How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

I have a friend whose life is consumed by TTC. I have been supporting her as best I possibly can but I can't take it anymore. I understand how difficult this is, and I'm certainly not taking anything away from her struggle, nor would I ever express any untoward feelings about it, but I literally can't listen to this anymore. Every last thing in the universe is sending her into a tailspin. I realize I truly don't understand what this is like, and I'm trying so hard to be supportive and understanding, but I wonder if she's ever stopped to think about how her TTC journey affects others? That maybe I would like to be able to have a conversation with her that revolves around something other than TTC? That maybe I'd like to plan a weekend outing in advance without having to consult her TTC schedule?

I just want my friend back

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

It is really hard. I actually don't have an answer for you because I just supported my two friends who were TTC at the same time and basically just waited until those positive signs came because then I actually felt relieved. For them and also me. It's a b!tch to get pregnant sometimes and I guess they just need to vent.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

I am a TTCer (and currently a CFer) myself so I figured I would give you my insight.. I have been TTC for 6-7 months and it has been one of the most stressful times of my life. I have dealt with a lot of crap in my life and I got to say this whole process has been SUCH an emotional roller coaster. I know I probably annoy my friends to DEATH with it but it is something that consumes me day in and day out. Now I am at a point where I am undergoing testing because there is potential that I have something medically wrong with me and it fills my thoughts even MORE. I know it's probably hard to understand if you haven't been there but I would say just try to be supportive until their time comes for a BFP.

Friends are there through good times and bad so if it were me I'd just consider it a "bad" time and try to be there as much as possible. One of these day you might have an issue that is all consuming to you and it's always nice to know that people will have your back no matter how much you may make them nuts with your problems.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

DH and I TTC for over 4 years, with lots of different IF treatments, we had 4 m/c's and got no baby, we finally gave up.

I am sure at some points I was annoying to alot of my friends, it consumed our lives, the dr appointments, the drugs, scheduled , which honestly, is not all it's cracked up to be. The devastation and disappointment is not something I can explain.
But, I also didn't tell everyone what we were going through, I felt like everyone didn't know the details, it was reserved for just a few people, outof the LIF IF board.

The best advice I can give you is to try to listen if she needs to vent and then try to veer off to another subject. It may be difficult after awhile, maybe suggest that doing something or talking about other things might get her mind off it for a little while and the stress of TTC isn't good for her either.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Posted by hopingforbaby

Friends are there through good times and bad so if it were me I'd just consider it a "bad" time and try to be there as much as possible. One of these day you might have an issue that is all consuming to you and it's always nice to know that people will have your back no matter how much you may make them nuts with your problems.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Posted by EnV-McC

Posted by hopingforbaby

Friends are there through good times and bad so if it were me I'd just consider it a "bad" time and try to be there as much as possible. One of these day you might have an issue that is all consuming to you and it's always nice to know that people will have your back no matter how much you may make them nuts with your problems.

ITA with this. I can't imagine what your friend must be going through to want something so badly and have absolutely no control over the outcome.

She probably doesn't even realize that it's affecting you and even though you say that you've tried your best to deal with it, maybe you push to try a little harder.

I don't mean to sound harsh but people go through phases in life and sometimes as friends- we're not always going to have the same relationship that we used to have, but it doesn't mean any love is lost.

Why don't you treat her to a girls day and tell her that you'd love to get her mind off the stress she's going through. Also, I think you can even tell her that you miss her without making her feel guilty.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

You don't need to get over it. I totally know what you're going through. I had a friend who went through it for a very long time, and I also listened and listened until my head was going to pop off. My friend KNOWS i'm CF for life but I guess she needed to pour her heart out. She knew I would never understand her struggle but I guess she needed to vent.

She finally did have twins and it stopped. So all I can say to you is do your best to listen and have patience. When it gets to be too much change the subject to you!

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Posted by heathergirl

Posted by EnV-McC

Posted by hopingforbaby

Friends are there through good times and bad so if it were me I'd just consider it a "bad" time and try to be there as much as possible. One of these day you might have an issue that is all consuming to you and it's always nice to know that people will have your back no matter how much you may make them nuts with your problems.

ITA with this. I can't imagine what your friend must be going through to want something so badly and have absolutely no control over the outcome.

She probably doesn't even realize that it's affecting you and even though you say that you've tried your best to deal with it, maybe you push to try a little harder.

I don't mean to sound harsh but people go through phases in life and sometimes as friends- we're not always going to have the same relationship that we used to have, but it doesn't mean any love is lost.

Why don't you treat her to a girls day and tell her that you'd love to get her mind off the stress she's going through. Also, I think you can even tell her that you miss her without making her feel guilty.

I don't think its fair to necessarily say that its MY problem and I should be so lucky! Thats a terrible attitude to have.

If I wanted a TTC-ers POV, I would have posted on TTC. But thank you both for telling me I just need to get over it.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Uhm, what? I thought I was being quite nice in my reply.. And last time I checked this is the CF board. I am childless so why am I not entitled to reply?

The same could be said for when I was going through the death of one of my parents. I am sure I annoyed my friends talking about it all the time but they were there for me because that's what friends do.

I really didn't mean to cause any harm I was just letting you know my thoughts in the situation..

Message edited 1/26/2011 7:35:44 PM.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Posted by heathergirl

Posted by EnV-McC

Posted by hopingforbaby

Friends are there through good times and bad so if it were me I'd just consider it a "bad" time and try to be there as much as possible. One of these day you might have an issue that is all consuming to you and it's always nice to know that people will have your back no matter how much you may make them nuts with your problems.

ITA with this. I can't imagine what your friend must be going through to want something so badly and have absolutely no control over the outcome.

She probably doesn't even realize that it's affecting you and even though you say that you've tried your best to deal with it, maybe you push to try a little harder.

I don't mean to sound harsh but people go through phases in life and sometimes as friends- we're not always going to have the same relationship that we used to have, but it doesn't mean any love is lost.

Why don't you treat her to a girls day and tell her that you'd love to get her mind off the stress she's going through. Also, I think you can even tell her that you miss her without making her feel guilty.

I don't think its fair to necessarily say that its MY problem and I should be so lucky! Thats a terrible attitude to have.

If I wanted a TTC-ers POV, I would have posted on TTC. But thank you both for telling me I just need to get over it.

Message edited 1/26/2011 9:36:01 PM.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

If you care for your friend enough to want to keep your friendship, then your gonna have to ride this one out with her (in my opinion). The TTC talk will turn into preggo talk, so you will prob be hearing bout this till she has a baby. And Im saying this from experience...I finally have my friends back now with their new additions lol

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Message edited 1/28/2011 10:39:31 AM.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

i hear you and i never understood it until i was in the same shoes...the obsession that overcomes you when it takes a long while to accomplish something you have preventing for such a long time.

i really thought i was prepared to handle it, but the infertility has really blindsided me. im not myself, at all.
the longer i go through it the worse it becomes. the monthly disappointment is devastating.


with that said...

even thought your friend is ttc, it should not consume every conversation. there are 2 friends to be in a firendship and i agree that if it is becoming all about her, that is not right, either. we all have issues, she needs to be a tad less self centered and try to think about her friends too.

i try to remember- not everyone wants to hear about my daily TTC or IF journey, she needs to think about that too.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Honestly, it can be difficult to listen to someone talk about any ONE particular subject too often, especially something I can't relate to (like TTC). Even if it was something I looooved -- like puppies or chocolate or George Clooney -- I could see it getting a little irritating. Not much you can do, though, other than smile and listen.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

I suppose it's like any kind of major life event. When a friend gets engaged, she goes ON AND ON about the wedding. When she has a new guy, he's the topic of the day. When she's TTC, same thing. Wait until she actually gets pregnant and better yet, gives birth! You'll know more about a placenta than you ever cared to. Some people are just over-sharers and/or have a one-track mind.

Have you tried tactfully changing the topic? If that doesn't work, a simple Gotta run! after you've allowed her to go on for a set amount of time may either do the trick in helping her get the hint or will at least minimize your frustration. Or suggest that, since she loves to talk about TTC, that perhaps she should start a blog.

Re: How do you deal w/friends who are TTC?

i think this applies to any situation, like right now i meet up with a friend every once in a while and all she does is complain about her job, and how everyone else is engaged/married except her. like you when i try to switch the subject it goes back to her and her complaining... i am there to lend an ear as i know she needs someone to listen to her vent, but when it becomes constant, it gets annoying. as such, i have found myself meeting up with her less and less.. sometimes u just need breaks!

Message edited 2/1/2011 12:00:52 PM.