"You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

I've probably done myself a disservice by reading too many babycare books, but I'm completely confused.

How do you know when to go from "you can't spoil a newborn" (pick them up when they cry, have them sleep in your room, etc.) to " you're establishing bad habits" (get them on a schedule, sleep in the crib, etc.?)

Is there a magic age? Is there something you look for?

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

I think the easiest answer is when they become aware of their surroundings and respond to schedules and routines, that's when you start to establish both good and bad habits.

I think you get to know your baby, and therefore can decide the "magic age" where your baby can console and reassure themselves without your help.

For us, it was 5 months. We knew DS could sleep through the night, but he had become too reliant on his pacifier. We were in there several times a night putting it back in. He didn't need it to sleep, he just thought he did so we took it away, did CIO, and after two nights he was (and still is) the best sleeper!

However, there are times where he is sick or teething that he just needs us. He's not a newborn, but it's not spoiling him when I comfort him when he's sick or in pain.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

I agree totally with PP. It depends on how the child develops, when s/he becomes aware and what developmental issues are going on.

My DD is a really good baby, STTN by 6-7 weeks. So I know when she wakes up in the middle of the night something is off (gas, teething, etc). My doc told me not to feed her when she wakes, but I know that will help her so I do it. I don't do it every night or even every month for that matter, but I know if she is up, something is wrong and that is what soothes her.

I basically follow all of my DD's cues, but I think by 6 months she was out of the "baby" stage and was ready for sleep training and a little CIO.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

First, I don't think you can spoil a baby in at least the first 6-9 months. Children at that age don't have the ability to self soothe yet and realistically, when they are crying for you or want to be held they aren't doing it for attention or to drive you crazy but because it's what they need at that moment.

As far as routines, I was always routine in what I did with my DD but I was also flexible and followed her lead. I never tried to force anything on her in terms of bed time and feeding times, I let her tell us what she needed and in our case..........it worked great! My DD started STTN at 8 weeks (10pm-9am) and then by 12 weeks she was STTN from 7pm to 7am. She transitioned to her crib with no problem at 12 weeks, she always ate well, etc. I think it's important to have a routine, even from the beginning, but make that routine is something that fits with what it is your child needs at the time and realize that your routine will constantly be changing as your child grows and develops.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

i almost lost my mind reading books..seriously..stop..LOL.

you will learn very quickly on your own. I believe instincts take over. instincts that I never thought I have or would have just seemed to come easily.

DS was colic and had milk sensititivy and gas issues so his first 3 months he was F*** miserable. He needed to be held ALOT..and some days i had to hold him all day when i was on leave. We noticed that by the time i started going back to work he was sleeping better stretches at nite (although he's a sucky napper by nature).

but I think you will learn just by reading DC cues. You can never hold them too much the first months of life. I can tell now that DS is almost 8 months and getting mobile, he just wants to go and not be held so much. WHen he's tired, then he wants to be coddled.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

Posted by Hofstra26

First, I don't think you can spoil a baby in at least the first 6-9 months. Children at that age don't have the ability to self soothe yet and realistically, when they are crying for you or want to be held they aren't doing it for attention or to drive you crazy but because it's what they need at that moment.

As far as routines, I was always routine in what I did with my DD but I was also flexible and followed her lead. I never tried to force anything on her in terms of bed time and feeding times, I let her tell us what she needed and in our case..........it worked great! My DD started STTN at 8 weeks (10pm-9am) and then by 12 weeks she was STTN from 7pm to 7am. She transitioned to her crib with no problem at 12 weeks, she always ate well, etc. I think it's important to have a routine, even from the beginning, but make that routine is something that fits with what it is your child needs at the time and realize that your routine will constantly be changing as your child grows and develops.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

The first 12 weeks, also known as the 4th trimester is all about survival for YOU and the BABY.... During this time you do WHATEVER keeps you both alive in terms or crying, feeding and sleeping. After you've gotten through this part, and you've started getting a hang on this mother thing than you can start worrying about habits etc.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

I would say somewhere in the 4-6 month range, babies become much more aware of what's going on and may start to "manipulate" situations. I saw it by 6 months.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

Thanks ladies, this really helps. Damn those books!

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

People feel VERY differently about this, and people are VERY different in their parenting styles - What I might think it totally ridiculous, someone else thinks is THE MOST important thing - KWIM?

I personally think you CAN spoil a baby - they are people, and they are learning from day ONE -

I wouldn't tell someone else how to parent their kid, and I wouldn't appreciate someone telling me I was 'doing it wrong' either .......

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

Posted by Hofstra26

First, I don't think you can spoil a baby in at least the first 6-9 months. Children at that age don't have the ability to self soothe yet and realistically, when they are crying for you or want to be held they aren't doing it for attention or to drive you crazy but because it's what they need at that moment.

As far as routines, I was always routine in what I did with my DD but I was also flexible and followed her lead. I never tried to force anything on her in terms of bed time and feeding times, I let her tell us what she needed and in our case..........it worked great! My DD started STTN at 8 weeks (10pm-9am) and then by 12 weeks she was STTN from 7pm to 7am. She transitioned to her crib with no problem at 12 weeks, she always ate well, etc. I think it's important to have a routine, even from the beginning, but make that routine is something that fits with what it is your child needs at the time and realize that your routine will constantly be changing as your child grows and develops.

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

Re: "You can't spoil a newborn" vs "You're establishing bad habits"?

I'm not sure but DS is now 14m old and I feel he has developed some bad habits.

I think somewhere around 10-12m is the time.