Should I have said this to the kids?

DD is 5 and DS is 3.

DS is underweight and short for his height, he is a very picky eater and doesn't eat much.
So I say things like "You need to eat to get big and strong"
then I also say:
"Its important to be big and strong because there are mean people out there who will push and bother people who are weaker or smaller than they are, you need to be able to stand up for yourself" (I'm not saying being big is the only important thing, but there are definitely guys in school who will bully people smaller than they are)


My daughter has eczema so she has scabs on her fingers, hands and elbows/knees.
We put lotion and medicine but she still has scabs so when I see her scratching I tell her not to because then she'll get cuts and scars and:
"There are mean people in school who will see the scabs and make fun of you"

Are these bad things to say to my kids?

Should I have said this to the kids?

I think its more important for you to help build up their self esteem and worth, because confidence, self esteem and strong values will help them deal with all the scenarios you are describing. IMO I don't care for what you are saying to your kids. In addition, 5 and 3 are a bit to young to understand such strong ideas

You can say the same thing using better wording

Message edited 8/24/2019 10:52:36 PM.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

honestly, i think that sends the wrong message.

not ALL kids are mean and bullies. what happens once they do grow and are the big and strong kids? if they remember your lesson they will think they can be bullies because that's what the bigger, stronger kids do.

i think maybe leave out the part about other people's judgment and just concentrate on raising their self-esteem. if they ever do get bullied (for whatever reason and i hope they don't) a healthy self-esteem will help them through it better than being told all bigger kids are bullies.

for eczema, try rubbing coconut oil. my godson did this for a week and it went away.

Should I have said this to the kids?

Yes, those are bad things to say. You are making them self-conscious. Build up their self-esteem and confidence instead of making them feel like others will judge them.

I am short, always have been, always will. Eating food will not change my height. Focus on their positives, instead of their negatives.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

Message edited 8/26/2019 10:12:48 AM.

Should I have said this to the kids?

Those are awful things to say to your children. I would focus on telling them things like it is important to eat healthy food to stay healthy and strong. My daughter is 5 and we talk about different food groups and the importance of eating all of them. We also talk about where our food comes from and the energy that goes into producing it.
For your daughter’s eczema use that as a way to talk about hygiene and self care. I would flip if my husband told my daughter she had to alter her appearance to prevent other kids from making fun of her.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

I wouldn't say these things. The world is negative enough and they will learn sooner rather than later that there are bullies. I know it's our job as parents to prepare them for the world, but I don't want to send them out thinking everything is bad.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

I would not have said those things. What I would say to your son is that I want you to be healthy. Your height you cannot control and good things come in small packages. I would over time, as he is 3, explain nutrition and what is good to eat. I would explain being a healthy weight makes you less prone to getting sick and we want you healthy. As for your dd, I would never want her self worth tied to what others think of her. I would apologize to her for your comment. I would explain how with cuts she can get sick from bacteria so it is important to have good hygiene. Perhaps paraffin hand masks will help her?

Should I have said this to the kids?

I agree with PPs I feel you are sending the wrong message in a major way!! There are better ways to reach your children as opposed to putting a lot of value on other people's opinions or assuming kids are going to mean or bullies.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

Yes. Those are horrible things to say to your children and if you have to come here to ask if they are you really need to take some time to do some self reflection.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

Big kids with low self esteem get picked on more than small kids with high self esteem.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

Put your son in martial arts if he’s small and bullies are a concern.They will help with being small yet strong... and quick. Bullies aren’t always big... but being strong helps your DS.

Have your daughter feel beautiful about her skin. Have her speak to a derm about lotions, treatment and scarring. I’ve been going to my derm since I was 9 or younger. You tell her that she is the most perfect thing... scars and all.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

Yes, I don't think you should say things like this. I feel like they should be taught that they should be accepted as they are- not that they aren't worthy and always have to prove themselves and care what other people think. If you want your son to eat a healthier diet, present it in a way that you want him to be healthy, not that he is going to get picked on if he doesn't.

Should I have said this to the kids?

I mostly agree with what everyone has said. For your daughter try a high quality daily probiotic and potentially a dairy & wheat elimination diet. I did for my daughter for 3mos and her eczema cleared and never came back. After 3mos I slowlyyyy reintroduced.

Should I have said this to the kids?

this is way too harsh for those ages. They are going to grow up with complexes...

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

Should I have said this to the kids?

It makes you sound like the mean person lol. The kids are going to grow up with a complex and constantly wonder what others think of them. You need to address it in a different way. As parents we need to support and nurture our children and is these comments do not sound very supportive (although I understand the intent, no parent wants their kids to be made fun of) Find a different way to go about it...

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

You are also missing a big opportunity about personal control and starting the foundation of victim mentality.

Of course others can be mean. There’s nothing to do about that. But what kids can learn to control is how they handle those situations and process their feelings. Also, rarely are situations totally black and white. There aren’t mean kids and nice kids. All kids have their moments. Empowering your kids with good self esteem helps them handle when someone is mean to them. Teaching them to be kind and be a good friend helps empower them to build relationships with people.

You are teaching them to feel like a victim and not helping empower them to control their own experiences/emotions

Should I have said this to the kids?

How do your kids react when you say those things to them? I agree with everyone else, I think it's all very harsh. Instead of telling them that people are going to pick on them for certain things, just try to help them not feel self-conscious about it. For your daughter's eczema, just focus on trying to make it better, not point out her scabs and scars. She sees them. She knows they're there, you're her mom, she needs you to comfort her, not make her feel bad about it.

So your son is underweight, if the dr say's he's healthy/growing at a good rate for him, then that's all that matters. Try to introduce foods to him in different ways. Encourage him to eat certain things and if it doesn't work, just know his appetite and eating habits will change over time.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

Should I have said this to the kids?

I would try saying it's important to eat plenty of healthy foods so you will have the energy and strength to do the fun things you love, like playing, running, climbing, etc.
And for the itching, I know it's hard to get her to stop because my dd does things like that, but try to remind her the more she scratches at it, the longer it will take to heal and the more itchy it will be.

Should I have said this to the kids?

How about this one:
DD was playing with a ball and DS came by and grabbed it from her and wouldn't give it back.
I suggested they play together and he wouldn't then DD said she would go play something else.

So I told DS:
"Its important to share and be nice to others. If you're not nice to other people then they won't want to be friends or play with you"

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?

That one doesn't seem bad, but when DD is doing this, I ask her "Would you like it if they didn't share with you?" And of course the answer is no so I tell her then she should share, too.

Re: Should I have said this to the kids?