Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I told my MIL that I want no visitors while I am in labor (not sure if they allow anyone anyway). I have no idea how I will be. Maybe I am screaming, maybe I look like a hot mess. Who knows? I don't really want people there while I am checked for dilation either. All I know is that I will not be in a sociable mood.
Why should people hang around a hospital anyway? It could take hours?

They should come after she is born.

I am also very sensitive to her being there because she imiatiating another family member's moans and groans while she was in labor. Almost like she was making fun of her.

I just won't be comfortable. So my MIL got all insulted and I think is mad at me. This is my day, my child. Shouldn't my wishes be respected without taking it personal?


Am I wrong?

Thanks!

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

Not wrong & I felt the same way.
Who cares if she is annoyed right now. She can be annoyed at home until you call her to tell her the baby is born.

People need to think of how exhausted you will feel after. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. It was a long day.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

No. You are NOT wrong. At all.

The way each woman views L&D is very different. Some women, like you, find it very personal and private. I have a friend who treated it like a sporting event and practically needed stadium seating to accomodate all the people she had watching. I had more than DH and I, but it was my mom and sis. With my first I could never imagine having my MIL in the room.

You want the people in the room you draw the most strength from, i feel. ESPECIALLY if you are going naturally (or before you get your epi).

I can understand her wanting to be at the hospital- IN THE WAITING ROOM. She's excited about her grandbaby. But to get insulted because you don't want her in the room while you are laboring is ridiculous.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

You are not wrong at all. I was ( am) having the same worries but I did not voice anything to my MIL. I know from previous family members that my ILs all rush to the hospital the second the pregnant person says that they are in labor and wait there. With my SIL i know my MIL did go into the delivery room (supposedly at their request but not sure about that considering). I made it clear with my husband that I did not want anyone in the delivery room other than him and he knows that. Find out your hospital policy. I just found out that my hospital only allows two people that need to be IDed and given a wrist band so they can interchange bands. I don't think i can stop them from rushing to the hospital but I told my DH that I do not want to know if they are there.

Ultimately who cares if she is upset - she is a grown woman and should understand that labor is not time for a party. Make sure your DH is on the same page as you. Also, tell the nurses that you don't want anyone else there. Nurses are there for you and will kick "unwanted" people out

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I don't think you're wrong at all! My MIL came to the hospital, but stayed in the waiting room until after the baby was born. She shouldn't feel upset or offended by your decision, it is an extremely personal experience and you should only have around you the people you care to.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

You are not wrong...this is your day and your way of birthing. She had her opportunity to do what she wanted and have who she wanted when she gave birth to x amount of kids, so she should respect your wishes. Now, if she wanted to come and wait in the waiting room for 20 days just to say she was there, then let her...as long as she doesn't come near YOUR room! LOLOL

Every since I got pregnant, I've found that MIL has been very much into what I should and shouldn't be doing. I shouldn't be picking up any clothes for my first child because that's her job and other people will bring gifts. I should find out because...(meanwhile she didn't find out with her 3 kids). I should tell her the name so she can plan...PLAN? plan for what??? Is anyone else finding this? I'm feeling overwhelmed!

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

Thanks ladies!

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I just want DH & my best friend there. I don't need anybody else & those people will help me focus. I don't need my whole family & friend collection looking at my vajayjay... yeah.

*& thats so cruel that she made fun of a woman in labor. What? It didn't hurt her when she had DH? That would cross her off my list right away.

Message edited 7/18/2010 8:23:45 AM.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I feel the same way! I only want DH in there, and no family members need to arrive until the baby is here!

My mom is insisting on being in there, but no way! I am sure she will be very disappointed but it has to be what I am comfortable with.

I wouldn't worry about, if she is upset by it..let your DH handle it!

You are def not wrong.

Message edited 7/18/2010 8:53:18 AM.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I think that's fine. Now I'm going to be the ultimate b i t c h when I deliver because I want MY family there but not my in laws!

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I don't think you're wrong at all!!! I wouldn't even think about ANYONE else being in L&D with me other than DH. Everyone else waits in the waiting room till DH comes out to announce the birth!!!

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

No... not wrong.
I only want my mom and DH in the room with me (if I don't have a c-section). I know my sisters plan on being at the hospital to which I mentioned that it's not necessary because they'd be hanging in the waiting room all day.

That's not to say that I won't let people such as my sisters, my dad and my ILs pop their heads in to say hi, but most of their time will be spent in the waiting room if they do choose to be at the hospital.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I don't think you are wrong at all!!! I wouldn't want anyone in the room while I"m in labor either!

I even get nervous that I will want limited visitors afterwards! I just picture being so tired and overwhelmed and just want time with my LO and DH.

But your MIL needs to get over her self. I feel like parents forget that it's about you and DH..not about them..so they need to follolw your lead.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

PS...remind her back in the day even husbands didn't come in..it's a stressful place and you need to be as comfortable as possible.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

You are not wrong at all...I barely want my own mother in there with me! I only really want DH and my SIL (she's a NICU nurse...so if there is anything going down, she can keep DH and I calm and very informed).

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I don't know where you are delivering but at Winthrop you are only allowed to have 2 people with you in the Labor & Delivery Room. I would tell her it is a hospital policy

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

You are not wrong at all!!!!I actually said the same thing. I have my step mom and my MIL and I told each of them that I was worried the other one would want to be in the room and I really dont want that. I figured if I used the other one as my example they would get the point and not be personally offended. The only one allowed in the room at all while I am in labor, other than the doctor, is DH. I dont need anyone else in my personal space during labor.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

Not wrong at all!
I didn't care who wanted to wait in the waiting room but only wanted DH in the room with me while I was in labor. Since I was in labor for so long, I did ask for my mom to come up for a few minutes but not during screaming or pushing!

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

Nope not wrong at all
I agree with you 100%

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

nope not in the least!! i don't want anyone but me and DH there while i'm in labor.

ETA: spelling. i hate baby brain!!!!!!!!

Message edited 7/18/2010 3:29:32 PM.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

IMO if there is any time in your life when you have complete say in who is involved, it's when you're in stirrups & trying to push a baby out.

No way are you in the wrong.

I also think there is nothing wrong with pointing out one of your reasons is because she was mocking other people in labor.

Message edited 7/18/2010 12:57:01 PM.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I dont think you were wrong at all!

I told everyone I dont want them in the WAITING ROOM! I need AT LEAST the amount of time it takes for them to get from Queens to LIJ to recover thankyouverymuch!

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

I don't think you are wrong at all. I feel the same way. My MIL actually said, on her own, that she didn't want to be there to give me some space. Of course, my own mom needed a little talking to...luckily, I am having a c-section, so she can't be in there!

Just stick to your guns and make sure she knows it is your comfort level and not that you don't want her to be part of the day at all.

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

When I was in labor I was only allowed to have my husband and my mom in the labor room with me, everyone else waited in the waiting room

Re: Need opinions: Was I wrong?--MIL issue

Not wrong AT ALL. I had the exact same issue with MIL. Honestly, I don't care if she thinks I was being a big 'ol b!tch. In my opinion, that day was about me, my husband, and my kid, so it was on OUR terms.

ETA: I also didn't allow anyone in the waiting room. I didn't see any need for anyone to be sitting around waiting. I wanted the baby to be with just us for the first hour. So we called after she was born, we had the first hour to ourselves, and then our parents came.

Message edited 7/18/2010 6:28:41 PM.