Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

If I'm not right there, I don't mind someone telling my daughters not to hit or be nice etc but what this mom did was overboard. You had already disciplined your child, he had already apologized.

I hate when people overstep their bounds. DH's BFF's GF does this CONSTANTLY and it is one of the reasons I avoid them like the plague. We have been to their house exactly one time because she spent the entire time yelling at my 2 year old for you know, being 2.

It does sound like she knows she overreacted though. Since it's accepted in her circle of friends she may not have thought twice about it. Or, it could be that in her circle of friends they don't bother to discipline their kids at all and she constantly has to.

I would give it another go if you enjoyed her other than that incident.

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by 4PsInaPod

Posted by usuk2004

Oh, cr@p - she just called and left a voicemail. She just wanted to make sure I was okay because she said she may have gotten the wrong impression but it seemed like I left in a hurry She said she was totally okay with T hitting her daughter, that these things happen, and that she hoped I didn't mind her telling him off, that that's what she does with her friends.

NOW what do I do?

I would call back and say "I did leave in a hurry, I was taken back by the way you reacted to my son. I know what he did was a no, no but he's a TODDLER & *I* had taken care of it myself. I don't mind if others feel the need to say something to my son if I'm not around for a second but it's another thing to discipline him on top of me disciplining him AND for SNATCHING the book out of his hand, I would've never have done that with your daughter or anyone else's child. For me, you overstepped a little and felt I needed to leave."

Re: Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

***UPDATE***

Okay, so I called her back and told her calmly that I was quite upset and I felt it wasn't really appropriate for her to reprimand him when I had already done so.

She kind of apologized and said that she hadn't really even heard what was going on and that she and her friends have a sort of "collective parenting" style.

I said I understand, but that's not how me and my friends do things and I had already scolded him.

She said she hasn't ever seen any other child hit hers (which has to be BS) so she was a bit taken aback, she didn't really see what happened, she just saw him whack her.

I tried to tell her well it does happen, and in fact her daughter had given T a bit of a shove to begin with. So you know at this point I was getting a little defensive and I told her I think she really upset him when she snatched the book away, while admitting I should've taken it away from him to begin with.

Anyway, long story short, we hung up on fairly civil terms after a few more rounds of passive self deprecation in order to get our points across. She said she shouldn't have assumed that I follow the same ideas about scolding one another's children and I told her it was okay, but it upset me at the time, etc, etc. But of course you know I won't be calling her for any play dates!

Thanks everyone for your support and comments!

Re: UPDATE - Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Also wanted to add - you know, it's funny, if I had a similar encounter that was somehow work related or about our houses or something other than my son, I probably would've never called her back and avoided her like the plague till the end of time. But it's amazing how much more of a spine I have when it comes to my child! I'm actually quite proud of myself for calling her back and telling her that I think she did him wrong.

Re: UPDATE - Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

I would never attempt to discipline someone elses child. Its exhausting just disciplining mine I dont have the energy to do someone elses job too!

In your case, no i dont think you're wrong to be upset. Because just as I would not discipline someone elses child, i will not ever let someone attempt to discipline mine.

Re: UPDATE - Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

The only time I've ever disciplined another child for hitting my son was when I was right there as it happened and the parent wasn't. I'd expect any of my friends to do the same to my DS. In my book, it's totally fine. BUT I wouldn't impose a "punishment" on the child if the parent is present to do so. I would just remove DS and comfort him, leaving the parent to discipline her own child if it was necessary. The ONLY time I'd impose a "punishment" was if I was babysitting and the parent wasn't there with me. Since you already disciplined him, there was NO reason for her to put her 2 cents in.

Message edited 9/17/2011 2:18:58 PM.

Re: UPDATE - Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

If she had stopped at this:

Re: UPDATE - Other parents disciplining your child when you're there...

Posted by usuk2004

Also wanted to add - you know, it's funny, if I had a similar encounter that was somehow work related or about our houses or something other than my son, I probably would've never called her back and avoided her like the plague till the end of time. But it's amazing how much more of a spine I have when it comes to my child! I'm actually quite proud of myself for calling her back and telling her that I think she did him wrong.