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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Goobster
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Ok, I have to ask........ is this like an Italian mother thing? I ask because now that I'm thinking about it, my friends who have Italiian mothers tend to be more all up in the house, helping cook and clean.
Just wondering if maybe this was like a cultural thing?
My mom is Italian and she certainly does not do any of this.
My MIL is Italian and doesn't either, but if I were her daughter it might be different. My MIL's MIL is Italian and cannot sit still when she visits them, she is always cooking and cleaning.
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Posted 12/29/12 3:11 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by EatingMyVeggies
Posted by Goobster
Honestly, while I get along with my MIL, I would never expect her to do what your own mother would do. I would imagine MANY MILS would feel out of place to help with house tasks, laundry, etc, not to overstep boundaries.
And my own mother would not do my laundry or help with cleaning either. I would only expect someone to play with my child, which would then free me up to do things without having my child hang on me.
If you need help with chores and stuff......it may be wise to invest in a cleaning lady
Maybe it's just my personality but I would feel REALLY embarrassed and uncomfortable having my mom or MIL doing my chores for me. Maybe if I was recovering from a surgery or injury, for a couple weeks I would appreciate the help, but really I can't imagine beyond that.
When they come over, they are guests in my home and can enjoy the kids.
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| Posted 12/29/12 3:26 PM |
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Naturalmama
Love my boys!!
Member since 1/12 3548 total posts
Name:
Christine
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
Both my mom and my MIL come by once a week to see DS. They play with him and keep him entertained so that I can do laundry, start dinner, load the dishwasher, etc. The most they have ever done is feed him dinner or get his pajamas on. I would never expect them to do anything else and would be floored if they offered. They come over to play with their grandson, and that is more than enough for me.
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| Posted 12/29/12 5:42 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
my mother came over, went to bathroom - closed it , knocked 15 minutes later, she was scrubbing sink and brought her own sponge - didnt ask, then shed try to hand rinse dishes but we like to sterilize in dishwasher - so we banned her from "helping"(not italian)
mil, I dont recall her doing more than playing with the kids... if its a holiday then usually she'll offer help with getting food out or packed up, but this past holiday we had 2 kids and they were strictly kids only
no one cooked and brought food over when either kid was born.... but sound like alot of girls on here get that treatment
Message edited 12/29/2012 5:56:18 PM.
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| Posted 12/29/12 5:54 PM |
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Strawberry2468
It's summatime
Member since 3/09 4739 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
While on bed rest my mom helped me more. She would bring food or lunch. Mil did bring a bunch of food for me which was great. She tried to help and fold laundry once. She saw a few of Dhs socks had holes so she went and bought BOTH of us socks because she thought we needed them. I just don't need someone folding my laundry and criticizing my damn socks lol. She didnt come over too often which was good but she did help and bring me to a few dr apts which was great. While my one twin was in the nicu, my mom went out of her way to watch my other twin or take me there. With ILs they would offer to help but it ultimately needed to be on their time. Annoying. Now that the babies are home my mother babysits much more because she is more flexible. Mil keeps saying she will take them for a weekend but that's just so she can have them and we aren't leaving them overnight for a long time. When they come here its almost like a formal visit where I can't get my chores done because I have to put on coffee and entertain. Especially since its always when it's convenient for them and not us. 
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| Posted 12/29/12 6:47 PM |
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RSB34
LIF Toddler
Member since 9/11 453 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Thanks for all the replies. I don't expect anything from my MIL but I was just wondering. As for the cultural qs my mom is middle eastern and it's def part of her culture!! Also, I wasn't referring to cleaning like mopping floors or cleaning a tub... more like picking up toys all over the den - just helping out. Either way, I guess I should just be grateful that she wants to spend time with DC!! I don't have anyone fold my laundry- but my mom always helps fold DC's laundry when she is over if I am in the middle of it. 
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| Posted 12/29/12 6:48 PM |
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Champ
2 little ladies
Member since 1/11 2918 total posts
Name:
Rose
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
I could have written you post exactly!!! except my mil lives in FL and comes up for 2-3 weeks at a time. She BARELY plays with the twins. she really just interacts with them while I'm doing what I normally do with them. my mom lives 3 hours away and when ever she comes for a weekend she is wonder woman. cooking, cleaning, folding, playing with the twins etc.
I hear you loud and clear!!!
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| Posted 12/29/12 8:33 PM |
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LotsaLuv
Us
Member since 6/10 4094 total posts
Name:
F
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
Mom & MIL usually play with the baby while I do stuff around the house. I rather it that way, I know what needs to be done. They are here to spend time with DD not do my house stuff.
If I am hosting a dinner or something they will totally help clean after, but most women do that. They do ask if I need help with anything and don't expect me to wait on them when they are here.
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| Posted 12/29/12 8:53 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
I am lucky, my MIL and my mother are extremely helpful when they are here. My mom lives nearby and she drops by several times a week. Folds laundry, dishwasher, straightens up, brings dinner, etc.
My MIL live OOS and when she is in town helps with everything.
The most useful thing they could do is to keep the kids occupied so I can do everything else, including cooking. They do a lot of this and I am very thankful. I hope I remember it when I have grandkids!
ETA: I can handle my own house, I don'tneed the help, but it is certainly nice. I've never asked them to do anything,I tell them they don't need too and that they should just play with the kids. However, they are the type that always need to be occupied. And I really appreciate it and know how lucky I am.
Message edited 12/29/2012 10:31:17 PM.
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| Posted 12/29/12 10:22 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mom always helps me out around the house. She is great in that way. What mother wouldn't help her daughter out around the house? I see nothing wrong with it & have no idea why it is thought of as a cultural thing? This woman gave birth to me & took care of me & I don't feel strange having her help me cook & clean up. My mil is a different story.. creates more mess for me to clean up is what happens when she comes over & she also thinks she helps by playing with the kids & their toys.
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| Posted 12/29/12 10:30 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mom watches my kids during the week and always does light cleaning, and the laundry, although I don't ask her too. My MIL only comes over once in a while to babysit, but when she does, she has emptied/loaded the dishwasher.
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| Posted 12/29/12 10:40 PM |
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lbride
Lovin' my mini man!
Member since 3/07 2475 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
If your MIL is watching your kids so you can get stuff done then I would def consider that helping you.... My parents and inlaws come over all the time to play with DS - my house is my job, they have their own to clean!
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| Posted 12/29/12 10:49 PM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by allIwant
My mother helps alot. She would clean my whole house if I let her.
Same. She begs me to give her stuff to do while the baby is napping, lol.
My MIL watches DD a couple of days a week and doesn't clean up after herself or DD.
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| Posted 12/29/12 11:00 PM |
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SHOPAHOLIC
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1712 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by Eireann
Neither my mother or my MIL have EVER come over to help with the kids, so I'd be grateful for whatever I got!!
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| Posted 12/29/12 11:35 PM |
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krooshe
LIF Toddler
Member since 7/08 395 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
I could have written this post as well. My mom helps me lots during her visit, but that's what moms do. When my mil visits I feel like I have to entertain her and I don't get much done. When I host holidays she doesn't even clear a dish, that drives me crazy!
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| Posted 12/30/12 12:34 AM |
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MrsCampos10-01-10
Jovani Edward is HERE!!!
Member since 10/10 2500 total posts
Name:
Jenna
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by alli3131
No they don't help nor would I expect it. I wouldn't cook and clean their house so I don't expect them to do it at mine.
This exactly. It's my house, we're out of the newborn stage, there's no reason that they should. I don't need help, I'd be insulted actually. If I make dinner, they'll help me in the kitchen. However, the first couple of weeks of DS's life was a different story.
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| Posted 12/30/12 12:51 AM |
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8ternity
<3
Member since 11/08 10586 total posts
Name:
Formally NYPD-Wife
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
They both help out a lot with DD and the house, MIL doesn't come as often as my mom. I appreciate everything they do, I don't ask them they just do it.
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| Posted 12/30/12 12:54 AM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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When you mother or MIL comes over...
No one helps me clean...
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| Posted 12/30/12 2:09 AM |
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My parents will sometimes bring takeout or maybe leftovers. They put things away but I prefer to put them where I want them. I do know what you may be asking about----people who come over & claim to be helping but they actually create more work for you & then act as if you could not live without them. I've been there. I eventually tried to graciously say no to their "help" but they got offended (not my parents, other people).
Message edited 12/30/2012 3:25:58 AM.
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| Posted 12/30/12 3:25 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mom and MIL watch my kids three afternoons when I work. My mom watches/plays with the kids and will pick up whatever mess they make. My MIL brings dinner once a week, cleans any dishes in the sink and straightens up DS room. I actually feel bad for her and try o make sure everything is tidy before she comes.
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| Posted 12/30/12 9:16 AM |
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BeachGal
LIF Adult
Member since 2/10 2827 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
My mother is very very helpful and I am not ashamed at all. She goes on a cleaning frenzy every time she comes over (makes dinner, laundry, kitchen cabinets, etc.) Of course I tell her to not to do all of this but this is what she enjoys doing. My mom always tells me that I amaze her due to my demanding career and my ability to always have everything in order having 2 very young babies so she wants to help me. She will also pick up things for me at the store, etc. because she knows I am a busy girl.
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| Posted 12/30/12 9:37 AM |
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NASP09
...
Member since 6/05 6030 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by computergirl
Maybe it's just my personality but I would feel REALLY embarrassed and uncomfortable having my mom or MIL doing my chores for me. Maybe if I was recovering from a surgery or injury, for a couple weeks I would appreciate the help, but really I can't imagine beyond that.
When they come over, they are guests in my home and can enjoy the kids.
Exactly this
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| Posted 12/30/12 9:42 AM |
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Ltdentway99
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1752 total posts
Name:
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by NASP09
Posted by computergirl
Maybe it's just my personality but I would feel REALLY embarrassed and uncomfortable having my mom or MIL doing my chores for me. Maybe if I was recovering from a surgery or injury, for a couple weeks I would appreciate the help, but really I can't imagine beyond that.
When they come over, they are guests in my home and can enjoy the kids.
Exactly this
I agree too! When I visit friends I usually will play with the baby while they cook or clean up. They are usually just happy to have someone to watch the baby, so they could do chores.
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| Posted 12/30/12 6:07 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by NASP09
Posted by computergirl
Maybe it's just my personality but I would feel REALLY embarrassed and uncomfortable having my mom or MIL doing my chores for me. Maybe if I was recovering from a surgery or injury, for a couple weeks I would appreciate the help, but really I can't imagine beyond that.
When they come over, they are guests in my home and can enjoy the kids.
Exactly this
ita..and it dont matter bc neither one ios here to help anyway
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| Posted 12/30/12 8:10 PM |
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bettybcafe
Big brother in the making
Member since 7/07 8611 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: When you mother or MIL comes over...
Posted by NASP09
Posted by computergirl
Maybe it's just my personality but I would feel REALLY embarrassed and uncomfortable having my mom or MIL doing my chores for me. Maybe if I was recovering from a surgery or injury, for a couple weeks I would appreciate the help, but really I can't imagine beyond that.
When they come over, they are guests in my home and can enjoy the kids.
Exactly this
ITA. When they come over I dont except them to do my chores...they are guest and are here to visit the baby. Now, if they chose to cook, clean or whatever thats up to them but I dont expect it. When my mom visits she does EVERYTHING and I am so grateful for this but I dont expect it. My MIL wouldnt do anything except spend time with the baby and that would be totally fine with me.
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| Posted 12/30/12 9:17 PM |
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