The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

I am Jewish. I have been to non jewish funerals, and from a VERY afar, seen the peple laid out in the casket. I understand that its not my custom, and I'm not used to it. I understand that it is others customs and is supposed to...heal? Help with the greiveing?

I am having a hard time wording how I feel, so I am going to be very blunt about it. I mean no disrespect, I don't. I just want to say what I'm thinking in an honest way.

How does seeing your murdered, dead, 6 year old child's body give you comfort?

Can people who's faith that have open caskets tell me why? And when the death was so tragic, why still? And how that brings comfort? Or what its SUPPOSED to do? I ask these as honest questions.

Thanks.

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

I am Catholic but don't know the reason for open caskets. They do make me very sad, and seeing a child would send me over the edge. I think we can pay respect without having to see them. Some people have different levels of comfort.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

It's really the family's choosing...if that is what the family wants I will respect their decision.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

I'm Christian and not a fan of the custom at all (just my opion, not speaking for anyone else!)

It's my understanding that it's to give a "last look" to say goodbye. But, I don't like it. The people never look the 'same' and funeral homes in general freak me out.

Again, not to offend, just my opinion.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

As a parent the grief would already be insurmountable - seeing my baby would not make it more so for me. I would want to see my child's face one more time and touch him/ her for the last time.

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

I agree with PP. I am a non-practicing Catholic and I don't understand it. I hate going to a wake knowing I am going to see a dead body.

That is not the image I want in my head of that person, especially a child.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

i don't know the 'real' reason for it, but i always assumed it was so people could really and truly accept that someone was dead because they're 'forced' to see them. Maybe it helps with closure?

i honestly don't know. i'm not a fan of it personally

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

I think it's a personal preference of either the deceased or the next of kin so to speak. I've been to both open and closed caskets. I guess to some it gives closure and they can say goodbye the way they want to

Personally I think if my DS (god forbid) was in this situation I would want the casket open so I could stroke his sweet face and kiss his forehead goodbye.

Message edited 12/18/2012 3:26:58 PM.

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

Sometimes it is a cultural reason, sometimes it is religious. For others it is custom or the norm for their families to do so. People grieve differently and may want to see their loved ones for one last time. If the person passed away in a tragic manner or setting, seeing their loved one dressed up as they remembered can help put them at peace.

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

I've pretty much only been to funerals that had open caskets so it just felt like the norm to me, old or young it's just how it was. I've never considered the reason "why" so much as much as it is as normal to me as a closed casket may be to you. I think it gives a sense of closure. My DH's grandfather died we put a photo of us with his cousin and his cousin's fiance in the casket that the five of us had taken together. It helped DH & his cousin feel like a "piece" of them went with him. I think for many it's comforting to see their loved one one last time especially if there has been a period of time they haven't seen that person.
I think for me it would be very strange to not see the person. I have been to a funeral for a child who died of cancer and it was hard of course but that came with the territory.
I remember DH's grandmother at his other grandfather's funeral fixing his suit jacket and what not. In many ways it was the last time she got to fuss over him and care for him.
The one time an open casket bothered me was when my best friend died. I think what bothered me though was that she was in a girly pink dress and she was never a girly girl so I felt it looked very unnatural and so unlike her.
HTH! Sorry it was long.

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

I don't think it is a practice of certain religions, it is more of a personal preference of the family or the deceased.

I've been to plenty of Catholic funerals where the caskets were closed at the request of the deceased or because the family wanted it like that.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

I look at is as: It's the last time you're ever going to "see" that person.
I've been to a lot of wakes/funerals where the families were ok until the casket is getting lowered into the ground and they lose it. It's the finality of it all.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

I don't know the reason for open vs. closed.
For my mom, we did open casket. I asked that her glasses be put on because the glasses were a big part of her look - she couldn't see without them.
My sister and I were able to put trinkets inside - two Swedish tomte figurines because mom loved Christmas, a family picture, a card from us, a lace hanky.

My MIL was closed, because she was not embalmed according to Jewish law. We did open for a private viewing, at which point we tucked in some casino chips, a fifth of Dewar's Scotch, and one of her hand crocheted shawls.

I guess for me personally, I want that last look to say a prayer over and to say goodbye.

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

Open caskets always make me uncomfortable. I think people want to see their loved one one last time. But for me, as others have stated, they never look like themselves and it just ends up upsetting me more. That's just me. I'm sure for some people it's comforting to have a last goodbye.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

The funerals start. Can Christians explain

Well its one last chance to see them.. and accept them as gone. For many its that finality that they are gone and they need it - to say good bye face to face. When my grandma died she had an open casket. I hadn't seen her in a week. But she looked peaceful. They did a very good job. My friends from 9/11 were all closed casket. Some because they were jewish, some had no bodies to bury, some were only parts.

I think it could also do with having that as their last image. Not one of a crying child or a fearful child but of a peaceful child. You want to put that image in your mind and hold it as their last image. The ones of laughter, love and life. But in death you want to remember them as peaceful. I think with this tragedy that some may 'need' it.

Its not a religious thing per se. Its a way to handle grief some will and some won't.

Its closure.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

I'm catholic and I don't care for it either. I'd rather remember the people I love the way they were...but I guess at the same time some people have a hard time letting go. They may still want to kiss and caress their loved one even if it's in a casket. It kind of creeps me out a bit although I'm used to seeing it, as many if not most of the wakes I have been to are open casket. One thing that your post made me think of is...as much as I may think it creeps me out...if it were my own son...I'd probably be hanging all over that casket and wanting to hold my baby just a moment longer. But more often than not the way you see them in that casket bears no resemblance to the vibrant memory of them.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

I don't care for it either but that is what I've grown up with. I believe its to give people that one last chace to say goodbye.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

it comes from old traditions where you viewed the body to ensure proper person is going where they need to go and to have a final goodbye.

i even have family photos next to the casket for some relatives. My family just stopped doing them after my great aunt's death about 10 years ago. So now we are slowly stopping the open caskets at wakes now.

I do think in cases of trauma its truly best for a closed casket. You really don't want your last memory of that person to be heavily puttied or makeup.I have seen putty faces and its very much not the last vision you want.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

It's a personal choice, and while it's never the way I want to remember the deceased, I understand how it brings some sort of closure and acceptance. I don't think it's any less hard with a closed casket knowing your baby is inside but you can't physically see them.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

It is a chance to say good bye and see them for the last time.Yes it is hard, but I'm not a fan of a closed casket as I feel there is no closure. You are saying goodbye to a box.

In a case of a child just seeing a small casket breaks your heart. I can't imagine what that is like.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

I think for some people, it brings a sense of closure to actually see a loved one dead.

As everyone said, it's a personal preference. For me, I'd rather not have that as my last memory.

One tradition that I'm glad passed is having death photos.

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?

Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?