Am I being selfish?

DH told me last night he wants to try for another baby, and I don't think I am ready. DS is 1 1/2 and I just love being with him. I am 37 and DH is 42. He says we are not getting any younger and we either have a baby now or we don't try. Is it selfish of me not to give our son a baby because I am not ready or should we just start trying and it is selfish of me not not start trying like we had always planned?

Re: Am I being selfish?

I don't think you are being selfish at all, the both of you have to be in agreement to have another baby.

But, if my husband was feeling the same say, I would probably say he was being selfish!!

Re: Am I being selfish?

I dont think you're being selfish at all. You're the mama and only you're going to know when you're ready.

Wait a year or so.. then tell him to ask again and see how you feel about it.

Re: Am I being selfish?

I dont think you are being selfish at all. You really have to be ready for it. My DD is 5 months and my DH is already talking about having another one...

Re: Am I being selfish?

I think both of you need to be on the same page to conceive another child.

If you are not ready, there is no need to get PG. You really have to be ready to go through an entire pregnancy. It's exhausting!

Re: Am I being selfish?

Re: Am I being selfish?

You are not being selfish. You do not need to "give your son a baby". When the time is right, you will know it. And if it never comes, then thats ok too

Re: Am I being selfish?

i sort of agree with your husband, the sooner is most likely the better but if your not ready, then your just not!!

Re: Am I being selfish?

I don't think it's selfish. I was hoping to be ready by the time DD was 1, due to my age and the fact that I wanted them close together, but I wasn't ready then. Now, 7 months later, I'm almost ready. You can't make yourself feel ready. I am glad I have waited. I loved this time with DD.

Re: Am I being selfish?

You're absolutely not being selfish. I'm sort of in the same boat.

DS is 8 weeks old. I am 33. DH mentioned that we should start trying for # 2 soon and I was like "he11, no!". I'm just not ready yet, although like you, we wanted more than one child and we wanted them close in age.

It takes TWO people to make this decision and I don't think it's fair that he is giving you an ultimatum. You never said you didn't want # 2, just that you're not ready right this instant.

I think he is the one being selfish. He's not the one that has to go through the pregnancy and PP stage of raising a newborn.

Re: Am I being selfish?

OK..this is my take on it:

You aren't being "selfish". I think that is the wrong word. BUT i do understand a bit where you DH is coming from. If you had planned and talked about having a second around this time, I can see him being hurt that you aren't ready.

Maybe he is nervous about a few things...I mean like he mentioned you aren't getting younger. While I do not think 37 is "old" at all, it is "older" in the TTC world and that is a fact. Doesn't mean people don't get PG everyday quickly and with no problems at that age, but we all know it CAN be harder. And it also gets harder as you get older to run around after kids.

He is probably thinking a lot and worrying about stuff and he chose poor words to convey his feelings.

Can you reach a compromise?? Tell him you just aren't ready THIS MINUTE for a second baby, but say in 6 months you think you'll feel differently. Hope it all works out ok

Re: Am I being selfish?

I don't think your being selfish at all. You both need to be ready to have another child...especially you.

Re: Am I being selfish?

With my son I wanted to start trying when he turneed one, but I felt the same way you did. By two I was ready to go. Maybe just give yourself a little more time. I do not think that is selfish.

Re: Am I being selfish?

Re: Am I being selfish?