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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
I'm in a wedding next month and one of the bridesmaids is not cooperating with everyone else due to her toddler daughter's schedule. Her toddler daughter (~20 months old) is very attached to her and supposedly the mom is the only one who can put the daughter down to nap. This is her second child.
Everyone is annoyed at this bridesmaid. I am the only other mom in the bridal party and I am just as annoyed as everyone else. As a mother of 2 whose children go, "mommy, mommy, mommy," I think it is ridiculous that she cannot leave her daughter with her husband and/or grandmother when she is in the bridal party. If anything, she should have just declined being in the bridal party. They are also local.
Is the bride and BP being unreasonable to expect this bridesmaid to get ready with the rest of the bridal party and move with the bridal party?
eta: the wedding is in Philadelphia and my DH already plans to take our kids out for the morning (probably please touch museum) and meet us at the wedding. Not sure why the other bridesmaid's husband cannot watch his own kid during the same time period.
Message edited 8/27/2013 11:03:33 AM.
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Posted 8/27/13 11:01 AM  |
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VikingChick
LIF Adult
Member since 5/11 1024 total posts
Name:
Anna
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Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
The only person being unreasonable is the mom-bridesmaid. Either she needs to bow out of being in the BP or the kid needs to be taken care of by dad or someone else.
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| Posted 8/27/13 11:06 AM |
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halfbaked
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6937 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Yeah, I think the BM is being unreasonable, but if I were the bride I'd probably let it go. I'd be afraid she'd show up with the kid in tow.
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| Posted 8/27/13 11:18 AM |
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dctead
It's 5 o'clock somewhere!
Member since 11/10 2139 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
I don't think its unreasonable to expect this bridesmaid to be with the wedding party (and have her husband watch the kids)...
But in the grand scheme of things...so long as she arrived dressed and on time for the pictures/wedding... I'm not sure I'd make a huge deal about it... If I were the bride - I'd stress to her what I would like....If I were a bridesmaid - I'd certainally make my opinion known...but I wouldn't let it get me too stressed or aggrivated.
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| Posted 8/27/13 11:19 AM |
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PaddysGirl
Little princess is here!
Member since 4/07 5923 total posts
Name:
Crystal
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Posted by dctead
I don't think its unreasonable to expect this bridesmaid to be with the wedding party (and have her husband watch the kids)...
But in the grand scheme of things...so long as she arrived dressed and on time for the pictures/wedding... I'm not sure I'd make a huge deal about it... If I were the bride - I'd stress to her what I would like....If I were a bridesmaid - I'd certainally make my opinion known...but I wouldn't let it get me too stressed or aggrivated.
I agree with this. As long as she arrives ready to go, on time, and without the kid.
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| Posted 8/27/13 11:44 AM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
By getting ready do you mean be there to get her hair done and get dressed together...IMO that is not needed. As long as she shows up at a certain time ready dressed for a few pictures and then head out together.
I have been in a few weddign since my DS and one i got ready with the gorup the other I showed up in enough time for pictures and to hop in the limo.
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| Posted 8/27/13 11:50 AM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
She shouldn't have agreed to be in the wedding if she wasn't going to be a part of the process.
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| Posted 8/27/13 11:55 AM |
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Jenn627
Laaaaaaaambert!
Member since 5/08 9818 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal that she doesn't get dressed.
I'd be pissed that she didn't come, but I wouldn't say anything and just go with it. If my bridal party wanted to give her the evil eye and cold shoulder I'd be cool with that too.
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| Posted 8/27/13 12:00 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Posted by nferrandi
She shouldn't have agreed to be in the wedding if she wasn't going to be a part of the process.
I agree, I don't think it is a huge deal to not get ready with the BP but she should be traveling with the BP from ceremony on for pictures and such, if she isn't going to do that she should have declined BP altogether. My SIL has a son who truly won't stay with anyone else, my brother tries and would totally keep him in this case and my nephew is really a handful with anyone but his mama so I do understand but the dad needs to handle it imo.
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| Posted 8/27/13 12:19 PM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
If she is local, I would just expect her (or any bridesmaids) to get ready & show up for pictures.
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| Posted 8/27/13 12:21 PM |
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SeaWolf14
*Crazy Cat Lady*
Member since 7/13 1324 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
As long as she looks presentable and she's there in time for photos, is it a huge deal if she's not there for the "getting ready" part of the day?
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| Posted 8/27/13 12:22 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Is there a cost associated with the getting ready? Is there a chance that she may not have the money so she has come up with this excuse so she can do it herself or for less money elsewhere? She might feel uncomfortable saying she can't afford the hair and makeup (esp if oyher expenses might have been higher than she anticipated when she said yes).
Otherwise, yes I think it is strange but sometimes I think unless you have had a difficult child it is hard to understand the situation. I would say unless she is missing photos or part of the ceremony I would just let her get ready on her own and try not to stress over it. The bride must know her well and wants her there so I would try to let it go.
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| Posted 8/27/13 1:36 PM |
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blu6385
Member since 5/08 8351 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
i would be annoyed because i specificallly asked for all the girls to get dressed where i was. hair and makeup done before hand was fine. the reason for this was i paid for sweatshirts to be maid which i wanted photographed. i actually picked up all the girls dresses for them when i got mine and brought it to the hotel room.
Now with that said if one of the bridesmaid was giving me a really hard time after i made it clear i wanted them there i would let it go ... but i would expect them there in time for all the other pics.
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| Posted 8/27/13 2:04 PM |
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hunnybunnyxoxo
this is what it's all about
Member since 11/07 3321 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
if i were in my twenties, i would prob be really annoyed by it.
now i am in my thirties, as long as she arrives dressed, ready with hair and makeup for pictures, i don't think i would care much.
would she be around for pictures with the bride before the ceremony? or is she missing that part and arriving at the ceremony?
that would be iffy for me. i mean, i wouldnt want her to miss out on bridesmaid pics before ceremony.
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| Posted 8/27/13 2:49 PM |
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Mags1227
Just a mommy ...
Member since 10/10 2665 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
i was childless bridesmaid in a friend's wedding and did not get ready with the bp. they all stayed over at the hotel for the weekend. i could not afford that as i had my own wedding in a month. i showed up at the hall before them, dressed and ready to go. the bride was fine with it.
HOWEVER, once i met them i stayed with them the whole time. i also did not attend the afterparty. again, the bride understood.
i had a "best woman" in my bridal party who refused to get ready with the girls (or go dress shopping with us, or buy her dress form the same store as us) i was afraid that she ordered the wrong dress (never saw it before day of) or would do her hair wrong. she showed up and looked just like the rest of the bp. AGAIN once she showed up she stayed with us the whole time even though she had a 6 month old at home and was a very overbearing parent.
getting ready and meeting the bride on time is fine, as long as once she's there she does not leave until the end and the kid is not with her to cause more chaos.
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| Posted 8/27/13 3:27 PM |
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Iheartli
LIF Infant
Member since 6/13 68 total posts
Name:
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Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
I really think some people just like to be unreasonable just for the sake of being unreasonable or because they can. Without knowing all the details, I honestly think it is kind of rude and inconsiderate (assuming this child has no severe issues, illnesses, or real problems of any sort).......If she had to be somewhere for a work related meeting what would she do tell her boss she can't make it because he kid gets cranky, lol ???
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| Posted 8/27/13 3:30 PM |
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BabyFever
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1050 total posts
Name:
XXXXXXXXXX
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Obviously I don't know the details of her life but could be possible that her DH won't watch the kids. My STBX would never watch DD for me and i had to drag her everywhere with me. I'm not saying that this is the case but could be something else is going that you might not be aware.
But anyway as along as she comes dressed and ready to go I would be ok with it.
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| Posted 8/27/13 3:56 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Posted by Iheartli
I really think some people just like to be unreasonable just for the sake of being unreasonable or because they can. Without knowing all the details, I honestly think it is kind of rude and inconsiderate (assuming this child has no severe issues, illnesses, or real problems of any sort).......If she had to be somewhere for a work related meeting what would she do tell her boss she can't make it because he kid gets cranky, lol ???
I agree - I also know MANY people who simply use their children as an excuse when they don't WANT to do something ........
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| Posted 8/27/13 4:13 PM |
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SeaWolf14
*Crazy Cat Lady*
Member since 7/13 1324 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Posted by hunnybunnyxoxo
if i were in my twenties, i would prob be really annoyed by it.
I LOVE this response!
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| Posted 8/27/13 6:49 PM |
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Posted by Lillykat
Is there a cost associated with the getting ready? Is there a chance that she may not have the money so she has come up with this excuse so she can do it herself or for less money elsewhere? She might feel uncomfortable saying she can't afford the hair and makeup (esp if oyher expenses might have been higher than she anticipated when she said yes).
Otherwise, yes I think it is strange but sometimes I think unless you have had a difficult child it is hard to understand the situation. I would say unless she is missing photos or part of the ceremony I would just let her get ready on her own and try not to stress over it. The bride must know her well and wants her there so I would try to let it go.
These are my thoughts as well.
Unless she is known for being late or screws things up frequently and the bride wants her in her sight to try to avoid that, I don't think it's a really big deal.
I also have found that in groups of women, being annoyed at one woman when there really is not grounds to be, can become contagious, especially if there's a "ring leader" involved. JMO.
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| Posted 8/27/13 7:56 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Posted by nferrandi
She shouldn't have agreed to be in the wedding if she wasn't going to be a part of the process.
I agree! You know what you are getting into when you say yes to being a bridesmaid. I think there is something wrong if you are he only one that can put your child down for a nap.
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| Posted 8/27/13 10:09 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
Posted by anskiv
The only person being unreasonable is the mom-bridesmaid. Either she needs to bow out of being in the BP or the kid needs to be taken care of by dad or someone else.
ita
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| Posted 8/27/13 11:34 PM |
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Onemoretime
LIF Adult
Member since 9/12 1077 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
I would not be annoyed about her choosing to get ready on her own. As long as she shows up on time, it's fine. I don't get why everyone is annoyed, I guess her DD itsnvery attached to her, it's not a big deal in the scheme of things. This day and age, being a BM is not an honor,it's a huge expense and inconvenience 
Message edited 8/28/2013 2:23:01 AM.
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| Posted 8/28/13 2:21 AM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
If she knows she has a pita kid, why agree to be in the bp? Unless there's something else going on as pp said, money etc.
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| Posted 8/28/13 8:15 AM |
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rugratmama
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/12 432 total posts
Name:
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Re: Young Kids and Weddings (bridal party related)
I don't think she necessarily needs to get ready with the BP, but once the day starts.....pictures, ceremony, pictures, she needs to leave the kid behind and be a part if the day.
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| Posted 8/28/13 9:46 AM |
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