Wedding Thank You Spin-off

I see a lot of people responding to the TY thread stating there is a rule that permits couples to take one year to send out a thank you card. I checked Emily Post and she says they should be sent within three months if not sooner.

I am not talking about waiting for pictures or unexpected difficulties, etc. - just the one year rule. Until LIW/LIF I never heard of it and wonder where it came from.

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i have no idea either.

but as a fairly new bride who just went through this, i think 3 months is a very short time to get them out.

i got mine out in 5 months.. i had to wait almost a month or two for the photographer to print them.

figure by the time u get home from ur honeymoon that is 2 weeks later, then u have to wait until thephotographer uploads all your proofs to the computer.
then u have to look through them all- in my case 1300, then u have to choose a thank u.

so i would say a year is pretty reasonable.

JMO!

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when we got back from our honeymoon, our proofs were ready about a week later. It took us about 2 weeks to pick a picture. I then started to write out the thank-yous, so I knoew that when the pictures came in, all I had to do was slip them in the card and mail out.

Our TY's were in the mail right after New years (we were married in October)

I think 3-4 months after you get married is plenty of time. And if the pictures arent ready....then send out the TY's anyway....most people do not keep the picture!

Message edited 5/15/2007 2:15:27 PM.

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I think waiting a year is inconsiderate. I'm sure there are instances where it is out of your control but honestly, these people took time out of their lives to come to your event, to shop for a gift for you or give you money - the least you could do is acknowledge that in a considerable time frame.

I got married in early September and my TYs were sent out before my Christmas cards. Honestly, I felt bad that it took so long - I definitely dragged my feet on the last batch.

On another note, just saying "thanks for the gift/thanks for coming" chaps my azz more than a late TY. Put some thought into the TY - make it personal - imo, that's the least you could do to show some gratitude.

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I went up and down to every single person at my wedding personally and THANKED them for coming.

they all know me, and my dh, and it goes without saying that we were completely thankful and grateful that they were able to make it.

honestly, if anyone is looking at my calendar and waiting for my thank you, they can do me a favor and hold their breath while doing it.

I can see if I lived in Emily Posts time...when we all didn't have 87,000 different things going on, in addition to WORKING, but I don't.

there should be an amendment to that rule...even our forefathers left room for changes in society.

ETS: they didn't carry my first born, save my life, or carry dh from a burning building. it's a celebration *******...in those immortal words...they attended a party, ate well, and had a great time.

what happened to being honored to share in the special day????

Message edited 5/15/2007 2:22:06 PM.

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Whether or not I agree with taking so long to send a thank you is irrelevant, I was just wondering when or where it became a rule of sorts. Based on replies to the other thread it seems as though there was some sort of revision to where it is acceptable from an etiquette stand point to purposely take so long. Again, I am excluding emergencies & situations that prevent getting them out faster.

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There is an etiquette rule that you have up until a year to send the gift - not the thank you.

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Posted by Leeners

out). Not sure why this is an excuse for some people

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Posted by Ophelia

Posted by Leeners

out). Not sure why this is an excuse for some people

I guess people have different priorities, and some families are different too.

I am the type of person that believes...those that know me, know me...know how I feel, how I operate. those people wouldn't be upset or judge me, and they know how much I respect and appreciate everything they do for me.

those that don't, and use things like this to call me rude or whatever...hey, what can I do? People that want to do that, will do it regardless.

I do what feels right to me. not b/c some book tells me when to do it.

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Posted by johnsae

Posted by Ophelia

Posted by Leeners

out). Not sure why this is an excuse for some people

I guess people have different priorities, and some families are different too.

I am the type of person that believes...those that know me, know me...know how I feel, how I operate. those people wouldn't be upset or judge me, and they know how much I respect and appreciate everything they do for me.

those that don't, and use things like this to call me rude or whatever...hey, what can I do? People that want to do that, will do it regardless.

I do what feels right to me. not b/c some book tells me when to do it.

So are you saying you STILL haven't sent thank you's from your wedding??

Just joking around with you...

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I want to say that it never occurred to me that I didn't get a thank you or that someone was late.

That being said, I think it's ridiculous it would take someone a year to get write a thank you.

I had 120 thank yous send out - all personalized with comments like "I'll never forget seeing you wink when I came down the aisle", etc. by the first month. The only exception were the FOUR thank yous that my DH had to write to his family.

You write 5 thank yous a night Monday through Friday. In a month, you would have 100 of them done.

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I really dont think about how other's decide to give or offer thanks whether in person or with a written note. It is a personal choice.

However, I am old school. I was raised to write thank you notes and I do my best to get them out in a timely fashion. For ourselves, we preferred to get our thank yous out within 2 months of our return from our honeymoon. DH was to do those on his side of the guest list and I was to do mine. He waited. I didn't. I then took the bull by the horns and did all but his immediate family. I thought it was the right thing to do and I stand by my decision to do so. We had traditional informal note cards that matched our invitations and thus did not have to wait for photos to approve - Though it would have been rather easy to get those done quickly even if we did them ourselves.

I wrote most of them in just a few days. It wasn't as bad as I thought and they did not have "cookie cutter" statements either.

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Posted by Ophelia

I am the type of person that believes...those that know me, know me...know how I feel, how I operate. those people wouldn't be upset or judge me, and they know how much I respect and appreciate everything they do for me.

This is what I thought too (my TY notes went out after 4 months because of a mix-up with our photographer) UNTIL ... MIL called DH because DH's grandmother was asking where her TY note was. Really???

Message edited 5/15/2007 3:07:03 PM.

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I guess my big beef was that DH didn't help Not making excuses though. I was a bad bride when it came to that.

Also, I am having issues w/ my TY's because I did not put a return address (there was a very good reason...really, there was) and now I am concerned if everyone got theirs.

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i have no idea where the 1 yr came from. IMO, waiting a year is a long time. I got my TY's out less than 2 months after my wedding.

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Message edited 5/15/2007 3:11:41 PM.

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I only took two months to get them out.

At my wedding, there were 300 guests and I did my very best to say hello to each and everyone of them. To thank them for coming. Did I hit everyone? No. So the thank you cards, I felt, had to get out asap.

If I'm a guest, I expect to get a thank you - and I also love getting a photo. I just love it. To me, it's thanking them for being there and for the gift associated with it. It's a celebration for sure and they had drinks and food and entertainment, but I felt an obligation to thank them for taking their time and for their generous gift. For me, I WANTED to get them out asap.