moms of preemies

who here is a mom of a preemie??

my DD Emily Hannah was born on Saturday at 33w1d. she was born at 3lb8oz shes in NICU at LIJ although she is doing great so far.

i feel so many weird things as a result of her birth. i love her so much but i wasn't ready. she was born via emergency c-section due to preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. im so excited to be a mommy sooner, but i am sad i couldn't carry her to term and i am scared of the health consequences. i am sad that im not pregnant anymore and don't get to feel her kick me from the inside. im not a week post-partum yet so i know all of my happiness/sadness/fears are normal - but its so hard to sort through them. i feel like i lost 4 days of my life while i was in the hospital for treatment. im also nervous of balancing all of the hospital time and especially cause i dont have a ton of maternity leave time.

any moms of preemies that have any advice?

TIA

Re: moms of preemies

I don't have a preemie, but just want to send . You've just been through a lot, and unexpectedly so soon, just focus on the strength your little baby gets every day. Do you have a friend or a favorite store/restaurant close to the hospital you could sneak away too during the day, just to get a small break? Congratulations on your new baby girl!

Re: moms of preemies

You have been through a lot. It makes total sense that you weren't ready or mentally prepared for DD to be here right now! It's a huge adjustment for any parent even when they are prepared!

Re: moms of preemies

I felt a lot of that when my twins were born. I was a bit further along..34 and 1/2 weeks but I felt unready and had to come to terms with it, I wanted to be pregnant again all of that. I had pretty bad PPD for about 3 months, then the hormones really left me and I wa sable to see things much clearer. My girls werent in the NICU too long, just about 9 days, and I was very sick from recovery and so it was a really weird thing to deal with. I felt very disconnected from them, from everything around me. Like I said aove, for me it was mainly hormonal though.

Hope others have some better advice for you and many prayers for your sweet baby to come home soon!

CONGRATS!

Re: moms of preemies

ICongrats! I am a mothe of twinsMy girls were born at 34 weeks. Carsyn was 3-7 and Aubrey was 4-6.

The best advice I can give you right now is rest up. You are going to need the sleep. Also, just take each day one at a time and remember that her being in the NICU is the best for her. Don't blame youself.

My girls came out at 3 weeks and then 6 weeks. The most positive thing to come of it was they were both on schedules by the time they came out. If you have any questions feel free to message me.

Re: moms of preemies

My first ddwas a preemie. She was born at 32 weeks, 5 days. She weighted 4 pounds, 14ounces and was 17 inches long. She spent 5 weeks in the nicu. It was a complete roller coaster ride. I went into labor complelty spontaneously, my placenta abrupted and I had a c/sa few hours labor. I dilated to 4cms,but they didnt try to induce me. My dd is now 3 and is the smartest, funniest,loudest girl you will ever meet. She has literally no health issues whatsoever. She is a touch on the small side, but she is growing on her own curve so her ped is not at all concerned. Please feel free to fm me with any questions. And congrats she is a beauty.

Re: moms of preemies

I can relate to how you feel! I was not at all ready for my babies to come. We were waiting to close on our house and we had NOTHING ready. I had preeclampsia as well and couldn't see them for a few days because of the magnesium and because I had fevers. It took a couple days for me to "connect" with them. You have been through alot. It is amazing how strong babies are she will be home with you before you know it. I felt much better once I got in a routine of going to the hospital and once the nurses got to know me...it felt like a little home away from home. To this day I say them being in the NICU was a blessing in disguise because the nurses were able to answer all of my questions about how to take care of a newborn and all the "fear" was gone when I took them home. And like the PP said, the nurses got them on a schedule so once we got home it was so EASY!

I remember feeling exactly how you feel...but it gets better I promise!! Hang in there

Re: moms of preemies

I had my twins at 32 weeks to the day! They were in the NICU at Winthrop for 30 days. I don;t really have any advice on what you are feeling because it is totally normal to go through all of those feelings having a preemie. As far as balancing time while they are in the hospital, you will have no time. Maybe you can go back to work until they come home? I did that and although it was rough going to work and then straight to the hospital, it was well worth it when they came home. I took the rest of my leave then. One piece of advice i will give you is to listen to everything the Drs say when you bring her home. EVERYONE will try and give you advice and tell you it;s ok to do this and it;s ok to do that. But it's a whole new ball game with a preemie. They were born in the winter, so we could not take them out for almost 3 months because of cold and flu season. Our nieces and Nephews could not meet them for 3 months because if they got a cold, they could wind up with the RSV virus and kids, especially school aged kids carry all sorts of germs. Everyone had to wash their hands with Soap and water as soon as they walked through the door before they touched the babies. they could use sanitizer in between, but only 3 times. Then soap and water again. We had family members that thought we were being ridiculous and way to over protective. We had to whip out the papers from the hospital to show them all the rules. If they wound up in the hospital, they would have been exposed to so much more. So even though family and friends will want to be there to help, definitely make sure you lay out the ground rules right away to avoid any conflict. Ummmmmm........that's all i got

hang in there. I'm glad your is doing great!

Re: moms of preemies

What you are feeling is completely normal. Iti s not how any of us planned it and yo missed out out on the end of the pregnancy.

My ds was born at 31w 6 d....2.5 lbs and 10 weeks in the nicu.

Re: moms of preemies

My DD was born at 33 weeks. She was 2lbs 6oz. She JUST turned 2 and is doing amazing!

I was in the antepartum (sp)? (i think thats the term) wing for about 3 or 4 weeks before they delivered her.
I was at LIJ NSUH Manhasset (community drive). DD was in the NICU there from May 4th thru June 8th.

I was admitted for "Reversal bloodflow", High BP, and a not good placenta.
My risks for Ds (Down Syndrome) were 1:95 and my DD had Ds.
Because of the Ds it caused all the pregnancy problems. Once she was out, right away, she started doing GREAT!

My Advice: If people offer help, TAKE IT!
If your DH says "Lets' order in or grab a bite out"..DO IT!
The LAST thing on my mind was "What's For Dinner?", "Is the House Clean", etc.

I also left my then 2 year old son behind for all that time! BROKE MY HEART! He came to the NICU on the weekends to see his sister through the window!

Rest up now and take all the help that;s offered!
The NICU is the best place for your baby to be! I promise!

Also want to say "CONGRATULATIONS"!

Re: moms of preemies

My DS was born at exactly 33 weeks and was 4lb 11oz. He spent 10 days in the NICU at LIJ.

I went through soooooo many emotions the first 48 hours after he was born. There were times I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs!! And i totally know what you mean about not feeling the kicks anymore.

I can tell you this...the NICU staff at Cohens is AMAZING!

As far as balancing the hospital time, you will quickly fall into a routine with visits to her. Just a tip, if you go down to the basement of Cohens there is a cafiteria there....remember you need to eat and stay healthy for your baby. There's also the oh so yummy Au bon pan too...thoses cheese danishes were my breakfast for the 10 days DS was there !

My advice to you is to sleep. It's a LOT easier said then done, but you become so emotionally drained throughout the days....sleep is the best thing.

DS is now 7 months old and 20 pounds! He's been meetng his milestones closer to his adjusted age but still within the range the dr. wants him in.

FM if you need to vent/talk/have any questions about anything!

:hug

Re: moms of preemies

Another preemie mom here and everything you're feeling is completely normal....it's such a mixed bag of emotions that I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through it can relate. I still have so many feelings 3 1/2 years later....
However, on a side note, the strength that these babies have is unbelieveable....I cannot believe that 3 years later you would never know that DS was born at a mere 2 lbs. 13 oz. and at 30 weeks. He is an amazing child and I am so incredibly proud of how far my baby has come. You will be amazed.....

Re: moms of preemies

First off, congrats on your

I am a mom of a preemie born at 32w6d & he was 5lbs 3.6oz (on the big side for a preemie) & spent 4 weeks exactly in the NICU. He did not have any major breathing issues but his biggest issue ws learning to suck, swallow & breath something all preemies struggle with. Like you, his delivery came very spontaneously & even though I had another DS at home, only 10.5 months, I was in utter shock. We were so unprepared for his birth since I thought I had 7 more weeks until my scheduled section. DH had just painted the nursery the evening I went into labor.

Being a NICU mom is very difficult especially with splitting your time at the hospital & getting your proper rest but like some others have said, if you have limited maternity leave, I would consider going back to work in like a week or so to save the time for when the baby comes home. Remember, when your DD comes home from the NICU, it will be like she was just born, getting yourself into a routine. You will value your time home more then when she is at the hospital. It is important to bond with her in the NICU but the nurses are taking great care of her & until they are stable enough to be held, you really are just looking at them in their incubator. I met a lot of NICU mom's that returned to work while their DC was still in the NICU. As for me, I was a SAHM already & spend pretty much 6+ hrs during the day at the NICU & then would go back with DH at night to tuck DS in. It was emotionally draining & even the nurses would comment that we need to take a "day or night" off from coming.

Don't worry about being an annoying mother by calling the NICU when you are home. I use to call at every feeding (if I was not there) & other times during the night. Like a PP said, LISTEN to all instructions about taking your DD home when the time comes. DS was born in July & we were very diligent in not letting people touch her & washing of hands. Unfortunately even with all of that, once RSV season set in this fall, DS ended up battling it 3 times. Preemie babies are a kind of their own.

DS is now going to be 10 months old & is progressing amazingly. He is a whopping 24lbs 13oz (9 month stats) & is hitting his milestones to his adjusted age (most preemies). Enjoy this time being a mother & know that the NICU will be a memory very soon!

Re: moms of preemies

Congrats on the birth of your daughter!!!

My kids were all in the NICU. The experience of my first being there was so overwhelming. It is an emotional rollercoaster and hard for people who have not been through it to understand. You feel disconnected from the baby b/c you are not their primary caregiver while they are there. But BELIEVE me when I tell you, she knows who her mommy is and once you are home and settled things will be great.

I used to call all the time when I wasn't there. Before I went to bed, as soon as I woke up, usually one other time during the nights etc. Take all the help you can get and really use the NICU nurses as a resource....most of them are great and so helpful!

When my twins were there I sort of knew what to expect, but it was just as hard.

Re: moms of preemies

Congratulations first and foremost! Being a preemie mom can be very scary! I myself felt pretty much most of what you posted when I had my DS at 31w6d last year. He was 3lbs 6oz, spent 1 month in the NICU and now is a very happy and healthy 14 month old.

I felt like I was jipped of the last 2 months of my pregnancy. I missed feeling him inside me. I hated hated hated that he had to have so many pricks and IVs etc in the NICU. I hated that it was my body that caused him to come early (pre eclampsia). But I loved that I had that precious time with him in person, seeing him grow and fight.

I was in some kind of haze that first month and it wasn't until many months later that I realized just how bad things could have been. Now when I see pics of him in the NICU, or any other preemie baby, I want to cry. Back then I was just so happy he was healthy.

The hormones in your body will start to regulate soon and you should be feeling better about everything as you see your beautiful baby grow stronger and bigger. There are lots of preemie moms on here - something I did not know at all when I had my DS. We are all here to lean on if you want to talk and you can always FM me!

Re: moms of preemies

thanks so much for you stories everyone. they are really encouraging. im finding that every day is a little different. some im really sad and some are better and some change halfway through.

i wish she was home with us but im also able to learn a lot from the NICU nurses. i breastfed her for the first time today and it was the most amazing thing. its hard to believe that even so small these babies just know exactly what to do.

thanks to everyone that reached out to me via FM. if i haven't responded yet im still playing catchup and i will soon. thanks again for all of your support, i will def be leaning on you ladies in the upcoming weeks/months.

Re: moms of preemies

Congratulations! I'm not a preemie mom, but I am the aunt of one.

Last year, my niece was born at 27.5 weeks (and weighed <2lbs!). She was in the NICU for 10 weeks. Keep in mind its a bit of a roller coaster ride - with ups and downs. She'll have good days and bad days, and you'll have good days and bad days. But soon enough she'll be home with you.

Message edited 5/21/2011 7:01:33 PM.

Re: moms of preemies

I know what you are going through right now as it wasn't long ago that Ollie was in the NICU for 6 and 1/2 weeks.....Going home without your baby is the most horrible experience for a new mom....I too felt guilty for having him early but it's not your fault...some things are out of our control. The NICU stay is a roller coaster ride. You'll have good days...you'll have bad days...she'll have good days...she'll have bad days, but it will eventually end and you will have your beautiful daughter home with you. Try to stay positive and surround yourself with people that love you If you need to talk to someone that's been there, feel free to FM me and I'll give you my cell number.

Re: moms of preemies

I feel exactly the same.. and helpp and preclampsia is the worst.. HOw is your little one? mine just "graduated" to bassinet last night...
I honestly can't even think of pregnancy right now, i feel like its dangerous .. i feel angry at times then i feel cheated out of my pregnancy... and then I feel happy another day.. about things but honestly it gets better and we are getting over something traumatic ... one day at a time..we are still early out of the pregnancy.. look for that support system even if its this forum its a good place to start

Re: moms of preemies

Posted by TiffanyM

The NICU stay is a roller coaster ride. You'll have good days...you'll have bad days...she'll have good days...she'll have bad days, but it will eventually end and you will have your beautiful daughter home with you. Try to stay positive and surround yourself with people that love you