WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

DD and DS go to daycare part time. About a year ago my DD had these 2 boys that had "behavioral" issues in her class. They both had trouble speaking and would usually hit, bite, kick etc out of frustration and since my DD is so passive she usually got hurt (but was not the only one)

At that time I fought with director to address getting them evaluated. One of the boys parents agreed and he was found "unfit" to be in a group setting. The other boys parents refused. They felt it was the daycare's job to help him (which I totallly DISAGREE with.)

The center "held him back" from moving to the older toddler room because he couldn't communicate. I was soooo happy my DD was free of him. Things have been GREAT - she loves going, until today. The boys parents finally started complaining and they moved him up into DD's class.

I spoke to the director (new one) this morning giving her the history and she said they couldn't hold him back anymore. They need to have him modeling the older kids. They will observe his behavior in the new room for the summer and see how it goes. If it does not improve they will tell the parents he needs to be evaluated or they need to find a new center.

Anyway the director said something about 10 of 23 kids in a Kindergarten class have some kind of "at risk" behavior. I have no idea if the stats are right, but I was kinda of annoyed. I told her 1) she's not in public school yet and I PAY for this center and I have a choice to move her 2) she's only 2 1/2 not 5. Why does such a young child have to deal with "at risk" children when their parents don't support getting them the right kind of help?

I'll give it a few weeks, but if my DD starts complaining I will pull her from the program.

Am I being too overprotective??? Should I make her keep going and learn to deal the "bad" kids? I just feel 2 1/2 is young - it doesn't help that my DD will not fight back or defend herself for some reason.

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

I have no advice since DD's not in daycare, but I have to say, this makes me so sad for your DD...the "having to defend herself" thing makes me so sad (I know that happens a lot and it's a fact of life, but it makes me terrified for the future)

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

I completely understand how you feel about protecting YOUR child.

I agree with a lot of points you made. YOUR DD should not have to be the bullied kid of any kid. Special need or not.

I think this is where I may disagree with you. With your "approach". How would you react if you did not think the child had special needs (I think that's what you are trying to say, right? The kid "might" have special needs). I feel like you are saying it would almost be "ok" if you did not think he had "issues". ME... I would react the same way. Regardless a child has special needs or not, being bullied by ANY kid is unacceptable to me.

I think it IS the Director's responsibilty to see if ANY kid belongs in a center.

But in reality, you will not be able to shelter your DD from children with special needs. Lots of kids with special needs are in daycare. There are no special needs daycares that I know of.

So I personally hink you need to appraoch this as "Bully" at daycare and NOT special needs.

Message edited 7/13/2009 12:28:02 PM.

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

This is tough bc obviously his parents are not going to get him the help he needs so it is going to continue.
I do think the childcare has EVERY right whether special needs or not to take a child out of the srtting where the child is becoming disruptive or bullying. I do not think it is a matter of you "sheltering" Hannah as she is 2 yrs old and DOES need that protection. So whether it be YOU or the CENTER...someone needs to make sure at the end of the day everything is status quos whether it be special needs or not.

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

an "at risk" child can be one who is receiving speech, OT, PT, or other special education services....not necessarily (and most often not) a behavior issue.

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

I think I would probably handle it the same way you are. I don't see what you're doing as "sheltering" DD. It's not fair that she should continue to be bullied by this other child. Whether he is special needs or not, the daycare center needs to deal with it. It sounds like the parents of this other child don't want to address it, they seem to expect the center to fix his behavior for them. In my opinion that is not very responsible. I don't really think that you are being too overprotective at this point. She is still very young. It would be a different story if she was in kindergarten and something like this was happening. And, like you said, you are paying good money to send her there and you do have a choice. You could send her somewhere else. But I don't think you should have to. This other child's behavior needs to be addressed. I would think it will only get worse if it's not worked on now by both the parents and the daycare center.

Good luck! I hope it gets better.

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

Have you seen the center's behavorial policy? - My DS's says that they will address it in the class for 2 weeks, if that doesn't work they will tell the family and have them work on it for 2 weeks, if that doesn't work, they will be asked to leave.

If you are unhappy - call Suffolk Child Care Council and see what your rights are. - I assume Nassau has a similar program.

You are paying the school to "protect" your child so I say you have a right to be upset.

Hang around the school a little bit and "consult" with other parents - I bet something will change (just hope you aren't the ones asked to leave).

Maybe come up with a back-up plan before you need it.

Good luck

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

sorry for the confusion and the way I wrote it. Thank you jes81276 for explaining what "at risk" meant, I've never used or heard of that terminology until today when the director used it. I'm sorry I used it without understanding the meaning.

I didn't mean to say I felt differently because these boys were "special needs." Believe me it if was a child that was being a bully - I would have the same discussion with the director. What are they going to do to keep that child from harming mine??? Yes I would still want to pull my child out if the school and parents of that child were not working to make it better. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was upset because these particular children were "special needs." I just happen to know this child and he's almost 3 and not speaking. He's just frustrated. I have nothing against the child. I feel bad it has gone this far without his parents wanting to get him EI. I would if it was my child. I guess I didn't consider the "bully" in my wording because that was not the case in this instance, so I apologize for wording the last part that way.

A typical daycare does NOT have the resources to "help" these children - whether it be speech therapy or whatever they need. IMO the parents should not be leaving it up to the daycare to solve, they should want to get them evaluated and get them the help they need. I have no problem with that child being in daycare if they are receiving the attention and guidance they need. For example because of the ratio's a teacher can not constantly give more attention to one child without taking from the other 9 children. I know my daycare center does all parents (at there expensive) to bring in someone to be part of the class to help that child.

I'm not in LI but I will definitely look at the guidelines for behavior. Like I said before, he's 3 now, and nothing has been done. We've also had 3 new directors in the past year - so I'm sure things are falling through the cracks.

Message edited 7/13/2009 1:36:50 PM.

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related

3 directors in the last year is a lot - I might want to change programs just for that.

Re: WWYD - toddler daycare/preschool related