Such a mix of emotions- Update 1/10

I should be jumping up and down. I know I should. On 11/21 I had a chemical loss as most of you read and helped me through. Yesterday, I got a BFP!!!!! I know I should be over the moon excited, as I was last time. But I am so extremely scared, PETRIFIED, that what happened last time is going to happen again. One moment I'm thinking, it CAN'T happen twice to the same person. Then I think about the women on this board that it HAS happened twice to, more than sometimes, and I tell myself, why would/should I be so lucky that it WOULDN'T happen again.....

I don't know what to do to get over the fear and be happy again. I just feel a sense of doom and dread. Like I'm just waiting to start bleeding again and have this taken away again. My first appointment is 1/7, which would be too early I THINK to even see anything. I never had a cycle after my loss on 11/21. My OB said to count that as the first day of my period, but I don't think I o'd until 12/14 give or take. So, what if I go to the doc next Friday and they don't see anything??? I will lose it.

How do I get passed this????????

Thanks for reading, I just had to put this down and if any of you have any advice I would sure appreciate it. Oh, and please, wouldn't hurt either I guess.....

Thank you!

Update 1/10-
Just an update. I had my first doc appointment on 1/7. I had my first blood taken the Thursday before that, on 12/30. The # then was 174. On Friday, my doctor could see the sac but that was it. So, she was a little concerned that my number was so low and there was only a sac. Remember, I thought I O'd later than usual b/c of the chemical loss i had at the end of November. So, she drew my blood again at the appointment Friday and she just called me with the number. It is over 4000. So, in just about a week the beta went from 174 to over 4000. Good, right?

I'm still so nervous, but I go back to the doc on 1/20 and she said we should definitely see a heartbeat then.

Thank you for all your prayers ladies! I really appreciate them, and they are working so far!

Message edited 1/10/2011 1:55:02 PM.

Re: Such a mix of emotions

First off Congrats! This is amazing news... I can't really tell you to not be nervous or scared because I would probably feel the same way. I had a loss in June and I know when I get my BFP I will prob feel the same way. But... you need to tell yourself that in no way is this healthy for the developing baby inside of you... you need to try and put your fears behind you and try to remain positive. I know you prob can't relax until your first appt. but try as hard as you can.
Good Luck! H&H 9 months.

Re: Such a mix of emotions

I dont know...your post is tearing me up bc I know EXACTLY what you mean. I would feel the same. I think the only thing we can do is and know that everything will be OK. Reality is you ARE pregnant and at least for the time being lets bc everything will turn out great!!!!
Congrats to you!!!!

Re: Such a mix of emotions

congrats!!!!

Re: Such a mix of emotions

First of all, congratulations! I don't have any advice because I would feel the same thing you are feeling. All I can say is try to be thankful for this blessing and think positive. Praying for a healthy 9 months for you!

Re: Such a mix of emotions

Make sure you tell your dr that you don't think you o'ed until 12/14. This way they can tell if you are where you should be based on that date. Try to relax, and congrats.

Re: Such a mix of emotions

I just thought of another positive...
if you go back in history and look at the past MC's MANY MANY of them have a child a yr later. There is alot of hope!!!

Re: Such a mix of emotions

Posted by PrincessP

I just thought of another positive...
if you go back in history and look at the past MC's MANY MANY of them have a child a yr later. There is alot of hope!!!

Re: Such a mix of emotions

first off, congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but secondly, ill be very honest, chemicals and m/c DO happen multiple times to the same person, especially if you havent been treated for the underlying cause of the chemical or m/c. that being said, that doesnt mean that every time you get pregnant its going to happen. i had two chemicals. it was because i had immune and thrombo issues that werent treated. now that they are treated im 13w pregnant. i was pretty much scared for the entire first tri, and even now im still scared. it doesnt go away. its perfectly normal to feel that way. but dont lose sight of the fact that it CAN work out fine. you can't let the fear consume you. will it always be in the back of your mind, yes. but that shouldnt take away from letting you enjoy your pregnancy.

to ease your fears on chemical i would DEF recommend seeing a doctor ASAP and having 2 betas done. once a doctor confirms the HCG is rising normally, the chance of a chemical is lower. then around 6w once you see a heartbeat, the chance of m/c gets even lower. every progression you make the chances become better that you will have a successful pregnancy. good luck!

Re: Such a mix of emotions

Congratulations! Great news!
You're feelings and mixed emotions are very normal. I too would double check Beta just to make sure that the numbers are rising and doubling like they should. Matter of fact, your Dr. should require a 2nd beta if you've had a chemical pregnancy before.

Other than that, take some deep breaths and enjoy it!

lots of

Re: Such a mix of emotions

I think you should have a few beta tests just to put your mind at ease. Call your doctor and ask for beta blood tests... you typically have 2 or more of these tests to make sure your numbers are doubling. I think this will help you tremendously.

As far as seeing something... at 5 weeks you can see a sac and at 6 weeks you can see the heartbeat... generally speaking... so depending on how far along you are...

With all that being said... Congratulations!! It's amazing that you got pregnant so quickly right away. I hope it all works out for you. And just so you know, a very good friend of mine who is on here as well had a chemical... got pregnant the very next cycle and she's now about 15 weeks along... so good things can and do happen.

keep your head up and keep calm.

Re: Such a mix of emotions

Thank you all so much. I went to the lab and had my first blood drawn today so HOPEFULLY things will move along without a hitch. I know I am feeling SOOOOOOOOOO tired and icky so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

MrsKS.... when I read your story about how you were looking FORWARD to the morning sickness symptoms, I honestly thought you had lost it. Now I completely understand what you meant! Not wishing myself to be sick, but I just want SOME reassurance that this is going to stick.

Re: Such a mix of emotions

SO WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know its not going to be easy to relax and i couldnt tell you to do that because i know i wouldnt be able to....

Re: Such a mix of emotions

First Congrats!!!!!
Next, relax, Hun! Take it easy, think positive and RELAX. All will be okay!!

Re: Such a mix of emotions

Congratulations!

I completely understand how you are feeling right now. Once I got my BFP after my m/c I had such mixed feelings/emotions. I was super excited one minute the next had so much anxiety. I found myself overanalyzing EVERYTHING. Ive had a few bloodtests taken and my numbers seem to be going up nicely. That is when I told myself to "cut the cr@pp"... youre baby is going to feel the stress that you are feeling, so until you have a reason to stress, just take it easy and enjoy this time! Im sure everything will work out, and dont freakout if you do not see anything on the sono, your betas have to be atleast 2000 for anything to be seen. GL and keep us posted!
Lots and Lots of

Re: Such a mix of emotions- Update 1/10

Bump for update

Re: Such a mix of emotions- Update 1/10

thats fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Such a mix of emotions- Update 1/10

sounds like good news, i'll be praying for you

Re: Such a mix of emotions- Update 1/10

thats such great news!!!!!! lots of prayers heading your way!