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JandJ1224
Member since 6/06 5911 total posts
Name:
Jannette
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Always, I don't think its ever ok to hit a child
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Posted 7/17/09 4:22 PM  |
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carlowlou
loving my babies!
Member since 4/08 4594 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by Janice
flip...
not a real flip out at all.
more like being over dramatic, shocked...
like if I am told no.
I will turn off TV or whatever and do a real what did you say to me? are you serious? I can't believe you said that. on and on like that.
my mother was a yeller...I am not really a yeller..I live in a townhouse I don't want to be the gossip at the pool.
he will be sent to his room.
he hates making me mad or sad. he will come out of room and tell me he's sorry and ask if I am happy.
I did this pretty often months ago, I rarely ever do it now.
I just felt like if you make their behavior seem downright wrong and won't be tolerated they won't do it.
that's the way I was raised. I have tons of kids in my family, none of them take tantrums. none of them are really ever hit. but no means no...or else.
maybe he is just a real people pleaser but it works.
he's also on steriods...I won't hit him, the poor kid is out of his own mind at times.
I used to do this ALL the time when I was a first grade teacher. I would act COMPLETELY shocked that a child would behave a certain way...make a big production out of it and carry on about how I could not believe that one of my wonderful students could do something that was out of line or make such a poor choice or whatever. It usually stopped the kids in their tracks because it was a totally different way of reacting to certain behavior than they saw at home. It was actually kind of funny because they would just look at me like,..who IS this drama queen!?!?! 
but it worked great! I had awesome classroom management!
sorry to hijack.
ETA: I dont' believe in physical punishment for a child. I had my fair share of it when I was younger and I definitely believe it contributed to my self esteem issues...although I would not say I was abused.
Message edited 7/17/2009 4:48:56 PM.
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| Posted 7/17/09 4:44 PM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by annoyedTTCer
Teachers are trained to recognize abuse and report it.
Anyone know what standard they use to define abuse?
We had training in our district. We had to report not only for abuse, but also for neglect, etc. But as far as physical abuse goes, we were to make a report when:
-The child told us about being hit, getting the belt, being choked, being touched in certain places, etc.
-We saw suspicious marks on a child (bruises, slap marks, burns, etc.) on more than one occasion (document it and ask questions the first time, document and report it the next)
-If we witnessed the abuse ourselves. This one is more subjective, but then parents usually limited what they did on campus anyway. Personally, I never saw anyone go further than, for example, swat a toddler over a diaper for running away on the playground when they went to pick up older brother or sister... and I certainly did not feel that it warranted a CPS report.
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| Posted 7/17/09 4:56 PM |
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Kara
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Member since 3/07 13217 total posts
Name:
They call me "Tater Salad"
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by Bxgell2
I realize I am probably the minority opinion, but I don't think there is ever a time where physical discipline is acceptable. I just don't think it's necessary...
Agreed 100%. I believe any physical discipline is unacceptable and abusive.
What legally constitutes abuse is another discussion...
Message edited 7/17/2009 5:18:37 PM.
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| Posted 7/17/09 5:15 PM |
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MeeshMosh
last month on leave!
Member since 6/08 4551 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
other than slapping my child on the butt, i would NEVER hit my child
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| Posted 7/17/09 5:34 PM |
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PaddysGirl
Little princess is here!
Member since 4/07 5923 total posts
Name:
Crystal
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
I am not a parent but I have to weigh in from what I experienced and what I have seem.
Hitting bc your child is in or getting into a dangerous situation (running into a street, etc) to me is "acceptable". Just enough to let it be know that that was a very bad offense.
Hitting (with your hand or any other object) for minor infrations, bc a parent is stressed and can not discipline a child in a calm, non physical manner is abusive. Losing control and taking your anger and stress out on a child is abuse.
I was hit over the head with the microwave plate (yes it broke) as a child - that was abuse. Once bc of what was used and bc there was no reason other than my mother was aggravated and didn't know how to discipline w/o violence.
Then there is verbal abuse but thats a whole different topic
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| Posted 7/17/09 7:17 PM |
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beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by Bxgell2
I realize I am probably the minority opinion, but I don't think there is ever a time where physical discipline is acceptable. I just don't think it's necessary...
I agree...It was done to me as a child and I feel that it was totally pointless. There was nothing that I could have done that warranted that. I would never to that to my children.
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| Posted 7/17/09 9:15 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
To me, all physical punishment is unacceptable, but not always abuse. My mother beat me on the butt with a wooden spoon as a child, but she wasn't abusive. When a child is repeatedly hit or beaten on a regular basis, that is abusive.
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| Posted 7/17/09 9:17 PM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by JandJ1224
Always, I don't think its ever ok to hit a child
I agree, I feel that hitting your child is an adult temper tantrum. If you can't hit someone you don't know on the street, how can it be acceptable to hit your child.
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| Posted 7/19/09 1:14 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
I'm struggling to answer this question. I'm not sure where that line is.
Even this:
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Any disciplinary action should be well-thought out, and delivered rationally with the intention to TEACH the child. That can only be done calmly and rationally (even communicating anger - it can be done in a clear way that focuses on the issue at hand)
while it sounds ideal, I think of my ex bf who's father thought out & delivered rationally his "punishments" to teach his children.
His punishments included things like giving his daughter a spoon to make her eat her vomit after she got carsick, making his son stand for hours & hours because he didn't do one chore. There were things that were clear abuse - beatings until they were unconscious shattering a glass at them, etc, but those were his well thought out, delivered rationally intentions to teach his children.
I guess for me the answer to when is it abuse is I'd determine it on a case by case basis.
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| Posted 7/19/09 7:31 AM |
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beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'm struggling to answer this question. I'm not sure where that line is.
Even this:
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Any disciplinary action should be well-thought out, and delivered rationally with the intention to TEACH the child. That can only be done calmly and rationally (even communicating anger - it can be done in a clear way that focuses on the issue at hand)
while it sounds ideal, I think of my ex bf who's father thought out & delivered rationally his "punishments" to teach his children.
His punishments included things like giving his daughter a spoon to make her eat her vomit after she got carsick, making his son stand for hours & hours because he didn't do one chore. There were things that were clear abuse - beatings until they were unconscious shattering a glass at them, etc, but those were his well thought out, delivered rationally intentions to teach his children.
I guess for me the answer to when is it abuse is I'd determine it on a case by case basis.
This is awful...I feel so bad for those kids
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| Posted 7/19/09 8:29 AM |
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Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
just wondering...if you only hit if they are in danger...aren't you still a bully?
aren't you still teaching them that hitting is okay at times?
isn't fear fueling the hit?
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| Posted 7/19/09 8:34 AM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'm struggling to answer this question. I'm not sure where that line is.
Even this:
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Any disciplinary action should be well-thought out, and delivered rationally with the intention to TEACH the child. That can only be done calmly and rationally (even communicating anger - it can be done in a clear way that focuses on the issue at hand)
while it sounds ideal, I think of my ex bf who's father thought out & delivered rationally his "punishments" to teach his children.
His punishments included things like giving his daughter a spoon to make her eat her vomit after she got carsick, making his son stand for hours & hours because he didn't do one chore. There were things that were clear abuse - beatings until they were unconscious shattering a glass at them, etc, but those were his well thought out, delivered rationally intentions to teach his children.
I guess for me the answer to when is it abuse is I'd determine it on a case by case basis.
I feel the same Barb.
I know several parents who have used physical punishment - and according to people on here they should be considered child abusers - but I just can't reconcile that line of thought. I wasn't hit as a child, but I know Rob's mother had spanked him once or twice. I also remember a time that my own mother swatted my son's hands away from the baby's face. I simply cannot think that either of these ladies were 'child abusers' for their actions.
I also know some 'parents' who don't use physical punishment but love to scream and call their kids names to discipline them.
So case by case it goes. I guess I'd have to know more than just a single fact to make a judgement and asking the question without facts is an exercise in futility.
Message edited 7/19/2009 8:38:24 AM.
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| Posted 7/19/09 8:36 AM |
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chrisnjoe8108
He's 1!
Member since 8/08 5649 total posts
Name:
Chris
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by Bxgell2
I realize I am probably the minority opinion, but I don't think there is ever a time where physical discipline is acceptable. I just don't think it's necessary...
ITA with this
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| Posted 7/19/09 8:50 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by Janice
just wondering...if you only hit if they are in danger...aren't you still a bully?
aren't you still teaching them that hitting is okay at times?
isn't fear fueling the hit?
I can only answer for myself but if my child runs into the street or touches a stove, a swat on the hand will hopefully make her not do it again, she does not get swatted for anything esle so she knows we mean "business" when that happens
if that makes me a bully, so be it 
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| Posted 7/19/09 10:14 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
I think this is a very subjective question. what seems excessive to me, may not be to someone else - and vice versa.
my Dad never physically disciplined my 2 sisters and I. He would yell so loud the neighbors would probably jump, but he never hit us.
my Mom very rarely smacked us - and believe me, when she did, it was WELL deserved
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| Posted 7/19/09 11:06 AM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by Mikismom
Posted by Janice
just wondering...if you only hit if they are in danger...aren't you still a bully?
aren't you still teaching them that hitting is okay at times?
isn't fear fueling the hit?
I can only answer for myself but if my child runs into the street or touches a stove, a swat on the hand will hopefully make her not do it again, she does not get swatted for anything esle so she knows we mean "business" when that happens
I agree. The only time I've ever hit one of my DDs is when the little one (quite recently) ran away from me in a parking lot and came thisclose to getting hit by a van. I slapped her hand several times pretty hard and hopefully I scared the wits out of her.
I think you are just playing devil's advocate Janice, so the following is not directed toward you. If anyone had seen me doing this in the parking lot, I could not care any less about it and I would not care for one minute who thought what of me.
As for the original question...I don't know the answer to that and would have to agree with those that said they'd have to look at the individual case. I would say, however, that anything that is hard enough to leave a mark does seem quite excessive to me.
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| Posted 7/19/09 11:18 AM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
I guarantee that my parents were hit when they were growing up. The only one of the 4 kids in my family who recalls being hit is my oldest sister. The rest of us were never hit.
I'd like to think I'd never hit my children, but who knows. I was never hit. I know I was never hit because all Mom had to do was LOOK at me and I ran the other way. She used words and sometimes she didn't.
That being said, as a mandated reporter of abuse and neglect, I am trained to know what abuse and neglect is. It is part of my license and continuing education to keep my job. I report every bump, scratch, hangnail EVERYTHING. Why? Because I remember when I was a teenager seeing when Lisa Steinberg was killed all over the news and cried for her.
I am not going to sit and list tell tale signs of abuse. It isn't all that hard to figure out. All I can say is that if you suspect it, mandated reporter or not, report it. I see first hand what the after effects of physical, verbal and sexual abuse can do to a child and I have cried over it one too many times.
I have been in the presence of children (at work) who have run into the street. Our staff is trained to do wraps and holds LEGALLY. I distinctly remember one time when a student was held (for his safety) and an onlooker was calling out "You can't do that to him!" Ok fine. Let the kid go, get hit by a car and then that same person will cry foul and neglect. You can't win either way. I have also had people wait for me to leave a room before they "discipline" their children because they know what I do and they know I report.
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| Posted 7/19/09 12:30 PM |
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annoyedTTCer
LIF Adult
Member since 4/09 3272 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by nrthshgrl
I'm struggling to answer this question. I'm not sure where that line is.
Even this:
Posted by lipglossjunky73
Any disciplinary action should be well-thought out, and delivered rationally with the intention to TEACH the child. That can only be done calmly and rationally (even communicating anger - it can be done in a clear way that focuses on the issue at hand)
while it sounds ideal, I think of my ex bf who's father thought out & delivered rationally his "punishments" to teach his children.
His punishments included things like giving his daughter a spoon to make her eat her vomit after she got carsick, making his son stand for hours & hours because he didn't do one chore. There were things that were clear abuse - beatings until they were unconscious shattering a glass at them, etc, but those were his well thought out, delivered rationally intentions to teach his children.
I guess for me the answer to when is it abuse is I'd determine it on a case by case basis.
"His punishments included things like giving his daughter a spoon to make her eat her vomit after she got carsick,"
Sounds like father of the year material to me
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| Posted 7/20/09 12:41 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children
Posted by annoyedTTCer
"His punishments included things like giving his daughter a spoon to make her eat her vomit after she got carsick,"
Sounds like father of the year material to me
I know. Disgusting. I met the dad once while I was dating my ex-bf.
Out of 4 kids, only 1 speaks to him. It was a sick situation. The father was/still is? a dentist & he used to prescribe so many antibiotics to avoid infections from the burns/welts he inflicted on them, their teeth are a mess.
The happy ending is that the cycle of abuse was broken with the children. But the psychological damage he inflicted was such a shame to witness firsthand.
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| Posted 7/20/09 1:00 PM |
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