wwyd - going to a wake

my secretary's father passed away last week and a couple people from my dept (8 ppl total in my dept) are going to the wake this afternoon and asked if i wanted to go with them. i said no but that i would definitely put in money towards the basket they're getting for her.

i just dont feel comfortable going to a funeral/wake while being pregnant. i kinda feel bad cause im close to the secretary, but i just dont want to go.

how does everyone feel about this topic?

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

what does being pregnant have to do with going to a funeral? Just curious..?

Being that she is your secretary, I think you should go. I think she would appreciate it very much. It's a small gesture that could go a long way.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

i would definitely go... whether i was pregnant or not wouldnt make a difference for me if we were close...

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I agree with the above posts

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Unfortunatley I have been to 3 this pregnancy. I would never not go....I dont really see why?

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I agree with the others.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

Not sure why you're uncomfortable going to a wake while pregnant - I would definitely go if I were you.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I would most definitely go.

I just attended a funeral last week and didn't think twice about attending because I'm pregnant.

I'm not sure why you wouldn't go because you're pregnant.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

wakes and funerals are a very personal thing. If you don't want to go, or don't feel up to it, whether physically or emotionally, don't go...and don't beat yourself up for it.


I hate them. I don't even want one when I pass - and I have told everyone this. I can't deal with them (for my own reasons) and that's my own "thing" and a lot of people share the same feeling. It doesn't make you cold or selfish, either.

Message edited 3/21/2011 11:19:16 AM.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I hate wakes & funerals (as I'm sure everyone does), but I would suck it up and go to show support, especially if you are close to her.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I would go.. but then again, if it makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you can pay your respects to her family privately..

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

Posted by speakthetruth

wakes and funerals are a very personal thing. If you don't want to go, or don't feel up to it, whether physically or emotionally, don't go...and don't beat yourself up for it.


I hate them. I don't even want one when I pass - and I have told everyone this. I can't deal with them (for my own reasons) and that's my own "thing" and a lot of people share the same feeling. It doesn't make you cold or selfish, either.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I would go. Pregnant or not. It's not like she's just a coworker that you say hi/by to. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

In the Hindu religion, from what I understand, you are not supposed to be around death or see death during a pregnancy. I believe Judaism has a similar sort of superstition about it.

I have a friend who was in the room with her friend's father as he passed away and also went to his funeral a few days later who completely unrelated happened to have lost her baby at 32 weeks back in January whose MIL is Hindu and 100% blames the fact that her DIL was in this situation. Apparently, this MIL is now fasting every Thursday for some specific number of weeks to "make right" with the gods so this doesn't happen again.

Does it sound a little crazy? Maybe. But it's what this woman believes. Obviously, my friend didn't believe this because she was there for her friend during the difficult time of the loss of her father -- pregnant or not.

My best friend went to a funeral of a friend's stillborn when she was 7 months pregnant. Everyone thought she was crazy for going because it could cause so much anxiety and worry, but my best friend wanted to be there for this other friend and she wasn't going to let what happened to the friend change that. My best friend gave birth a few months later to a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

I don't think going or not going is going to change the results of your pregnancy. But that's MY belief. Would I want to go if I were you? No. Again, that's where my comfort level is.

Do what's right for you and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about what you decide, either way.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I would go regardless of being pregnant or not but that being said, it is a personal choice.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

it is a personal choice, but i would probably go

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

So what you're comfortable with. If you're not comfortable with going then don't go.
I'm Jewish, but reformed. When my sister's MIL passed away she was pregnant. She spoke with the rabbi and he said if she was comfortable with going to the grave then go. Everyone is different.
I went to one of my very good friend's father's wake just last week. I also attended a friend's funeral, but didn't go to the grave. Just chose not to go.

Everyone is different and has different comfort levels. DH's cousin didn't go to their grandfather's grave when she was pregnant b/c she didn't feel comfortable.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I would go, I think since I found out I was pregnant I've been to like 5 wakes....it's really no big deal.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

It's a personal choice. I have heard superstitions about going to funerals or going up to the coffin while pregnant. I personally don't believe in these things but some people do.

If you really don't feel comfortable going I would probably do something just from you instead of or in addition to contributing to the group offering. I'd be sure to get my own card and possibly flowers or some other token to show that it's not that you don't care.

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I personally see no reason whatsoever to not attend funeral services b/c you're pregnant - what does one thing have to do w/ another?

But if you are not comfortable going, then don't go -

I WOULD probably send a nice sympathy card explaining your absence to your assistant though - I do think it will look like of funny if others from the office are there and you're not -

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Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I would go.

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Re: wwyd - going to a wake

I think if it is not your religious belief to not go to the wake while pregnant, then you should probably go. It is the respectful thing to do for a woman that works for you. Unless your religion prevents that or you are sick, I see no reason not to go.