Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Posted by DomesticDeeva

I feel the exact same way, and I can't see it getting any better comes Sept. when baby #2 comes. I'm scared I won't even have time to cook, clean, etc.

And to make it worse, I feel that DH sometimes wonders why stuff isn't done when I am home all day. He might not say it directly, or he'll joke about it sometimes, but I am sure he is thinking it.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I totally understand how you feel! I don't have any pets so I can only imagine how much extra work that causes, but I have two kids and have been home for 4 years.

Honestly, as intimidating as it can be some days, getting out of the house each day is key! I know how hard it is, coordinating around mealtimes and naps, getting the shoes, hat, heavy coat etc wrestled on, the buckling/unbuckling into carseats, strollers etc. But in the end it is sooooo worth it! Really, sometimes just a short trip to Target in bad weather, or a walk around the neighborhood in good weather, keeps me sane for the day!!!

Hang in there, it only gets better as they get older! (until you have a second and start the cycle all over again!!)

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Posted by Goobster

Unless you are in the house all day with your child, on a daily basis, it's hard to see how time consuming just feeding, cooking, and diapering your child takes, as well as playing with them. That's pretty much the whole day. My DD only naps for about 1.5 hrs a day. The rest of the time I am with her, doing the above.

I am with you, I can only imagine what another child will do. But such is life. I guess everyone does it, we will too.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

yEP. it was the same way when i was home on leave. Nothing would get done. and im anal abuot things and my head mentally is a mess if there isnt order in my house. I would get a lot done when Dh would get home to at least take DS for a while.

The naps during the day were so short by the time i would want to start something DS would be getting up and i'd have to start all over.

You're not alone!!

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I feel the exact same way! Honestly I get nothing done all day, and half the time my DH is the one cooking dinner. I'm not sure how he doesn't say anything to me, like what the heck you are home all day and can't do something. He's so good about it, and helps so much. I just feel like I'm in a huge rut, and unless he is home where we are doing something, I feel like I'm doing nothing productive with my day.

I'm actually going on an interview tomorrow morning, while we don't need the money, I feel like part time work may do some good. I dunno.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I worked for the first 2 yrs of Andrew's life FT and I got sooo much more done around the house, etc then I do now or have for the past yr and a half being home.

I don't know what happens. The days go by so fast. Andrew is in preschool and baseball and now Alexa is in Gymboree while Andrew is in school!!

I work for DH PT at home and forget it. I can't get anything done.

I thought maybe I was depressed. I don't know. I am going to talk to my dr. but everything is piling up.

Laundry is out of control, I still didn't put away the clean clothes I did wash, I need to vaccum. On and On.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

It sucks some days. I am an obsessive nut with a lot and it makes me crzy that Im not like I used to be. It has effected some big things in my life. I haven't spoken to my BFF in weeks. It is actually making me loose sleep over it. I sit and think, well I will call her now, and then something else happens and by the time I remember, its 10pm, and too late. If I dont get out of the house at all, I at least try and shower do my makeup and get somewhat dressed. I manage to stay on top of my "chores" if you will. I do vacuum daily and do laundry and clean up all the toys before I sit down, but there are days when I could less if a bomb went off in here.

My house was NEVER out of control before the baby, but shitts happen and you can control everything, as much as I would like to.

I can't wait for the warmer weather, just so I have a reason to go somewhere. I dont feel as bad during the winter months because its so cold.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

This is what I do:

1) I do one house chore a day(one day dust and baseboards, another clean bathrooms, another vacuum floors, another clean floors, you get the drift.)

2) I do one load of laundry a day. When it comes out of the dryer, I throw it on our bed, so I have no choice but to fold and put away before bed. One load of laundry is not bad to fold and put away. It takes like 10 minutes at most.

3) Get OUT of the house every single day. Whether we go to the gym, target, food shopping, the liquor store, drycleaner. Just something to force you to get fresh air. If it's above 35ish degrees I'll put him in his stroller with the weathershield on and walk around the block. You would be suprised what 15 minutes of frigid fresh air can do for you

4) Sign up for free childrens classes at the local library. I found my mothers group through it and these women have been a life saver for me. We continue to meet once a week at each others homes after the class ended.

5) Rest assured that the warm weather is coming soon and you can get out even more. I am counting down the days!!

Hope that helps. I was in the same boat like four months ago and then I just said that's it. I am done. I need to do something about this. If you break everything up throughout the week, it all gets done little by little. Don't look at it as big tasks or you will never do it. Start small.

Big hugs to you

ETA: Cook easy meals.(Baked salmon, baked chicken cutlets, etc. Add a veggie and a salad and it's a meal. Also, it's healthier than most other meals as well). Save the nice dinners for the weekend when DH can watch the baby while you cook or vice versa.

Message edited 2/11/2010 6:24:00 PM.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I just had this conversation with DH tonight. I am becoming so stressed out & I feel that I can't get ahead of myself at times. Since I am only back in my office 1 day a week, I WAH the rest of the week. So when DS goes to sleep at night, I am right on the computer doing my work....

During the days, I seem I can't get ahead of myself & lately DS has been extra clingy (I guess bc he is teething). DH can't understand how when he is watching the baby or DS goes down for the night, I can't take out my magic wand & get things accomplished. Like you, I like to unwind & have time to myself without DS! I love him with all my heart, but quite honestly I just wish I could get my house re-organized again!

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

i get so frustrated by the mess.... i try and get it all done when dh is home but there is only so much time in the day.... add nursing my newborn and my oldest watches way too much tv as a resuly....

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

When I was home for 7 months there were plenty of times where I couldn't do anything around the house. But I am naturally lazy when it comes to cleaning. I hate it.....lol

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I know EXACTLY what you mean-- like many other moms here.

I honestly try to do stuff as soon as I can to get it out of the way. It's also hard for me because Sasha doesn't like to nap too long-- so, it's like all systems go when she's sleeping.

I did just get a part-time freelance oppty where I can be home and I hired someone today to watch Sasha while I work and/or do other things. As much as it breaks my heart a little to not be with her 100% of the time-- I am looking forward to some time away. I feel so torn, but I know it's the best thing for her and me (and both of our wardrobes! ).

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I can relate... I say "I cant get anything done" alot!
I try to change my thinking though... these kids will only be babies ONCE!! When they are in school and running off with their friends you will have time to organize your house and life! You dont want to look back and say I wish I didnt care about a clean house and enjoyed my kids more.
These baby years will pass so fast, so leave the messed up drawers and buy paper plates so there arent dishes... enjoy your baby, you will remember special moments you share together (even if youre not showered and in your pjs) you wont remember how your floors were oh so clean!
Your not alone! Most sahm have these feelings!

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I think it happens to every SAHM to some degree at some point.

I am in a major rut here lately.....my DS is a messy toddler and he is sick right now so he is extra needy.....my 3 month old twins are sick and well, they are 3 months so they are very needy too. By the time all 3 are asleep I am beat....emotionally, physically, mentally. My Dh gets home from work late and he walks in and most nights I am so tired I barely say hi to him.

When it was just DS and i was starting to get in a rut I started going to open plays, parks, playdates etc. Even getting dressed to go to target was something.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I absolutely positively know what you mean. While I was on maternity leave, I felt like I was buried in everything. Now that I'm back at work, it drives me crazy cuz I have even LESS time to get anything done...and even LESS motivation to do it! OMG my garage is a freaking disaster....

But yes, it felt even worse when I was home every day and STILL couldn't get to it all!! You just feel like you have no control over your life anymore!

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

winter adds to it.

often I think how do New England Sahms do it?

The turning point for me was watching another child during the day.

At 8:30 every morning a little boy was dropped off in my care. I needed to be showered by that time, my baby nursed, house cleaned...I knew at 3 PM each day, he was going to be picked up. Which means my house had to be cleaned, everything together.

I did this for 2 years, exactly what I needed.

Something else that has recently changed for me...I always had a dh who worked nights. Which means, bedtime was at 7...then I had a power hour to clean. Dinner was cooked for him at 10 PM. Now he is home...still adjusting.

Getting out of the house is everything to me. We walked a lot the first 2 years. Your house stays clean, get air, get in shape, knocks baby out, gave me some ipod time.

I have always thrown the baby out of the house with dh atleast once a week. That is the time I clean the bathrooms, clean out a closet, the pantry...

You really have to think of this as a job. You are self employed. You will always feel better showered...do it at night. treat yourself to 20 minutes in a bath. Blow dry at night. wake up fresh and throw clothes on. Will change your whole day. Library classes are great. Park playdates are wonderful. Every night is Friday night for you, everyday is saturday morning. It will be whatever you want it to be. you are free.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

I can definitley relate! No joke, when I look even at my laundry room, I want to cry!
I try and do a little cleaning each day.
One day the bathrooms, next a bedroom or 2.
Due to EI sessions in the home, I try and keep up with the kitchen and den daily. It's hard and frusturating..Its why I fall behind on the laundry.
I think back to when I lived home and only had my bedroom to take care of.
It defintley got a lot harder!

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

You are not alone. I think every SAHM goes through it at one point and some feel it worse than others. I'm definitlely feeling it now. I think I cause my own anxiety though...
for example getting a puppy in the dead winter for my DD's 10th birthday meanwhile I have a 2, 1 and newborn to take care of.
It went well considering. chocolate labs rock!

I try to get things done everyday b/c I have no choice. I have a big family and if I slack more than a day it shows. The things I do daily are the kitchen duties, laundry- fold and put away, dust and vacum livingroom.
Somedays I can't get to everything on that list either. It depends how crazy my day is. I always do luandry b/c I'm OCD with it.

However ask me the last time I cleaned my oven, cleaned my frig, mopped the floors upstairs, dusted all the rooms. It's been a long time.
We get out 2 days during the week. We go to gym and dance. One day during the week we have a playdate. We are always in and out with the dog so we get fresh air 80 times

I have no energy, none. My issue aren't cleaning or not cleaning it's me wanting to feel more than just a mother and a wife. I do nothing for myself. I can't even look in the mirror b/c I am disgusted that I let myself go. Even with all that I have on my plate it's still not a license to stop taking care of myself. I NEED to do more for myself and get out of this funk! I want to feel like me again...kwim?

I should have never let myself go but hey-life got in the way....and now??? Well, I have the ability to make the change and so do you guys who feel a little like I do.

thank you for posting this. I needed to type my feelings out.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated

Message edited 2/11/2010 9:32:55 PM.

Re: SAHM and feeling a bit frustrated