Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I'm pregnant with my second son and my DH's FOURTH!!

DH was hoping for a girl. He said that of course he wanted a healthy baby first, but at this point, a girl would be cool. Meaning... after three boys, and this being his FOURTH and absolute LAST child, it would be nice to have a girl.

DH is not acting disappointed at all... Not in the least... But now I have this quiet obsession eating away at me and taking away from my joy.

For myself, I did not care at all if my kids were boys, girls or one of each. It took DH 3 1/2 years to even come around and decide that he did want to go for another child. He knew how imortant it was to me to have two children of my own, and he came around in his own time. If I was not married to a guy with kids, and I was only going to have two kids, I think I might actually prefer same sex siblings feeling that they would have such a strong bond. But I feel so blessed to be having two children of my own and I have always been a firm believer of only wanting HEALTHY and HAPPY babies, I couldn't imagine wanting one sex over the other for myself.

If you are done having children and have all one sex or the other, was your DH disappointed to not have one of the other sex? Were you?

Any advice on how to get past this nagging feeling that DH is disappointed that he won't have his princess?

I want to enjoy all of my many blessings without obessing about this for the rest of my life!

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

We have 2 girls. We are about 99% sure we are done. Unless we win lotto there is no way we can afford a 3rd. DH is the last in his family with his last name so I really thought he would be disappointed to not have a boy to pass on his name to. But he is actually ok with the girls. He said he loves the fact that they will have each other and hopefully will be close.

He also said that he will just have to teach our girls sports and such and will take them to baseball and hockey games. So far DD#1 has been to 4 baseball games and 1 hockey game and she loved it.

We know that no more kids is pretty much in the cards for us so we both had to be ok with it.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I didn't know you found out it was a boy! CONGRATS!!!

I can't speak for being done, but I know that my husband would not care one bit if we had another boy. I think at first it's normal for anyone to feel slightly disappointed if they had a preference, but that will fade the second your DH holds that little boy.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

Thanks for your responses!



Diana - I think you were just leaving for cruise when I made my LIF and facebook anouncements!

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

were having another boy and i can honestly say 100% both dh and i are completly thrilled.. - i honestly didnt care either way but bc they will be 17 months apart i was kinda hoping for the same sex.

we are done having children after this one.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

we thought we were done with our two boys. we didn't feel disappointed and my
DH kept asking me are you sure you don't want to try for the girl? but i felt no matter what i had it didn't matter. i was supposed to go make an appt to get my tubes tied and i was fine with my two boys. and then surprise!!!!
but to answer your question i or DH didn't mind just having our boys!!!

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

You just have to let it go - You have no control over it.

I was the one who was disappointed about not getting the girl - Baby #2 (and last) is another boy due in May -

I cried - I got over it - and DH felt like you did - I honestly told him to get over it. They are MY feelings and I'm entiteled to them -

I will LOVE my boys - but there are going to be times throughout the rest of my life that I get those pangs of 'I wish I had a daughter' -It's not going to consume me - it's not going to ruin me - and it doesn't mean I will love my sons any less, or will be any less grateful for them -

But I will miss out on many many things that I would have loved to do w/ a daughter - and it is disappointing. it will ALWAYS be disappointing to me -

I don't see how that disappointment can possibly translate into someone thinking I'm not happy and grateful for the boys I DO (will) have - and that I love them any less - KWIM?

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I currently have 2 boys and I am expecting my 3rd son in July. We are done after this. My husband doesn't care at all that its another boy. (I think in a way he's sort of relieved)

I on the other hand had a little issue.
I did cry the first night, not because I am having another boy, but because I was letting go of my dream of having a daughter. After that one cry though I realized how excited I am for 3 boys!!! It's gonna be a crazy house but I'll always be the Queen!

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I have three boys and can honestly say it does not bother me that I won't have a girl. I think it is sometimes harder for a man who might get all girls because of the passing on of the name....but for me, I was just happy to have a healthy baby.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I am undecided about a third. DH is pretty confident he doesnt want anymore, although I think i could talk him into it I know right now we are absolutely not ready for a 3rd.

I am not disappointed that I did not have a girl. I will admit, sometimes I do get a little jealous when my friends take their daughter to get manicures or do other girly things like dance class...but I love my boys to death and am happy to spend time with them and do other special things with them.

IF we do decide to have a 3rd I am 99.9% sure it would be another boy and I would be ok with it.

I can only hope one day one of my sons will give me a granddaughter


ETA: DH is a little sad that he doesnt have a little girl BUT he also said he would only want another kid if we could adopt a 5 yr. old

Message edited 2/28/2011 1:00:06 PM.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I have 3 boys and god willing I am going to have a 4th. I would love a girl but it isnt why I am going to have another KWIM.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

When we have a third child, and if its a third boy, we would be thrilled.

I know everyone is entitled to their feelings. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with hoping for a girl or boy...we are all human....

Maybe i'm in a different boat. I've seen too many sick kids, kids with pretty severe disabilities etc...so when someone gets really upset over a healthy baby because the gender isn't what they hoped for i just feel sad

This is how I feel:

We are meant to have the children we have. There is not one person on this board I bet that could sit and say "wow i really wish i didn't have this child..". Lol. (Well maybe at certain times! ).

I think many people get caught up in this dream or fantasy of "oh i can't wait to take my daughter shopping" or "can't wait to play baseball with my son". But the reality is, when that child arrives and becomes part of your family, you think "wow you are the best thing to ever happen to me...".

I know that if i had a girl i'd love it. I know if i had a third boy i'd love it. I just know that whoever joins our family will be the right baby for us...he will either be adored by two loving big brothers who will all adore their mama, lol, or they will have a little sister to take care of.

Sorry for the long winded answer...but I'm sure your DH is fine, and if he has small feelings of sadness they will be gone as soon as his little boy is here. I promise!

Message edited 2/28/2011 1:07:16 PM.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I'm expecting my 2nd DD...DH still is hoping for 3 if we can afford it and a boy...I am done and am happy with 2 girls...I know DH would love a little boy but I just don't see myself with 3..but again, I am saying this now who knows what the future holds!!!

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

THANK YOU to everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences.



It means so much!

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I have two boys and we are not having any more. I used to feel a pang here and there about never having a daughter.

But, I didn't get married until I was 34. For years, I was worried that I would never get to be a parent. Then, I worried about not being able to give my son a sibling. So I feel incredibly blessed.

DH and I are thrilled with what we have. It is amazing how OTHER people make comments about trying for a girl. What do they care what we have?!

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

I'm the one who was disappointed. I wanted the first child to be a girl and then i wanted the second child to be a girl. Both are boys.

DS is thrilled with having 2 boys.

We are both pretty sure we are done. We don't think we can survive pregnancy again. I have MISERABLE pregnancies.

Re: Those who are done having kids and have all one sex or the other?

Thanks ladies!

See, I'm not feeling pangs for myself... but for DH. Like on Saturday I was in Kohl's. I saw a little girls shirt that said Daddy's Little Princess, and I felt a pang for DH... Then I second guess myself, like SHOULD I be feeling sad for myself??