Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

You don't need to say in a post, but I'm curious if others needed to make this decision, what would you do?

Most of you know DH has cancer. So far, he's responding well to the chemo, but we have no idea how much time we have left.

We could have years and years (all of them on chemo).

Or we could have very limited time.

We have one son, concieved through IVF.

We have 5 embryos left.

If you had the choice, would you:

1. Try to get pregnant - gives Logan a sibling and who knows what the future brings?

2. Forget it - things are stressful and up in the air enough already without adding another kid.

3. The obligatory other.

I know it's a personal decision, blah, blah, blah, but I'm curious where most people would go.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

I'd follow my heart, not my head. Whichever way your heart would go.

Honestly, ME, but I am totally impractical, I'd try to get pregnant. Maybe it isn't the right choice, but it wouldn't be totally wrong either.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

If you (or me, in this hypothetical) could physically handle another pregnancy right now (stress, no sleep, just utter exhausting that I'm sure you have both physically & mentally w/o even being pregnant), then I would try to get pregnant if you want another child. Even more joy and things to look forward to.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

If my family were in this situation (I am terribly sorry that your family is going through this) we would try for another baby. My husband and I both want to have a big family and if I knew he might not have much time left I would want to give him one more child.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

First of all, to you. If I were in your situation I probably would try to get preggo again. But as other posters said follow your heart.

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I don't think I would try for another right now. Personally, it would take most of my strength to get through the illness and take care of one child, I don't think I would have it in me to go through another pregnancy and care for 2 children and a sick husband. I don't have a lot of help as it is and I just don't think it would work out well for our family.

On the flip side, another DC would probably bring great joy to your DH and might be wonderful medicine for him. Hope you end up getting whatever it is that you want.

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For me, I would have the second child I wanted (or at least try). I feel like I would never regret having that child, but might regret not going for it.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

So hard!

I probably wouldn't do it. I've been through cancer and radiation with my mother and i know how draining and exhausting it is. I don't know if i could handle that, as well as 2 kids and managing everything else.

At least i wouldn't do it right away. I believe you said you had some frozen, so you could always have another child at any point really. I think i'd see how things go first (i always like to know what i'm jumping into before i jump in with both feet). But that's just me.

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I would try. It's up to God anyway and he can only give you what you can handle.

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It depends on how well you handle stress but if you are considering it I would try. Sometimes having something positive to look forward to is helpful.

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personally, I would try for another if that is what you want. I am so sorry you are in this position

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

Posted by KateDevine

I'd follow my heart, not my head. Whichever way your heart would go.

Honestly, ME, but I am totally impractical, I'd try to get pregnant. Maybe it isn't the right choice, but it wouldn't be totally wrong either.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

Such a hard thing to answer. I would probably try for another...this way, you know that Logan always has a sibling because you never know what the future holds

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

Posted by KateDevine

I'd follow my heart, not my head. Whichever way your heart would go.

Honestly, ME, but I am totally impractical, I'd try to get pregnant. Maybe it isn't the right choice, but it wouldn't be totally wrong either.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

such a hard decision and I am so sorry you are going through this.

I dont think I would be able to deal with the stress of what your DH is going through and add a newborn on top of that. my thoughts are, if he is sick and is in the hospital , it wouldnt be as easy to pick up and visit him all the time with a newborn.

Again, I am so sorry.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

Honestly, I wouldn't try now. I would want to devote all my time and energy into my current family: Dh and DS. I feel that if I had anotherh DC, that I would be distracted and not give that child enough. Also, I would feel guilty about not giving DH and DS all that I can, when they both clearly need so much right now.

This may sound wierd, but is there a time limit whereby you have to use the eggs by? Is it coming up? If not, I would definitely not do it. You can always give Logan a brother at another time.

If there was a time limit, I may be more inclined to do it, but knowing me, I wouldn't. You never know what life can bring. Your DH could completley recover and you can 100% joyously go through IVF together, where he can be a strong support for you.

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What does the Dr say as far as being exposed to DH as he is going through his treatments? I know when my mom went through her Chemo (and I know there are different types & dosages, etc...) the first thing they asked is if I was PG b/c I was her primary caregiver at the time. I was not, but when I asked why the tech at the ON office told me that I would not be near mom for 24 hours if I were. I would ask that question first and foremost.

Given that the answer is that it would be OK, I agree with the APs who said that as long as you can handle being PG while supporting your DH & watching your DS, then I would try for it.

I am glad to hear he is responding well to the treatments.

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I have no idea, but I just wanted to give you a ton of theses for everything you and your family is going through. I forget how amazing some of the woman on this site are.

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Honestly, I think I would have another baby but it is difficult to say when one is not in that situation.

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Personally I would go for it. When my sister was a baby, my mom was pregnant with my brother and my dad had cancer. He had surgeries and was in bad shape. At one point was given 6 months to live (he is still kicking 32 years later ). While it was tough on my mom, she did it. My brother was fine even with all the stress. And the big change was they had to have a small christening at the house since my dad was sick. SO I say go for it.

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What does your husband want to do?
If he is on board for another, id say go for it.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

Posted by SweetCaroline

For me, I would have the second child I wanted (or at least try). I feel like I would never regret having that child, but might regret not going for it.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

Posted by KateDevine

I'd follow my heart, not my head. Whichever way your heart would go.

Honestly, ME, but I am totally impractical, I'd try to get pregnant. Maybe it isn't the right choice, but it wouldn't be totally wrong either.

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

I put other.
I want to say follow your heart, but I am a practical person and I tend to listen to my head.

So I will say this. If having another child were important to my DH, I would do it in a nanosecond.
If it isn't, I would wait. I would wait and see how DH responds to chemo - I would wait and see how DS reposnds to his enviornment - I would wait and see after months and maybe a year of doing this with DH if I could deal with the physical and emotional elements of having another child while taking care of a household and fulltime job.

But I'm not in your shoes - So I really have no idea what I would do.

's

Re: Totally impossible decision...WWYD?

As long as DH could handle it I would try for another. Like a PP said you will never regret trying but might regret not. In the long run you need to do what's best for your family.