Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

I have an awesome job, am the primary breadwinner, and provide all the benefits for our family.

LO has a nanny 2x a week and goes to daycare 3x a week.

I take off 3 days per month in addition to 4 weeks of vacation. I am home wiht him if he gets sick, when he needs to go to the dr., I make him homemade baby food, do all of his clothes shopping etc. (point being that I am as involved as possible.)

Do I wish I could be a SAHM? Sometimes. But I am also happy to be a working mom. I admit that I am a better mom for working. I need the stumulation. That's just me.

Once per week, with his nanny, I send him to music class. My MIL made a comment today that she was stunned I would let him do such a bonding thing with the nanny. What am I supposed to do? Deprive him of fun b/c I have to go to work? This really ****** me off and makes me feel guilty. MIL was a SAHM in a different era, never worked, and now doesn't have a pot to piss in. However, her comment upset me. It made me angry that I can't go ot the class with him, put me into a spiral of wanting to be a SAHM, made me feel deprived, makes me mad at DH for not being a better provder.....etc. sorry for the long post, just had to get this out.

Message edited 11/8/2010 9:20:28 PM.

Re: Woring Moms please come in...MIL vent

i can sympathize

both my mom and MIL were SAHMs for the most part, until we were way older

they have no clue at all what it's like to be a full-time working mom. no clue at all.

not saying SAHMs have it easy (they sure don't) but when it comes to the generational gap, there is no winning

let it roll of your back. you're doing your best.

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

I got comments from my mom when I was working about my DS bonding w/ my inlaws. now that I am not working , I get comments from inlaws about not working in a nutshell you can't win! do what 's best for your fam

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

First, MIL was wrong to say that to you, but if it makes you feel better some music together offer classes on the weekends.

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

Awww....I am sorry you had to experience this

I recently had to do interning and my DS had to go to my MIL 's 5 days a week.....I begged her to take him to the library class's. You are wonderful mother for this, don't think anything less. I understand exactly what you feel....DC should experience these things even if you have to work!!!

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

Honestly, I don't think music class is particularly bonding. I like to take DS because it takes the focus of me for a little bit, and he gets to see other kids and people. DS literally just stares at the teacher the entire time, no interest in me, unless he's tired and cranky.

There are a few nannies in our class, and I don't think they bond much with the babies either.
I think your MIL is out place and probably just looking to pick on you about something.

eta: I'm a SAHM, but always contemplating being a WM...

Message edited 11/8/2010 10:03:58 PM.

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

She just touched that small part of you that wishes you could be home with DC. That's all. She can have her opinion, but it doesn't take away from the fact that your life is the way it is because it works for you and your family.
I, too, work because I enjoy it and think it makes me a better wife and mother. There are days when I wish I could stay home, but ultimately, it is who I am to go to work and have a career. And I accept that, no matter what anyone has to say to me.
It took a while to really feel confident in my decisions as a mother, but it happened and now I feel I have on a suit of armor when it comes to people's stupid comments

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

This sounds eerily familiar... When I was newly PG with #1, MIL started going off (in Spanish thinking I wouldnt understand ) when we mentioned we were getting a nanny because I was returning to work. I looked at DH and I said "do you want to do this or should I?" He promptly and meaningfully said, This isnt up for debate, discussion, NOTHING. If she wants to take care of our kids all day, then she can comment but otherwise, we dont want to hear another thing about it. It is what it is... Well we only had to do that once and she knew we meant it so we've never heard anything but positive comments about our nanny since then...

As for the music class, I always purposely signed DS up for classes during the week to give them something to do. I figured on the weekends, I could schedule playdates and take him a wider variety of places (museums etc.). As for bonding, I think it's good for child to be bonded to their nanny. It doesnt take away from the very different bond they have with you

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

ignore your mother in law- i work too and my son goes to daycare fulltime - except teusdays my mom takes him and they go to swimming becaus ei could not fit it in on the weekends - i need to work too for my own sanity - i give sahms alot of credit but that does not mean there kids are any more bonded to them then ours are - i love the moment i pick my son up from daycare - i get the best hug. My MIL says me and dh work too much but they livein a different part of the country then us. Sorry your mil makes those comments- you are doing what is best for child by putting them in the class - they know who their mom is don't worry

Re: Working Moms please come in...MIL vent

I understand how you feel. My in laws have no concept of what it is like to be a working mom who commutes from LI into the city. They don't understand why we don't eat dinner at 5:30 and why we don't have the same amount of free time they do.

I'm over it. I don't let any of the comments bother me. I have a very good job. I carry all the benefits for my family. We are all happy and live in a nice home. My son is well adjusted and doing well in daycare.

There are many different ways to bring up children. I know it is so frustrating, but try not to let it get to you