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Jen2999
Baby girls & beagles rock!
Member since 8/06 10356 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
OMG I am so mad for you right now. What is he 12?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The fact that he even expects those things without helping even when you arent pregnant blows my mind. I mean, he should be appreciative if you do them or HELP in those tasks. Ugh.
You cant let him treat you like that AT ALL.
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Posted 3/14/10 8:36 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Ughhhhhhh I am so sorry! He is really being a huge azz. I wish I had better advice for you but if isn't even willing to listen I am not sure what else you can say. 
He REALLY needs to step up to the plate and pitch in more. Does he not understand that HELPING you will help you feel better and maybe, just maybe that would improve your relationship - emotionally and physically?  
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:36 PM |
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mrandmrs12
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1687 total posts
Name:
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I'm so sorry things seem to be getting worse instead of better so far!
I hope that after hearing you say those things, something will start to click with him. Sometimes - whatever the issue - I just need to tell DH how it is big time (like you did) and then he thinks about it. It takes him a while to think it over, but eventually he usually comes around and realizes what he's doing. Hopefully your DH will realize too.
DH and I talk about this a lot - but don't actualy really do it. But when we do it helps...... do you guys still go on "dates?" Maybe a date night once a week or so would help you guys.... it helped us so much before baby came, and DEFINITELY after. Maybe it would show him that you guys can still have fun. Maybe plan a little "babymoon?"
Just trying to give some ideas for things you might be able to do to help the situation a little.
Message edited 3/14/2010 8:45:01 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:43 PM |
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julz33
i run for bacon
Member since 5/05 20584 total posts
Name:
julz
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Wow, I can't believe he is acting that way. Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:48 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
You poor thing. This time in your life is when you need the MOST support, and instead your getting crapped on.
Your DH is an immature @ss who needs to get his shlt together or he's going to ruin what is supposed to be an amazing time in your lives.
WE are all here to support you.
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:51 PM |
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d-h2008
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 2490 total posts
Name:
D EDD: 8/29/2010
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by julz33
Wow, I can't believe he is acting that way. Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.
He is very selfish.... he is going to be 29 this year. I dont know how much more growing up he has to do before he is ready for this baby. I feel like this is happening because doesnt truly want a baby in his life. Why would God give such a blessing to someone who doesnt want it?? I really can say Im close to hating him right now.
Message edited 3/14/2010 8:53:50 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:52 PM |
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janedoe
3 GIRLS!!!!
Member since 8/09 3184 total posts
Name:
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I am so sorry for everything you are going through.
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:53 PM |
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d-h2008
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 2490 total posts
Name:
D EDD: 8/29/2010
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by Porrruss
You poor thing. This time in your life is when you need the MOST support, and instead your getting crapped on.
Your DH is an immature @ss who needs to get his shlt together or he's going to ruin what is supposed to be an amazing time in your lives.
WE are all here to support you.
I told him flat... you are ruining this pregnancy for me. I will always look back at this time and remember how much I cried.
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:55 PM |
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gabbygirl855
Life is good!
Member since 11/09 1950 total posts
Name:
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Wow! I am so sorry that this is all happening. Maybe after seeing you this upset things will turn around.
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| Posted 3/14/10 8:58 PM |
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Sandra1988
LIF Infant
Member since 3/10 58 total posts
Name:
Sandra
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I am really sorry he is being an A$$.
I think the best thing is do what your doing. Talk to him. If he continues to treat to like he is you DONT put up with it.
Tell him EXACTLY how you feel, and EXACTLY what you expect:
1. Its not fair that you think I should everything aound the house. I need help, now. I wil need help as the baby is born.
2. I find it offense you "expect" I give you a clean house and warm dinner every night. I do it because I want to, not because you expect or demand ir from me.
3. I expect we will be 100% partners.
4. I am not using being pregant as an "excuse" for anything. The hormones are making me crazy and I need understanding from you, not criticism.
5. I do want to have sex with you, just not right now. I cant explain it, but its how my bodu is reacting.
6. For my helath, we cant have sex for 6 weeks after the baby is born. Its dangerous for me.
7. I cant do this alone.
8. What do you want and expect?
9.There is no excuse on his part to be an a$$hole to you.
If you cant get honest answers to those questions and get positive response......you need to think about yourslef.
Im thinking about you.
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:09 PM |
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MrsList
Sweet cheeks
Member since 4/09 1696 total posts
Name:
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I hope you go or went to your mom's and stay away from him for awhile. He doesn't sound like he'll be too keen on putting the baby's needs (or yours) before his. I would remind him that if you're a single mom, at least you only have to take care of 2 people and not 3.
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:11 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Ok, first of all, I don't think this is uncommon during pregnancy. It's not uncommon for men to become defensive and distant during pregnancy because they can often only think of themselves and not us.
That being said, has your relationship always been that you do all the cooking, cleaning, etc? Because it seems like a lot to expect from just one person.
Why can't he cook? Why can't he clean?
My response to my husband would be, "You want a hot dinner? Make one! I'd love one, too!" Or, "You know what would make this place look GREAT? You, bent over, scrubbing the floor!"
Scr-w that. I'm not a maid, I'm a wife and a mother. And being pregnant DOES make those things harder.
I really think men get away with whatever they feel they CAN get away with. Just like children.
Maybe I'm just mad for you, and hence why I'm so emotional over this, but if my husband ever pulled that shite on me, there'd be hell to pay on his end.
It's a partnership and I really suggest standing your ground and giving him a reality check that all the caring for him that's been going on is no longer a reality. Real life is beginning and he has to bring to the table something in order to get something in return. Ugg. I wish i could hug you right now
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:13 PM |
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d-h2008
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 2490 total posts
Name:
D EDD: 8/29/2010
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by prncsslehcar
Ok, first of all, I don't think this is uncommon during pregnancy. It's not uncommon for men to become defensive and distant during pregnancy because they can often only think of themselves and not us.
That being said, has your relationship always been that you do all the cooking, cleaning, etc? Because it seems like a lot to expect from just one person.
Why can't he cook? Why can't he clean?
My response to my husband would be, "You want a hot dinner? Make one! I'd love one, too!" Or, "You know what would make this place look GREAT? You, bent over, scrubbing the floor!"
Scr-w that. I'm not a maid, I'm a wife and a mother. And being pregnant DOES make those things harder.
I really think men get away with whatever they feel they CAN get away with. Just like children.
Maybe I'm just mad for you, and hence why I'm so emotional over this, but if my husband ever pulled that shite on me, there'd be hell to pay on his end.
It's a partnership and I really suggest standing your ground and giving him a reality check that all the caring for him that's been going on is no longer a reality. Real life is beginning and he has to bring to the table something in order to get something in return. Ugg. I wish i could hug you right now
Thanks. This all blew up on Friday when I really and truly could not make dinner and he was asking me where is the food? Where is the food? I told him that there is a frozen pizza from UNO's in the freezer, he can easily heat it up... thats when he flipped out on me.
He EXPECTS me to clean and cook because he works 5-6 days a week and I dont. BUTTTTTT he KNEW this when he married me, I finished my degree and now im going for my masters full-time, so its not like im being a bum @ home. PLUS, I do go every time I get called for a subbing position, which is granted not that often, but im trying. I cook like 4X a week, is that not good enough?
He has never this bad before... I told him "you know I would gladly check the tire pressure and fill it up but I am 18 weeks pregnant and I cant do it. Its supposed to be the mans responsibility anyway" HE SAID: "Oh so working 6 days a week is a mans responsibility and the car is a mans responsibility but you want equal treatment for everything else?" YEs, he actually said that. SMH.
I actually wish I had a 9-5 right now so I could be like him and be expected not to do anything when I get home from work.
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:21 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I swear, some men just don't get it.
I hope he starts to help you more.
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:48 PM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by d-h2008
**********UPDATE*********
Sorry to be bothering all of you with this nonsense. The only other person that I could talk to is my mother and she would do nothing but criticize me somehow, so thats not an option.
I basically sat him down and told him that even though this baby is not planned and he wasnt ready to give up some things like: hot dinners, me cleaning for 5 hours straight every week and sex, he has to now. I told him that when the baby comes things are going to be even worse if he continues to act like this.
He said why?
I told him because I plan to breastfeed and that takes a lot of time, every 2-3 hours, and most likely there wont be dinner every night or any sex for 6 weeks.
**HIS response: "Well now your using excuses for when the baby gets here for when your pregnant? The baby is not even here yet and all the things you said are already not happening".
I seriously snapped at that point I started to scream off the top of my lungs and I told him if he didnt want this baby he should have told me when we found out at 5 weeks so I can have an abortion. I told him God shouldnt give a blessing to such a selfish human being who cant think about anything more important than his stomach and his sex life.
My eyes are red and swollen from 3 days of on and off crying, I have a migrane and got a bloddy nose. I seriously cant take this anymore, Im about to go sleep over my moms house.
Please pray for me cause this is a huge issue right now.
I'm so sorry you are going thru this! What a sefish, immature jerk! What was his response after you snapped?
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:53 PM |
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Momma2Be
Mommy of an angel
Member since 10/09 5911 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
omg I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can't believe he wouldn't listen and try to work things out. I am so incredibly mad for you, and would love nothing more than to reach through my laptop and give you a big hug (and perhaps DH a big smack in the head!)
I am afraid that if you guys don't work this out soon, you will grow to resent him more and more if his behavior stays the same. I don't know if this sounds too drastic or not, but have you thought about some marriage counseling of some sort?
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:56 PM |
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d-h2008
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 2490 total posts
Name:
D EDD: 8/29/2010
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I'm so sorry you are going thru this! What a sefish, immature jerk! What was his response after you snapped?
He said "As usual your going to cry like a baby, how are you going to be a mom exactly? You need to grow up"
No... you cant make this stuff up.
Message edited 3/14/2010 9:59:48 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/10 9:59 PM |
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d-h2008
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 2490 total posts
Name:
D EDD: 8/29/2010
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by Momma2Be
omg I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can't believe he wouldn't listen and try to work things out. I am so incredibly mad for you, and would love nothing more than to reach through my laptop and give you a big hug (and perhaps DH a big smack in the head!)
I am afraid that if you guys don't work this out soon, you will grow to resent him more and more if his behavior stays the same. I don't know if this sounds too drastic or not, but have you thought about some marriage counseling of some sort?
Well I was thinking of calling my priest and telling him. He has a degree in marriage counseling, so hes qualified and I trust him. I will call him for sure in the next 48 hours if this doesnt improve.
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| Posted 3/14/10 10:01 PM |
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Little-J-Mommy
I'm a Big Brother
Member since 5/06 8041 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I'm so sorry that this is turning into a dark cloud over your pregnancy. He really needs to grow up and realize that you are making a baby with your body...you can't exactly do all the things you used to do. I agree with counseling as a next step here. You guys seem to be playing the blame game and while I can see it tipping the scales to one side you really need to come to a happy medium.
Your body deserves to be rested and relaxed, not uptight, crying with nosebleeds.
FM if you ever need to talk
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| Posted 3/14/10 10:09 PM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by d-h2008
I'm so sorry you are going thru this! What a sefish, immature jerk! What was his response after you snapped?
He said "As usual your going to cry like a baby, how are you going to be a mom exactly? You need to grow up"
No... you cant make this stuff up.
OMG!!! I can not believe he said that to you! I am so sorry and don't listen to him for 1 second. He is the baby! He is the one pouting and sulking and calling names because he isn't getting his rocks off and he has to go fill a tire! Awww, poor baby, can't handle working and filling a tire. Are you kidding me!!! I'm sorry, I am so angry for you right now. I would seriously consider going to stay at your moms or somewhere safe. This is not good for you.
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| Posted 3/14/10 10:58 PM |
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d-h2008
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 2490 total posts
Name:
D EDD: 8/29/2010
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by MaMaTeenie
Posted by d-h2008
I'm so sorry you are going thru this! What a sefish, immature jerk! What was his response after you snapped?
He said "As usual your going to cry like a baby, how are you going to be a mom exactly? You need to grow up"
No... you cant make this stuff up.
OMG!!! I can not believe he said that to you! I am so sorry and don't listen to him for 1 second. He is the baby! He is the one pouting and sulking and calling names because he isn't getting his rocks off and he has to go fill a tire! Awww, poor baby, can't handle working and filling a tire. Are you kidding me!!! I'm sorry, I am so angry for you right now. I would seriously consider going to stay at your moms or somewhere safe. This is not good for you.
Oh believe me, Im so happy the weekend is over so we dont have to stay in this one bedroom apt. together. He is going to work tomorrow and I will get to BREATHE. I am going to stay at my moms house all day tomorrow.
I know I shouldnt listen to him but I really need to stop crying not because "im a baby" but its really not good for me. I have swollen blood shot eyes and they'll be worse when I wake up tomorrow.
Anyway, thanks for thnking of me. I really hope this gets better, I cant function like this.
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| Posted 3/14/10 11:05 PM |
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Dani77
It's FUN to be ONE
Member since 7/09 4363 total posts
Name:
Danicia
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I am soo sooo soo sorry that you are going through this!!!!
Please please try to talk to him. Explain that you ARE making a human inside you. You have ALOT going on INSIDE your body now, and you need to take it easy. Explain that you are NOT making excuses, but saying what it is point out blank. Remind him that he IS going to be a DADDY soon, so he NEEDS to step up to the plate and help YOU out.
I can tell you from my own expirence that once the baby comes, life does NOT get ANY easier. DH had a few moments in which he 'forgot' I was pregnent....(like the HUGE belly didn't give it away!! LOL) and he would say or do something that would annoy me sooo much to make me cry... or just plainly NOT do something and tell me too... I would just point to my belly and walk away. IF he still didn't do it...I'd ask...and ask again... Men can be slow sometimes LOL. DH and I fought a fair amount during my prengny...over mainly stupid things...but I also hated being pregnent. I looove looove looove my DS, but just couldn't wait to have the pregnency over with LOL. But you need to tell him that this baby is going to need ALOT of attention... I don't think my DH was really prepared for the amount of work a newborn really is... he's still getting used to it...like I have to tell him how to make a bottle or something...
I hope that it all works out for you... I wish there was something I could say or do...
If you need to talk more detail... send me a message! I'm all ears!!
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| Posted 3/14/10 11:08 PM |
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avamamma
My Girl
Member since 7/06 3395 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
If it were me, I would pack a bag and go stay with my Mom for a while.
You don't need this drama, and maybe he needs to spend some time alone cooking and cleaning up after himself.
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| Posted 3/14/10 11:59 PM |
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CucumberGirl
You give the best smiles!
Member since 1/09 2398 total posts
Name:
M~
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by avamamma
If it were me, I would pack a bag and go stay with my Mom for a while.
You don't need this drama, and maybe he needs to spend some time alone cooking and cleaning up after himself.
I would do the same and I would need more from him before I came back.
Also, counseling sounds like a good idea. It may help for him to hear it from someone else.
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| Posted 3/15/10 1:09 AM |
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NYCgal32
LIF Infant
Member since 1/09 107 total posts
Name:
Rosie32!
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
ugh, sorry you are going through this. i BET you once the baby is born he will be singing a different tune. trust me. just wait until the baby comes - he's gonna act like that and not take responsibility for his own blood? i would be really surprised. men act all tough but when it comes down to the bottom line - they are woosies!
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| Posted 3/15/10 1:40 AM |
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