Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

If your grandmother passed away and the wake was one day only, would you expect DH to be there for both sessions on that day?? Even if he had to take a day off from work??

Message edited 4/27/2008 11:41:49 PM.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I voted for "depends" ...

If it would really truly be a hardship for him and cause him problems to take off from work, then I would say that it would be fine for him to just come to the evening session.

Its not like you would be alone, you will be surrounded by your family.

That being said, before DH & I were even engaged, his Grandmother passed away. I took off from work for a couple of days, because I have the flexibility to do things like that.

Without a question though, he should definitely be there for the funeral ... that should be a day he takes off from work.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I'd say he can skip the day session, unless you really really need him to be there for you. Its not his grandparent, and I know at least at my job, taking a day off makes the rest of the week incredibly awful.

My grandmother died when I was just out of college and had just started a job about a month before. My parents told me to go to work and just come to the evening session. People understand.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

Hmm...in my own personal case, I know DH would want to be there all day. We're close with my Grandparents - he doesn't have any of his own and he's known mine for 8+ years already.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

right before my Keith past away, my aunt and uncle past away, 3 and a half months apart both one day services and we together went to both morning and night services. family is family either by blood or marriage . i never understood that part... how is your so family not your family. did you not call them aunt, uncle, grandma, grandpa, ect. I know i always did out of respect to them unless they asked to be called something else. which in my case never happened. keith's uncle's where call uncle****, or Aunt *** or grandpa.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

If it were my DH, I'd want him to go to both, but if he could only take one day off, I'd prefer that he go to the evening session of the wake and the funeral.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

First of all, sorry for your loss. My grandmother passed last month and DH went to one session. Honestly, it was easier for me. He doesn't really know this side of my family too well and it allowed me to reconnect without having to worry about him.

Message edited 4/28/2008 6:47:19 AM.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I voted no, he coudl go to the later one. but when my grandma passed in 2003, my DH took off work for both the wake and funeral, one day each. He wanted to be there for me as it was the last grandparent I had and was a really hard loss.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

First off, I am sorry for your loss With that said, I would honestly tell DH that he could come to the later session & go to work since I know how difficult it is for him to miss a day. If he was to come, he would have to keep running out in the lobby to take calls. During the day, I would be with my family & that is enough for me. Of course, I would expect him to be there for the funeral though.

Right before DH & I got engaged, my grandma had passed away. DH was at another job & it was nearly impossible for him to get off. He went to work & was at the funeral home for the evening session. I was ok with that bc I know that work is more important. This was my grandma & not his.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

depends - my DH had an out of state job interview during my uncle's wake and funeral, everyone understood that he was not able to make it.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

DH didn't go to both sessions for his own grandmother

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

In my situation, he would not b/c the airfare would be too much ($2000 +) for me, let alone both of us. Both sets of grandparents were dead long before I met DH, so I can't really answer this properly.

Message edited 4/28/2008 7:46:49 AM.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

i think it depends on your DHs job. some jobs are easier to take off, and easier to catch up if you miss a day.
if he has a job that is very demanding, and hard to take off for a day, i would just ask him to come to the evening viewing. but, if his job is more flexible i would expect him to be there the whole time
when my aunt ( through marriage) passed away last year, DH couldn't come to the funeral- we had just gotten back from a trip to germany and he had missed a whole week of work for that, so i didn't expect him to take another day off so soon after that.
When my grandfather died a few years ago, DH (bf at the time) didn't come to the funeral- but thats because he was busy running my parents garden center for them so they could be at the funeral...
as long as your DH is there for at least part of it, thats what matters.

Message edited 4/28/2008 7:52:51 AM.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I voted for No....he can come to the later session.

It wouldn't be that important to me for him to take the whole day off.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I voted for Yes. I have one grandmother left, DH has none.
He LOVES my grandmother and I don't even think I'd have to question him. I think he would definitley take the day on his own and be with me all day and night.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I mis-read the question and thought it was his grandmother, so I voted he should be there all day. But his grandmother lives in Florida so he'd have to take off work anyhow.

For my grandmother I wouldn't expect him to take off work if it was difficult.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I would say it depends. If he has that flexability to do so then yes I would expect him there. But if not I would understand. I would probably be upset however.
2 months before my wedding my grandmother passed away and DH was with us day & night both days and the funeral. But he was also very close with my nanny!

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

I would say yes, only so he could be there for me. I would want him by my side all day. Regardless of what I wanted though, DH would take off the day.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

It depends. If he could only take one day off, I would rather he come to the funeral the following day and just come to the night session of the wake. The rest of my family would be there and I would be fine with that.

If there weren't going to be a funeral, then I would want him to take the whole day of the wake off.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

it is very hard for me and my DH to take off from work - we only gets so many days a year and i don't think he gets any bereavement leave.

i voted that he should be able to just come to the evening session but keep in mind that:

1. i am jewish so although i have been to many wakes, this would never happen on my side - i was kind of thinking more along the lines of if his grandmother died and i had to go to her wake

2. i sincerely doubt that either DH or I would choose to go to work in this instance, but it's a possibility, and i can't see being mad about it, especially since all of my family would be there.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

Depends. If DW's grandmother passed now (they both passed before we got married), I would do whatever she needed me to do. If she was devastated by the loss, I would of course be by her side. If she was just sad, and was OK with everything, I would be comfortable just coming to the night session. It would all be based on what DW needed from me.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

Message edited 4/28/2008 9:48:26 AM.

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

yes, i would expect this...and i would do the same for his grandparents...IMO thats close family...

Re: Wake ettiquette question with POLL.

It depends. Are you taking off for the funeral? Is he taking off for the funeral?