am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Let me preface by saying that I think b-days are a BIG deal. I think people should fuss over you and b-days should last a week, or at least a weekend.
So here's the story.... Our friend moved to Nebraska in October and called us last week to say that he was coming back to visit and he was flying home on Jan. 4- my birthday. So I tell DH upfront, that as excited as I am that our friend is coming to visit, that I don't want my b-day to mean nothing. DH says he'll do whatever I want. So we decide that DH will cook a nice dinner for my b-day (last night), our friend will come over our house tonight, DH and I will go out for a nice dinner on Friday, and then we'll all go out to a bar on Saturday.
So yesterday his friend calls him, and I can tell from DH's end of the conversation that his friend is giving him a hard time for not seeing him and spending two nights on my b-day. I even heard DH say something to the effect of, "well I have to" about spending time with me.
So I go to work and when I got home, the house was set up so nice. DH had a bunch of candles lit, music going, and he bought me a freestanding fireplace for my b-day that was lit. Everything was gorgeous. So I jump in the shower and we sit down for dinner. So I ask him what the plan for Saturday is, and he very reluctantly tells me that his friend just wants to guys to go into the city for a nice dinner and drinks.
Ummm, DH is the first to complain about money to me, but all of a sudden he has money for this $$$$ city night?! We normally spend the weekend in the city for my b-day and see a Knicks game and go to a Broadway show. He told me we couldn't do that this year, and now not only am I being ditched for my b-day weekend, but his friend is getting the nice city night that I usually get.
I don't know, but I feel VERY justified feeling this way. Please put me in my place if I'm way off on this one.


ETS- and I forgot to mention that even though DH planned this very romantic evening, he had football on the TV the entire time and decided that we needed to watch the last 15 minutes of the game (which of course turned out to be an hour)

Message edited 1/5/2006 12:43:56 PM.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Message edited 1/5/2006 12:47:00 PM.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Second, like you, I would be extremely hurt and upset...and DH would probably end up changing his plan.

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Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

I'm sorry but IMO and I'm not trying to be mean just MO-you are not being too fair w/ DH. I think his friend is here out of town & he should be able to do something nice w/ the boys. You guys can do a B-Day weekend next week or the week after that. It seems like he's doen a lot already. I'm sure he doesn't want to dissapoint you, but I think it would amke him very happy if you were ok w/ him going out. What if you do movies w/ the girls or girls night out on Saturday??? Hope it works out for ya.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

It really depends on your personal relationship with your DH. He KNOWS birthdays are a huge deal to you - he's known that as long as he knows you, right?

He married YOU, not his friend...and he has to deal with those consequences now. OH, and I'd be SUPERPISSED if I overheard him saying "I haaaaave to" or "she's making me" or something like that.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Message edited 1/5/2006 12:49:53 PM.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

First Happy Birthday!!!

I can see his side, but if I think about it, I agree with you.
only and mainly because it seems he is WELL aware of how much birthdays mean to you so that prefaces everything. Meaning he should have known better.

I think what he did was wonderful , BUT if you normally plan your birthday to include more...then then least he could have done was given you a second option to show he was still thinking of you.

If I were you. I would explain how you feel and I think I would let him go to the City with the "boys" but tell him to plan something special in the City or somewhere else for you and celebrate late if need be because of his friends sudden visit...I mean you do need to make some concession for that..

You have a right to be hurt, but compromise and baed on what you have said about birthdays, I would expect something more. Then just chalk it up to a bad year if need be.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Happy Birthday!!! I have to say yes and No the reason why i say yes is because he has not seen his friend since he moved to nebraska but I think they could have planned it that all of you can go out together in the city you and Dh and his friend and his wife and Enjoy eachothers company. yes this is your Birthday and even though having a nice dinner with candles lit and nice music which My Dh would not do you want to go out on the weekend and celebrate more. gl i hope things work out and tell your Dh how you feel and tell him you were looking forward to going into the city maybe he will chang the plans a little.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

I would be ****** that he wouldn't spend the money on your birthday, but is willing to spend it on his friend.

Other than that, though, I think you are being hard on him about the time spent with his friend who is here from out of town.

ETA: Happy Birthday!

Message edited 1/5/2006 12:51:05 PM.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Ok so the football game was on .. that still does not take away from the sweet gesture he did ....

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

IMO- it's your call. Dh spent his last B-Day at a club w/ his guy friends and it didn't bother em since we were going out the follwing day. I guess it's based on how important this is to you. I would def. address it w/ him in a nice & loving way and give him the sad puppy face....good luck!

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

I think you totally have a right to be ****** off about the fact he said he didn't have the $$ for a weekend with you but does have the $$ for the night out with friends without you.

However, I think what he did was very nice (even with football game on).

Maybe you can ask him to take you with him on saturday???

Happy Birthday

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

I would not like it at all if DH went to the city on my b-day weekend. If money is being spent on a city night, then I want to be a part of it, especially on my b-day weekend. Most of my friends live out of state. Both sexes. I think my feelings would be hurt if I was excited that "our" friend was coming, and wanted to leave me out of fun plans.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Posted by Ali1

I think you totally have a right to be ****** off about the fact he said he didn't have the $$ for a weekend with you but does have the $$ for the night out with friends without you.

However, I think what he did was very nice (even with football game on).

Maybe you can ask him to take you with him on saturday???

Happy Birthday

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Posted by Ali1

I think you totally have a right to be ****** off about the fact he said he didn't have the $$ for a weekend with you but does have the $$ for the night out with friends without you.

However, I think what he did was very nice (even with football game on).

Maybe you can ask him to take you with him on saturday???

Happy Birthday

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

I would be hurt but would deal with it after the friend left. Mainly because he wants to go into the city with his friend. To have DH cancel the plans would make him miserable and to spend the night with a miserable person would ruin my birthday. I'd rather go out with friends that night and do a makeup birthday the following weekend.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

hand in a cast and typing is hard so forgive my bluntness...

Yes, I think u r being selfish. I can understand u being upset about the $, that makes sense.

But him not spending the entire weekend with u? He did make ur b-day special and his friend is in town only for 1 week. If u weren't happy aabout the TV u should have said something then and there. You have to understand where he is coming from- just like he has to do for u. We can't always get exactly what we want.. and sometimes we need to put our needs aside for our DH- as he sometimes neds to do for u, and as he did for u on you b-day.

If the $ is the issue- tell him to join up after dinner or leave after dinner. That would pizz me off too.

But you can't begrudge him a boys night out when a freind comes in fromout of town.. if DH did that to me, I would resent it... JMO

Message edited 1/5/2006 2:03:59 PM.

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

I dont think you are right but I do know how you feel because I would feel the same way.
I also think my bday lands on every day of that week...hehe BUT in all fairness if he takes you out on your b-day and wants to see his friend on another day of the week, I dont think you should be insulted. Get together with the girls or long on here...LOL...I am sure one of us can talk to you that night...Just kidding ; )...Happy B-day!

Re: am I being selfish/ridiculous?

Unlike many others I tend to agree with you. It is not like he's not spending time with his friend already.
I believe that my husband first and foremost concern in his life should be ME as he is for me. And if my Birthdays are so special and you both have sort of a tradition together....I don't see why you both have to adjust your plans because his friend decided to visit. Did his friend call your husband ahead of time since he's so eager to spend time with him to see what that week was going to look for him and if he had any plans? I'm sorry....You ought to be considerate to those that are with you and as far as I'm concerned, if his friend didn't check for that...then his fault. And if his friend contacted him before coming from Nebraska....did your husband agreed beforehand to this? Then it's a different story.
And as far as the $$$, I also would be pretty upset. If the $$ is OK to be spent with his friends, then it should also be for you and him. And if it's for your Birthday, even more. I gather that you must make him feel as Special on his birthday therefore I personally don't think you are being selfish or ridiculous.
And last but not least....Happy Birthday!!!