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RSB34
LIF Toddler
Member since 9/11 453 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
When your mother or MIL comes over to "help with the kids" does she also help you with things around the house? My mother comes over sometimes to help watch the kids. She usually cooks and brings food, and she helps me fold some laundry, put toys away, straighten up the house when she can etc. When my MIL comes over, she is over strictly to play with the kids (2 and 8 months). If they are napping, she watches tv and I often clean up toys and things around her while she's on the couch. I also figure out meals for her and cook. She always then talks about how she was over and how she helped me so much and she loves to help me etc. I don't want to seem ungrateful so I am just wondering what your mother/MIL does. I also know there is no one like mom!
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Posted 12/29/12 11:11 AM  |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
I am very lucky that both mom and MIL come over to cook and clean so I can take care of the babies. They were very clear before I gave birth that they would come to help and have been awesome. Otherwise this place would be a disaster.
I understand her wanting to play with the kids but not when they're asleep. Can you give her a little gentle direction once she plops herself in front of the tv?
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| Posted 12/29/12 11:20 AM |
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RSB34
LIF Toddler
Member since 9/11 453 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
She doesn't come over too often so DH tells me to just let it go. I don't make a big deal of it. He thinks my mom just always goes beyond and I can't expect that, but I sometimes feel like she is another child in my house. I worry about when she'll eat, what she'll eat, what she needs, etc. It just started to bother me recently b/c she talks about how much she helps me when she's over. IT's always helpful to have extra hands with 2 under 2 but it's actually stressful when she's over sometimes more than helpful since I need to figure out meals too AND she can't handle the 2 on her own so I can't leave the house either.
FYI- this is a woman who asked for the plastic tupperware back from leftover tuna we took home last time we were over. Just in case I was going to keep it  Off topic- but "helpful" comes with a price.
Message edited 12/29/2012 11:35:30 AM.
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| Posted 12/29/12 11:32 AM |
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drwifettc
LIF Adult
Member since 6/10 2348 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
My MIL lives in Texas so when she's here it's usually for a week or two. She never sits still, She'll cook, clean, laundry, shop, whatever. She will only sit down after dinner and play words with friends if my DD is sleeping. My mom lives 10 minutes away. She'll usually bring food with her, but she won't cook here. She also has never done laundry for me or cleaned my house. She'll straighten up if DD made a mess, but won't clean clean.
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| Posted 12/29/12 11:33 AM |
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jlk51496
Mom of 3 - YIKES! =)
Member since 10/09 6758 total posts
Name:
Katie
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
i could have written your post about mom and mil ...mil doesn't lift a finger! and also brings her other grandson who she watches and he makes a bigger mess than my kids! 
ETA: im prob better off the way it is...but it would be nice if she would at least acknowledge that her other grandson made a mess and insist he clean up his mess before they leave 
Message edited 12/29/2012 2:08:42 PM.
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| Posted 12/29/12 11:50 AM |
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FlowerWife
Positive Vibrations...
Member since 1/08 8423 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
lol i wish. neither really help with much other than the baby. MIL (we live upstairs from her) helps in the kitchen when we are having a bigger family dinner and my mom will help with food stuff when she comes over which isnt all the often - but other than that it is almost exclusively baby time for them. i honestly never really thought about the fact that it could be any different.
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| Posted 12/29/12 11:53 AM |
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MichLiz213
Life is Good!
Member since 7/07 7979 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
MIL does my dishes when she's here and DS is down for a nap. We never asked and we're so grateful when she does!
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| Posted 12/29/12 12:00 PM |
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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Neither my mother or my MIL have EVER come over to help with the kids, so I'd be grateful for whatever I got!!
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| Posted 12/29/12 12:39 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Honestly, while I get along with my MIL, I would never expect her to do what your own mother would do. I would imagine MANY MILS would feel out of place to help with house tasks, laundry, etc, not to overstep boundaries.
And my own mother would not do my laundry or help with cleaning either. I would only expect someone to play with my child, which would then free me up to do things without having my child hang on me.
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| Posted 12/29/12 12:53 PM |
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cjb88
Little Brother
Member since 5/05 3540 total posts
Name:
C
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
I think your mom is going above and beyond and you are really lucky to have her! My mom just creates more of a mess when she comes over. I would personally never expect any guest that comes over (whether it's family or not) to help clean, plan meals, etc... I think it's great that she is even willing to take an active role in playing with the kids!!
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| Posted 12/29/12 1:03 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
No they don't help nor would I expect it. I wouldn't cook and clean their house so I don't expect them to do it at mine.
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| Posted 12/29/12 1:16 PM |
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FergieK
Loving my girls
Member since 7/09 2533 total posts
Name:
Fergie
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
When they both come neither of them help with anything other than DD. if shes sleeping they are chatting or watching TV.
Forget about helping with the house work they dont do that at all nor cook or bring food. I would be happy with even just one of them doing that.
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| Posted 12/29/12 1:19 PM |
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KwaaksNest
Love my boys!
Member since 6/10 2825 total posts
Name:
Samantha
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mom cleans everytime she comes over...even if its for dinner, she will clean cause thats just who she is
my MIL doesnt clean, help or do anything other than watch my son so i can get stuff done, she will take our laundry home with her to do sometimes tho so i dont have to go to the laundry mat whcih is enough for me
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| Posted 12/29/12 1:52 PM |
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Goobster
Honestly, while I get along with my MIL, I would never expect her to do what your own mother would do. I would imagine MANY MILS would feel out of place to help with house tasks, laundry, etc, not to overstep boundaries.
And my own mother would not do my laundry or help with cleaning either. I would only expect someone to play with my child, which would then free me up to do things without having my child hang on me.
If you need help with chores and stuff......it may be wise to invest in a cleaning lady
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| Posted 12/29/12 1:57 PM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
I could have written this too!
Part of the fun of having a mother in law.
Mine would also bring food that only DH could eat because I was breast feeding. She'd also go on our porch and read magazines. Drives me nuts.
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| Posted 12/29/12 2:01 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mother helps alot. She would clean my whole house if I let her.
When mil comes to visit (she is in nc) it is more work for me. She really isn't helpful at all, I cook for her etc. the only thing she wants to do is fold baby laundry.
She rarely even changes a diaper.
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| Posted 12/29/12 2:03 PM |
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MrsT809
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 12167 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
When DD was a newborn my mom did dishes, laundry, made me lunch, whatever I needed. MIL would bring meals and offered to do more. Now that DD is 8 months, they both mainly come to play with DD. My mom is 5 minutes away so she can easily work around DD's nap time. MIL doesn't get here as often but usually if DD naps we'll sit and chat and otherwise she mainly plays with DD. She very rarely stays for a meal bc she doesn't want to inconvenience me. It's usually a miracle for me to get her to accept a cup or water or tea.
I'd agree with pp that your mom is going above and beyond. If I were you I wouldn't go out of my way with meals and all that. Just make what your making and add a little extra if needed.
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| Posted 12/29/12 2:17 PM |
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Jacksmommy
My love muffin!
Member since 1/07 5819 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mother does not help with household tasks. Even when I just came home from a c section no one helped me - I cooked for 7 people the first night home from the hospital. With my mil if I am home she does nothing but of she watches ds when I am not home she will do laundry or dishes. Honestly it makes me uncomfortable and I tell her all the time that its appewciated but unnecessary. It's only happened a handful of times thoufh.
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| Posted 12/29/12 2:20 PM |
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azoodie
Member since 8/05 8377 total posts
Name:
Team SEXY BACK
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Posted by Goobster
Honestly, while I get along with my MIL, I would never expect her to do what your own mother would do. I would imagine MANY MILS would feel out of place to help with house tasks, laundry, etc, not to overstep boundaries.
And my own mother would not do my laundry or help with cleaning either. I would only expect someone to play with my child, which would then free me up to do things without having my child hang on me.
If you need help with chores and stuff......it may be wise to invest in a cleaning lady
Wow! I didn't know mothers did this? 
Would my mother do it if I asked...sure. Would my MIL? Probably. However, when they see the kids (which probably only averages to once every 1.5-2 weeks) I prefer for them to spend quality time with the kiddos and not helping me out with chores. That's just me and how it works for our family.
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| Posted 12/29/12 2:28 PM |
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
Sounds like I have to have a long, overdue talk with my mother and MIL......free labor, free food & childcare???? Sounds AWESOME! but not really because I cringe at anyone doing my dirty laundry
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| Posted 12/29/12 2:35 PM |
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ABCiverson
<3 my family
Member since 1/06 7465 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by alli3131
No they don't help nor would I expect it. I wouldn't cook and clean their house so I don't expect them to do it at mine.
Same here. We normally go to their house instead anyways. But I would never want any help. I can handle my own home. My mom will try to rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher since I cooked but I tell her not to do it.
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| Posted 12/29/12 2:45 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Posted by Goobster
Honestly, while I get along with my MIL, I would never expect her to do what your own mother would do. I would imagine MANY MILS would feel out of place to help with house tasks, laundry, etc, not to overstep boundaries.
And my own mother would not do my laundry or help with cleaning either. I would only expect someone to play with my child, which would then free me up to do things without having my child hang on me.
If you need help with chores and stuff......it may be wise to invest in a cleaning lady
I agree. That concept is very foreign to me to expect a mom to do those things for you, in your home. I would never want my mom doing my adult laundry! Or cleaning my home. No way. I am very particular about things and thats why I dont even want to hire a cleaning lady! Even at parties I throw here, I prefer to do most of the work myself and have MIL and mom just enjoy themselves.
And honestly when my DD is older and has kids, I can't imagine me doing any housework for her either. I just don't think parents should be doing chores for their adult children.
Watching grandkids? Sure. Playing with them? Sure. But housework? No. Not in my book.
Message edited 12/29/2012 3:02:02 PM.
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| Posted 12/29/12 3:01 PM |
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
Ok, I have to ask........ is this like an Italian mother thing? I ask because now that I'm thinking about it, my friends who have Italiian mothers tend to be more all up in the house, helping cook and clean, even when they are guests.
I've also seen similiar with Greek mothers.
Just wondering if maybe this was like a cultural thing? Not saying across the board, but just something I noticed.
Message edited 12/29/2012 3:07:36 PM.
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| Posted 12/29/12 3:05 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Ok, I have to ask........ is this like an Italian mother thing? I ask because now that I'm thinking about it, my friends who have Italiian mothers tend to be more all up in the house, helping cook and clean.
Just wondering if maybe this was like a cultural thing?
My mom is Italian and she certainly does not do any of this.
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| Posted 12/29/12 3:07 PM |
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Goobster
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Ok, I have to ask........ is this like an Italian mother thing? I ask because now that I'm thinking about it, my friends who have Italiian mothers tend to be more all up in the house, helping cook and clean.
Just wondering if maybe this was like a cultural thing?
My mom is Italian and she certainly does not do any of this.
My mother is french/irish and doesn't do any of this, but I never even thought to ask (or would - I rather do it myself).
I do have a few friends where their italian mothers DO EVERYTHING. They come over any time, unannounced, start cleaning & start making a batch of sauce with meatballs. I think one of my friends hasn't had to do laundry since she got married, because the MIL is italian and always over there, doing chores.
I find it comical!
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| Posted 12/29/12 3:10 PM |
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