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BabyLove08
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UPDATED AGIN AT BOTTOM LADIES: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
For those who commented in "not" such a nice way...
If you read my FULL post you'd see that I DO NOT SEE my child's teacher at all! Therefore, I like to touch base once a day. I only say hello, how are you? How is Chloe doing today? Did she nap this AM since this has been tough for her getting used to their schedule in the 12-18 mos room. Ok, have a great day! THAT IS IT! Is this so bad?
UPDATE From Today:
Here was what I wrote this AM to Chloe's Teacher:
Can you please clarify what you meant by this statement..."Please understand that I will not always be able to provide you with any more information than what is on the sheet". I'm sure that if I have specific questions to ask you about Chloe's day you will be good enough to answer them.
Here was her answer, just written on the top of her daily sheet...
"Of course and specific questions will always be addressed".
Trying to figure this out. Did the owner (she is no site) read my letter get mad what she sent originally and told her to respond this way or did the teacher see in my above letter that I was upset and just responded to my letter?
Either way my DH and I are monitoring the situation and will give this teacher a couple more weeks before we do go to the owner!
Thanks ladies for your insight and honest opinions! You're GREAT
Thanks for watching over Chloe.
I ask this because...
My daughter goes to Daycare at a well known (and what I THOUGHT) was a wonderful place)! Now that she just turned one this week she is able to go part-time so we are sending her two days/week.
Her infant teacher was OK. A bit dry and not too "loving" but. The owner of the Day Care however is amazing and on site! Its a spectacular center with high standards (I'm a Teacher and VERY picky)
Now we go to this week in her new 12-18 mos room. I met the teacher last week and thought she seemed GREAT, and nicer then the infant teacher so I felt good.
Some more background on me. I am a worry wart and have a heard time trusting anyone with my DD. I try to put faith in the day care and the care she gets but its hard for me. I send letters occassionally and do ask A LOT OF QUESTIONS (why can't I, its my child). I ONLY call once a day during my lunch to see how her day is.
Well here is my problem. When I call they act like I am the ONLY Mom who calls them. (meanwhile they STRESS to call whenever and an open door policy) I mean come on now! I check on her once in a 9-10 hour day! I ask how she is, did she nap, is she happy, etc. It's MY CHILD!
I received a letter on Monday stating that I will get a sheet sent home each day with the basics (naps, eating, bathroom--which I got in the infant room as well) and the later states this:
"PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL NOT ALWAYS BE ABLE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ANYMORE INFORMATION THAN WHAT IS ON THE SHEET. UNLESS OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING I FEEL YOU NEED TO BE NOTIFIED OF".
What the hell does this mean ladies? Does it mean I am NOT ALLOWED to ask how my daughter's mood is once a day when I call, etc. My husband said that if we want to ask her if my daughter took off her socks today then WE WILL! Who are they to say we cannot inquire! We pay A LOT of $ and are very concerning parents!
What would you do? I am asusming the owner sees ALL letters and approved this although I cannot imagine she would have.
My Mom told me we don't want her to treat my DD any different if we "tell on her" so to do this FOR NOW. Here is how I responded to it!
**and I'm sure that if I have specific questions to ask you about Chloe's day you will be good enough to answer them!
I am so upset! I am also not adjusting well to other things. Chloe ONLY sleeps in a crib. In the 12-18 MOS room the children have to sleep on a mat. She is NOT used to this therefore not napping her two naps she takes. She goes down in the PM only because she is SOOO exhausted in the AM.
Any advice? Am I just being anal? My Mom tells me I have to remember this is Day Care, not a private sitter and Chloe doesn't get private care. Maybe this is the problem for me?
Thanks for all those who got this far and reply to me!
Message edited 10/8/2009 11:58:11 AM.
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Posted 10/6/09 6:54 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MrsRivera
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Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
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Beth
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by BabyLove08
I received a letter on Monday stating that I will get a sheet sent home each day with the basics (naps, eating, bathroom--which I got in the infant room as well) and the later states this:
"PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL NOT ALWAYS BE ABLE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ANYMORE INFORMATION THAN WHAT IS ON THE SHEET. UNLESS OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING I FEEL YOU NEED TO BE NOTIFIED OF".
This actually made me angry!!! 
Who the h e l l do they think they are?! As you said, you are paying VERY good money and choosing to trust them with your daughter's life for 10 hours a day. A phone call a day is NOT stepping over the line and I would be fuming if I were you.
Was this letter from the teacher that you originally met with?
I would speak to the director about this ASAP. Let them know that you feel one phone call a day is completely reasonable (and it is!) and that you are hurt and angered by the fact that they are unwilling to give you any more information about how her day went.
I don't think you are overreacting at all. Unfortunately, I don't get the chance to call over to daycare during the day...but if I did, I would expect to be given that information with no hesitation!!
Go get 'em!!!
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:00 PM |
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PrincessP
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
To even write that is a bit obnoxious of them.
I kind of understand their notion being that YES it probably will get busier giving them less time to pay attention to the parents and more time with the kids. However, I agree with you that no one should tell you what you can and can not do. All of your questions should be answered as requested. Definitely a better way of stating what they mean then what they wrote. It sounds a bit tacky.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:16 PM |
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BaroqueMama
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
It was definitely a bit ridiculous of them to tell you that they will not give you any other updates, but for all you know, there are parents who literally call all day. You're taking it personally because you happen to call, but it's probably an actual issue for them with other parents and wasn't aimed at you directly. I'm sure your one phone call a day isn't an issue, but other people's continual ones are.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:21 PM |
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jerseypanda
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Amanda
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by BabyLove08
"PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL NOT ALWAYS BE ABLE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ANYMORE INFORMATION THAN WHAT IS ON THE SHEET. UNLESS OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING I FEEL YOU NEED TO BE NOTIFIED OF".
OK, first of all let me say that if I had received the letter, I probably would read it the exact same way as you and be just as annoyed.
But, from an outsiders perspective, let me play the devil's advocate.
I don't read this as them telling you that you cannot call or ask questions. I take it to say that they may not always be able to answer the questions you have because they are so busy and maybe they don't remember how many times DD took off her socks. (to use your example)
I would give them the benefit of the doubt and ask exactly what was meant by this. I would personally first ask the teacher before going to the director because it could just be that you read more into it than the teacher meant to imply. That's the problem with the written word, there is no way to gather the tone of what the person was saying and sometimes we read it with our own judgements and jump to the wrong conclusion.
So for me, I would ask the teacher what was meant by this and if I am not satisfied with the answer, then I would go to the director. Does that make sense?
Message edited 10/6/2009 7:24:43 PM.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:23 PM |
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cupcakekid
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Honestly most mothers I know don't call after the past week or two to check on their children. It doesn't mean that none of them are concerned about their child's care. They just feel confident that their child is being taken care of, and usually get the daily "scoop" at the end of the day.
I personally think you should not send in the note you posted, as it will probably create a lot of tension. I would just continue to call each day if you so choose. If they get an attitude on the phone, then bring it up to the director.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:28 PM |
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Stacey1403
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
If one of my girls ever wrote that to any parent they would be close to being fired. I will be willing to bet the director has no idea about that letter. I would NEVER let a note like that go out. EVER!!!!! Parents should always be welcome to call whenever they want!!! I would speak to the director. I am also going to check the regs because I think 12 months on a cot is strange too, we have cribs for them at that age so I am not sure if they are allowed on mats or not so they may be able to do that.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:30 PM |
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hazeleyes33
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Ginger
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by jerseypanda
Posted by BabyLove08
"PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL NOT ALWAYS BE ABLE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ANYMORE INFORMATION THAN WHAT IS ON THE SHEET. UNLESS OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING I FEEL YOU NEED TO BE NOTIFIED OF".
OK, first of all let me say that if I had received the letter, I probably would read it the exact same way as you and be just as annoyed.
But, from an outsiders perspective, let me play the devil's advocate.
I don't read this as them telling you that you cannot call or ask questions. I take it to say that they may not always be able to answer the questions you have because they are so busy and maybe they don't remember how many times DD took off her socks. (to use your example)
I would give them the benefit of the doubt and ask exactly what was meant by this. I would personally first ask the teacher before going to the director because it could just be that you read more into it than the teacher meant to imply. That's the problem with the written word, there is no way to gather the tone of what the person was saying and sometimes we read it with our own judgements and jump to the wrong conclusion.
So for me, I would ask the teacher what was meant by this and if I am not satisfied with the answer, then I would go to the director. Does that make sense?
ITA with you.
Many times the morning teacher is not there when you pick up your child in the afternoon and they are not going to remember every single thing that your child did the day before.
I personally never called after the first week and only if my child was sick the day before. I never felt the need but that is just me. I know some moms who visited every single day at lunch time for months. I did so for the first week and when it was clear that my kids were sleeping at that time, I would go home instead.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:31 PM |
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jerseypanda
Life is good.
Member since 1/07 9164 total posts
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Amanda
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by Stacey1403
I am also going to check the regs because I think 12 months on a cot is strange too, we have cribs for them at that age so I am not sure if they are allowed on mats or not so they may be able to do that.
When my DS started daycare at 12 months, he was always on a mat. Never in a crib.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:32 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by jerseypanda
Posted by BabyLove08
"PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL NOT ALWAYS BE ABLE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ANYMORE INFORMATION THAN WHAT IS ON THE SHEET. UNLESS OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING I FEEL YOU NEED TO BE NOTIFIED OF".
OK, first of all let me say that if I had received the letter, I probably would read it the exact same way as you and be just as annoyed.
But, from an outsiders perspective, let me play the devil's advocate.
I don't read this as them telling you that you cannot call or ask questions. I take it to say that they may not always be able to answer the questions you have because they are so busy and maybe they don't remember how many times DD took off her socks. (to use your example)
I would give them the benefit of the doubt and ask exactly what was meant by this. I would personally first ask the teacher before going to the director because it could just be that you read more into it than the teacher meant to imply. That's the problem with the written word, there is no way to gather the tone of what the person was saying and sometimes we read it with our own judgements and jump to the wrong conclusion.
So for me, I would ask the teacher what was meant by this and if I am not satisfied with the answer, then I would go to the director. Does that make sense?
I agree with Amanda.
I also think that possibly they got some complaints about the sheets (not phone calls) so they decided to put a "disclaimer" on the sheet.
IMO, that sheet covers what you need to know, and I am sure if DC has rash, or bumped her head or whatnot, they would write it down or call you
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:33 PM |
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BabyLove08
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by cupcakekid
Honestly most mothers I know don't call after the past week or two to check on their children. It doesn't mean that none of them are concerned about their child's care. They just feel confident that their child is being taken care of, and usually get the daily "scoop" at the end of the day.
I personally think you should not send in the note you posted, as it will probably create a lot of tension. I would just continue to call each day if you so choose. If they get an attitude on the phone, then bring it up to the director.
When my daughter gets picked up her teacher is gone so I never see her:)
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:47 PM |
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pickles16
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Jen
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
I would be livid. Yes, I'm insanely overprotective and have a hard time trusting DD with anyone....They say in one breath that they have an open door policy to call and in the other they send this letter home...I would talk to the director and tell them that you put her in under false pretense and now they are recanting on what they promised...maybe I'm going overboard, but thats me, and I do go overboard about DD...
ETA: I totally agree with your DH and my DH would say the same exact thing, you're paying a lot of $$$ to them, and if you want to ask what color Chloe's poop was that day you can ask!!!@!@
Message edited 10/6/2009 7:50:49 PM.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:49 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by jerseypanda
Posted by Stacey1403
I am also going to check the regs because I think 12 months on a cot is strange too, we have cribs for them at that age so I am not sure if they are allowed on mats or not so they may be able to do that.
When my DS started daycare at 12 months, he was always on a mat. Never in a crib.
Just checked the regs.....
(1) For infants, this additional space must contain a crib for each infant permitted by the authorized maximum capacity for this age group as shown on the license. Stackable cribs are prohibited.
(2) For toddlers, this additional space must be sufficient to accommodate individual cribs, cots or padded mats, for at least 1/3 of the center's authorized maximum capacity for this age group as shown on the license.
IMHO a 12 month old is not a toddler. I am almost 99.999% sure that OCFS would say a toddler is starting at 18 months. So mats for 18 months and younger may be a no-no. I would have to check with my rep to make sure 100% though.
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| Posted 10/6/09 7:52 PM |
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nrthshgrl
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
I called about once a day, maybe skipping a day or two to check in. Mainly because I didn't do the pick up so I never heard about anyone's day unless they were trying to tell me as I ran out the door to catch a train. As silly as it sounds, when they went off to elementary school, I was still thinking "Wow, I can't even call to see how their day went"
It could be something as simple as your daily calls are at an inconvient time (crafts, trying to get them to nap, etc). You may be one of 10 parents that just called. If you're asking if you're being too high maintenance, I can't answer that without knowing what you are asking. How many times a day she took off her socks is high maintenance in my book. Asking if she napped is not. Asking how long she napped is also not.
But I do know as they get older & in different classrooms, it's harder to keep track of the details when you have a larger ratio. You also don't get the detail you got when they were infants (I hated that too).
And no, the director is likely unaware of the letter. Either way, I'd address it in person. As the pp said, words don't always translate well. You can talk to the teacher but I think the director should be aware of the issue.
Also, I've never seen any of the teachers in daycare treat a child differently because of a parent complaint. (my kids have been in 3 daycares) They do cool to the parents but the children are treated the same.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:01 PM |
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pandaworm
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bethany
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by BabyLove08
"PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL NOT ALWAYS BE ABLE TO PROVIDE YOU WITH ANYMORE INFORMATION THAN WHAT IS ON THE SHEET. UNLESS OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING I FEEL YOU NEED TO BE NOTIFIED OF".
i actually take this as meaning that no other information will be provided on the sheet on a daily basis. i've worked in some places that require the teacher to (in addition to this sheet) write home a daily note about everything each child did that day which can get crazy. it's probably a disclaimer stating that this will be the only daily writing home the teacher will be able to do. i'm sure they're still more than willing to answer your questions when you call each day.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:06 PM |
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Tine73
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*********
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
At my daycare kids can be moved into the first toddler room between the ages of 12-18 month and they sleep on cots. Surprisingly, DD had no problem transitioning.
DD has been in daycare for almost 2 years and I have never called. Not once. I never felt the need to. I know she is being well taken care of and I think if I did call, it would just be a distraction and take the teachers away from watching the kids. If something is wrong, or she doesn't feel well, or fell they call me.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:12 PM |
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BabyLove08
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by jerseypanda
Posted by Stacey1403
I am also going to check the regs because I think 12 months on a cot is strange too, we have cribs for them at that age so I am not sure if they are allowed on mats or not so they may be able to do that.
When my DS started daycare at 12 months, he was always on a mat. Never in a crib.
Just checked the regs.....
(1) For infants, this additional space must contain a crib for each infant permitted by the authorized maximum capacity for this age group as shown on the license. Stackable cribs are prohibited.
(2) For toddlers, this additional space must be sufficient to accommodate individual cribs, cots or padded mats, for at least 1/3 of the center's authorized maximum capacity for this age group as shown on the license.
IMHO a 12 month old is not a toddler. I am almost 99.999% sure that OCFS would say a toddler is starting at 18 months. So mats for 18 months and younger may be a no-no. I would have to check with my rep to make sure 100% though.
Thank you and PLEASE DO! Do you work in NY? This is a reuputable place so I cannot imagine their doing something wrong:)
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:14 PM |
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JRD2008
CT. here we come!!
Member since 5/08 2944 total posts
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Kathleen
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
I worked in a daycare for years before I got PG, and kids went on cots as soon as they moved out of the infant room, which was between 12-14 months. It was in Bayside, so the NYC board of health would always come inspect them, they were never questioned on it. My kids start daycare on Monday, they are 17 months and 5 months. The 17 month old is going to be in a "waddler room" with children from 13 months till about 20 months. They are all on cots also, but this is in CT so I don't know if the rules are different.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:18 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
DS was on a cot at 15 months (the room starts at 12 months) and transitioned well from his old daycare where he was in a crib. Now in Twaddler he is on a mat.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:23 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
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LB
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by Tine73
At my daycare kids can be moved into the first toddler room between the ages of 12-18 month and they sleep on cots. Surprisingly, DD had no problem transitioning.
DD has been in daycare for almost 2 years and I have never called. Not once. I never felt the need to. I know she is being well taken care of and I think if I did call, it would just be a distraction and take the teachers away from watching the kids. If something is wrong, or she doesn't feel well, or fell they call me.
my DS JUST started daycare today. i called once to see how he was after i left. that's it. i know if there is a problem they will call me. i don't plan on calling from now on unless he is very upset when i leave. i might go peek in to see him through the window randomly but that's it, and i don't need to speak to a teacher to do that.
DS is 13 months and naps on a cot. at first i was  but the cot is literally 2 inches off the floor or less and he was fine. i am the exact opposite of overprotective though. this is a licensed daycare whose licensor lives down the block and is there ALL the time (i checked the records and the asst. director showed me their book). i'm confident that they are following all the proper rules and regulations. if that's a concern of yours bring it up with the owner.
while i do not think that what was in the letter was THAT bad (i really think it was generic and aimed at ALL the parents to kind of head the overprotective/overbearing ones off at the pass) i do understand your concern. i would just mention it to the owner to get some feedback from her. and if you're not satisfied with her answer it's time to look for a new daycare.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:25 PM |
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CookiePuss
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
I would take it to mean that she can only fill out what is on the sheet and not write out what went on during the day. Perhaps other parents were asking for a very detailed, written report of the day which would be difficult to provide for all the children in her care. I would assume you could ask as many questions as you wish and call as often as you like but she isn't going to journal the minutes of the day.
I really don't think it's something to get upset about and was poorly written by the teacher. I would ask her about it tomorrow and get some clarification. It could be a simple misunderstanding. 
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:29 PM |
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CookiePuss
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
As far as the mats, at my center they are on cots in the 12-18 month room. If she was in a crib still, you couldn't go p/t because they don't allow crib sharing and most places won't allow p/t for a child in a crib.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:31 PM |
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Charly
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
I feel I'm a very protective parent. I'm very involved in my DC's care at the center, however I don't call everyday because I trust they are being cared for and I don't want to take the teacher's attention from the children. I do call if I know they've had a rough night or seemed off, etc. but that is rare.
I don't think there is anything wrong with checking in if that gives you peace of mind. I do feel the wording of the note is unprofessional but I would just ask her what she meant. As we've seen on here many times tone and content could be misunderstood. Give her the benefit of the doubt, if you are unhappy with her response then I would most definitely go straight to the director.
We get a daily sheet showing what they ate, what activities they did, what supplies they need and what times they napped. My DD's teacher is pretty thorough and gives a very personal tidbit about her every day. My DS's teacher doesn't do that. Different styles. My DD's teacher isn't there when I get there, so I ask her to leave any important notes on the sheet (if applicable) and I always ask her the next morning how she did, etc. My DS's teacher is there so I just ask.
You need to feel comfortable, but at the same time you may be reading into this too much (although as I said before her approach is all wrong!!) Maybe it has nothing at all to do with your calls.
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| Posted 10/6/09 8:49 PM |
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Karen
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Karen
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
Posted by nrthshgrl
It could be something as simple as your daily calls are at an inconvient time (crafts, trying to get them to nap, etc). You may be one of 10 parents that just called. If you're asking if you're being too high maintenance, I can't answer that without knowing what you are asking. How many times a day she took off her socks is high maintenance in my book. Asking if she napped is not. Asking how long she napped is also not.
This is the first thing I thought of also. You said you called during your lunch. Perhaps at the time you call they are serving the kids lunch, and maybe things are a little hectic?
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| Posted 10/6/09 9:11 PM |
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maybesoon
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Re: Am I The ONLY Mom Who Is SO "Concerned" About My Daughter's Day Care Situation? Sorry, VERY LONG
well I think every parent is entitled to call throughout the day. I don't know if I could go a whole day and NOT call, no matter how inconvenient it is for them I would speak w/ the director and ask exactly what it means
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| Posted 10/6/09 9:49 PM |
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