UPDATE!!!Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

UPDATE: I never got to talk to my daughter much over the weekend. She was at her father's. Due to the accident on the LIE yesterday morning she went straight to school. I wanted to wait until I spoke to her until I did anything. (if I was going to do anything).

So last night we sat down and I asked her about the whole issue. She told me that she spoke to Mary and told her that she liked being her friend but things were getting a little out of hand. She told her that she was being a tad stalkerish and while she was flattered she needed her space. She said that Monday things were much better....

Thank you everyone for your help. I truly appreciate it. I guess this was just something that my daughter was able to handle on her own. {re-insert proud mommy moment}

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This is going to be a long one....so let me apologize now...

I also want to preface this by saying I dont know what to do or if Im overreacting or if Im wrong etc....It's really just such a weird situation.

This situation involves one of my 10 year old twins...

A few weeks ago the mother of one of my daughter's friends called to say that her daughter had picked my daughter as her "hero" for HERO DAY and that she needed a pic of my daughter. I was very flattered that another child would think so much of my daughter. I found it slightly strange that my daughter never brought it up to me..so I said to her "oh "mary" picked you as her hero"..she said yes but was very vague and didnt elaborate. A week went by and she had an issue with her sister stealing one of her friends. (That's another thread entirely) So I said "well why dont you ask "mary" to come over and hangout. She told me that mary was acting kind of stalkerish and being very weird. Thinking that it was just a kid thing I let it go but reminded her that she didnt have to be friends with her but that she had to be nice to mary (I try and teach my girls to be nice and kind to others...raising them to be good people)..My daughter said "of course mom Im really trying"..(she is, by all accounts, a very nice kid and Im not just saying that b/c Im her mom)

Fast Forward to today...HERO DAY at school. No please keep in mind that I had my other daughter's HERO DAY a couple of days ago. Most kids picked either their mom, dad, grandma, or grandpa. But I still didnt think there was anything at all odd that this little girl picked my daughter as her hero...I didnt think anything of the stalkerish comments...I went in thinking how nice it was that she picked my daughter...even when I saw how uncomfortable this made my daughter...even when she was making a million plans for them to do this summer...even when she made a ton of comments on how they were wearing similar dresses..I still just thought...how nice that this little girl looked up to my daughter. I was having quite the proud mommy moment.

UNTIL...

She got up and read her essay. It was all about how her and my daughter were BFFs and how their friendship would never die...how much she loves hanging out with her...how she is everything to her...how pretty my DD is..how great she is..how she is her HERO and always will be her Hero...This little girl and my duaghter are "friendly" with one another. But they arent close friends...they only met this year...they've had one sleepover and one GTG.

Honestly it WAS weird. It made me feel uncomfortable...it did seem stalkerish. She followed her around after they all read their essays calling her "my hero" and saying how she was going to stay be her side no matter what...


I dont know what to do. Please keep in mind that Im not the type of person to jump the gun on things like this. But it really was very weird. Im waiting for my DH to get home so I can talk to him about this...it just left me so unsettled.

Message edited 6/23/2009 7:33:56 AM.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Ok that is wierd. I'm not sure what to tell you, just wanted to let you know I feel the same as you. This kid sounds a little off.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

yikes! sounds off. i dunno if i would do anything about it though. does it bother your DD?

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Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

definately wierd ! Maybe she wants to be like her ,which is kind of common at that age when they are figuring out who they are !

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

i think you have to trust your mommy instincts on this one. i would also point out to your DD that she was smart to trust her own instincts, and that is something she should always do. if something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't.

i don't have any school age kids so i don't know that the "protocol" would be but i would definitely speak with either their teacher, principal or both.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Honestly, I would just ignore it. If it was the beginning of the year it would be different, but school is out next week and your daughter won't have to see her. If she calls for a playdate, let your daughter decide if she wants to hang with her, if not, make up an excuse. I know it sounds harsh, but kids that age can't be told who they should hang out with, Yes, they defintely must be nice, but they make their own friends at that age. Maybe the kids doesn't really have alot of friends.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

I'd definately ask more about it. EIther ask at school, or meet with her mom. It could be harmless as your daughter did something nice for her and she is very grateful. (Obviously a bit overboard, but everything that age is dramatic.)

For instance: I had a massive head injury when I was 12 (Explains a lot, I know ) Half my head had to be shaved in the hospital. Everyone called me a freak, gross, etc. As everyone was disgusted by me, one boy just came up to me, looked me in the eye and said 'How are you feeling?'

That one comment has stuck with me for my entire life. I thanked him when we were in college. He looked at me like I was a nut because he didn't remember it. In a way, he was my hero at 12.

It's a tough age, but sometimes little deeds can mean the world. But I'd still ask more about it.

Message edited 6/19/2009 5:34:51 PM.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Posted by waterspout4

I'd definately ask more about it. EIther ask at school, or meet with her mom. It could be harmless as your daughter did something nice for her and she is very grateful. (Obviously a bit overboard, but everything that age is dramatic.)

For instance: I had a massive head injury when I was 12 (Explains a lot, I know ) Half my head had to be shaved in the hospital. Everyone called me a freak, gross, etc. As everyone was disgusted by me, one boy just came up to me, looked me in the eye and said 'How are you feeling?'

That one comment has stuck with me for my entire life. I thanked him when we were in college. He looked at me like I was a nut because he didn't remember it. In a way, he was my hero at 12.

It's a tough age, but sometimes little deeds can mean the world. But I'd still ask more about it.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

yea that's a little weird, but girls are sometimes a little dramatic so it might just be a faze this kid is goind through. school is over soon so i wouldn't be too concerned but just take it as it comes and if she does something else that's a little over the top you should say something to the teacher. maybe she knows and sees a little more and can give you more input. good luck!! keep us posted!!

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Message edited 11/29/2011 7:09:29 PM.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

is the other girl learning disabled or have a disability of some kind? some LD students have different perceptions of the world. i've had students whose perceptions of things around them are very skewed from the way other people see them--this kind of sounds like that. she may truly think your daughter is the best person on the whole planet, and can give you a dozen reasons why!

i would mention it to the teacher. it doesn't hurt to get her opinion on the subject. i don't see why you would contact the principal--the child hasn't threatened your daughter or done any harm, it's just weird.

after talking to the teacher and getting her point of view, that's when you should determine if you should take another step either by calling the school psychologist or the girl's mom. it could be as simple as a "girl crush" or not so innocent.

i know if i noticed one of my students acting stalkerish, i would contact both moms if i were truly concerned that it were more than just normal kid behavior.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Message edited 6/19/2009 8:58:11 PM.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Posted by hbugal

Posted by browneyedgirl

is the other girl learning disabled or have a disability of some kind? some LD students have different perceptions of the world. i've had students whose perceptions of things around them are very skewed from the way other people see them--this kind of sounds like that. she may truly think your daughter is the best person on the whole planet, and can give you a dozen reasons why!

i would mention it to the teacher. it doesn't hurt to get her opinion on the subject. i don't see why you would contact the principal--the child hasn't threatened your daughter or done any harm, it's just weird.

after talking to the teacher and getting her point of view, that's when you should determine if you should take another step either by calling the school psychologist or the girl's mom. it could be as simple as a "girl crush" or not so innocent.

i know if i noticed one of my students acting stalkerish, i would contact both moms if i were truly concerned that it were more than just normal kid behavior.

To the best of my knowledge this child isnt LD (or something along those lines) BUT..it's funny that you should say that. B/C I have often wondered if there was something going on along those lines. My eldest daughter has Mosaic Down Syndrome and is classified as High Functioning Autistic so I know how they can misperceive (is that a word ) friendships etc...

My DH is actually a special ed teacher and he said essentially the same thing you did. Although he is Middle School so I felt I needed some elementary teacher opinions as well...

Thanks so much for you input. I truly appreciate it...

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Posted by browneyedgirl

Posted by hbugal

Posted by browneyedgirl

is the other girl learning disabled or have a disability of some kind? some LD students have different perceptions of the world. i've had students whose perceptions of things around them are very skewed from the way other people see them--this kind of sounds like that. she may truly think your daughter is the best person on the whole planet, and can give you a dozen reasons why!

i would mention it to the teacher. it doesn't hurt to get her opinion on the subject. i don't see why you would contact the principal--the child hasn't threatened your daughter or done any harm, it's just weird.

after talking to the teacher and getting her point of view, that's when you should determine if you should take another step either by calling the school psychologist or the girl's mom. it could be as simple as a "girl crush" or not so innocent.

i know if i noticed one of my students acting stalkerish, i would contact both moms if i were truly concerned that it were more than just normal kid behavior.

To the best of my knowledge this child isnt LD (or something along those lines) BUT..it's funny that you should say that. B/C I have often wondered if there was something going on along those lines. My eldest daughter has Mosaic Down Syndrome and is classified as High Functioning Autistic so I know how they can misperceive (is that a word ) friendships etc...

My DH is actually a special ed teacher and he said essentially the same thing you did. Although he is Middle School so I felt I needed some elementary teacher opinions as well...

Thanks so much for you input. I truly appreciate it...

glad i could help the girl may have a disability that you may not know about. and the teacher couldn't tell you if you asked (i'm sure you know that already)

that's not normal behavior for a child by any means. i've never seen it in 9 years teaching--6 in a special/general education setting. i've seen kids who are obsessed with other kids and dying to be their friends, but not to this extreme. it's a shame your daughter is so uncomfortable--did you ask her about it? what info can she give you? does her twin have any info?

please call the teacher on monday. school is almost out, and you don't want your daughter upset and anxious the whole summer.

good luck and let us know how it goes. i really think there is more to this girl than it appears, especially since her mother was a willing participant and didn't find it strange at all.

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

I agree with those that said to wait and see what happens in the fall. School is almost over so it shouldn't be an issue soon.

As far as talking to the teacher about it, I don't know if she would really give you any info on it. I am a teacher and if a parent asked me about something like this, I would be very vague. I don't ever talk about another kid to a parent.

I also wonder though why the teacher didn't redirect her because it is very odd. I would maybe talk to your daughter about how she feels again and ask her how she wants to handle her in the future.

If anything, if it continues to be a weird situation in the fall, I would speak to the girl's mother.

Good luck!

Re: Please help me sort this thing out...LONG SORRY

Yes def. weird and off but sometimes kids at this age do a lot of following and copying if they don't have a very good self esteem and don't really know who they are. Obviously your DD has a good self image and self worth because she has a good family behind her - this child is picking up on that and aspires to be and feel like DD. Perhaps we don't know what goes on behind closed doors for this child. Maybe she is not getting enough attention at home and thrives on any she gets, maybe both parents work full time and have no time for her... whatever the case? I think you are doing the right thing by telling DD she doesn't have to hang out with this child but to be cordial and perhaps you could suggest that the two girls not be in the same class next year? But beyond that unless this other child gets way out of line I may not go to extremes-its a tough age. Good luck!