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BunnyWife
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BunnyWife
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by Nifheim
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Paramount
Posted by nrthshgrl
One tradition that I'm glad passed is having death photos.
What is a death photo?????
I THINK she is referring to where they would take a picture of the body in the coffin before they close it and bury.
As like a reminder.
I know my dad has some pictures from years and years ago of dead relatives in a coffin.
It always creeped me out to see it.
As I stated - my family always had a family portrait done by the casket, and photos of the casket itself. There are a few funeral homes that offer the service because its really not an american tradition anymore.
Post mortem photos were done generally because it may be one of a few if not the only photo of the deceased. Victorian post mortem's are creepily beautiful..Photos
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Posted 12/18/12 5:21 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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KristenRSF
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/10 487 total posts
Name:
Kris
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The funerals start. Can Christians explain
My father was terminally ill for 7 months with Stage 4 stomach cancer. The last visions I had of him were in a hospice bed, breathing every minute or so. He was 85 lbs. He looked terrible, he didn't look like my Daddy. Of course I had memories of him when he was healthy and looked like Dad, but sometimes that all gets wiped away when you see someone you love so much, suffer so much, and look worse than you could ever imagine they would look. When my father was laid out and I got to the funeral home, I looked at him in his casket and call me crazy but he looked free, peaceful, at rest, with no pain. Some of us need that last look. I was able to touch him, kiss his forehead and say goodbye to him forever. Some people need it, some people don't, some thinks it's crazy. But I knew the moment I saw him that his spirit was finally free.
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| Posted 12/18/12 5:30 PM |
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
I think it depends on how they died . To me, people I seen who died from cancer looked horrific at their wakes. My mom died when I was 9 years old from lung cancer and she looked nothing like herself, they had to put on so much bright colored makeup to make her any way presentable, she looked like a clown. My family actually has photos of her, which I came across later in my teens and it was very traumatizing. I do appreicate the Victorian death photos, they seem way more tasteful & beautiful but modern day casket photos I am not in favor of. My cousin who hung himself looked horrible as well.
All the other many open casket wakes I been to, the person would look amazing , like 20 years younger. I never been to a wake for a person killed or accident so I cant speak from that experience. But as far as children, as a parent I would need to see my baby no matter what. There was only 1 child death in my family in my time which was a stillborn but only the parents attended the wake while everyone everyone else was allowed to attend the church/burial.
I actually have grown interest in home wakes/ funerals ( the old tradition that is pretty much not practiced anymore) Taking care of your own family member after death I think it would help most with coming to terms with saying goodbye to the body . It was common practice into the 1940's I believe. Thats what I would choose for me and my family if I could. Im on the fence about embalming after much research but I know husband doesnt want to be which i know i will struggle with when the time comes. I have a huge interest in a career in the funeral business mainly to do makeup after my experience with my mother but after talking to funeral directors Ive learned you basicly have to do everything, it's a all in one job which I am not sure I could handle but also worried it might make me grow cold about dealing with death.
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| Posted 12/18/12 10:18 PM |
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
This is an AMAZING documentary from PBS frontlines about the funeral business and also documents a story dealing with a death of a child. It's wonderfully done and sheds alot of light.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/undertaking/view/
Message edited 12/18/2012 11:17:02 PM.
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:16 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by BunnyWife
Posted by Nifheim
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Paramount
Posted by nrthshgrl
One tradition that I'm glad passed is having death photos.
What is a death photo?????
I THINK she is referring to where they would take a picture of the body in the coffin before they close it and bury.
As like a reminder.
I know my dad has some pictures from years and years ago of dead relatives in a coffin.
It always creeped me out to see it.
As I stated - my family always had a family portrait done by the casket, and photos of the casket itself. There are a few funeral homes that offer the service because its really not an american tradition anymore.
Post mortem photos were done generally because it may be one of a few if not the only photo of the deceased. Victorian post mortem's are creepily beautiful..Photos
My family does this. Creeps me out. It's very popular in the Hispanic community
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| Posted 12/18/12 11:18 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
I think the open casket comes from the old tradition of the "wake"..they were waiting to see if the person was going to "wake up' before modern medicine stepped in to confirm a death. I'm totally pulling that out of my butt though. I've heard that but I don't know if that's true.
I think it all REALLy depends on your tradition and what you're used to. My ILs didn't want to let DH (we were in HS at the time) come to my grandma's wake because he's a Kohein and can't be in the same room with a dead body or something. It also just freaked him out at first. I'm not the most comfortable with it, and I'd rather not see the dead body all the time honestly, but I'm used to it since it's the tradition in my background.
I've been to closed casket Catholic wakes and what was because the person died in a really horrific manner and I'm sure the body was disfiured. That will likely be the case for some of these wakes.
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| Posted 12/19/12 11:14 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
I haven't been to that many funerals in my life, but the ones I have, were always open caskets. I honestly wouldn't have thought people had closed ones, unless the person was unrecognizable.
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| Posted 12/19/12 11:16 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by JenniferEver
I think the open casket comes from the old tradition of the "wake"..they were waiting to see if the person was going to "wake up' before modern medicine stepped in to confirm a death. I'm totally pulling that out of my butt though. I've heard that but I don't know if that's true.
I have heard the same thing. I think that is where the tradition came from, but now it is done for closure.
It isn't always done, if the body was visibly damaged (like a bad accident). It is always up to the family.
And to the OP, if it makes you feel better, a lot of Christians who grew up with the tradition aren't comfortable with it either. My DH never goes up to the casket to say goodbye.
I have also been to a wake, were a Jewish friend of the daughter of the deceased came to the funeral home, but not into the room. Someone told the daughter that he was there & she went out to meet him & he offered his condolences from the lobby, since it was against his beliefs to be in the room with the body.
Message edited 12/19/2012 12:05:52 PM.
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| Posted 12/19/12 12:01 PM |
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mrsh2010
To travel is to live.
Member since 7/09 1679 total posts
Name:
Celia
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
I just buried my dad last week and we had an open casket for him. To us it helped with closure. I found comfort in seeing him one last time and seeing him at peace and not in pain anymore.
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| Posted 12/19/12 12:09 PM |
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BklynBabe12
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/12 561 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Funerals always are uncomfortable for others, whether it be closed or open casket, shiva or just showing support.
Catholics used to have their wakes in the house, in the living room years ago. Most the Catholics I know, hate the wakes, its truly, truly torture to sit there for either a day or two with the deceased member in front of you.
However, having the open casket allows family members to feel at peace when its time to say goodbye. Closed caskets from my experience means that the body was not viewable.
I wish Catholics could do a shiva, not thats any better, but to have to sit there with the body there is just God awful.
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| Posted 12/19/12 12:14 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by mrsh2010
I just buried my dad last week and we had an open casket for him. To us it helped with closure. I found comfort in seeing him one last time and seeing him at peace and not in pain anymore.
I"m sorry for your loss
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| Posted 12/19/12 12:33 PM |
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mrsh2010
To travel is to live.
Member since 7/09 1679 total posts
Name:
Celia
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Thank you 
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:00 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by BklynBabe12
I wish Catholics could do a shiva, not thats any better, but to have to sit there with the body there is just God awful.
I really like the idea of a shiva. Instead of a wake where you have to get up, get all dressed up and essentially act the host, I like the idea of just being surrounded with that love and support for 7 days.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:03 PM |
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Arieschick29
aries+cancer= pisces&gemini
Member since 3/06 4268 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by BklynBabe12
I wish Catholics could do a shiva, not thats any better, but to have to sit there with the body there is just God awful.
I really like the idea of a shiva. Instead of a wake where you have to get up, get all dressed up and essentially act the host, I like the idea of just being surrounded with that love and support for 7 days.
I'm Christian but I don't think I could/ would want to stretch out my grieving for 7 days.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:07 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by Arieschick29
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by BklynBabe12
I wish Catholics could do a shiva, not thats any better, but to have to sit there with the body there is just God awful.
I really like the idea of a shiva. Instead of a wake where you have to get up, get all dressed up and essentially act the host, I like the idea of just being surrounded with that love and support for 7 days.
I'm Christian but I don't think I could/ would want to stretch out my grieving for 7 days.
I can see that, but you're not greiving the whole time. it's not like a wake where you're sitting there in front of the casket. It's much more casual and you do have time to just sit and talk to people. i do think houseguests for 7 days is hard. You sometimes need a vacation from that.
One thing I like about it is that it happens AFTER the funeral. I always feel like things are so hard right after you bury someone, and that's , at least in the catholic tradition, when everyone is gone who was at the wake. This way you come home from the funeral and you still have support. it's VERY tiring though. That could also just be my in-laws though. I've had some horrible experiences at shiva, particularly for my FIL which I will never forget. But I'll never forget the support everyone gave as well.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:12 PM |
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Celt
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Member since 4/08 7758 total posts
Name:
colette
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
My Mom's wake is going to be held tomorrow. We are Catholic, the tradition is an open casket. However, one of the ONLY things my mother ever said about when her time came was that she did NOT want an open casket. She went to every wake she had to go to, and always always hated that tradition and considered it brutal for both the family and the attendees. Hated it. So we will honor her request. We will have our private time with her, with the casket opened for us. We will have one last look at her beautiful face, and tuck in our relics and touch her hands. And then we will say goodbye and close the lid and know that's what she wanted. The funeral home will be a place of love, and people will remember as they will, and she would love it if those memories were of her ALIVE so that's what we hope for too.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:14 PM |
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Eunyboo
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Member since 7/12 4376 total posts
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E
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by colette
My Mom's wake is going to be held tomorrow. We are Catholic, the tradition is an open casket. However, one of the ONLY things my mother ever said about when her time came was that she did NOT want an open casket. She went to every wake she had to go to, and always always hated that tradition and considered it brutal for both the family and the attendees. Hated it. So we will honor her request. We will have our private time with her, with the casket opened for us. We will have one last look at her beautiful face, and tuck in our relics and touch her hands. And then we will say goodbye and close the lid and know that's what she wanted. The funeral home will be a place of love, and people will remember as they will, and she would love it if those memories were of her ALIVE so that's what we hope for too.
I'm sorry Colette.. my deepest condolences. I'll keep you & your family in my prayers. 
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:40 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by colette
My Mom's wake is going to be held tomorrow. We are Catholic, the tradition is an open casket. However, one of the ONLY things my mother ever said about when her time came was that she did NOT want an open casket. She went to every wake she had to go to, and always always hated that tradition and considered it brutal for both the family and the attendees. Hated it. So we will honor her request. We will have our private time with her, with the casket opened for us. We will have one last look at her beautiful face, and tuck in our relics and touch her hands. And then we will say goodbye and close the lid and know that's what she wanted. The funeral home will be a place of love, and people will remember as they will, and she would love it if those memories were of her ALIVE so that's what we hope for too.
I am so so sorry, Colette.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:43 PM |
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mrsh2010
To travel is to live.
Member since 7/09 1679 total posts
Name:
Celia
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by colette
My Mom's wake is going to be held tomorrow. We are Catholic, the tradition is an open casket. However, one of the ONLY things my mother ever said about when her time came was that she did NOT want an open casket. She went to every wake she had to go to, and always always hated that tradition and considered it brutal for both the family and the attendees. Hated it. So we will honor her request. We will have our private time with her, with the casket opened for us. We will have one last look at her beautiful face, and tuck in our relics and touch her hands. And then we will say goodbye and close the lid and know that's what she wanted. The funeral home will be a place of love, and people will remember as they will, and she would love it if those memories were of her ALIVE so that's what we hope for too.
Im so sorry for your loss Colette.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:47 PM |
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MrsA714
Baby #2 is here!
Member since 8/07 8806 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by colette
My Mom's wake is going to be held tomorrow. We are Catholic, the tradition is an open casket. However, one of the ONLY things my mother ever said about when her time came was that she did NOT want an open casket. She went to every wake she had to go to, and always always hated that tradition and considered it brutal for both the family and the attendees. Hated it. So we will honor her request. We will have our private time with her, with the casket opened for us. We will have one last look at her beautiful face, and tuck in our relics and touch her hands. And then we will say goodbye and close the lid and know that's what she wanted. The funeral home will be a place of love, and people will remember as they will, and she would love it if those memories were of her ALIVE so that's what we hope for too.
So sorry for your loss
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:48 PM |
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Paramount
Sweet!
Member since 7/12 4287 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by Arieschick29
Posted by JenniferEver
Posted by BklynBabe12
I wish Catholics could do a shiva, not thats any better, but to have to sit there with the body there is just God awful.
I really like the idea of a shiva. Instead of a wake where you have to get up, get all dressed up and essentially act the host, I like the idea of just being surrounded with that love and support for 7 days.
I'm Christian but I don't think I could/ would want to stretch out my grieving for 7 days.
Thats SO interesting you say that...because i never thought of it in that regard.
Depending on how religious you are you dont sit all 7 days. We sat for 5 with my grandparents.
But its NOT about greiving for 7 days. its about being with friends and family and remembering the lost loved one. Its visiting, and laughing. And yes, crying. And it gives everyone the chance to come and pay respects. I think thats where thr tradition comes from. In the "old days" people could not get to a funeral. So you sat shivah so everyone who wanted to pay their respects could.
I cant fathom just 4 hours. Calling hours from 2-4 and 6-8. Thats it. So its VERY interesting.
What a great insite into how things work in others cultures and religions.
Message edited 12/19/2012 2:52:24 PM.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:52 PM |
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tryin4baby3
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/12 425 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Posted by Xelindrya
Well its one last chance to see them.. and accept them as gone. For many its that finality that they are gone and they need it - to say good bye face to face. When my grandma died she had an open casket. I hadn't seen her in a week. But she looked peaceful. They did a very good job. My friends from 9/11 were all closed casket. Some because they were jewish, some had no bodies to bury, some were only parts.
I think it could also do with having that as their last image. Not one of a crying child or a fearful child but of a peaceful child. You want to put that image in your mind and hold it as their last image. The ones of laughter, love and life. But in death you want to remember them as peaceful. I think with this tragedy that some may 'need' it.
Its not a religious thing per se. Its a way to handle grief some will and some won't.
Its closure.
This is what I think, too.
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| Posted 12/19/12 2:57 PM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
i am catholic and i dislike open caskets. i have been to my grandparents' wake and they did not look the same as i remembered them. i got even more emotional seeing their bodies. so if it were my decision i would do closed caskets. if it were my DS i dont even know how i would react seeing him in there. oh my gosh it pains me just to think about. our families don't do the dead photo, but a picture of the person that died on a prayer card.
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| Posted 12/19/12 4:16 PM |
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beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
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Me
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
I am Catholic and it provides me with a great deal of closure. Before my Grandmother's funeral we went to say good bye to her one last time at the funeral home and was able to give her one last kiss goodbye.
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| Posted 12/19/12 4:23 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
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Ang
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Re: The funerals start. Can Christians explain "open caskets" to me?
Im so sorry Collette
Like Collette said, part of the reason we have open caskets at wakes is because some people like to put things in the casket to be buried with the person.
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| Posted 12/19/12 4:26 PM |
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