep.

I read so many times on here that "It does get better" and you know what, it does. You get back into the work routine, baby routine, and home routine. And your weekends are so much more special because you get all that time together! :)

That's great that you have family helping.

The daycare that I go to does not tell us any of the "firsts" so that we can see them ourselves - maybe ask your family to do the same - it's usually only a day or so before it happens for us, and then they are like - wow, great! with big smiles so I know it already happened there, but then I don't care. :)

Hang in there!

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

It does get better, but the feelings you have now do come back every now and again. I just had a rough day yesterday with it all. Hang in there

ETA - And cry if you need to. I find it always makes me feel better after I do.

Message edited 1/9/2008 9:33:26 AM.

Re: Please tell it'll get better...

On a good day, Lucas will sleep for about 1.5 hours total at daycare otherwise it's ususally about 30 - 45 minutes total. So, he's exhausted when he gets home. I give him a bath every night unless he is just a complete mess and needs to sleep (those are the nights where he sleeps the entire car ride home and even as I am taking him out of the car seat - he goes straight to bed then). But with every bath he screams right up until the bottle is in his mouth. I started saying goodnight to everything we pass on the way to his room and this has helped to calm him down. People have told me to not give him the bath but he needs it. He looks so dirty at the end of the day and clearly they touch his hair a lot because it starts to look a little oily to me.

So he cries and I have learned not to cry - to just get him cleaned up and ready for bed as quickly as possible. I even get his bath stuff ready in the morning so that we can move quickly at night.

It is definitely hard but it this is the way things have to be I try to make the best of it for the both of us. I firmly believe that he takes his cues from me so I try to smile and be cheerful to help him out. The beginning is hard - very hard - but once I decided it was mind over matter and changed my attitude it really helped so much. I love how when I go to pick him up at night he gets so excited to see me.

I don't think that anyone is raising my son but my husband and I. People watch him during the day but my husband and I raise him. This is touchy for me because I have had people say that to me but when I ask them to explain how I am not raising him they cannot. Whether you stay at home or work no one but you "raises" that child. Daycare watches them, they care for them on a short term basis but WE are the ones the provide for their basic needs, their emotional needs, and we are the ones that they need the most. My son likes his daycare teachers very much but will leave them in a second for me to hold him. I am the one that will instill his values, his moral lessons, and even his culture. Not daycare.

And as far as first...I've lost track of how many times I have told daycare that I saw something and they were genuinely surprised. I actually had to tell them to let him sit on the mat to play because they didn't think he could. Meanwhile he had been sitting at home for the longest time to play. For me it's not a first until I see it. And that goes for stay at home moms as well. We don't know exactly when the first might have been - for all we know they could have said their first word in the crib or been able to sit up long before we tried it with them...regardless it's a first when we see it.

So I wrote a book...sorry...and I'm not sure how the tone comes out because it's such a touchy subject for me but let me say that my intention is to tell you that it's okay...and it's going to be okay because you are a great mom and you love your child like no one else can or will. Hang in there...and definitely talk it out when you are stressed or upset.

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

It really does get easier as the routines fall into place better. When I went back to work after DD#1 I felt the same way about the amount of time I had with her and how much time other people got to spend with her. However I learned that no one else is raising them but me and DH, and they totally know who mommy and daddy are and the time we have is always quality time. Knowning this has made it so much easier for me to go back to work now and leave both my girls without the tremedious guilt.

ETA: If your SIL is watching your baby regularly, she has to him get into the nap routine. I would really stress that now becuase it isnt far to anyone if he doesnt nap

Message edited 1/9/2008 9:53:12 AM.

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

today is the first day of my second week and its still hard but i was at least able to sleep last night but i have this BIG empty feeling. one day at a time - it will get easier.

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

We had the same problems when Ryan was younger, he would NOT sleep at daycare and was completely wiped out at the end of the day. I'd RUN out of work (hmm still do that!) to get him to get his nighttime routine going...I can say 100% it has gotten SO MUCH better, as they develop and can stay awake longer periods and get more used to sleeping in other places things do fall into place and it gets easier.
What you're feeling is totally normal but I can tell you that it's temporary and before you know it he'll be excited to go to school and busy with all his friends there. Hang in there mommy!!

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

I am sorry you had a rough day I haven't gone back to work myself yet, so I have no advice for you. I am in awe of anyone who manages work and childcare.

All I can offer are and good wishes. I am sure it will get better.

Re: Please tell me it'll get better...

It does get better and don't worry about missing any firsts. They will be the first for you- I told my day care provider to NOT tell me if she said a new word, or took steps, unless I told her about it first. That way I was ALWAYS the first one to see it.

I still have my days when I am really upset when I drop her off-especially after a vacation. But he is with family- that is so much better than a day care person ever could be. So at least your village is raising him with you I wish my DD had her family here to love and care for her with me.

Message edited 1/9/2008 12:40:23 PM.