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Sunday
In love with a boy named Luca
Member since 6/09 1799 total posts
Name:
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by sasha96
i'm sorry you are going through this. sometimes, men have a hard time with having children and they don't know how to say it. it might be more about him than about you. they get scared and are afraid of the uncertain future...how will they provide, how will they take care of someone else, what are they supposed to do to take care of a baby, etc. sometimes they only begin to get it once DC is here...and, honestly, it can get harder before it gets easier. i wish i could tell you how and when he will come around to understanding this is a partnership and right now it is about someone more important than both of you, DC. he just might know that but is afraid to admit it.  
ITA- it sounds like he is really trying right now to pretend ur not pregnant since he hasn't come to terms with how he will deal with parenthood. Sorry you are going through this! 
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Posted 3/15/10 5:14 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
JsWife
His laugh, Her smile
Member since 12/06 2902 total posts
Name:
Patricia
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
He sounds like a selfish jerk. Of course you are not interested in having sex with him!
I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you can work things out.
Best wishes.
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| Posted 3/15/10 9:22 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Honestly he doesn't know how lucky he is.
You used to clean for 5 hours straight every week?
I dont' think I've cleaned for 5 hours in the whole time I've been married.
I don't clean unless company is coming, I don't cook much, etc.
And this was all PRE- pregnancy
Your DH seems VERY spoiled and immature.
I'm SO sorry you're dealing with this.
You don't need this kind of stress now- it's bad for you and the baby.
If you need to go sleep at your mom's to get some peace do it.
Let HIM clean and cook and have sex with HIMSELF! 
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| Posted 3/15/10 10:11 AM |
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Cpt2007
A new love!
Member since 1/08 5946 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I think the best thing you can do right now is to go stay with your mom or someone else for a week or two. It sounds like you both need time apart.
I also wonder what your DH's expectations were coming into marriage. Did he grow up in a home where his father worked a lot and his mother stayed at home to do all of the household chores? Just trying to understand why he might be thinking that this is an ok balance in a marriage. Bringing home a salary is not enough. He has to be a partner in other areas too.
Good luck. This is not going to be an easy journey for you, though all of us wish it was. We're here if you need to vent and talk.
Message edited 3/15/2010 10:34:35 AM.
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| Posted 3/15/10 10:32 AM |
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jerseygirl
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/08 808 total posts
Name:
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Any chance you can stay with your mom or a friends house for a few days. Sometimes it just takes a few days alone for a man to realize how much you do around the house, and how different it is without you. So sorry you are going through this BS.
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| Posted 3/15/10 11:31 AM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Are there any other men in his life that can talk some sense into him? His father, a brother, or a friend? Someone that realizes what it is to be a partner in a relationship?
It sound to me like he things its 1955 and he should go to work, and you should clean the house all day. Then have dinner ready for him when he comes home. Ugh he needs to get into the 21st century.
I think talking to your priest may be a good idea if he can provide some counseling. Would your DH be willing to go?
I am so sorry you have to be going through this. He should know how lucky he has it. I cook maybe 3 or 4 times a week - MAYBE and that was even before having kids. We clean TOGETHER on the weekends, and he never expects me to do anything, especially while I was pregnant. Can you have your doctor talk to him to at your next appointment - tell him what is going on inside of you?
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| Posted 3/15/10 12:35 PM |
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d-h2008
LIF Adult
Member since 10/09 2490 total posts
Name:
D EDD: 8/29/2010
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by SweetTooth
Are there any other men in his life that can talk some sense into him? His father, a brother, or a friend? Someone that realizes what it is to be a partner in a relationship?
It sound to me like he things its 1955 and he should go to work, and you should clean the house all day. Then have dinner ready for him when he comes home. Ugh he needs to get into the 21st century.
I think talking to your priest may be a good idea if he can provide some counseling. Would your DH be willing to go?
I am so sorry you have to be going through this. He should know how lucky he has it. I cook maybe 3 or 4 times a week - MAYBE and that was even before having kids. We clean TOGETHER on the weekends, and he never expects me to do anything, especially while I was pregnant. Can you have your doctor talk to him to at your next appointment - tell him what is going on inside of you?
He was born in Egypt, came here when he was 18.. now he is 28. I am Egyptian too but I was born here... this is where I think some of the difference in opinion comes into play. He honeslty and truly believes that since I am "home" (which Im really not cause I got to grad school and substitute here and there) I should cook everyday and this apt. should be sparkling.
***This is the wierd part... when he came to the U.S at 18 he came him and his brother alone, barely any English and $500 in their pockets... either make it here or fail. He spent 8 years cooking, cleaning doing laundry FOR HIMSELF. He didnt have mommy or sister to help him. NO ONE. He was VERYYYY self-sufficient. Basically if he didnt cook, he didnt eat, etc. Then when we got married its like he wants someone to do everything for him... it makes no sense to me, what happened to the self-suffucuant guy? What, did you get married just so someone could take care of you? And now Im a big disappointment or something? Is that why he's mad?...
If I had the nerve to call his parents in Egypt and tell them about what he was doing they would literally kill him. Even though they have an even more Egyptian mentality, they believe a pregnant woman is very delicate and should be taken care of. I have never ONCE in this marriage called his parents to complain but Im about to.
Also, Yes, if I tell my priest I want a meeting he will definately go. We look at our priest as kind of an authority figure so he wouldnt say no to him.
P.S. our 17 weeks appt. (last week) sthe doc asked me how I was feeling and I said tired, like someone is sucking the life out of me... she said (in front of him) well sleep as much as you can, etc. my husband said: "Oh, dont worry she does enough of that". 
THe doc just stopped talking after that cause I think she felt wierd.
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| Posted 3/15/10 12:48 PM |
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MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by avamamma
If it were me, I would pack a bag and go stay with my Mom for a while.
You don't need this drama, and maybe he needs to spend some time alone cooking and cleaning up after himself.
I 110% agree with ALL of this. You need to take care of YOU and your baby right now--this is literally THE LAST thing you need to be worrying about, a grown man who apparently doesn't know how to take care of himself.
If you don't mind me asking--did he have any responsibilities at home before he got married and moved away? This smacks of a mama's boy who always had hot meals, a clean room, clean/folded laundry, etc. etc. I married one of those, too, but I made it VERY clear to him early on that this is a 50/50 deal.
Not that it matters now, but I'm wondering if you've made it too easy on him up until now. As you said, YOU'RE essentially working f/t as it is--getting my Masters was harder than any job I've ever had, and I only went p/t!!!
Go stay with your mom for awhile--and I wouldn't come back until HE calls YOU and apologizes for being a selfish jerk. I'm so sorry you're going through this--I read your post to my DH the other day and HE was actually mad, too.
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| Posted 3/15/10 12:56 PM |
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MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Posted by d-h2008
***This is the wierd part... when he came to the U.S at 18 he came him and his brother alone, barely any English and $500 in their pockets... either make it here or fail. He spent 8 years cooking, cleaning doing laundry FOR HIMSELF. He didnt have mommy or sister to help him. NO ONE. He was VERYYYY self-sufficient. Basically if he didnt cook, he didnt eat, etc. Then when we got married its like he wants someone to do everything for him... it makes no sense to me, what happened to the self-suffucuant guy? What, did you get married just so someone could take care of you? And now Im a big disappointment or something? Is that why he's mad?...
Ahhhhh ok...that just answered my question. But you're right, it IS weird--it's almost like he feels that because he got married, he's "off the hook" as far as household duties are concerned.
And you know what? I WOULD call his mom. Normally I'm of the mentality that you should leave in-laws out of things  but I think in this case, a phone call with the starting line of "I'm hoping you can help me out by talking to your son" would be appropriate. Of course, I'm wondering if that would be "crossing the line" for him and would make things worse--but I guess the way I figure it, you've already tried to reason with him, now all bets are off!!!!
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| Posted 3/15/10 1:00 PM |
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Deedlebugs
Blessed
Member since 12/05 10281 total posts
Name:
Kiki
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
Im not going to sugarcoat this or make excuses for him, he is a complete ******* for doing this to you and your unborn child. Do yourself a favor and go stay at your moms. You deserve peace and support right now. You're going to wind up in the hospital otherwise.
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| Posted 3/15/10 1:06 PM |
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chickiemom
LOVE my boys!!
Member since 10/09 1473 total posts
Name:
Leanne
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I am so sorry you have to deal with this... It really should be a happy time for you both. I would go stay at your moms and maybe take him to talk to the doctor and let the doctor explain to him what he needs to do and that it is medically needed.. support from dh is just as important as breathing and eating the right foods... maybe if he hears it from a doctor or therapist that the beginning few months physically drain the mother and that 6 weeks postpartem you are to be healing and not having sex maybe he'll understand that a little bit more. I hope it all works out for you. 
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| Posted 3/15/10 1:24 PM |
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Re: ***UPDATED***(BOTTOM) Pregnancy changing our relationship...
I can see now why he is acting this way. I think a big part of it is the "culture" thing. The American mentality now a days is "equal rights" in other parts of the world....not so much.
You need to take care of yourself and your baby first of all. And if things don't change, well then evaluating your marriage, going to counseling, might be an option. I feel so bad you have to go through this! lots of for you!!!!
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| Posted 3/15/10 1:28 PM |
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