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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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WWYD - Bridal party related
I'm MOH in a wedding, there are two of us. I am the only one in the wedding party that has a child. While I love my friend and want to do what I can for her, I don't like doing it at the expense of spending time with DS.
I did what I had to for the bachelorette party & shower. Both were fun, but I work FT and on my weekends, I just want to be with Ryan.
I've gone to one dress fitting and took her to dinner afterward - another night away from DS.
Now she's asking me to commit to 2 more fittings. Honestly, a) I can't commit to them b/c of work (they are right after work and I can't be leaving work early for this - if I could leave work early it would be to be home with my child) and b) I think it's a little silly. Why do I have to watch you try on your dress 3 times? The other MOH has gone to one fitting as well - one I didn't go to.
Also, she wants to have a GTG for the bridal party to try on and wrap their dresses (we have to learn how to wrap them).
I can't commit to 1 more thing and I don't want to! The wedding is in May - should I just suck it up and do my best to do all this stuff, or would it be fair to say she can handle a fitting on her own?
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Posted 3/10/09 3:37 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
If it were me, I would suck it up (maybe bail on one of the 2 fittings).
Is she maybe asking you to the fittings because family can't go?
The way I look at it, is that my friends made time for my wedding stuff and when it is their turn, I will be more than happy to return the favor.
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:43 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Does she have a mom or a sister to go with her? I had to go to 2 of my 4 dress fittings alone and it was very hard for me since I lost my mom. I pretty much planned most of the wedding alone, or with my DH's help, which was fine and really didn't bother me. The dress fittings, though, were rough. Seeing the other women there with their moms hurt every time, even when I did have someone with me.
Does she EXPECT you to go, or is she just asking you to include you in everything? If she really wants you to go to both, I would try to make it to at least one of the two remaining things. Sometimes it's a lot, but I think it's part of what you agree to when you agree to be a MOH or BM.
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:46 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
She expects me to go. And her mom doesn't really leave the house - she takes care of her elderly grandmother, so her mom wouldn't be going.
I'm the Matron of Honor, and there's a Maid of Honor. I missed the first due to the stomach virus. The second I went to. Now there are 2 more in the next month 
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:48 PM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
is there a middle ground here? can you tell her that you can't make all of those fittings bc you can't leave work early that many times, but that you will go to one of them and let her pick which?
i understand being with your child is important...but unless there is a child care issue where it is a HUGE inconvenience or you have no one to watch them, i do think you should suck it up.
weddings are important to people and you want those closest to you to share the special moments. i agree with pp's that it's kind of what you sign up for when you agree to be in a bridal party.
Message edited 3/10/2009 4:13:09 PM.
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:51 PM |
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1stimemom
Love my boys
Member since 2/08 8766 total posts
Name:
Mrs Dee
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I wouldnt go
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:52 PM |
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babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I think expecting you to go to 4 fittings is ridiculous. If I were her, I would've done the first 3 by myself and asked for an audience at the last.
I'd say, I can go to this one, but if you want me at this one, I need to take DC with me.
I'd suck it up and go to the wrap party.
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:52 PM |
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JC621
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 616 total posts
Name:
JC
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by SweetCaroline
She expects me to go. And her mom doesn't really leave the house - she takes care of her elderly grandmother, so her mom wouldn't be going.
I'm the Matron of Honor, and there's a Maid of Honor. I missed the first due to the stomach virus. The second I went to. Now there are 2 more in the next month
Are you close enough w/the other MOH as to where you could call her and say, I really can't commit to both fittings, but if you go to fitting A then I can get to fitting B, or whichever?
My mom was unable to do a lot of wedding stuff with me bc she too was a full-time caregiver, to my dad, at the time of my wedding. So I can imagine your friend could really use your support and company. Trust me, I know it probably isn't easy for you, but just think, in 2 months it'll all be over!
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:54 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by babymakes3
I think expecting you to go to 4 fittings is ridiculous. If I were her, I would've done the first 3 by myself and asked for an audience at the last.
I'd say, I can go to this one, but if you want me at this one, I need to take DC with me.
I'd suck it up and go to the wrap party.
She wouldn't mind if I took DC but that's not an option - it's here in the city and I work here. So I'd have to leave work to get over to the Designer Loft, and sacrifice putting DC to bed that night.
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| Posted 3/10/09 3:59 PM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by CoopersMom01
The way I look at it, is that my friends made time for my wedding stuff and when it is their turn, I will be more than happy to return the favor.
Same here. Although I don't know what it's like to have kids.
I imagine though, that if you really wanted to be there for her - you'd find a way. Your parents or in-laws, a friend, your DH, ask someone to watch your child for a few hours.
Being in your shoes - kid comes first. In her shoes - I'd feel like you didn't value our friendship. It's a no-win situation.
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| Posted 3/10/09 4:00 PM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by Jenn627
Posted by CoopersMom01
The way I look at it, is that my friends made time for my wedding stuff and when it is their turn, I will be more than happy to return the favor.
Same here. Although I don't know what it's like to have kids.
I imagine though, that if you really wanted to be there for her - you'd find a way. Your parents or in-laws, a friend, your DH, ask someone to watch your child for a few hours.
Being in your shoes - kid comes first. In her shoes - I'd feel like you didn't value our friendship. It's a no-win situation.
i think this poster summed the situation up well. right now the wedding is the most important thing in her life. and, of course in your life, your child is and should be most important.
but, unless child care is a big problem as i said before (and it can be in some cases -- not everybody lives near family or has work scheds that allow spouses to watch the child during the work week easily), i think you should spare the time to be with a very good friend at a time of her life that is very special and exciting.
do i think that 4 fittings is a bit much to ask you to be at? yes - but i can say that my mom went to each and every one with me. if she hadn't been able to, i would have probably asked someone else to go with me. beyond wanting to share the excitement with someone, sometimes you want the opinions of others besides the people working at the store.
so far you've been to one of two, and i do think you could tell her you can only make one of the last two as well and let her pick which. maybe that will make you happier bc you will have that time back and her happy bc you are at the one of her choosing.
good luck!
Message edited 3/10/2009 4:20:11 PM.
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| Posted 3/10/09 4:18 PM |
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Cheeks24
Living a dream
Member since 1/08 8589 total posts
Name:
Cheeks
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by mka06
Posted by Jenn627
Posted by CoopersMom01
The way I look at it, is that my friends made time for my wedding stuff and when it is their turn, I will be more than happy to return the favor.
Same here. Although I don't know what it's like to have kids.
I imagine though, that if you really wanted to be there for her - you'd find a way. Your parents or in-laws, a friend, your DH, ask someone to watch your child for a few hours.
Being in your shoes - kid comes first. In her shoes - I'd feel like you didn't value our friendship. It's a no-win situation.
i think this poster summed the situation up well. right now the wedding is the most important thing in her life. and, of course in your life, your child is and should be most important.
but, unless child care is a big problem as i said before (and it can be in some cases -- not everybody lives near family or has work scheds that allow spouses to watch the child during the work week easily), i think you should spare the time to be with a very good friend at a time of her life that is very special and exciting.
do i think that 4 fittings is a bit much to ask you to be at? yes - but i can say that my mom went to each and every one with me. if she hadn't been able to, i would have probably asked someone else to go with me. beyond wanting to share the excitement with someone, sometimes you want the opinions of others besides the people working at the store.
so far you've been to one of two, and i do think you could tell her you can only make one of the last two as well and let her pick which. maybe that will make you happier bc you will have that time back and her happy bc you are at the one of her choosing.
good luck!
Agreed!
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| Posted 3/10/09 4:46 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
We all know it can be time consuming to be in a wedding party and if it was going to be an issue, I don't think now, ~2 months before the wedding, is when it should come up. I would suck it up and go along with the bride or coordinate the fittings with the other MOH so the bride is not in the salon by herself.
good luck!
Message edited 3/10/2009 4:49:13 PM.
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| Posted 3/10/09 4:48 PM |
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JessInCA
live laugh love
Member since 8/06 5082 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Is there any way you can go to one of the two remaining fittings? That seems like a reasonable compromise to me. It may seem silly to you, but it sounds like it might be important to her, and if you're close enough with her to be her MOH, I'd suck it up and go to one of the two for her sake.
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| Posted 3/10/09 4:58 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I'm not trying to get out of it all. Yes, I honestly prefer not to go - but I def. realize I should be there for at least one. But she seems to want to make a night out of each one - fitting and dinner. I haven't done dinner out with my DH more than 3x this past year - twice in a month with her is asking a lot 
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:01 PM |
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
How about going half way-go to one fitting and explain that you have family commitments and she will have to go the other herself with someone else? My MOH didn't come to all of my fittings, and I survived!
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:15 PM |
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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I wouldn't go. I think it's ridiculous and a little indulgent of her to expect everyone to be with her when she tries on her shoes, her dress, picks out what underwear she's going to wear, etc. I just don't get these brides that think the world stops rotating because they are getting married. You're entitled to "one day", not as many as it will take to make you feel validated or loved
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:25 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by Ambersmom
I wouldn't go. I think it's ridiculous and a little indulgent of her to expect everyone to be with her when she tries on her shoes, her dress, picks out what underwear she's going to wear, etc. I just don't get these brides that think the world stops rotating because they are getting married. You're entitled to "one day", not as many as it will take to make you feel validated or loved
The funny thing is is that she is anti-bride! She does not want the typical wedding, for her shower wouldn't do games or open gifts, etc.
I totally understand why she wants our support, and I feel bad that her mom is not more involved but she knows how busy I am. She knows how my heart aches b/c I see my son for literally 2 hours a day during the work week - if I'm lucky. So I thought she'd cut me some slack on this type of stuff.
I'm doing the best I can, really I am - it's just a lot.
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:30 PM |
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JC621
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 616 total posts
Name:
JC
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by Ambersmom
I wouldn't go. I think it's ridiculous and a little indulgent of her to expect everyone to be with her when she tries on her shoes, her dress, picks out what underwear she's going to wear, etc. I just don't get these brides that think the world stops rotating because they are getting married. You're entitled to "one day", not as many as it will take to make you feel validated or loved
I don't think it sounds as though she is being a brat about it though, although maybe I'm wrong. I just think that especially since her mom is unable to take part in fittings and most likely other aspects of planning too, that it'd be nice for her friends to go the extra mile to be there for her. Of course I don't think one person should be required to attend every single wedding related event either, and yes I understand this girl's wedding shouldn't be anyone else's top priority, but I understand why'd she'd be asking for company. JMO.
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:35 PM |
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LoveyQ
Stalkers, get a life.
Member since 11/07 12820 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I 100% understand that your DC is your first priority as it should be. I will have to agree, however, that unless there is a reason you can't have someone help take care of DC after work, I would try my best to go.
Yes, a bride gets ONE DAY. But as many of us know, the whole planning process can be stressful and especially if her mom can't be there for her, I'm sure she'd love for her MOH/closest friend(s) to be there for her.
It does sound like it's quite a few fittings and maybe you and the other MOH can alternate so that at least one of you is with her at each of the next two fittings. On the day that each of you go, she should show you how to wrap your dress so that should resolve that issue.
My MOH wasn't physically there for me much when I was planning my wedding and I'll be honest and say that it was hard for me because I had been there for her. HOWEVER, she had a child and was doing her medical residency so I fully understood. I'm sure your friend will too if you explain that it's difficult for you to make it to ALL of these fittings, but that you love her and want to be there for her and will make it to at least one of them, etc.
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:36 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by Ambersmom
I wouldn't go. I think it's ridiculous and a little indulgent of her to expect everyone to be with her when she tries on her shoes, her dress, picks out what underwear she's going to wear, etc. I just don't get these brides that think the world stops rotating because they are getting married. You're entitled to "one day", not as many as it will take to make you feel validated or loved
I agree with you 100% You're getting married...you're a big girl...you can do these things yourself. No need to have someone with you every step of the way.
Of course when I say you, that really means any bride...not YOU--Ambersmom
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:47 PM |
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legallyblonde
LIF Adolescent
Member since 8/08 850 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
I would go. This is hopefully only a once in a lifetime thing, it's an important time for her, and she's probably just so excited about it. Obviously you are VIP if you are the MOH and she wants you to share in her excitement just like she probably did for you when it was your turn.
I would spare her any additional stress, annoyance or hurt so close to the wedding (you know how sensitive B2B can get! LOL). It will all be over and done with in May.
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:48 PM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
nah I wouldn't go for her fittings, sorry
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| Posted 3/10/09 5:58 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Ok, so I am going to her next fitting - now do I have to do dinner afterward too?? Do we have to make a night out of every fitting?
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| Posted 3/11/09 11:29 AM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: WWYD - Bridal party related
Posted by SweetCaroline
Ok, so I am going to her next fitting - now do I have to do dinner afterward too?? Do we have to make a night out of every fitting?
Not if you don't want to - no, you don't HAVE to do anything.
Just tell her that you can't do anything with her. I'm sure she'll be hurt, but really, what's more important? Her feelings or you?
eta: was she in your BP?
Message edited 3/11/2009 11:47:44 AM.
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| Posted 3/11/09 11:46 AM |
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