Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Sorry for the vent, but my mom is driving me nuts with this. Everything I do is wrong in her eyes because “back then” she never did anything that us moms do now. In her eyes my 4 month old is spoiled because I always hold him. The thing is that I don’t know what else to do with him when he is crying. He likes to be held and I hate to hear him scream his head off. My mom never swaddled us either and we went to sleep no problem, but my DS has to be swaddled for everything, including naps. Nothing pleases her these days and she doesn’t understand that its not 1970 anymore. Things have changed since then.

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Remind her we're no longer allowed to smoke in hospitals anymore either because things change!

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

It's the opposite here - my mom won't put her down for a minute!!!!!!

But she is all "give her some warm water for her gas", "who cares if she lays on her belly" blah blah

Message edited 8/19/2009 3:04:44 PM.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Maybe she was just blessed to have such a wonderful sleeper.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

sorry for the frustration... i was very actively seeing my parents (2-3 days a week) and just recently started pulling away for that very reason.... when ds was around 9 months i had had it and i blew up at them... it is frustrating when your parents don't always agree. I got alot of complaints about the fact that i was nursing ds instead of using formula because all of their kids were formula fed and did well... at 9 months when they gave me an attitude about it i just turned to them andtold them that it was stressful enough nursing and that i didnt need to hear the constant peanut gallery comments from them.....


sometimes you have to try and just have a deaf ear to it all....but i think sometimes it helps to just tell them that you prefer to not hear any comments as you are trying your best to make your baby happy

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I think some of it is that they did things differently back then, but I also think you forget a lot of what REALLY happened when the kids get older.

My son is not quite 2 and I always say that he sleeps through the night. Generally, that is true, but we do have periods of time when he is teething, or sick, or whatever that I have still had to get up a few times per night. I am sure a year from now, I will forget about those times. 20 years from now, I hope I won't be telling my DIL that I never had a problem getting him to sleep.

I will ask my sister or my friends who have kids who are 8, 10, 15 years old if they remember when their DS or DD did something and I usually hear, "oh, I don't remember exactly when that happened...."

Message edited 8/19/2009 3:13:20 PM.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Oh i hear you! Loud and clear!

My in laws are like this. We swaddled ds (it was the only way he'd sleep) and they didn't agree with it and wouldn't do it when they watched him (they said it was like putting him in a straight jacket).

But this wasn't the only issue with them. It feels like we never do anything right by them and they make it known. It took me a long time to stop resenting them. Finally at almost 14 months, things are much better as ds is getting older, walking, etc.

But it was so bad for so many months with them (and their comments ), that dh and I decided we won't be having another until i can go PT because we don't want to subject baby #2 to that or ourselves.

**Honestly i don't think people understand what it's like to have a hard, difficult, needy baby/child. Unfortunately that only makes it worse for you who's living through it. The last thing you need are the comments.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I start quoting infant mortality rates when I hear that nonsense...

it was 20/1000 in 1970 vs. 3/1000 in 2008. source

Tell your mom she got lucky.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

sorry Jen! but I totally understand (seeing as we were brought up together ) I will say that although my mom and I disagreed alot with things I was doing with Hannah, she has backed off. Maybe it's the distance or the fact that everyone is alive and well without bottles at 2 year old or good sleepers after swaddling them for 6 months, etc etc etc. Sometimes you just have to let them say what they need to say and bite your tongue.

I'll never forget my mom saying something about not giving Jack enough attention when he was first born and that we were over compensating for our guilt with Hannah. At first I was so mad and hurt that she could say that, but on the other hand when I stepped back and looked at the situation she was right.

ETA look we all turned out great, so they did do something right. However times change and they need to be shown that there are other ways!!!

I'm so NOT saying your mom is right, but sometimes they just give another perspective. Try not to let it bother you. In the end you know what is right for your DC and she will see they are growing up happy whether or not you took her advice But also keep an open mind, sometimes they see things we don't and can be right.

Message edited 8/19/2009 3:32:27 PM.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Maybe your mom sees how frustrated you are and is just trying to give some suggestions -- that just might help.

My mother is 82. She doesn't give a lot of advice but she had a few gems that actually worked.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I don't think things are different really. I think there are just more options now. I don't swaddle and I let her self soothe because I too have the mentality that you can spoil at a young age.

Maybe she is just trying to help you but going about it the wrong way I would just let her say what she has to say and ignore it

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

my mom has made a few comments to me as well and i shut her up quickly asking her, 'when did you get your medical degree?'

when she looks at ya weird or says what are you talking about - you tell her that you will only take advice from someone with a degree - like your pediatrician...end of story!

i'm so sorry you're having a rough time of it with her!

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

the first time my dad saw me swaddle DS, he ran over horrified, and said oh god why are you tying him up like that ?!?!?! LOL

my mom is big on letting DS cry which I don't so it Pizzes me off that she does when she watches him

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

Posted by dpli

I think some of it is that they did things differently back then, but I also think you forget a lot of what REALLY happened when the kids get older.

Re: Im so sick of the old school mentality my mom has….

I'm in the same boat, only with my in-laws. They were here to "help" last week while DH was away (big mistake) and EVERY time I put DS down for a nap or bed, MIL would say "oh, but he just got up!"(um, yeah, 2 hours ago) or "but he doesn't look tired!" I tried to explain that the idea is to get him down BEFORE all hell breaks loose. FIL then told me "don't worry, pretty soon he'll just fall asleep where he's playing when he's tired." I had this really sad mental picture of DH and his brothers as kids, slumped over their toys on the floor, fast asleep.