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eddiesmommy
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Melissa
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whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
It was about when 6 year olds BFFs break up with them. While the mother had some good advice when she spoke to her DS, the dumpee. She went on to say that she immediately called parents on the class list to set up playdates so her DS could make new friends. Here is my thing....Im not a big believer or fan in playdates in general. But Im not sure Id interfere in my DS friendships and set up playdates so he can make new friends when one leaves.
I dont know, something about it rubbed me the wrong way. I mean we all have had it happens as kids and there were no such things as playdates when we were little. We went and rang the neighbors bell or asked our parents OURSELVES if our friends could come home on the bus with us.
When we had a fight with our friend or lost a friend, we had to figure out how to get through it and make new friends on our own. My parents didnt call everyone on my class list to find new friends for me.
I just think in a situation like that a child is robbed of a valuable learning experience, one that teaches social skills and independence.
What do you think?
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Posted 9/15/09 8:41 PM  |
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CathyB
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
I think it depends on your kid. Some kids are painfully shy and need some help approaching someone new. Some kids are super outgoing and everyone they meet is their best friend. I don't think that there's one answer for every kid in this situation.
Maybe it's because I didn't grow up on LI, but when I was 6 my mom still used to set up playdates for me. Was that not the norm here? 
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:13 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by CathyB
Maybe it's because I didn't grow up on LI, but when I was 6 my mom still used to set up playdates for me. Was that not the norm here?
I dont think it was the norm here but from my experiences with friends definitely not. With that said, I grew up in a neighborhood with a million kids so we would always just go ring someones door bell and ask "if so and so can come out a play" if not we moved on to the next door.
ETA: I was painfully shy as a kid, but I think doing it on my own taught me to be more outgoing.
Message edited 9/15/2009 9:16:25 PM.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:15 PM |
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Porrruss
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Amy
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
I think it's important to remember its a WAY different world nowadays than it was when we were little. I just don't see kids out playing like they used to. Plus with all the scheduling (gymnastics, karate, soccer) it's no wonder parents need to "schedule" time for their kids to just play with other kids.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:18 PM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
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Name:
Gabi
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by eddiesmommy
It was about when 6 year olds BFFs break up with them. While the mother had some good advice when she spoke to her DS, the dumpee. She went on to say that she immediately called parents on the class list to set up playdates so her DS could make new friends. Here is my thing....Im not a big believer or fan in playdates in general. But Im not sure Id interfere in my DS friendships and set up playdates so he can make new friends when one leaves.
I dont know, something about it rubbed me the wrong way. I mean we all have had it happens as kids and there were no such things as playdates when we were little. We went and rang the neighbors bell or asked our parents OURSELVES if our friends could come home on the bus with us.
When we had a fight with our friend or lost a friend, we had to figure out how to get through it and make new friends on our own. My parents didnt call everyone on my class list to find new friends for me.
I just think in a situation like that a child is robbed of a valuable learning experience, one that teaches social skills and independence.
What do you think?
ITA, though I haven't read the article yet. When I was young, we just played with whomever lived on our block. My parents never set up any playdates for me, though I was also very outgoing. Not sure if shy kids had playdates.
When my DDs get older and are in school, I don't plan on setting up playdates for them, though I'm not totally positive that I wouldn't if they are painfully shy. Odds are, since they will be 14 months apart, they'll just play together if that is the case! 
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:21 PM |
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Porrruss
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Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
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Amy
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
I wanted to add- I don't see anything wrong with a parent checking a classlist and inviting children over when they are 6. That's kindergarten/1st grade. For some children, that is their first experience with school.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:21 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
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Melissa
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by Porrruss
I think it's important to remember its a WAY different world nowadays than it was when we were little. I just don't see kids out playing like they used to. Plus with all the scheduling (gymnastics, karate, soccer) it's no wonder parents need to "schedule" time for their kids to just play with other kids.
I get that, and youre totally right but in context of the article, should they not learn to make friends on their own and deal with lifes little heartaches by making new friends at after-school activites and even in school? Im genuinely curious.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:21 PM |
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Porrruss
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Amy
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by Porrruss
I think it's important to remember its a WAY different world nowadays than it was when we were little. I just don't see kids out playing like they used to. Plus with all the scheduling (gymnastics, karate, soccer) it's no wonder parents need to "schedule" time for their kids to just play with other kids.
I get that, and youre totally right but in context of the article, should they not learn to make friends on their own and deal with lifes little heartaches by making new friends at after-school activites and even in school? Im genuinely curious.
I just don't see how encouraging a child to get to know lots of other kids is detrimental to social development. Personally I feel there are LOTS of life lessons more important than getting to know other people.
I'm not sure how encouraging playdates is "replacing" anyone or "fixing" heartache. The child is still dealing with the rejection of a peer whether or not he's hanging out with other kids or moping in his room.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:25 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by Porrruss
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by Porrruss
I think it's important to remember its a WAY different world nowadays than it was when we were little. I just don't see kids out playing like they used to. Plus with all the scheduling (gymnastics, karate, soccer) it's no wonder parents need to "schedule" time for their kids to just play with other kids.
I get that, and youre totally right but in context of the article, should they not learn to make friends on their own and deal with lifes little heartaches by making new friends at after-school activites and even in school? Im genuinely curious.
I just don't see how encouraging a child to get to know lots of other kids is detrimental to social development. Personally I feel there are LOTS of life lessons more important than getting to know other people.
I'm not sure how encouraging playdates is "replacing" anyone or "fixing" heartache. The child is still dealing with the rejection of a peer whether or not he's hanging out with other kids or moping in his room.
I dont think its detrimental and is going to cause him to need years of therapy down the line  . I just think instead of jumping in, he should be given the opportunity to learn how to make new friends ON HIS OWN (not yelling, just emphasizing).
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:28 PM |
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BaroqueMama
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Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
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me
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
My parents used to set up play dates for me when I was a kid. Did we word it as a play date? No, but we still had them. No, I don't think a parent should completely interfere in their child's social life, but at 6, I think it's responsible of a parent to help their child make new friends and branch out, however, that should have happened from the start. Would you want your kid sitting at home alone? Or would you help them extend themselves in hopes of helping them make new connections with people?
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:33 PM |
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eddiesmommy
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Melissa
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by prncsslehcar
My parents used to set up play dates for me when I was a kid. Did we word it as a play date? No, but we still had them. No, I don't think a parent should completely interfere in their child's social life, but at 6, I think it's responsible of a parent to help their child make new friends and branch out, however, that should have happened from the start. Would you want your kid sitting at home alone? Or would you help them extend themselves in hopes of helping them make new connections with people?
Good point.....although I should also add, this "break up" lasted 4 days. I think I would give it time, and let him try to work it out on his own. Id of course discuss it with him and give him the tools to be able to make new friends. In the meantime, I just imagine, Id take him to the park, for ice cream, or what have you bc I dont imagine hed been sitting at home alone forever, and this is coming from someone who was beyond painfully shy as a child.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:37 PM |
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Porrruss
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Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
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Amy
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont think its detrimental and is going to cause him to need years of therapy down the line . I just think instead of jumping in, he should be given the opportunity to learn how to make new friends ON HIS OWN (not yelling, just emphasizing).
I think this article falls under the "Different strokes for different folks" heading. Personally, I just don't see anything wrong with encouraging a 6 year old to meet other kids in his class.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:40 PM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by Porrruss
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont think its detrimental and is going to cause him to need years of therapy down the line . I just think instead of jumping in, he should be given the opportunity to learn how to make new friends ON HIS OWN (not yelling, just emphasizing).
I think this article falls under the "Different strokes for different folks" heading. Personally, I just don't see anything wrong with encouraging a 6 year old to meet other kids in his class.
it definitly does, which is why I was just curious as to how others felt about it.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:42 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
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me
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by prncsslehcar
My parents used to set up play dates for me when I was a kid. Did we word it as a play date? No, but we still had them. No, I don't think a parent should completely interfere in their child's social life, but at 6, I think it's responsible of a parent to help their child make new friends and branch out, however, that should have happened from the start. Would you want your kid sitting at home alone? Or would you help them extend themselves in hopes of helping them make new connections with people?
Good point.....although I should also add, this "break up" lasted 4 days. I think I would give it time, and let him try to work it out on his own. Id of course discuss it with him and give him the tools to be able to make new friends. In the meantime, I just imagine, Id take him to the park, for ice cream, or what have you bc I dont imagine hed been sitting at home alone forever, and this is coming from someone who was beyond painfully shy as a child.
I didn't read the article, but I would imagine that it's painful, as a parent, to see your child hurting, and it's an instinct to want to make things better for your kid. I'm not saying that it would be the ONLY thing I would do for my child, but it would most likely be a step in dealing with it. I would also encourage my child to branch out her friendships with other people and to not close herself off to other relationships. But let's be real, if you have your six year old with tears in their eyes, are you really going to tell them to suck it up and move on, or are you going to tell them to suck it up and then say, "Here, i'll help you make the first step by calling soandso"? I see it from your point of view, but I also see it from the point of view of someone who had no other children in my neighborhood growing up, so there had to be extra steps involved with making friends.
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| Posted 9/15/09 9:45 PM |
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Kierasmom
I love my kids
Member since 5/05 2885 total posts
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Jenn
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
This kind of happened to Kiera last year in school. Her BFF at some point during the school year told her that she's still friends with her but she didn't want to play with her anymore. It was very hard on her. She was 4 years old and just got told by her best friend that she didn't want to play with her. How do you explain that to such a young kid? I did my best and I hugged her and told her that she would make more friends and that she should play with more kids. It was very hard on her and she did not want to go to school for a few days. But I kept sending her and kept reassuring her that she would make new friends. After about 2 weeks or so she came home talking about new friends (she wasn't going full time so it probably was about a week in real time).
I did make sure that I had friends over who have kids that weekend. I wanted her to realize that kids do like her. I wanted her to have fun with other children and not be so devastated. I feel that as a parent it is my responsibility to arrange play dates for her. She will come to me and ask me to call up so and so's mommy and ask them if they could come over to play. But we are just not in the society today where kids go and knock on neighbors doors. And certainly not at such a young age. I would say maybe once a child is about 7 or 8. But certainly not anything before that.
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| Posted 9/15/09 10:03 PM |
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jaysee00
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
I kind of agree with you although every child/situation is different. I would try to encourage my child to make new friends by explaining to her how she could make new ones.
I would also try to listen to her and validate her feelings. We all know that this is something that is continuously going to happen in one's lifetime. I would feel most comfortable teaching my DD how to deal with it rather than stepping in and taking over.
I would probably ask her who she was interested in becoming friends with and then lead her from there. I would also want her to understand what makes a good friend. Not just...oh, I want to be friends with her because she wears cute pigtails.
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| Posted 9/15/09 10:29 PM |
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nrthshgrl
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
As the mom of a 6 year old girl & someone who has seen firsthand the clique drama in kindergarten, I completely agree with setting up playdates with other kids. However, I think coming on the heels of a BFF breakup, she did her child a disservice by not encouraging it beforehand.
You can't believe the "she won't let me be friends with so & so". Thankfully my daughter isn't involved in it but I do talk to the moms of the ones coming home in tears. I believe having a bunch of friends to play with is important & the playdates should have been going on all along.
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| Posted 9/15/09 10:39 PM |
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thiadora
Happy Little Girl
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Thia (Cynthia)
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by CathyB
Maybe it's because I didn't grow up on LI, but when I was 6 my mom still used to set up playdates for me. Was that not the norm here?
I dont think it was the norm here but from my experiences with friends definitely not. With that said, I grew up in a neighborhood with a million kids so we would always just go ring someones door bell and ask "if so and so can come out a play" if not we moved on to the next door.
ETA: I was painfully shy as a kid, but I think doing it on my own taught me to be more outgoing.
I grew up on LI, but I did not live in a development. There were not a million kids around. (Where I grew up people generally had an acre + land. There are no sidewalks. There are wooded areas between the houses.) If I wanted to get together with friends, a phone call had to be made. However, when I reached a certain age, my mom made me call my friends to play. I remember running down the list until I would get someone. (I also have to say that I absolutely hated doing this because I was also painfully shy.)
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| Posted 9/15/09 11:28 PM |
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BnBdreamin
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Member since 10/06 5913 total posts
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Denise
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
For me, in my personal experience, I'd want my mommy to chime in, at that age. Sure 6 year olds today google search and bowl a 300 on wii but when I was 6, my social skills were not so hot. I was extremely shy and almost did not get put through to first grade because I would not even talk to the teacher!
In first and second grade, I did make a playdate friend and we'd swap houses to play at. He moved to Florida and I was too young to "keep in touch". Another close grade school friend moved to Louisiana in about 4th grade. Did not KIT with her. Then another moved in 5th grade. Going into 6th grade, my own choice of a best friend was not so hot and all through high school, my mom warned me she was no good. It took me until I was 18 to realize that best friends do not lie and steal from you and broke it off.
That being said, I wish my mom taught me to be a pen pal and keep in touch with those kids. I'll never forget them (haven't found them on FB, not that I'm stalking!) and I think that childhood experience led me to become an adult with limited social skills. Ask my friends and they'll never believe it but man I hate meeting new people. I'm still that shy little girl who does not want to talk.
I do hope Nolan is outgoing enough to make all the friends he wants but should he need my help, I'll be there. Selfishly, I'm hoping my little boy will call his class list to find me a mommy to be friends with!!! 
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| Posted 9/16/09 12:26 AM |
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cjik
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Re: whats your opinion - an article I read in parents magazine
No way would my mother have done this for me at 6, but no one had playdates where we lived. Kids were still allowed to walk around and play in each other's yards--I just don't see that happening in our suburban neighborhood today. I see what you mean about meddling or taking control of your child's affairs.
Still, I don't really see anything wrong with it for a 6 year old, especially since most kids that age don't get much of an opportunity to socialize on their own these days. That part is a shame, but I think a parent has to work within the soicety that exists on behalf of their child.
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| Posted 9/16/09 2:20 PM |
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