UPDATE - Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

I am livid - please someone talk me down! We just had a playdate with a neighbor and her daughter. I've met up with her a few times before, but we just don't really gel, but I thought I'd give it another try. My son is about 26 months, her daughter will be 2 next week. I would say Tristan is pretty well behaved, but we do usually have a toddler squirmish here and there.

Long story short, Tristan was trying to climb up on the couch that her daughter was on. He was either having trouble getting on or she gave him a little push off, I didn't see. Whatever happened, she was saying no and he was frustrated because he couldn't get on, so he hit her on the head with the book he had in his hand. She started to cry, I went over to grab Tristan and told him No, we don't hit! and asked him to apologize to the girl, which he did. At this same point the other mother came over to comfort her daughter. I'm not sure if she didn't hear me discipline him or what, but she turned to Tristan and said in a very stern and fairly loud voice "Tristan we DO NOT hit, that was very very naughty." Then, he was looking down and opened the book that he had hit her daughter with, the mom snatched it away from him and said "No! I think you take it away!" I look at her with shock and said Sorry! And took Tristan away.

Then when her daughter calmed down, she brought her over to him and said "Is Tristan better now? What do you have to say, Tristan" So I said "He already apologized to her. I think it's time we get home for lunch" I paid for my coffee, said a civil goodbye and left.

Am I wrong to be so upset? I feel like she must think my kid is badly behaved and that I don't know how to discipline him. But I think she was WAY out of line and wholly inappropriate. And, frankly, I think she must be living in some alternate universe to react so strongly to what, in my experience, is normal toddler behavior. Am I just being overly sensitive? Is my child really a terror and I'm just blind to it? What would you do?

**Updated at end**

Message edited 9/17/2011 11:31:42 AM.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

I think his behavior is absolutely normal. I think you dealt with it appropriately and I think she totally overreacted! I would be annoyed too! I think like you said, you dont gel with her and maybe playdates arent going to work out for you guys.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

I don't think you are wrong at all. Clearly the other child is an angel and never does anything wrong.

I think the other mom overreacted. I wouldn't gomout of my way to see her again.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by saraH

I don't think you are wrong at all. Clearly the other child is an angel and never does anything wrong.

I think the other mom overreacted. I wouldn't gomout of my way to see her again.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

This is a BIG pet peeve of mine, I absolutely hate when other parents discipline another persons kid.

I think you are absolutely right to be livid and i think that other mother over-reacted.

My older son is now 5 but when he was your son's age, I used to have playdates with two women that did the same exact thing. They turned their heads when their kids did anything wrong but would be all over my son if he did something wrong.

I ended up not going to playdates anymore with them and avoided them at all costs. Now my son is in Kindergarten with both of them. One of the kids is having a real hard time adjusting and the other one is a brat- plain and simple. I feel sort of vindicated that my son is now well behaved and has many friends.

Hang in there and I would keep my distant from her.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

I'm just giddy over you typing "behavior" instead of "behaviour"!!!

I think I would have flipped out ... and hit her on the head with the book

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

i would have shoved the book up her a$$...seriously..her daughter never hit anyone?? they're toddlers and they get frustrated very easily. You did the right thing in disciplining your son. I would have made it known she should discipline her own kid and not have anymore playdates with her.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

His behavior was totally within the range of appropriateness for his age. Your discipline was enough, this mother's reaction was way out of line. Has it happened before? I wouldn't want to do anymore play dates with her if this is how she reacts to toddler interaction!

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by Wendy

I'm just giddy over you typing "behavior" instead of "behaviour"!!!

I think I would have flipped out ... and hit her on the head with the book

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

She overreacted. You did the right thing and I definitley would have left as well.
I'd be holding off on planning anymore playdates.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

She sounds like a nut, and I can't believe she made you pay for the coffee! That is ODD! I've never been on a playdate and had to pay the parent for the beverage

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Oh, cr@p - she just called and left a voicemail. She just wanted to make sure I was okay because she said she may have gotten the wrong impression but it seemed like I left in a hurry She said she was totally okay with T hitting her daughter, that these things happen, and that she hoped I didn't mind her telling him off, that that's what she does with her friends.

NOW what do I do?

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Yeah, she definatley overreacted. The only thing I could almost understand was if she didn't see/hear you dicipline him and then went over and told him that was not nice. But, like you said, what did she think you were doing when you moved him away? And snatching the book away from him like that...not right!

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by BargainMama

She sounds like a nut, and I can't believe she made you pay for the coffee! That is ODD! I've never been on a playdate and had to pay the parent for the beverage

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by usuk2004

Posted by BargainMama

She sounds like a nut, and I can't believe she made you pay for the coffee! That is ODD! I've never been on a playdate and had to pay the parent for the beverage

we were at a cafe!

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

I am all for someone disciplining my children but NOT if I already did. And then to keep at it. I myself would probably take the book away from my child...it depends. I understand her daughter got "hurt" but I think it could've been handled better on her part.

I think she overracted considering that you did discipline your child. Now that you gave it a 2nd try you know that you won't do that again.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

I think you dealt with your son very well and the mother WAY overstepped!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would've been livid too.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

It seems she recognizes that she came on too strong, which I agree she did. But I kind of see where the misunderstanding came into play. She deals with her friends kids that way, and my friends and I are like that too. I wouldn't have a problem with one of my close friends scolding my kids. And if I thought it was a little aggressive I would say so, and that would be the end of it. What she didn't seem to understand is that the two of you are not close, and she did overstep her boundaries as an aquaintance.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by usuk2004

Oh, cr@p - she just called and left a voicemail. She just wanted to make sure I was okay because she said she may have gotten the wrong impression but it seemed like I left in a hurry She said she was totally okay with T hitting her daughter, that these things happen, and that she hoped I didn't mind her telling him off, that that's what she does with her friends.

NOW what do I do?

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by usuk2004

Oh, cr@p - she just called and left a voicemail. She just wanted to make sure I was okay because she said she may have gotten the wrong impression but it seemed like I left in a hurry She said she was totally okay with T hitting her daughter, that these things happen, and that she hoped I didn't mind her telling him off, that that's what she does with her friends.

NOW what do I do?

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by 4PsInaPod

Posted by usuk2004

Oh, cr@p - she just called and left a voicemail. She just wanted to make sure I was okay because she said she may have gotten the wrong impression but it seemed like I left in a hurry She said she was totally okay with T hitting her daughter, that these things happen, and that she hoped I didn't mind her telling him off, that that's what she does with her friends.

NOW what do I do?

I would call back and say "I did leave in a hurry, I was taken back by the way you reacted to my son. I know what he did was a no, no but he's a TODDLER & *I* had taken care of it myself. I don't mind if others feel the need to say something to my son if I'm not around for a second but it's another thing to discipline him on top of me disciplining him AND for SNATCHING the book out of his hand, I would've never have done that with your daughter or anyone else's child. For me, you overstepped a little and felt I needed to leave."

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Just because thats "what she does". It doesn't make it right.

I wouldn't call her to gtg again. She acts like she "needs" to discipline other kids and that would just make me nutty.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

oh HELL no, especially since you had dealt with it (and appropriately I think). That is NEVER OK, unless it were my sister, she is the ONLY person I would let do that and not mind.

It would be one thing if you knew it happened and did nothing, but you acted appropriately and she should have let you handle it and it wasnt her place to deal with your DS.