Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Posted by Nik211

Posted by BaseballWidow

When used on an infant or toddler that doesn't yet understand verbal direction or can't possibly be in control of their behavior.

When used for a parent's or care givers own convieience (ie: wants to watch TV, not deal with/play with the child).

When it leaves a bruise, welt (not a mark) or breaks the skin...regardless of the method.

When done in a state of rage or extreme anger.

After the first "whack"...one will get your point across.

When accompanied by screaming, yelling or cursing at the child.

When done about the head, involves multiple body parts and is any physical act beyond an open hand (Punch, choke, kick, twisting of an arm)

Daily or several times a day it's used as a form of discipline or it's the ONLY form of discipline used.

by those standards i was def abused

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Anything other than a tap is too much in my opinion.

I don't believe in hitting the face/head. The head is a "fragile" organ.

I think a tap on hand or bottom is plenty to make your point across. If your kid does not get it, where does it go? You hit even harder? To what point?

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

I don't know, but I'll start with:

Closed fisted, kicking, anything other than an open handing hit.

If it's repetitive-i.e. more than one swat on the butt or slap across the mouth.

If it's with an instrument-belt, hanger, shoe, etc.

If it leaves a mark/bruise/welt or draws blood.

I don't hit, but if I saw the above, it would give me pause as I contemplate taking action.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

smack on hand
smack on rear

I am not a "timeout" mom.

I think its nonsense. I am not spending all day sitting my kid in his special seat for 2 minutes.

I think words like excited, spirited, and overstimulated are used these days instead of the word fresh.

I tell you when I am at the park or on playdates, the most well behaved kids are the born again christians...sparing the rod, spoiling the child types.

People commented all the time how great josh and my babysitting kid where. Listened, good boys. I treated them like people. Gave full on attention, did something fun everyday. They respect me since I respect them. no tantrums or anything...if the word no is said, I flip.

It would take my kid one time to "test his boundries" with me. I think life is so much more simple then all these books make it.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

flip...

not a real flip out at all.

more like being over dramatic, shocked...

like if I am told no.

I will turn off TV or whatever and do a real what did you say to me? are you serious? I can't believe you said that. on and on like that.

my mother was a yeller...I am not really a yeller..I live in a townhouse I don't want to be the gossip at the pool.

he will be sent to his room.

he hates making me mad or sad. he will come out of room and tell me he's sorry and ask if I am happy.

I did this pretty often months ago, I rarely ever do it now.

I just felt like if you make their behavior seem downright wrong and won't be tolerated they won't do it.

that's the way I was raised. I have tons of kids in my family, none of them take tantrums. none of them are really ever hit. but no means no...or else.

maybe he is just a real people pleaser but it works.

he's also on steriods...I won't hit him, the poor kid is out of his own mind at times.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Posted by Janice

flip...

not a real flip out at all.

more like being over dramatic, shocked...

like if I am told no.

I will turn off TV or whatever and do a real what did you say to me? are you serious? I can't believe you said that. on and on like that.

my mother was a yeller...I am not really a yeller..I live in a townhouse I don't want to be the gossip at the pool.

he will be sent to his room.

he hates making me mad or sad. he will come out of room and tell me he's sorry and ask if I am happy.

I did this pretty often months ago, I rarely ever do it now.

I just felt like if you make their behavior seem downright wrong and won't be tolerated they won't do it.

that's the way I was raised. I have tons of kids in my family, none of them take tantrums. none of them are really ever hit. but no means no...or else.

maybe he is just a real people pleaser but it works.

he's also on steriods...I won't hit him, the poor kid is out of his own mind at times.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

eta: wanted to add, my DH is not into hitting at all.

I respect that and limit physical contact.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Teachers are trained to recognize abuse and report it.

Anyone know what standard they use to define abuse?

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with a slap on the hand or behind but to a certain point.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

When I was younger, I would occassionally push my mother to a point where she would whip out the belt and threaten me...I would continue to push her and eventually got whipped. I don't think it was abuse...I wasn't scared or anything, but once I got my @zz whooped, I knew I pushed her too far. I knew I was doing wrong but to me that wasn't discpiling...I would feel bad and apologize at the end.

Now that I am a parent though, I would never resort to physical discipline bc I feel like it doesn't accomplish anything, it doesn't prove a point, it just makes the child (as it was in my case) more spiteful (and my mom was the most easy going parent and still is).

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Personally, I would never hit a child. As a psychology doctoral student, I wanted to add a few things about physical discipline that can be harmful to children.

Physical discipline teaches children that aggression solves problems, and the biggest, more powerful person wins. Children who are recipients of corporal punishment are more likely to be aggressive as adolescents. Lower levels of discipline may lose their effectiveness, and punishment can become more violent and dangerous. Adults are more likely to respond out of rage and have difficulty gauging intensity, which can lead to injuries.

I'm not a parent yet, but I have had personal and clinical experience with children and families. I know different cultures have different beliefs about discipline/parenting, but generally, this is what the research shows.

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

As a child who was raised with EXTREME physical (not to mention emotional and verbal abuse) I will say this:

I will only lay a hand on cailen to make a point regarding a dangerous situation. I have yet to hit him, but if he runs into the street and I yell stop and he doesn't, I plan to give him one large butt wallop and yell at him - because I want to teach him to fear running into a street like hell.

So, if its a toss up between a situation that can potentially kill him and a wallop - it will be a wallop.

Other than that, I will NEVER raise my voice more than a stern tone, or lay one hand on him.

I think regarduing other people, one contact with hand to tush is not abuse.

The following to me I consider abusive:

Hand to face (even once)
Hand to bare skin
More than three hits to the tush (it only takes one to teach a lesson - after that it is aboutt he parent's anger, not what the child did "wrong")

Personally, I think any behavior that comes from an irrational and angry place within the parent has the potential to turn into an abusive situation that can permanently damage the child's well being.

Any disciplinary action should be well-thought out, and delivered rationally with the intention to TEACH the child. That can only be done calmly and rationally (even communicating anger - it can be done in a clear way that focuses on the issue at hand)

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

I do believe in disciplining children but not to a physical extent beyond a slap on the tush or hand, grabbing the arm if running away/in a dangerous situation. I would never think that excessive force, using objects, etc. I think there are other ways to express to a child that their actions were incorrect.

I was disciplined by a slap on the butt every once in a while as a kid, once I had a tantrum so bad as a teenager my mom poured cold water on my head to calm me down! Nothing ever beyond that. And to me, it sticks with me because we all laugh about the time Dad slapped me on the butt all way up the stairs to my room!

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Posted by lipglossjunky73


More than three hits to the tush (it only takes one to teach a lesson - after that it is aboutt he parent's anger, not what the child did "wrong")
QUOTE]

Ohh I totally agree! I see that a lot and it makes me

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Posted by Phyl

I was physically and verbally abused by my dad and the perceived offense in my dad's mind DID NOT warrant the abuse I suffered. This thread brought me to tears when I first read it.

I know now that what my dad did to me was not discipline for anything I might have done or not!

I got beat or no reason at all or when at times just because I spoke up to him when he made my sisters cry. Thankfully They NEVER got the physical abuse I did .

I spent many years believing I must have been the most horrible child to be abused like I was.

Walking around with welts on my legs from a whipping with his belt( among other injuries) was very traumatic to me.

Back then was a different time unfortunately. If it happened today my dad would have been in some serious trouble.

I never have laid a hand on my children!

Re: Spinoff to Hitting Children

Message edited 11/29/2011 6:48:59 PM.