Spinoff to Hitting Children

In your opinion, when does physical discipline become unacceptable or abusive?

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

if the parent is obviously out of control and using extreme force, closed hand/fist, breaking skin, repeat hitting, using a belt/switch (sp) or anything else to use to hit.

I was hit with a wire hanger as a child when my mom lost control and that was abuse. She never had hit me, my father would never hit me. BUT my grandparents would smack my butt or my hand and that is fine but using a belt or hanger is over the line.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Hmmmmm - good question.

Physically - use of a weapon - i.e. wooden spoon, hairbrush, belt; when you break the skin, leave a bruise (not just a red mark), break a bone - etc.

FTR - I'm all for spanking.

Psychologically - no idea. Belittling, humiliating, screaming (not just raising your voice), cursing at your child...

I'm not a parent so I really have no idea - I'm talking as a bystander - if I saw any of the above happening - I'd intervene.

ETA: I don't know how I'd intervene either, don't want someone to take me to task saying the abuser might retaliate against the child or do something else - I'd have to make a game-time decision...

Message edited 7/17/2009 11:32:25 AM.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

I realize I am probably the minority opinion, but I don't think there is ever a time where physical discipline is acceptable. I just don't think it's necessary...

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I think there is a huge difference between what one may find "unacceptable" and what truly constitutes abuse.

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Using anything other then your hand, any other body part then the butt, repeated hitting and leaving marks are abuse IMO.

I think hitting is a last resort and should be used sparingly , if at all. My mother did all the disciplining in my house, and while it was rare she touched us , when she did it was always with a belt, hanger or whatever she could get in her hand, and while I turned out "fine" I think she was abusive and would never want to lose control like that.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

I think anything more than a quick smack might be crossing the line.

Bruises= abuse. Use of anything other than a hand= abuse.

I don't judge those who choose to use corporal punishment as a means of discipline. I have smacked Madelyn- and I HATED the way it made me feel so I have tried to avoid it at all costs. Thankfully, time-outs are starting to work.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

if you hit a child hard enough to leave a mark, IMO, that contitutes abuse.

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My parents used the belt. My mom and aunt threw their slippers at us. We all turned out fine.

I asked my dad about the belt and he says he regrets ever doing it. He wishes he could take it back.

I was personally physically,verbally and emotionally abused by a family member as a child. I was terrified. It definitely shaped me as an adult. I will never hit my kids and I think using physical force is unacceptable when disciplining.

I remember the terror, the feelings are still with me. I will never shake it and for that reason alone I feel hitting kids is unacceptable. We we are bigger and stronger than them. They are defenseless. How do you know what's the right amount of physical force? Can you really tell if you've gone over the line? And if you do go over the line how do you feel afterwards?

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

The second you lay your hand on that child is when it becomes unacceptable or abusive. What a sign of weakness.

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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Hm... I think abuse is repeated physical harm that does not include an open hand and that causes lasting marks whether it be burns, bruises, or cuts.

My mother would call my sister and I down from our rooms and when we reached her, we would get her hand in our hair pulling us to the "time out" spot or her nails in our wrists doing the same. Abuse? No. Not to me.

I don't remember ever being smacked or spanked. But both my parents were. By teachers, with rulers, in school. It was a different time, and those things were accepted.

It's where that gets out of hand where I draw the line.

Forgive me for drawing this comparison, but it's all I have because I will never have children. I control my dog with my voice, not my hand. I don't use a choke/pinch collar or electric fence. But I learned everything I possibly could about dog obedience and employed it with him from day 1. If my dog somehow gets out of the house and there is a car hurtling down the street, I want to be able to stop him in his tracks with one word and one tone of voice.

Can this apply to every situation for every other person? Absolutely not. I don't think that my way of doing things is the only way, or the only right way for that matter.

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I was physically and verbally abused by my dad and the perceived offense in my dad's mind DID NOT warrant the abuse I suffered. This thread brought me to tears when I first read it.

I know now that what my dad did to me was not discipline for anything I might have done or not!

I got beat or no reason at all or when at times just because I spoke up to him when he made my sisters cry. Thankfully They NEVER got the physical abuse I did .

I spent many years believing I must have been the most horrible child to be abused like I was.

Walking around with welts on my legs from a whipping with his belt( among other injuries) was very traumatic to me.

Back then was a different time unfortunately. If it happened today my dad would have been in some serious trouble.

I never have laid a hand on my children!

Message edited 7/17/2009 12:12:40 PM.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

When used on an infant or toddler that doesn't yet understand verbal direction or can't possibly be in control of their behavior.

When used for a parent's or care givers own convieience (ie: wants to watch TV, not deal with/play with the child).

When it leaves a bruise, welt (not a mark) or breaks the skin...regardless of the method.

When done in a state of rage or extreme anger.

After the first "whack"...one will get your point across.

When accompanied by screaming, yelling or cursing at the child.

When done about the head, involves multiple body parts and is any physical act beyond an open hand (Punch, choke, kick, twisting of an arm)

Daily or several times a day it's used as a form of discipline or it's the ONLY form of discipline used.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Posted by Phyl

I was physically abused by my dad and the perceived offense in my dad's mind DID NOT warrant the abuse I suffered. This thread brought me to tears when I first read it.

I know now that what my dad did to me was not discipline for anything I might have done or not!

I got beat or no reason at all at times just because I spoke up to him when he made my sisters cry. They NEVER got the physical abuse I did thankfully.

I spent many years believing I must have been the most horrible child to be abused like I was.

Walking around with welts on my legs from a whipping with his belt( among other injuries) was very traumatic to me.

Back then was a different time unfortunately. If it happened today my dad would have been in some serious trouble.

I never have laid a hand on my children!

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Just want to add that the other forms of abuse can be more detrimental to a child's well being and I have witnessed plenty of parents that abhor physical discipline be downright abusive toward their kids in other ways.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children