What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Help me out, ladies. I am new to this whole birthday party thing.

DS is in pre-k and has recently been invited to a number of birthday parties. The first one was in their house and I knew the mom, so bringing his little sis (2 years old) was not an issue to the mom.

Now he has invitations to a gym place and the Brooklyn Children's Museum.

Does just one parent go with the child who was invited to the party and the other stay home with the other siblings?

DH often works weekends so it's either I take both of them or we can't go.

Is it rude to ask the host about younger siblings?

she would be too young to actually participate in most places. She would probably just hang out with me the whole time, and I'm more than happy to bring her snacks/juice, etc.

I'm so confused. I've never gone to something that wasn't a backyard at home party type of thing. lol.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Generally, bringing siblings is a definite no-no, but how old is your youngest? Is she is under two, she is most likely too young to be counted as a participant and therefore the hosts would not have to pay for her. I would call the venue to confirm that and then ask the hosts to bring her explaining the situation and assure them that she will be under your strict supervision and provided with your own snacks.

What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I would not bring a sibling. I would also never ask the host if it was ok to bring. If I did not have someone to watch the other DC then I would not go at all.

What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I wouldn't bring a sibling and I wouldn't ask if it was ok either, bc I feel like that puts the host on the spot, and they're pressured to say yes even if they don't want to.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Generally we do one parent and one kid. If I don't have DH or someone to watch the boys then I took ds2 now that I have 3 idk what I would do if I didn't have a sitter.
I think if your other child is old enough to participate then you shouldn't bring them.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Fortunately, every party we have been invited to has stressed that we are ALL invited (including my 1 year old)... but DS is not in school yet.

It's a tough issue for us: we like to send time together as a family.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I usually ask and pay. We hang as a family on weekends. Sometimes I have the younger one have a playdate while older is at party. A lot of people bring siblings it they don't go. I have to say , the parents are pretty good about inviting both kids most times

Message edited 4/16/2013 9:51:00 AM.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Thanks, ladies.

I would never want the host to go out of pocket for DD or out of her way.

I figured at the brooklyn children's museum I would just pay the entrance fee and let her hang out with me while DS played with his friends, but I will ask her if that is ok.

And she is too young to participate in the gym/bouce house.

I will call the places to see what the policy is and if it would be an inconvenience for the host, then we'll have to RSVP no.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I wouldn't bring my younger son unless he was specifically invited - He's 2, which IS old enough to participate in most parties and be included in the paid headcount.

Last year when I could keep him in the stroller it wasn't a big deal, but now.......nope. He has to stay home w/ either myself or DH while the other takes his brother.

ETA - I personally think it's rude to ask to bring other kids to the party EVEN if you're offering to pay for them. - They were not invited, and I'm sure most hosts know you have additional kids.
If I was asked I would never be able to let the person pay for themselves - Its just an akward situation -

Message edited 4/16/2013 11:25:32 AM.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I would only bring the child on the invite. It places the host in an uncomfortable situation bc it is hard for most to tell someone no and many would feel uncomfortable taking money for the additional child if offered. I have only brought DD#2 when the host told me to bring her. I have said no when I didn't have someone to watch my younger one. I do think an infant is different than a walking child. A lot of places won't charge for an infant but will once a child is walking.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

In general, if you are not close and you are not told the sibling is invited, you should not bring the younger sibling.

If DH is available, we never bring a sibling unless clearly invited.

If DH is unavailable, I have gotten our nanny to watch younger DS. It was clearly not age appropriate for him (one was a super fancy tea party).

I have RSVP'd no stating the reason was the other parent was unavailable to watch sibling. Almost always the host says we can bring the sibling. I do not ask if we can bring the sibling though. That is considered rude.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

i have two kids... if they walking they are usually counted and the host has to pay.

i only bring one child if only one was invited. i would never ask to bring a sibling.

if i cant find someone to watch the other i usually RSVP no. i have done that a few times.

by asking the parent you are putting them on the spot to say yes.

What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I have two kids... I dont see the big deal in asking the host if its possible to bring the sibling....

my sons 4th bday is this weekend.....there are 9 openings left in the package(he's got 6 coming and package includes 15)..... I'd LOVE people to tell me they want to bring the kids siblings.

Message edited 4/16/2013 6:20:10 PM.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I think it's ok to bring a sibling and sit outside on the sideline. I've taken my youngest to parties with my older child and brought a snack and sat with him to the side with the other parents. Many moms here do the same thing. I would never impose and have the sibling participate though....

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

I have two boys but they are not at the birthday party age yet. They are close in age so I am sure I will feel bad but I would only bring who was invited. I would get annoyed if people asked me to bring siblings to a party I was throwing especially if it was at a kiddie place and if they were a close friend siblings would be automatically invited anyway!! My husband doesn't work on the weekends but sometimes he does so I would get a babysitter if I wanted to take one of them to a party. I'm sure it is hard because the sibling not attending may cry if he can't go so maybe I would just pass all together.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

In the past I have called to RSVP and stated that I couldn't attend because I would have no one to watch my other child. For the most part, people will ask how old the child is and say that I can bring her....without me asking. When this happens, I always offer to pay for her as I don't want them to have to pay for a sibling. At the last party we went to, this happened and then the mother wouldn't accept my money so I spoke to the people at the party place, paid for my other DD and they took it off of the bill. The mother allowed my other DD to take part in the party as well so it was a real win-win!!

Message edited 4/17/2013 8:43:26 AM.

Re: What's the etiquette for birthday parties and siblings?

You can't always get someone to watch your other child, many parents work on the weekend. I think it's fine to bring the sibling and sit on the side lines and keep them occupied but to have them participate is extremely nervey. So many parents here bring a sibling but they stay outside the party area with the sibling-that's 100% ok to me...