Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Nope - never stops.

But I know I'm guilty of asking people these questions too, so I try to give them a pass.

The only one I won't ever ask is if/when people plan on having kids.

Two years of IF taught me how horrible that can be if the couple is struggling.

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Honeslty, I don't think it ends.
We dated 3.5 years before getting engaged. The question was always "Soo, when's the wedding".
Then, we got ourselves a gorgeous garden apartment..The question.."So, when are you getting a house"..
6 Years later and 2 apartments later, we got the house. Of course as soon as the news came we were getting the house, the "When are you having a baby?" question came about.
This was very hard for me due to medical problems I had back in '04 and It was highly recommended to me I do not TTC for quite a while. I had to be "In the clear". I got better. Married 8 years this Wed. and our DS was born this past Jan.
Honeslty, even if I didn't get sick 3 years ago, we still would have waited a little bit to get our finances in order.

ETA: Now that DS is 9 months, it's, So How far apart to you want your kids?" (hint, hint)..Umm when we are ready, we will let ya know.

Message edited 10/22/2007 12:26:28 PM.

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by FeliciaDP

No, I don't think the questioning ever ends, unfortunately. I'm not exactly sure WHY people think that something as PERSONAL as having children is a topic that should be asked of a married couple casually.. but I think there is a mentality that if you get married, you are *supposed* to have children.. and that is a huge assumption to make..

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Noone truly knows what your situation or circumstances are. You might not want kids EVER.. you might not be able to afford them at the current time. BUT what's even worse... how does anyone know if any couple is having trouble conceiving or infertility issues.. maybe they've just suffered a miscarriage or loss.. MAYBE they DO want children but it's just not happening for then. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound

People really should think of those things before asking any couple "when are you going to have kids".. Seriously

I think about this too. they have NO IDEA if we have any issues....they just assume we arent' b/c of our lifestyle...

I have a few friends going through fertility issues (my MOH JUST had a baby after being told she may NEVER conceive ) and I have immediate family members who have fertility issues...I see them struggle. I can't imagine what it must feel like for someone to ask!

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

do the questions ever end? no. people feel the need to comment on your life forever, whether you are married or not.

married
kids
house

whatever, people have something to say about everything you do.

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

I HATE that question. I also hate when people ASSume that we will have children. Not everyone has children, so don't ASSume that we are just dying to have kids.

People look at me like I just kicked their puppy when I tell them we don't plan to have children. Then, I get the ever-famous, "Oh you're young. You'll change your mind." UM... NO, I'm not that young, and I won't. Why do these people even assume after I tell them we aren't having children that we even CAN physically have them?

People are so freakin' nosey. It's none of their damn business. I've started tellling people that we can discuss it when I marry them...

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

It doesn't.

I am married with 1 kid. I can't tell you how often people ask me if she's my first. How do you know I am planning on having a second?

Then its what preschool are they going to?
What kindergarten?
What activites?
What college?
What major?
When is YOUR child getting married?
When will you be a grandmother?
When is your child going to have another child?

and so on and so on.

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

I agree that all the questioning gets annoying, but I find it as more of "making conversation" than someone being nosy. I can not tell you how many times I was asked "how is married life" and I got annoyed by it. Then I realized that I have asked questions like that before too. I was not trying to be nosy at all, I was just making conversation with those people.

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

its totally just making conversation.

same with DH and I, we dated 5 years before getting engaged (i was only 23, jeez people!!)
we have been married three months, im 25, and people are already asking when im having kids.

i never ask other people those questions - its way to personal!

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

ugh i can totally relate

people are already asking when we plan to have kids and honestly I HAVE NO FREEKEN CLUE but when they DO ask I have found that I get annoyed and answerin snotty ways even though that is not really how i feel!

for example someone asked me the other day and i said "well after seeing your kids i think we are going to stick with dogs ha-ha" and that shut them up

it just came out i didnt mean to say it but i am ALREADY tired of it

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

I tell people that I already have a baby

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Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

I know how it is. You know whats crazy? i've become so used to it, I just expect people to ask me. When they dont, I sometimes wonder if they even give a crap. How pathetic is that?

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Someone asked me while I was still in the hospital with DS if we were going to try for #2!!!!

We were married 5 years before getting preg. There were a lot of reasons why we waited and it did not happen for us right away. Someone at work came up to me and said "So you aren't going to have kids" ***!? I wanted to hit her

Then when I announced the preg. a guy I never talk to at work asked if it was planned!!! I'm 31, married...WHO ASKS THAT

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

I've been getting this question since the reception. I made the mistake of telling family members we were TTC and without fail, everytime...So anything yet? do you have news for us? should I start to shop yet? I have gotten VERY nasty with people, when they ask now. 1/2 of them dont know we are having issues and the ones that do know DONT CARE!!! So my respose is, when I know, so will you...until then DONT ask me again, or you will NEVER know. Oh and we got asked if we did get BURIAL plots yet. "Cause you never know"

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

It bothers me alot -- mostly because I am having alot of problems conceiving so it really breaks my heart when they ask.....what kills me is when they say "just relax, it will happen".....ummm, ok....why didn't I think of that?

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

So not as good a comeback as some of the previous ones, but my husband uses this all the time when he doesnt want to answer a question...

"If you're writing a book, leave this chapter out!"

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

No, it doesn't!! We have been together 19 years. It was first, when getting married, then when having a child, then another and now with 2, we still get are you going to have another!! Hellloooo...have you met my 2?? They are MORE than enough to handle.

I think people talk to just talk!

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

It never never never ends. People need to find something else to talk about. I NEVER ask anyone nosy questions regarding marriage and children. IMO its very personal and I dont know what goes on inside their home and what personal problems they might have that may deter their plans to fit into the norm of society!

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

We Tried for probably a total of 2 years. I got pregnant and had a miscarraige. I still really don't find it that annoying when people ask

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

You know what I find hilarious?

DH and I got engaged when I was 21 after 3+ years of dating.

Instead of people congratulating me on my recent engagement they would say "oh, you are way too young to settle down and get married." I felt like replying with "thank you for the opinion that wasn't asked for".

Then, on my wedding day, those SAME people came up to me and said "so where are the babies?"

OMG, you have to be kidding me. If I was, in your opinion, too young to get married then why would you feel I am old enough to raise a child?!

Re: So, seriously, does the questioning EVER end?

People ALWAYS ask me and then when I tell them well, we have been trying for YEARS and are having trouble they shut their mouth real fast. They need to mind their own biz!!!