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MikesBride
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 1245 total posts
Name:
Ilana
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by Pomegranate5
This article should have been written anonymously.
I don't understand or relate to anything about this woman, but she is entitled to her feelings.
I disagree. I thonk its very brave of her to come out and say this and own up to it. She had children at a time when there was immense social pressure to do so. It's just what you did, people couldn't imagine anything else. I think my ILs probably woulf have been better off not having children, they are of the same generation.
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Posted 4/12/13 11:51 AM  |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by AScottWolf
Ok, now that I'm awake I can fully respond to this.
I think it's important to state and understand that love/caring, bonding, attachment are independent of one another. You don't have to have one in order to have another.
I don't question this mother's love for her children. I belive she never developed that innate attachment with them that most of us have no control over anyway.
It was a choice to have children. It wasn't a choice to not build an attachment with them. However, regardless of her attachment style (which is all this really boils down to) she obviously co-parented with her husband and raised 2 grown, successful adults. Her daughter shares her mothers views on children but also had enough trust in her relationship with her mother that she felt comfortable enough to discuss the fact that her mom never said, "I love you."
As for the fact that she thought it was selfish to have only 1 child, my mother believes the same thing (and I am an only child but that was out of her control). At least for me, I'm viewing that statement as, "it's not fair to my child to not have a sibling to grow up with and share experiences with etc." I don't think she was talking about herself at all. Although others could argue differently which I can understand too. I think she had the second child because apparently her relationship with her husband was solid enough, and he picked up the weight that she "couldn't" (not wouldn't) that she felt confident in how this child would be raised.
From how this article is written, it wouldn't surprise me if she's been in therapy for years with these issues. She knew the feelings she had weren't "normal". She knew this isn't how things "should" be. I wouldn't be surprised if this article was actually part of her therapy.
As for publically writting this and not keeping it anonymous, I don't know. It seems like this family is pretty open with their feelings for one another (good and bad) and this isn't anything that the "kids" haven't heard before. It also wouldn't surprise me if they were all in family therapy together at some point.
Oh, as for her son's birth. I'm making a BIG assumption here (but we all are) but, from what I see, I don't think it's about weather she cared if her child lived or died. I think if her son did pass away she would respond with sadness, but the same amount of sadness that she would experience for the death of any child, not necessarily her own. Forgetting her kid outside the bakery (or whatever store), yes, lapse of judgement. 100%. Does it make her mother of the year? Of course not. But it also doesn't make her the worst mother ever.
For me, this comes down to a woman who COULDN'T form an attachment to her children. Not a woman who WOULDN'T.
Very good points! 
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| Posted 4/12/13 11:52 AM |
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meloyellow
LIF Adult
Member since 3/13 1843 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by MikesBride
Posted by Pomegranate5
This article should have been written anonymously.
I don't understand or relate to anything about this woman, but she is entitled to her feelings.
I disagree. I thonk its very brave of her to come out and say this and own up to it. She had children at a time when there was immense social pressure to do so. It's just what you did, people couldn't imagine anything else. I think my ILs probably woulf have been better off not having children, they are of the same generation.
She never said he made her have kids or that she felt it was expected. She said he hoped she would change her mind. That doesn't sound like a man that was forcing her to do anything. SHE said she felt SHE owed it to him. This was all HER CHOICE and her doing. It was also HER CHOICE to have a second child.
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| Posted 4/12/13 11:56 AM |
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halfbaked
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6937 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by BargainMama
I'm sure there are many women that feel way, but are not vocal about it.
I'm sure at times. But to say you feel NO bond, no emotion when you left your weeks old infant outside on the street?
Motherhood isn't for everyone... no one put a gun to her head and forced her to have children yet she's playing like she's the martyr here.
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| Posted 4/12/13 11:58 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
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DiamondMama
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by halfbaked
Posted by BargainMama
I'm sure there are many women that feel way, but are not vocal about it.
I'm sure at times. But to say you feel NO bond, no emotion when you left your weeks old infant outside on the street?
Motherhood isn't for everyone... no one put a gun to her head and forced her to have children yet she's playing like she's the martyr here.
If she feels no bond why is she caring for her ADULT DAUGHTER in her old age? it makes NO sense.
I agree she is mentally ill.
eta:not yelling at you lol just trying to empathise the point 
Message edited 4/12/2013 12:01:39 PM.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:01 PM |
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halfbaked
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6937 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by meloyellow
you forgot to add ...and then judge those who are working parents! can't forget that! she has no problem judging working parents or parents who use a nanny. Gotta love the morals on her.
eta: oh...and don't forget those selfish people who only have one child. The nerve.
Oh those two things really bothered me!!! 
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:01 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by DRMom
I think she has mental issues for a few reasons.
1. her newborn was blue with a cord wrapped around his neck. She had no idea if he would live or die and she did not care
2. She left her son in front of a store and TOTALLY FORGOT him, walked right by his stroller and then immediately thought of her DOG first, rather than her baby left alone in a stroller on a street
The whole tone of the article.
This is the other part that I find a bit worrisome.
One could argue that she didn’t have an attachment to her child, didn’t love it… YET.. so concern for it’s well being was not of paramount importance.
Having said that.. it seems to indicate that she might lack some level of ‘emotional capability’.
For example.. if anyone on LIF posted “OMG.. I just had my baby and they took him away immediately because he’s got a cord wrapped around his neck and is blue!” I’d be concerned. I’d be worried. I could have zero attachment to the poster – but there would be an immediate investment knowing that there is a potential for heartbreak for someone. At the most BASE level she might have felt some level of concern as a human being for a human child.. even if she didn’t feel a sense of maternal longing. She might have felt worry for her husband’s emotional well being even… but she felt NOTHING by her own admission. That profound lack of empathy is kind of frightening.
If I was at the market and a woman said “OMG! I left my baby outside of my house on the porch!” MY heart would race for her! I would offer to drive her home, I would worry! Even If I don’t know her.. even if I don’t know the child. The fact that she was so completely non-chalant indicates more than just an ability to separate maternal feelings from the ability to provide adequate care – and ultimately the ability to have affection for another being.
I don’t have an issue with her idea that she regrets having children. I feel sad for her that she couldn’t form that maternal bond (because it’s amazing). I don’t judge her for her honesty. But these 2 incidents make me think she’s incredibly selfish. She has learned to love her children because they are her own. She cares about their well being because she knows them now. This seems to point to the idea that any other child that isn’t hers means less than nothing to her.
Maybe I’m being harsh.. but I think that’s weird.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:10 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by summerBaby10
I couldn't even read this to the halfway point. I found it disgusting and sad.
It was hard for me too read too.
This is how my nephew's mother is - there's just no maternal bond, AT ALL. It's like she feels NOTHING. It's so obvious, such a gaping void where love should be, and I just don't get it. But I guess people like that are void of so much - so self absorbed that they can't love others. Thankfully, my nephew has one loving parent. I wonder about these kids?
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:15 PM |
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halfbaked
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6937 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by rojerono
if anyone on LIF posted “OMG.. I just had my baby and they took him away immediately because he’s got a cord wrapped around his neck and is blue!” I’d be concerned. I’d be worried. I could have zero attachment to the poster – but there would be an immediate investment knowing that there is a potential for heartbreak for someone. At the most BASE level she might have felt some level of concern as a human being for a human child.. even if she didn’t feel a sense of maternal longing.
YES! This was another thought I had. I feel horrible just reading about other people's heartbreak, just as a normal human being, wouldn't you be concerned for another human being's life? Nothing to do with it being a baby or even HER baby- to me it's just enough that another human is suffering.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:19 PM |
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BunnyWife
Insert Witty Comment Here
Member since 5/07 8274 total posts
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BunnyWife
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by meloyellow
Posted by BunnyWife
Posted by DRMom
Meredith-we can agree to disagree, because she is a sick sick woman
I think we may also being looking at a person who may have slightly changed her feelings for emphasis within the confines of this article. You know - Don't let the facts get in the way of a good story. This is a women who should have never had kids although she does sound like she was not a "bad" (whatever the means) mother.
My MIL has told me more then once that if she had life to do over, she would not have had kids. She loves my husband and sister in law but the sacrifices she made for them changed her whole life. She was a brilliant writer with a full scholarship to Syracuse University at 16. A very smart woman. She gave it all up to be a mom. This was also 1960. Certain things were expected and having kids was one of those things.
My husband and I are child-free by choice. I have never felt the need or want for kids. I also love our life and have no interest in changing or adapting it for a child. I certainly don't feel that I'm "less of a woman" because I don't want kids.
My son hugs me, kisses me. he must have said "momma" about 400 times yesterday. it damn near drove me insane. But the fact that he calls my name and genuinely wants me to see his every move and be involved with his playing and his discovery of the world warms my heart so much that I can't even get mad. I appreciate life so much more. I see how my son sees the world in wonder and it makes me appreciate simple things I take for granted as well. My son sees a flower and comes running up to me handing it to me saying "wower, wower momma, wower"  how can that not be worthwhile?
before my son, I wasn't afraid of death. I always felt "well if it's my time then it's my time" but now, as a mom...I WANT to be here for as long as I possibly can. He has given me new appreciation for life in so many ways. There is nothing more worthwhile to me than that.
I think that is the difference between you, a woman who wants children, and this woman, who felt social pressure to do so.
I'm sure your son is great kid and I'm sure he is a very fulfilling part of your life. But to a women who doesn't want to have kids maybe these little things are not as important and not as fulfilling.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:27 PM |
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curiousgeorge
LIF Adolescent
Member since 10/10 867 total posts
Name:
MAMA
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Wow! I'm sorry but this woman has a mental illness. I believe at this point in her life she is super bored from having all of that solitude time she loved so much. She's looking for acceptance from the outside world at this point. This article is just an added smack in the face to her husband and her children. These feelings of hers should have been taken to the grave.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:38 PM |
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Naner325
waiting on nugget!
Member since 6/10 4432 total posts
Name:
N
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
I have mixed views on this. I think this woman did what was right by her children as far as caring and making sure they were well taken care of but, she wasn't the overly mushy, caring mother. My own mother was not maternal at all and should have never had children. She did the bare minimum for me and my 3 siblings and eventally left us in full custody of my father when we were younger because she wanted to go live her own life. The oldest of us was 14 and the youngest was 6. I really believe that in my own mothers situation, she did have a mental illness and still does. She was never engaged in our lives and found us to be more of a burden than anything else. Although this woman admits to thinking her life would have been better off without children, I still think she did her best to make sure they knew that she loved them in her own way. I don't necessarily agree with her words or actions, but I think she did the best that she was capable of, which is more than I can say for my own mother whom I haven't spoken to in about 20 yrs.
I do however, think this woman should have kept herself anonymous. Write the story if you want and get your message or story out there, but why have everyone look at your children with sympathy? Look at how many of us have said on this thread alone, those poor children? Growing up without a mother, so many people would look at me and my siblings and feel sorry and it felt horrible. I just think it was wrong to put her kids out there for people to judge
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:41 PM |
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Disneygirl
Disney cruise bound!
Member since 5/05 8126 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by halfbaked
Posted by rojerono
if anyone on LIF posted “OMG.. I just had my baby and they took him away immediately because he’s got a cord wrapped around his neck and is blue!” I’d be concerned. I’d be worried. I could have zero attachment to the poster – but there would be an immediate investment knowing that there is a potential for heartbreak for someone. At the most BASE level she might have felt some level of concern as a human being for a human child.. even if she didn’t feel a sense of maternal longing.
YES! This was another thought I had. I feel horrible just reading about other people's heartbreak, just as a normal human being, wouldn't you be concerned for another human being's life? Nothing to do with it being a baby or even HER baby- to me it's just enough that another human is suffering.
Yes that part of the article was what most baffled me. I can understand (not relate) to her whole not wanting children then regretting them when she did choose to have them anyway but the whole lack of humanity is haunting. I too would be concerned when I hear or see someone in pain or suffering even if they're a complete stranger. I don't think that's my "maternal" instinct but my rather my concern for my fellow mankind. It makes me curious if she was loving and affectionate towards her husband.
I wonder what her response to her husband being ill would be?
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:43 PM |
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pnbplus1
Family
Member since 5/09 5751 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
This is what stood out to me "both my children would continue to take from me and give nothing meaningful back in return."
How can the love children give you not count as something meaningful given in return?
Interspersed in the article are valid points and feelings that i'm sure many a mother has had, even if only for a fleeting moment. Still, it just all seems so cold-hearted, so apathetic. While entitled to her feelings, the way she writes it is quite disturbing. And contrary to her belief, our children are very much aware of what we feel - it's not necessarily what we say, but what we project.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:47 PM |
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Katareen
5,000 Posts!
Member since 4/10 7180 total posts
Name:
Katherine
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by Pomegranate5
Posted by MandJZ
Posted by DRMom
Posted by MandJZ
Posted by evrythng4areason
It's a different perspective, and people tend to get all bugged out by different opinions.
I'm curious though, as to why people automatically think she has mental issues?
Yes! I am curious about this as well.
I think she has mental issues for a few reasons.
1. her newborn was blue with a cord wrapped around his neck. She had no idea if he would live or die and she did not care
2. She left her son in front of a store and TOTALLY FORGOT him, walked right by his stroller and then immediately thought of her DOG first, rather than her baby left alone in a stroller on a street
The whole tone of the article.
Honestly, the first example, to me sounds like severe PPD. Yes of course many women would be terrified and inconsolable, but the hormones right after giving birth are insane, and very severe PPD is a real thing.
Listen, I'm not 100% defending her or saying I think she is amazing. I just don't think she is mentally ill necessarily, and I don't think she is missing the essence of womanhood as was suggested.
I am not arguing that she has a mental illness. But actually, the hormones rushing through your body during and immediately after the birth are ones that cause rushes of happiness and love for your new baby. The harsh crash comes days, weeks later. So for her to not care if that baby was going to die is bizarre and does, in fact, go against what "should" be natural at that point.
Again, not saying she is mentally ill. But that was not PPD.
Just to add another perspective--I had my DD completely naturally (vaginal, no drugs, BF immediately) and it took months for me to form a bond with her. MONTHS. I did everything "they" say is the best way to form a bond and felt none of it.
I also had PPD and the feelings of guilt just made it worse. Women cannot control their hormones after childbirth. But I did get help. And I likely am one and done bc I never want to feel that way again.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:49 PM |
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meloyellow
LIF Adult
Member since 3/13 1843 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by BunnyWife
Posted by meloyellow
Posted by BunnyWife
Posted by DRMom
Meredith-we can agree to disagree, because she is a sick sick woman
I think we may also being looking at a person who may have slightly changed her feelings for emphasis within the confines of this article. You know - Don't let the facts get in the way of a good story. This is a women who should have never had kids although she does sound like she was not a "bad" (whatever the means) mother.
My MIL has told me more then once that if she had life to do over, she would not have had kids. She loves my husband and sister in law but the sacrifices she made for them changed her whole life. She was a brilliant writer with a full scholarship to Syracuse University at 16. A very smart woman. She gave it all up to be a mom. This was also 1960. Certain things were expected and having kids was one of those things.
My husband and I are child-free by choice. I have never felt the need or want for kids. I also love our life and have no interest in changing or adapting it for a child. I certainly don't feel that I'm "less of a woman" because I don't want kids.
My son hugs me, kisses me. he must have said "momma" about 400 times yesterday. it damn near drove me insane. But the fact that he calls my name and genuinely wants me to see his every move and be involved with his playing and his discovery of the world warms my heart so much that I can't even get mad. I appreciate life so much more. I see how my son sees the world in wonder and it makes me appreciate simple things I take for granted as well. My son sees a flower and comes running up to me handing it to me saying "wower, wower momma, wower" how can that not be worthwhile?
before my son, I wasn't afraid of death. I always felt "well if it's my time then it's my time" but now, as a mom...I WANT to be here for as long as I possibly can. He has given me new appreciation for life in so many ways. There is nothing more worthwhile to me than that.
I think that is the difference between you, a woman who wants children, and this woman, who felt social pressure to do so.
I'm sure your son is great kid and I'm sure he is a very fulfilling part of your life. But to a women who doesn't want to have kids maybe these little things are not as important and not as fulfilling.
that's why i said I understand some people who simply don't want kids and some want to fulfill other accomplishments...thats OK...but I'm sorry I don't buy that this woman was "socially pressured" to have these children she didn't want. It sounds like people are making excuses for her trying to justify her feelings. Her husband knew she didn't want kids and married her anyway hoping maybe she'd change her mind. That's not pressure. Pressure is her husband saying I can't marry you if you won't have my child. She didn't say he hounded her for it, she said "I felt I owed it to him".
This is a self aware woman making her own choices.
eta: I'm not saying everyone should have babies bc *I* find it fulfilling and so should everyone else. I'm saying she had these children, out of her own free will...and having already done so, I can't imagine considering those lives to be non contributing or not meaningful in some way.
Message edited 4/12/2013 1:01:25 PM.
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| Posted 4/12/13 12:57 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by meloyellow
Posted by MikesBride
Posted by Pomegranate5
This article should have been written anonymously.
I don't understand or relate to anything about this woman, but she is entitled to her feelings.
I disagree. I thonk its very brave of her to come out and say this and own up to it. She had children at a time when there was immense social pressure to do so. It's just what you did, people couldn't imagine anything else. I think my ILs probably woulf have been better off not having children, they are of the same generation.
She never said he made her have kids or that she felt it was expected. She said he hoped she would change her mind. That doesn't sound like a man that was forcing her to do anything. SHE said she felt SHE owed it to him. This was all HER CHOICE and her doing. It was also HER CHOICE to have a second child.
I'll start by saying I hate this woman, so everyone knows which side I'm on.
I'm a working mom, so I'd like to take her judgment of me and throw it right the hell back at her.
It's been posted many times that she must have been under immense pressure because of the times.. but I have to point out she had her kids in 1979 and 81. By then, times were very much changing. She's not my mother's generation. She probably wasn't wearing a bra yet when women started burning theirs so I give her nothing on that front.
I can believe that she's grown to love her children but I also don't think that her caring for her sick daughter now is evidence of that love. It's evidence that she loves her role as martyr. Oh, feel for me. I never wanted children but I had them for him and see? See what has happened to me? Now I am destined to care for this adult child for the rest of her life because she is ill and I will never reclaim my free time again! Oh, woe is me.
Oh, go jump off a bridge.
I'm glad her children had a loving father. I'm glad her daughter has more sense than she did. I feel for her children and grandchildren.
I fully support people who don't want to have children. You don't have that mother instinct? Fine. Don't have children. Travel, have pets, sleep late on Saturdays.. enjoy your life. Do what makes you happy. Don't become a martyr.
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| Posted 4/12/13 2:11 PM |
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ItsaJoya19
my cup runneth over
Member since 1/10 2949 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by MikesBride
Posted by Pomegranate5
This article should have been written anonymously.
I don't understand or relate to anything about this woman, but she is entitled to her feelings.
I disagree. I thonk its very brave of her to come out and say this and own up to it. She had children at a time when there was immense social pressure to do so. It's just what you did, people couldn't imagine anything else. I think my ILs probably woulf have been better off not having children, they are of the same generation.
It would have been brave to come out and say that during the time when women were expected to have children she DIDN'T have children.
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| Posted 4/12/13 2:19 PM |
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meloyellow
LIF Adult
Member since 3/13 1843 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by eroxgirl
Posted by meloyellow
Posted by MikesBride
Posted by Pomegranate5
This article should have been written anonymously.
I don't understand or relate to anything about this woman, but she is entitled to her feelings.
I disagree. I thonk its very brave of her to come out and say this and own up to it. She had children at a time when there was immense social pressure to do so. It's just what you did, people couldn't imagine anything else. I think my ILs probably woulf have been better off not having children, they are of the same generation.
She never said he made her have kids or that she felt it was expected. She said he hoped she would change her mind. That doesn't sound like a man that was forcing her to do anything. SHE said she felt SHE owed it to him. This was all HER CHOICE and her doing. It was also HER CHOICE to have a second child.
I'll start by saying I hate this woman, so everyone knows which side I'm on.
I'm a working mom, so I'd like to take her judgment of me and throw it right the hell back at her.
It's been posted many times that she must have been under immense pressure because of the times.. but I have to point out she had her kids in 1979 and 81. By then, times were very much changing. She's not my mother's generation. She probably wasn't wearing a bra yet when women started burning theirs so I give her nothing on that front.
I can believe that she's grown to love her children but I also don't think that her caring for her sick daughter now is evidence of that love. It's evidence that she loves her role as martyr. Oh, feel for me. I never wanted children but I had them for him and see? See what has happened to me? Now I am destined to care for this adult child for the rest of her life because she is ill and I will never reclaim my free time again! Oh, woe is me.
Oh, go jump off a bridge.
I'm glad her children had a loving father. I'm glad her daughter has more sense than she did. I feel for her children and grandchildren.
I fully support people who don't want to have children. You don't have that mother instinct? Fine. Don't have children. Travel, have pets, sleep late on Saturdays.. enjoy your life. Do what makes you happy. Don't become a martyr.
Um...I think I might love you. I just read the article and your response to my husband. He would like to shake your hand. 
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| Posted 4/12/13 2:21 PM |
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MikesBride
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 1245 total posts
Name:
Ilana
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by curiousgeorge
Wow! I'm sorry but this woman has a mental illness. I believe at this point in her life she is super bored from having all of that solitude time she loved so much. She's looking for acceptance from the outside world at this point. This article is just an added smack in the face to her husband and her children. These feelings of hers should have been taken to the grave.
If she is mentally ill then talking about it is good, not bad. Whether or not you agree with her or her medium, if she is mentally ill then keeping it all bottled up is not healthy.
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| Posted 4/12/13 2:33 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by AScottWolf
Ok, now that I'm awake I can fully respond to this.
I think it's important to state and understand that love/caring, bonding, attachment are independent of one another. You don't have to have one in order to have another.
I don't question this mother's love for her children. I belive she never developed that innate attachment with them that most of us have no control over anyway.
It was a choice to have children. It wasn't a choice to not build an attachment with them. However, regardless of her attachment style (which is all this really boils down to) she obviously co-parented with her husband and raised 2 grown, successful adults. Her daughter shares her mothers views on children but also had enough trust in her relationship with her mother that she felt comfortable enough to discuss the fact that her mom never said, "I love you."
As for the fact that she thought it was selfish to have only 1 child, my mother believes the same thing (and I am an only child but that was out of her control). At least for me, I'm viewing that statement as, "it's not fair to my child to not have a sibling to grow up with and share experiences with etc." I don't think she was talking about herself at all. Although others could argue differently which I can understand too. I think she had the second child because apparently her relationship with her husband was solid enough, and he picked up the weight that she "couldn't" (not wouldn't) that she felt confident in how this child would be raised.
From how this article is written, it wouldn't surprise me if she's been in therapy for years with these issues. She knew the feelings she had weren't "normal". She knew this isn't how things "should" be. I wouldn't be surprised if this article was actually part of her therapy.
As for publically writting this and not keeping it anonymous, I don't know. It seems like this family is pretty open with their feelings for one another (good and bad) and this isn't anything that the "kids" haven't heard before. It also wouldn't surprise me if they were all in family therapy together at some point.
Oh, as for her son's birth. I'm making a BIG assumption here (but we all are) but, from what I see, I don't think it's about weather she cared if her child lived or died. I think if her son did pass away she would respond with sadness, but the same amount of sadness that she would experience for the death of any child, not necessarily her own. Forgetting her kid outside the bakery (or whatever store), yes, lapse of judgement. 100%. Does it make her mother of the year? Of course not. But it also doesn't make her the worst mother ever.
For me, this comes down to a woman who COULDN'T form an attachment to her children. Not a woman who WOULDN'T.
Very good points!
i agree with all of this. I read it and kept thinking "She loves her kids, just wishes she'd chosen a different life" seems she embraced the one she lived. She regrets the path she took but I see no harm in that.
Really its all sorta unimportant to me that she posted this other than to help other mothers out there who may feel the same to know they are not alone, broken or unfit. Its just a fact.
good for her.
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| Posted 4/12/13 2:44 PM |
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SLPlady1984
She's here!
Member since 6/12 1207 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
I def think there are deeper issues here and this woman is conflicted. As previously posters have said if she was truly indifferent she would have abandoned her ailing daughter. I personally would be heartbroken to here my parents say this about me so I feel for her kids. But her views are very judgmental of others and she should expect her views to get judgmental opinions from others...this is why the whole thing seems off to me. Your life your choices but if you are living by that motto don't them judge others
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| Posted 4/12/13 4:40 PM |
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by BargainMama
I'm sure there are many women that feel way, but are not vocal about it.
I agree.
I just don't know WHY she felt the need to say so publicly.
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| Posted 4/12/13 5:56 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
There is definitely something a bit mentally wrong with someone who can honestly say "wish I never had them".
Sorry..it was heartless to post an article like this. I don't think it was "brave", I think she sounds like an unappreciative person who can't find value, happiness and delight in the beings she produced. Even years later, as she can write that they are well adjust adults, she takes me pride in these people? She never ever went on to think that her life was good? I find lots of strange things about the article..I've read it three times since yesterday and it still baffles and saddens me. I feel badly for her children.
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| Posted 4/12/13 6:19 PM |
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shadows
LIF Adult
Member since 1/10 4694 total posts
Name:
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Re: The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
Posted by EclecticEsq10810
I posted this article on the CF board and just noticed it was posted on Parenting too. As a CFer, I totally empathize with that woman, and I find it sad that many on this board find her opinion and feelings abhorrent. There are many moms out there who feel like this and aren't writing articles like this because of the potential shame and embarrassment it would incur from the peanut gallery (like this board). I think of bad parents out there, who abuse their kids, or even kill them (hmmm..Casey Anthony anome?).
I find her honesty refreshing. Some posters here clearly didn't read the whole article. She does not deny loving her kids. She provided them with a good upbringing (her son is successful in his career and married w kids), and BOTH her kids know her feelings on this issue. I think this is a great article because many women pop out kids just because that's what people "expect" them to do once they marry. Or because parents/family/friends pressure them. This woman's honesty is so refreshing to me, I wish there were more women like her. Just because you didn't WANT to be a mom but reluctantly did reproduce for the sake of appeasing your spouse alone doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human.
I agree.
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| Posted 4/12/13 7:26 PM |
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