would this annoy you?

So DH's twin brother is in a bind right now. He was supposed to get a new job and he gave 2 weeks notice at his old job. The new job has decided not to hire him because he doesn't have a clean driving record (the position was in pharmaceutical sales and they give a company car) and his old job has decided to elliminate his position, so he can't get his job back.
So that leaves my BIL unemployed. He and his ****** of a wife have a co-op in the city and have a $3000 a month mortgage and no income. His wife is trying to start her own business so between business expenses and her own personal shopping habits, she breaks about even each month.
DH told me that he's offered to give his brother $500 a month to help out. Um, first off I'm annoyed that he didn't clear that with me before offering it. Second of all, I wasn't aware that we even had an extra $500 a month to be lending anyone, especially since we're about to have our first child.
I totally understand that DH wants to help out his brother, but I'm really annoyed. Why doesn't my BIL get his wife to curb her spending habits?! The two of them don't have a pot to pisss in, but yet she went ahead and upgraded the diamond in her engagement ring and bought herself a Rolex for their anniversary. Why should I have to struggle to help them pay their way? They obviously have no concept of money and now they're carrying a debt and have this huge mortgage, with nothing saved in the bank.
Am I selfish to not want to pay his way? I'm sure part of my anger is the fact that I can't stand his wife and I would much rather see her struggle for a while then have to make my own sacrifices so she can continue to live her lifestyle.

Message edited 7/31/2006 5:25:51 PM.

Re: would this annoy you?

that would totally annoy me- I wouldn't want to give money to someone who was going to spend it on things that weren't a necessity.

Re: would this annoy you?

Yes, it would annoy me VERY MUCH

Re: would this annoy you?

Re: would this annoy you?

i cant even describe in WORDS how much that would annoy me.

just how long is this arrangement for???

im not trying to make you more upset than you already are. but what you described to me is a big fear of mine and i would NEVER tolerate it

you need to have your husband figure out just when this arrangment will be over

Re: would this annoy you?

Message edited 7/31/2006 5:38:35 PM.

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Message edited 11/5/2006 10:40:34 AM.

Re: would this annoy you?

YES! I have a "problematic" BIL too, and sometimes DH gives him money and then tells be after the fact.

Re: would this annoy you?

I'd be very annoyed. I agree with you. Your BIL should def. tell his wife to calm down on the spending.

Re: would this annoy you?

yes I would definetely be annoyed!!

Re: would this annoy you?

I definitely think there should be a plan for repayment, but if the shoe was on the other foot would you want your DH telling you you couldn't help out one of your family members? I would never want my DH or my sister's DH involved if we had an agreement to do with money. I think this is more about the wife than the BIL

Re: would this annoy you?

I would say to her. Maybe I would be more generous *cough wedding pictures cough* if she was nicer to you!!!

I would kill my DH if he said he was doing that w/o consulting me first

Re: would this annoy you?

Yes, I would be highly annoyed.

Re: would this annoy you?

that would annoy me as well. if they have people helping them, they are never going to learn their lesson

Re: would this annoy you?

It would definitley annoy me - especially since the wife has an excessive spending habit.

Re: would this annoy you?

OMG! Definitely would be annoyed!

Re: would this annoy you?

Re: would this annoy you?

OMG! that would REALLY anger me! if they were in dire straights and really needed the cash, fine. but if his wife can't control her shopping and they're broke, that is BS!

Re: would this annoy you?

I love my brother to death and would do anything to help him, but I would never set an amount and say I am going to give this to him each month til he is back on his feet, and I would never give anything without consulting my DH, whose money it is too, first. I can see throwing a couple hundred here or there or offering to pay a specific bill, but with her spending issues, I'd never freely hand money over!! Tell her to get her arse out an get a job to support her expenses and family til her DH is back on his feet.

Re: would this annoy you?

I would be so mad
Is he looking for another job?

ETA: I could see helping out a sibling maybe for a month or 2.. but he shouldve discused it with you first!

Message edited 7/31/2006 8:07:58 PM.

Re: would this annoy you?

I would be angry. One of the things I like best about my DH is that he's very loyal and generous person. I could see my DH doing the same thing to help out a family member in need. The ony thing is - it doesn't sound like your SIL & BIL are really "in need".

Re: would this annoy you?

I would flip out if DH offered that kind of money on a continual basis without my consent. That is something both of you should have agreed on before he made his decision. He was way out of line.

Re: would this annoy you?

It would MORE than annoy me.I doubt it would happen.

I'm sorry your DH has been keeping you hopping lately

Re: would this annoy you?

Annoyed wouldn't even begin to describe what I'd be feeling. There'd be freaking Jihad up in our house. How dare DH make that decision without consulting you. I understand helping family out, but that has to be a joint decision.

Re: would this annoy you?

I would be soooo angry with DH - unbelievably angry.

I would talk to your DH and tell him that you are not comfortable giving his brother that kind of money - especially now that you are preggo.

I also think that he needs to go back to his brother and say that he talked it over with his wife (as he should have done before offering) and that it's just not a good time for you guys right now.

to you!