Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

You just NEVER know. My MIl's BFF for 20 years just found out that her father molested her 2 DD (their grandfather)
SICK-O

Sorry you are in this situation.
Although you have no idea what his real intentions are but bottom line his desires are not normal. So better safe than sorry.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Message edited 4/6/2010 10:05:59 PM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Posted by Hell-No

Obviously this is a fake name. I need to get this off my chest...

When I was younger I was molested by my grandmother's 2nd husband. I HAVE to believe that the signs were ignored. I distinctly remember being "tickled" in the kitchen with my family not far away. He often wanted to be alone with me, take me on errands or whatnot. I remember being touched in the car. (God, that makes me want to throw up) I cried when my mother would tell me to go. I hated this man so much and thinking about him now infuriates me. I went to his funeral because I needed to see that he was dead. And I sobbed during the funeral. I cried because it was finally over and I wouldn't have to deal with that crap anymore.

I am not trying to compare your FIL to this man. I just say trust your instincts. And if your daughter comes to you and says something please believe her. My mother never did and I still have a rough relationship with her over 20 years later. I am sorry that you even have to have these uncomfortable thoughts about someone so close to your DD.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and the responses have been very in line with what I believe. Something is off and I always go with my instincts!!! My dad and FIL have said how much they want to go play with DD, buy her things etc...never nap and rub her back and the fact that he keeps repeating it just really makes me I'm so sorry, but I would say something and say something in front of ppl to embarrass him and make him feel like a POS!


To the women that shared their stories

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

His comments are making my skin crawl, please please never leave your baby alone with him, from what you are saying it all seems SO WRONG, get DH on board

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Message edited 3/24/2010 6:17:38 AM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I hate to put it this way, but honestly, you don't need your dh to understand. it is your baby, your gut feeling.

mine thinks i overreact. whatever. he still has a relationship with this person, which is fine. dh is a grown man, hang out with whoever you want.

my kids and I will not be around this person. DH feels some sort of obligation...like sorry was enough. I don't at all.

I will add this crazy note as well...if you have a sibling or parent, write a note to them, seal it and hand it over. only to be read if something were to happen to you.

write all your feelings, everything.

this made me feel better. if i should go, my sister has every feeling written down on what i think about of certain people and how my children never have to visit them or carry on a relationship with them.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

OMG Anon, whoever you are, your posts with more info are making me just more and more concerned about your DD
Please make it your business to have a no holds barred conversation with your DH, and the two of you come up with a united strategy on this??????????????

Once that's done you need to meet with your inlaws and tell them the way it's going to be. Forevermore. If you see even ONE MORE incident that makes you concerned in ANY way, that's IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, I know I'm probably making this too personal but I believe there is something truly amiss here. Deeply, truly amiss.

All I see is this: Countless red flags. An innocent and vulnerable DD. A scheming and manipulative FIL. A DH AND MIL who are in denial. This makes for a disaster that, try as you might, you will never be able to "fix" once it happens. In fact, if it were my child, and ANYONE takes advantage of them, I am not kidding when I say I'd probably end up in a WORLD of legal trouble; I don't know if I'd have the strength to actually KILL a human being to protect my child, but I suspect somewhere deep down, in this circumstance, I would

Too many warning signs here for me. I hope our replies help strengthen you into action.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

soo sorry!!!!
first to all those who have experienced abuse, I am deeply sorry. you ARE all very brave to share your story.

to the OP, this is how I feel in my soul.

EFFFFFFF EVERYOONNNNNEEEEEEEEEE.

YOU are your child's protector. you MUST be able to EAT OTHER PEOPLE, dh included, if they don't see the danger you do.

I don't give a rolling fluck what ANYONE thinks, including my husband, if I feel there is a danger. there COULD POSSIBLY BE a wolf sniffing around your hen house. time to bring out the big guns.

YOU step up to the plate. PLEASE don't wait. you let that wolf know you see beyond sheeps clothing. you let that wolf know you are on to his scent.

people talk about feelings...my child's feelings and well being TRUMP ALL. your FIL is a grown man. he can SUCK IT UP. sorry. his feelings simply DO NOT COUNT. neither do your husbands.

and I say this in the most loving way possible. with all the love I have in my heart for my husband, I will NEVER allow him to block me from being my child's most vigilant and ultimate protector...I don't care how "crazy" "paranoid" "ridiculous" or "mean" it makes me seem.

please know that...I would never hesitate in your position..don't think you'd be this heinous person for doing so!!!!! there are others who would do the same!! and if FIL doesn't like it, tell him to read this thread!!!

I wish you so much luck!!!! and God bless and protect your dd!

Message edited 3/23/2010 2:57:09 PM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I don't have children. I have never been abused.

But reading this thread makes *ME* desperately want to shield your child from this man.

Please just do whatever you have to do to keep your baby safe.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Message edited 4/6/2010 10:06:27 PM.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Ladies please don't quote, thank you all so much for being a friend.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I agree with what everyone else has said - and I'm so sorry for your situation.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I'm so sorry for YOU TOO, that you are put in this situation, because its got to be hard to talk your DH about it , as its his father, so I commend you for talking upa s much as you already have, but I do think you realize that somethings up....the things he has said, to us as outsiders seem way off and i would be talking more to DH about it and making sure they are never alone together.

Ugh, what a situation : (

So sorry for you to have to deal with this!

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

That is VERY creepy and I would trust my gut!

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I think you need to trust your instincts as a mother. I am so sorry

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I also wanted him to watch Oprah b/c I was telling himhow it echoed some of the things FIL was saying.

*********************************************************

I was going to ask you if he watched this episode. He MUST MUST MUST watch it.

I know you said he hasn't yet. Do you think he hasn't because he may be afraid to hear what they have to say and than be faced with something he doesn't want to.

Whatever it is, I would do my best to make him watch. Stress how important it is to you.

As for FIL, everyone already said what I feel.
You're DD is very lucky to have a mom in tune with her gut

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

My child, my rules. If someone in my family was doing what you describe, I would tell them flat out that they sound like a child molester and that it's not normal to "massage" a child and sleep with them. Maybe that would wake them up a bit.

My DH would be 110% supportive of it. Nothing messes with mommy's instincts.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

he has to be put in place.
1. tell him its unacceptable and will not be tollerated.
2. tell him that if he continues it will restrict the time they get to see dd at parties.
3. you need your dh to really be by dd at all times so that he hears these comments. because if you warn him and it keeps happening you may get to the point where you stop seeing them. and thats ok, because creepy behavior is not acceptable.Your child, your rules.

i think the others on here can pretty much agree, its one thing if the kid is at the grandparents house and they just end up taking a nap, its a completely different thing to be hung up on it and keep saying you want to do it. its like they are waking up every day and thats the only thing they can think of... instead of enjoying the time they actually do get to see them at parties.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Several things bother me.
The obvious is the inappropriate behaviours and the repeated attempts to groom your daughter in such a blatant way.

The other is that he is trying to make it seem, to your child, that HE is more loving, caring, etc than YOU, even going so far as to make it seem like you "pushed" her & that you are a bad mommy?

No offense, and please do not take this the wrong way, but get him out of your life. Not only is there a danger physically, but he is completely effing with the inherent trust that a child has for their parent. It ends now.

Also, have a chat with DH. I have a feeling that his "not hearing" what FIL is saying, may actually be him not wanting to hear, because he knows it is true & does not want to face it.

To all of the ladies who came out & shared personal experiences, thank you for your bravery.

Please do not let anyone stand in the way of giving your family the life they deserve.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Neither my parents or IL's have expressed this desire to nap with DD. They would rather play with her or take her to the park. I didn't read this whole thread, but follow your instincts.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

Posted by MrsGmomof3

The very next time he says something like that YOU should look him dead in the eye and tell him in NO uncertain terms that the things he is saying are unacceptable, creepy, and just plain WRONG, and that if he continues to talk about wanting to sleep with your 2 year old, you will not be visiting him anymore.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

So sorry you're dealing with this and having these thoughts. Like many have said, you have to trust your feelings. Whether or not it's just FIL saying things that you're uncomfortable with or heaven forbid deeper than that... you have to be brave and nip it in the bud. Build up some spit and vinegar (with a little honey coating) so that you can have a respectable come back for whenever he speaks in an inappropriate way. She's your DD. You're the judge of inappropriate here. Be consistant in letting him know that speaking that way is not acceptable. And make sure DH has your back and not that you're turning on IL's.

I did not read all the replies but what is MIL's role in this? Is she in on the napping bit or does she ignore it?

You just have to creatively limit your time spent with him.

God Bless. I hope this is nothing and he's just an affectionate Grandpa. It's a shame what this world does to our brains. Can't even trust a Grandpa. But you have to trust your heart and do what's best for you and your family.

Re: Sensitive topic - grandparent saying things that make me uncomfortable and concerned

I am so sorry this is happening!
PLEASE go with your mommy instincts!
DH needs to get on the same page as you!
I probably wouldn't even be going to visit until DH "Gets It" and puts his father in his place!