very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

Every 8 weeks, I meet a new bunch of moms at one of josh's classes.

I tend to always find 2 or 3 that I really like and we go out together during classes.

My current one, I like a lot. mom of 3, really great. From NJ, husband travels a lot.
We were talking about preschools yesterday, she said her 6 year old boy went to the Jewish Community School, now her 3 year old daughter goes there.
Her son, in kindergarden, lasted 3 weeks in public school.
He was picked on by a 4th grade bully from day 1...she told her dh he is getting the hell out of public school and back into JCS.
I was already crying at this point. I can't help it. I fear mean kids.
She says well, my son, he is basically Isaac Mizrahi.
I said what?
she said he is gayer then gay.

I stood there shocked. In 3 years hanging with moms day in and day out, never heard this ever, or anything close to it.

She said she is okay with it, if he is not gay her and her husband will be shocked. but she will spent the next 13 years making sure he is never bullied in school by anyone.
In charlotte, we don't have a huge Jewish community, at all...so she said she would rather him in a class with 3 kids then get a look from anyone.

Is she jumping the gun? Do you really know your 6 year old is gay? I guess you can...but I was shocked to hear this is her mission at the beginning of his school days.

any thoughts?

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

Well, I don't know, there's a lot to be said about a mother's instincts.

I guess it's great that she is open-minded about it and on board to protect her child, which of course we all should be.

I just wonder if her feeling this way may foster something that's not there - not that it would be wrong, but could she sway him with this pre-conceived notion? I guess it also depends on if you believe homosexuality is nature or nuture.

Either way, sounds like he has great parents.

Message edited 5/26/2010 10:48:11 AM.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

Yes! Parents can know that young. I used to go with a gay friend to a support group for friends and family back in the mid 90s. The mom of one of the boys "the Dutchess" told us that when he was 3 years old- she knew he was gay. And she was right. It was the 70s- and she still knew.

I think its great that she is willing to protect her son from being bullied and to encourage him to be who he is.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

One of my friends is gay and he said he knew when he was 5! I'm guessing that an intuitive parent would also know this at a young age.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

How great that she is open to who he is already. I work with kindergarten kids. There are some kids you definitely get a feeling about early on. A few that I would be totally shocked if they were not gay. I've never seen a problem with my students bullying over sexual identity (other things yes, but not that). But, I think unfortunately that mom is right, she is going to have to stand up for her son as he grows up. Kids can be so rough on anyone different.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I say yes.

Being my mother does daycare and has been for 25yrs plus, I have seen my share of children come in and grow up.

We called out two, and knew they were gay. you saw it and knew even from an earlier age of 5...
and well, he was. Never outed since unfortunately he passed at age 16.

The other, he is still young and we will see.

The parents had an idea but never changed their ways and sent them to school and let things just happen.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

IDK, Gay is a sexual preference, not an identity ... right?

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

It does sound surprising. I do believe that sexuality is nature and not nurture but at the same time I would have thought that six is too young to have any sexual feelings either way.

On the other hand I've seen a few shows about kids even younger who feel "trapped in the wrong body"- but the urge to go transgender is different from being "gay"... so idk.

It's interesting and yeah a that this mom starting telling you the whole story when u don't really know her well, lol, but I think it's cool at least that they made the decision to love and protect him no matter what.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

thanks!

I def think it is good that she goes with her gut.

I was just blown away.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

i see sexuality as an orientation and not a preference. given that and working in an elementary school, i've met two boys who I believe are/will be gay as they get older and can understand sexuality. one might be unsure of his gender moreso.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

Posted by momytobein2010

IDK, Gay is a sexual preference, not an identity ... right?

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I believe that you can know. This opens up the nature vs nurture debate, but I can't deny how many friends that I talk with who are gay say they knew from their earliest memory. They may not 'know' the sexuality behind their orientation at this point.

What an amazing woman. Children are crucified for being different, which is why many men and women suppress themselves until they are adult enough to handle. Anything against the norm is tough for a kid and parents to endure.

Bella is in preschool. They dress up for Halloween. One of her schoolmates (we'll call him John) decided that he wanted to be Dorothy. And I mean dress, ruby slippers, wig...everything. I didn't know until I saw the pictures posted on the door. It was jarring to me, but also wonderfully touching. I spoke with her teacher and she said that she spoke with the class about how people express themselves differently and there are no limits on how they can and should express themselves. It was so accepted that Bella didn't even mention it to me...because to her it was so normal.

To learn this at 4 gives me hope. Small hope...but hope. Hope that these kids that are deemed "different" may just have a chance to freely be who they are. Just because he likes broadway shows, singing, and dancing may not mean anything about his sexuality...but it should mean anything period.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I don't know that you can know for sure but I think there are subtle (and maybe not so subtle) things that would lead you to believe your child is gay. Honestly, there were 2-3 kids that I taught in elementary school that I would be 100% shocked if they weren't gay. There are just some mannerisms and behaviors that I think are signs. Just my opinion though.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I remember liking boys and having boyfriends in kindergarten, so I think it is possible for a parent to know that early.

I'm not sure I agree with her sheltering approach but that is her decision as a mother to make.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I have no idea if she's jumping the gun re: his sexual orientation -

I DO think, no matter how well intentioned she may be, that she's jumping the gun about ripping him out of public school and sheltering him for his WHOLE life ........We all want to protect our kids, but I think they ALSO need to learn that life is not always easy, being hurt IS part of life, and learning how to cope with that, as well as learning how to treat other people - is an extremely important part of growing up IMO

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

In the past I would've probably thought "wow, really?" about "knowing" so early on. But I have a friend with a 6 year old boy and she KNOWS and has KNOWN for years that he is gay. She had a brother she adored who passed away a few years ago and he was gay as well, so I thank God this little boy has such a strong and open-minded mom as his advocate. Their older son is as rough-and-tumble as they come, too! Having met the little guy I would have to agree he DEFINITELY would strike you as more or less effeminate. They go to counseling (not to CHANGE or redirect him at all, just to talk about what's going on at school, etc. so she can take action if he is bullied or is having a hard time).
I'd guess that this scenario would be the minority but I'm certain it does happen occasionally.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

My sister and friend are both kindergarten teachers. They believe you can tell by then. They try to protect these kids from getting bullied. I think it's great she is protecting her son.
My dh's cousin is gay and they have known all along. He was the princess that had to be saved instead of the sword fighting knight. His family could have saved him a lot of problems and anxiety if they had just let him be who he was and not tried to change or ignore what was going on.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I have a gay cousin who is now 20 and totally out of the closet--we knew he was gay at age 4 or 5.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

sometimes, you totally know.

We had a kid growing up in my neighborhood who was CLEARLY gay as a small child, and is today.

Then again though, my next door neighbor, I wouldve never guessed even through HS that he was gay, and he is. He was one of my closest friends too. Now that hes "out" he is clearly gay.

So if she can tell, then I think its great that shes so OK with it at such a young age and is trying to protect him!

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I don't know. I've never even though about it honestly. I always (or most of the time) believe that mom knows best.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

I think you can definitely know!!

My cousin is gay and we have known pretty much his entire life. Even our grandmother knew. It was really obvious from an early age especially when compared to other little boys- he just did not like to do "boyish" things at all and always preferred to play with the girls ( I have a bunch of other examples but that is just one of them), his mannerisms etc. all pointed in that direction.

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

i think marissa gets what i am saying.

i was shocked that she said she will find him a class with 3 kids in it before he goes back to public school.

we have tons of private schools down here...so even if not a Jewish school, he can go to a smaller school...but not that small.

I don't know...I am not in that situation, she said she just wants him to be happy, and i agree, but that is super sheltered.

if you fear public school kids...you are heading for a harsh reality

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

Not every gay man is effeminate, seems lshe should have more to go on before declaring him gay or not

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

Re: very different mom talk from the usual my kid is so advanced...what do you think?

It totally believe this. My brother is gay, and I swear, I knew when he was 2 (I was 12). He never played with "boys toys", only tea sets, dolls, barbies, etc. He preferred, even at that age, to have friends that were girls, and not boys, never clicked with my dad, etc. It has always been obvious to us. When he came out at 19, we were like, "Finally!"