Would this bother you? Grandparent and DC related

My MIL is NOT a "baby" person. When my DD was first born she tried to be involved but you could tell she was very uncomfortable handling a baby. She rarely visited and when she did it was more to hang out with us than it was to see my DD.

As she got older and could "play" and interact with her she became more involved. Now that DD is almost 2 when she comes she is my DD's personal servant. She gives her 200% attention. Whatever she wants to do or play she does. My DD bosses her around and my MIL complies.

While I appreciate the fact that it most certainly gives me a break and my DD is having a blast, it bothers me. Why?

1) I have a 5 month old son, who she completely ignores. She'll talk to him, but not hold him, feed him, change him nothing. There's going to come a day when he's old enough to play and DD is going to be devasted that Grandma is not 100% hers anymore. And of course, I feel bad the baby is ignored by her.

2) My DD is a MONSTER by the time she leaves. She expects me to give her my undivided attention and I can't. She's bossy and demanding. When she can't get her way she cries and whines. She says I don't love her, grandma does. I know it's also an age thing, BUT it's significantly worse the few days after she leaves (she's ususally here for at least 2 days at a time.)

3) If anyone else is around when MIL is here, DD completely ignores them and it's hurtful. For example, my DS christening she completely ignored my mother, brother, cousins, etc.

Can I do anything to make this better? or do I have to let her do what she wants because she's the grandma? My DH is totally oblivious.

I mentioned to him I didn't want MIL to come to DD's birthday party because DD won't pay attn to her other guests. I know wrong and rude but it's a kiddie party, MIL can come for cake at the house. He started paying attn and said he does see it.

Sorry so long...but this is really bothering me.

Message edited 11/15/2008 9:20:55 PM.

Re: Would this bother you? Grandparent and DC related

If the other adult family members are not going to the kiddie party.......tell her no also. If they are coming....well then that's a tough one.

Re: Would this bother you? Grandparent and DC related

GO HANNAH....First woman to have full control of "A MIL"....

I dont think anythings going to change bc this sounds like its "her".
BUT that doesnt mean you have to put up with Hannah being overly wild either. SO...one of two things
#1 grin and bear it everytime she comes...she leaves...keep that in your head while she is there and count the minutes
or
#2 Confront your dd in front of her EVERYTIME she does something to drive you nuts while your MIL is with her. Eventually she will feel bad that Hannah is getting into trouble bc of her.

* you added more on me...
OK, MIL is ONLY coming for cake...thats it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Message edited 11/15/2008 9:24:43 PM.

Re: Would this bother you? Grandparent and DC related

Re: Would this bother you? Grandparent and DC related

Honestly I would let this go. It can be annoying, but this will pass. Your MIL is just doing the best she can. I think your dd will adjust to having the baby involved when the time comes. I thought my son would have a fit when my dd was able to play more, and steal some of the attention. Instead he loves playing with her. I thought he would always want my individed attention. Instead, he would rather play with his best friend. Time flies. I would try to let it go. Maybe suggest to grandma that she must be exhausted when she leaves and should take a break.

As for the baby thing, that might bother me except you know she will eventually come around when your baby gets bigger.

I say all this and yet my mil drives me nuts sometimes so I am a bit of a hypocrit. I see your position too. I am just suggesting taking the highroad if you can and letting grandma have some slack. She apparently doesn't know how to interact with them appropriately without going to extremes.

Re: Would this bother you? Grandparent and DC related

What would bother me most is that MIL is allowing DD to be disrespectful. I would have to jump in and correct DD on this and explain to MIL that you expect DD to respect her grandparents and that you would like MILs support.